Dedication
This book is dedicated to Josephine Bullard who spoke it before I conceived it.
Acknowledgements
I would like to thank my gracious heavenly Father, who anointed me to begin and complete this work. It would not have been completed without you using my hand as a pen. All praise, honor, and glory to Your name. In the beginning this book was to be a self-help book for women dealing with past hurts and rejection. But God had other plans because as I began to write, the anointing of God took control and today it is No Wasted Tears a novel.
A special thank you goes to Jonathon Carter, my husband and friend, who believed from the very beginning and never doubted I could accomplish this God-given assignment. I love you for being a man after God’s own heart. The best is yet to come for both of us.
Thaydra and Jonathon, my children who have always given me unceasing love and constant support, know that you inspire me to do so much more. Truly you both are my inspirations, Mommy loves you both.
What can I say about my sister Sandra? You were a constant source of strength when I became discouraged and wanted to quit during my most difficult struggles. Your prayers pushed me to never give up. Thank you for being my bouncing board and for reading every chapter I sent you without complaining but always encouraging. Thank you Calvin for understanding and never complaining when this project took time away from you.
Craig and Chad you have supported, prayed, and encouraged me, all I can say is, that your big sister loves you. Devlyn and Brenda thank you for your prayers. I would also like to acknowledge the love and support of my parents Jenese and Warren thank you for instilling Christian morals and values in my life. I thank God for both of you on a daily basis. Mother you have always been a source of strength for me your tenacity has taught me to press on in spite any trial or tribulation.
There are others of you not listed, but who have supported me through prayers and positive thoughts for the success of No Wasted Tears, please know I am grateful.
Finally, to the best church family in the whole world, Siloam Church International, I love each of you forever and a day!
To all of the readers who have weathered the torrential downpours that have occurred in your lives, you survived. I know personally what it’s like to believe God in the dark. But believe me God is still with you even in the darkest times of your life. Never let the devil see you sweat because all he has is a roar. You my dear readers have the victory because you are on the winning team. All of you made the decision to be victorious rather than being victims. I celebrate you, and this book was written as a testimony for all of our many tests in life.
Prologue
Adam Wheeler knew he was in trouble the minute he saw her. He didn’t know why she of all people snagged his attention, considering he was just in a conference full of the most beautiful females in the church world. He’d seen all shapes, colors, and ages, but none who seem to possess the innate ability to discern that he was looking for more than just a skirt to be his wife. This woman had his attention even while he approached his seat in the aisle. She wasn’t totally composed; as a matter of fact, she was crying. But she had a face that was strikingly beautiful.
Adam examined her with greater care. Everything about her appeared quiet and understated. She’d let her hair hang loose around her face. She looked impossibly young, and yet one glimpse of those eyes warned of someone who’d been through the pits of hell and back again. They overflowed with vulnerability that he discerned could only have been gained through some type of pain.
He didn’t know what it was in particular about her appearance that aroused such intense interest. It was something subtle. Something that stirred instincts he’d honed during his years surviving as a single pastor in the shark-infested waters of the church world. Those instincts warned that this woman, while appearing so calm and controlled on the outside, had a deeply rooted secret. Adam thought she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen; she looked like a lost child. Only last evening, he’d been standing outside in a light rain, looking upward to ask God for another chance at love. He had recovered from the scandal he faced a few years earlier. There was once a time he thought he’d never get past the embarrassment or the hurt he suffered because of befriending the wrong woman. But it was a lesson learned. He praised the Lord for bringing him out.
The one thing he had learned as a ministry leader was that you had to be honest with yourself before you could effectively minister to your congregation. Never would he have thought that he would struggle with lust, pornography, or any other sexual sin. But he knew he had to repent and deal with the issues in his life. Realizing what triggered his downward spiral into sexual sin was a major part of his healing process. He knew what a broken heart was after experiencing a bad breakup with his fiancée. Pondering that thought, he now knew the breakup was part of the reason he found himself on the Internet.
But God had cleansed his heart and prepared him to help heal others. Now he could smile about it because he understood how David felt after he had committed adultery with Bathsheba. He lifted his eyes slightly while saying, “Thank you for creating a right spirit in me and giving me a ministry that teaches the lost your ways so that they can find their way home.”
Adam would always be grateful that he had a loving family. It had been a year and a half since the whole incident took place. He’d heard just recently that the same woman was causing havoc in the life of another pastor in the city. He didn’t want her life ruined; he just wanted her to be delivered.
He had cried many a night because of the lust of his flesh. After his deliverance, Adam began speaking truthfully about pornography and sexual sin. He stopped shying away from teaching the full biblical revelation regarding human sexuality. He had learned to be proactive and real. By being honest and as open as he could be on the subject, many Christians who felt as if they were the only ones struggling with this sin were encouraged by his openness. If he had continued to beat around the bush, it would have only added to the secrecy and shame that he and those who were struggling felt.
