No Wasted Tears

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No Wasted Tears Page 10

by Sylvia D. Carter


  She didn’t really want to say that her fear of Stanley weighed heavily on her mind on a daily basis. Bleakly she wondered if she’d ever get over that fear. She flicked a glance at Tina, who had a pensive look on her face as she sat on the couch. She seemed to be sensing something was wrong. Destiny could only imagine how angry she would be if she knew all of the abuse she’d encountered at his hand. The injustice of it brought tears to her eyes because she had not anticipated this, had not wanted to bring him into what had been a wonderful day up to this point. Yet still she accepted the futile inevitability of the moment, of the truth.

  Tina eyed her with sympathy. “It’s okay, Destiny, it’s all going to work out. I know it will.”

  Destiny nodded her head in agreement, knowing there was no point. She couldn’t keep the truth from Tina. She would have to reveal her secrets after all. “No. It’s fine.” She hesitated, her expression pensive. “This isn’t our first time down this road with Stanley, but, Tina…I can assure you it will be our last.”

  Tina smiled encouragingly, her gaze firmly focused on Destiny. “When you’re ready, there are counselors that can help and this time the authorities should be involved.”

  “I know,” Destiny mused. She felt numb now as she faced Tina directly. “I believe I’m ready to do that for the first time. I’m ready to move on with my life.”

  “And, Destiny, the Lord will let you live your life to it’s fullest because you deserve it.”

  “That’s what I want.” She swallowed and took a breath. “It’s all I’ve ever wanted.” She stared down at her lap.

  Tina put a gentle hand on Destiny’s shoulder. “The God you gave your heart to will not fail you. Don’t for a moment think Adam sitting beside you was a coincidence. I believe it was in God’s providential will for your life. Sure, he doesn’t know everything about you yet, but he will. The one thing that I have learned is that friendship doesn’t know age, color, or national origin. Love is just love, plain and simple. We can’t always explain it, but it is what it is, and if it’s real love, then it will work every time.

  “Richard told me once that he had an ‘every time love.’ Every time he looked at me, he saw another reason for loving me. Every time he called my name, he heard another reason for loving me. Every time he thought of me, he thought of reasons for loving me. Every time I smiled at him, he was reminded of why he loved me. He said every time he closed his eyes and prayed, God would say to him, ‘My love works every time.’ He always said, ‘Every time I turn around, I find another reason to love you.’ So as a believer, I have come to realize that love is what God created it to be from the beginning of time. Love is God, and without him in our lives, we will never understand or identify with how it feels, how it is expressed, and how it works. So love is God’s ultimate expression of what he feels every time he looks at us.”

  Destiny wiped the tears that were falling from her eyes. “I have never heard of love explained quite that way. One thing I do know after you explained it is that I want a love that works every time.”

  Destiny leaned over to hug Tina. “Tina, my love for you is a love that works every time.”

  Smiling, Tina replied, “Ditto.”

  Chapter 11

  Cynthia could not believe that she had been working for Marvin almost four months. Him not being in the lobby to greet her after she got off the elevator was strange. It had become a morning ritual for them. Susan her secretary, informed her that Marvin had to leave for Chicago. That was two weeks ago. The negotiations for a piece of prime property were about to fall through, and he had to go salvage the deal. The only time she talked to him was when he called on Monday for their weekly department meeting. But that was fine with her. It gave her the time she needed to decide how she would tell him about the twins. She also needed to build up her confidence before calling her parents to let them know she was back in town. It was something that had to be done before someone else did it.

  She was proud of the way things were going with Destiny and Miss Sara. They were becoming family. They spent time together on weekends running from one mall to another. Jonathan and David enjoyed spending time with them, especially when they were able to play in the Kid’s Land and get something to eat from the food court. When they weren’t at the malls shopping for their new home, they could be found in the living room laughing at a Disney movie or just sitting around eating popcorn and watching old black-and-white movies. They had settled into a nice routine, and it felt like a home.

  Today, Sara had surprised the boys with a cake. She had arranged everything while Cynthia was outside playing with the boys. Everything on the table was decorated in blue. The boys loved blue. She even had candles on the table, which she had lit before returning to the kitchen with the food. After they had finished eating a wonderful dinner, Sara went into the kitchen and walked back out with a beautiful cake. The icing was white with blue borders and Nemo decorations. Everything tasted wonderful. After dinner, they took their slices of cake and a gallon of vanilla ice cream into the den to eat as they watched television.

  Leaving the boys in the living room watching television, the women moved to the front porch of the house. They spent a lot of time there. They had bought beautiful furniture that was comfortable enough to relax.

  “Well, ladies, I’m going back inside to clean the kitchen and put my dinner on for tomorrow.” Sara grabbed the emptied dishes on the table between Cynthia and Destiny before disappearing back in the house.

  “So, Destiny, how’s everything going with you and our pastor?” Cynthia inquired while wiping frosting from her mouth.

  Destiny replied, “It’s amazing. I really cannot believe how well everything has been going in my life lately. When I think about Adam, I feel my heart beating like a drum. It feels almost like I’m a teenager again. It’s amazing, and he treats me like a lady. I’m not used to it. Sometimes I have to pinch