Now it was his goal to inform all pastors to preach about it from the pulpit. Adam learned that sexual sins were not just a guy’s issue. Men, women, and many young adults were struggling with sexual sin at an ever-increasing rate. The more openly he discussed sexual sins as well as God’s intent for biblical sexuality, the more his congregation was beginning to feel free enough to share their struggles and to seek help and guidance. He’d told many a pastor not to give in to the temptation of softening the message in their attempt to not offend anyone.
Now he was on a mission to help other ministers who had gotten caught in this sinful web. Since Adam had begun this new journey, God had pivoted his ministry to the next level. He was traveling all over the country telling others about the dangers of this addiction.
After spending time with the other ministers during the conference, he finally realized what was missing in his life. It was the companionship of a godly woman. While walking back from one of his sessions during the conference in the rain, he had poured his heart out to God in prayer asking him to send him true love. And now here he was looking into the most beautiful pair of eyes he’d ever seen. True enough he was tired. It had been a long week of meetings and lectures. He thanked God for all of the souls that had been won for Jesus. He also thanked God for being faithful, and that’s when he heard God in a still small voice say, Adam, tonight you’re going to meet your destiny.
He thought about the fact that it was a little scary knowing that God had spoken to him. So as a man full of faith, he refused to let the devil make him nervous. He knew that as a pastor he had run a good race, and surely if he was to leave this earth, then he must have finished his life
’s mission. So all he could say was, “Thank God.”
It was at that moment he felt a squeeze on his hand.
Chapter 1
Slowly her eyes opened. Destiny took one, then another, deep, calming breath. What had she been thinking? Although she ached all over, at first glance, she seemed to be in one piece; there was still so much to do, and time was running out. She knew there was no time for daydreaming. Bishop’s message “Moving Day” would forever stay with her, and this time she had heard him in her spirit man, letting her know it was time to move forward and get closer to the Lord.
Her eyes remained on the bedroom door from the bathroom where she was trying to clean the blood from her face. Her eyes were a little swollen, but some makeup would do the job. Every once in a while the noise from the settling of the house made her jump. She knew she had to hurry in order to make her flight.
Seattle, Washington was just a thought two months ago, but now it was her destination. It was far away from Charleston, South Carolina and him. Rushing to the closet where she had hidden her bank account information, she grabbed it out of a shoebox. Listening and watching, Destiny pulled the documents out and looked again at the balance. Learning not to buy new things or spend unnecessary money, she’d saved enough money to transfer the balance from her bank account to one under her auntie’s name. No one knew this but her aunt Sara and her uncle Willie, and she trusted both of them. After putting her checkbook in the purse, she took a quick glance at the clock. There were less than two hours to make it to the airport.
The next few moments passed by as a blur. Destiny was lost, staring intently at the floor while her mind drifted elsewhere. Fear seemed to course through her veins. No matter how hard Destiny willed herself to be strong, she just couldn’t. Tears continued to form; she couldn’t stop the migraine that was on the verge of causing an explosion in her head. She knew how lucky she had been tonight, no the correct word was how blessed she had been. Destiny swallowed. What if? She had read a story a couple of years ago about a young woman who had lost her life after a horrific attack by her husband. Her whole life had changed as a result. Her only mistake today had been not cooking. Stanley told her last night he would be going out. How stupid was it not to cook the steaks that were left in the refrigerator? She needed everything to go smoothly. One stupid mistake could have ruined everything, landing her in the hospital.
Stanley was gone now, and in thirty minutes, she would be out of this house forever and closer to her promised promises. After double-checking the room for anything that she could have missed and leaving behind everything that she did not need, Destiny started down the stairs. The suitcase was in the car. She’d purchased one last week while she was at Walmart and kept it in the trunk along with everything she anticipated needing for this move to Seattle. She even had living arrangements. All she had to do now was make it to her car.
Destiny was beat; she usually put in fewer hours at the office, but she knew her last check would come in handy. Bishop Carter preached a sermon last week about a man by the name of Zacchaues who had been trying to see Jesus, but his view was blocked. However, he did not give up. He climbed a tree in order to get a view of the Master. Destiny was feeling like that little man, and just like him, if it took booking a flight on Delta and changing her name, no one was going to stop her, not this time. Her dreams had been buried and left for dead her senior year in college. But the desire to be more than what she saw in the mirror had never died; somewhere deep inside there had always been a nudging for her to do more. She heard her dreams calling her name although she’d laid them to rest years ago. Today would be the first day of their resurrection.
It was odd, really. Destiny couldn’t remember feeling so weak before she’d gotten involved with Stanley. How often had her aunt commented on her strong-will and determination? Since Stanley had come into her life, she felt like she was slowly crumbling on the inside. It was time to reinvent herself, she still had some fight left.
After turning on the porch light, she crept outside, listening carefully just in case Stanley hadn’t driven off. Who would have imagined that she would have to creep around the house in fear? She found herself laughing at the farcicality of her life, leaving the front porch she went into the front yard taking a moment to look around for any signs of trouble. Their neighborhood had always been quiet, filled with elegant homes and respectable families. Stanley had a closed mind when it came to their gated community because he always felt it kept out the rift raft.
Still with all of its luxury, Destiny felt they lived in an elegant mausoleum instead of a home. Moving over to the window, she placed the house key where she told her uncle Willie it would be hidden. Turning her eyes away from the house she looked up to heaven, Destiny stood there for only a moment before she heard the voice of Holy Spirit speak to her, “home can only be found in the peace of God.” The familiar voice caused chills to run down her spine. The same soft, gentle voice had often called to her when she was alone and feeling down trodden. It comforted her, even if it was just a trick of her imagination, because she wasn’t as strong in faith as she needed to be, people saw her smile, never recognizing the pain it was hiding. The voice was her only respite, and she needed it. She went back inside the living room to wait for her uncle. Sitting only for a few minutes, she found herself stretching out on the sofa to relax but instead groaned with unbearable pain because it still hurt to move.
Willie controlled his irritation as he watched Destiny through the window. How many times had he told her to call him if she ever found herself in trouble? And yet, she constantly insisted that she could handle her problems with Stanley by herself. With Destiny, he found that he was on edge most of the time, because she constantly took risks. His irritation with those risks was the cause of the few arguments they had. She called him Uncle Willie but refused to allow him to interfere with her relationship with Stanley. Needless to say he was surprised when she called and asked for his help. He silently praised God for her deciding to leave him. Maybe it was his fatherly instincts but he had always suspected Stanley had physically abused her.
Chagrined by the look of fear he saw on her face, he reached for the key that she had hidden for him on the window seal. Unlocking the door he pushed it open, silently thanking God for his little spy. Sara, Destiny’s aunt, kept him abreast of everything that occurred in her niece’s life. When he stepped inside, she sat up on the sofa, recognition and relief chased each other across her facial expression and a hint of some other emotion. Sadness? Tension? Or relief?
“Uncle Willie, we need to move quickly, we don’t have much time,” she rushed on to say, wrenching as she grabbed her purse and keys from the coffee table.
Yep, tension. Maybe even irritation. He had to suppress an expletive. He just prayed that Stanley hadn’t hit her. He watched with concern as she moved around slowly making sure she had everything she needed.
“I saw the lights come on and knew that was my code for the coast being clear. But just as precautionary measure, I double check to make sure there was no signs of him as the taxi pulled into the drive.” He shook his head at how different she’d become because she was once an aggravatingly independent young woman who visited him often with his niece from college. She’d never admit it but he knew in his heart of hearts that this new aspect of her character, vulnerability, was an annoyance to her.
“Need some help?” he asked, wanting to do something other than just standing by idly watching her. She hesitated, glancing toward the door. He could read her thoughts. The sooner they got out of here the better, so he began moving toward the front door. Instead after having a second thought he asked, “Why don’t I make sure your bags are situated in the trunk of the car?”
“Okay, but let me help you with that,” she said, moving to follow him in the opposite direction toward the garage. Willie didn’t know what was going on but upon opening the door to the garage they found her car was missing. Maybe she had changed her plans; he’d prayed
she hadn’t. So he asked, “Where’s your car? What’s going on?”
Destiny glanced into the garage and that’s when Willie saw a slight frown, which caused her brows to arch. Something about this situation seemed to have disturbed her. “He took my car. I can’t believe he took it.” He knew from the tension in her voice that she was perturbed. He understood because he’d felt that way on several occasions it was as if every devil in hell was waging a war against you.
“What do you need me to do?” He asked with anxiousness and concern, willing to do anything she needed.
“I’ve already taken care of all the necessities, and if he hasn’t taken his extra set of keys, I’ll take his car and make the switch,” she answered him as she rummaged through a drawer in the kitchen. Pulling them out she turned to him with relief written on her facial expression.
“So do you think he suspects anything?”
“I doubt it. I know he’ll be drinking with his friends for a couple of hours, but if he is inebriated enough, maybe he won’t check the trunk alerting him that something fishy may be going on.”
“Then we need to hurry.” He picked up her purse, watching her closely.
She was hesitating, nibbling on her lower lip. Something he knew she did often when she was nervous. Please, God, let us be able to get her out of here safely.
“Destiny, let’s get out of here; there is not much time left.” It was then that he saw she’d processed every detail of what he was saying because her face suddenly changed from one of defeat to determination; it seemed to pull her back to reality. Looking over at the SUV that he never allowed her to drive, she moved toward it. Getting in, she put her keys in the ignition. He followed and got in on the passenger’s side. After he closed the door, she started the engine, and they were on their way.
Twenty minutes later, falling rain pelted the SUV with big drops, and it was impossible to see more than a few inches ahead. The traffic had slowed to a crawl in order for everyone to navigate the streets safely in the rain. As she drove, he noticed other vehicles had completely stopped. That was not an option for them. Destiny stated earlier that she knew where he was, and that she was going to stop at the restaurant and make the switch with the car, he would then drive her car to the South Carolina port as they had planned so that it could be shipped to Seattle.
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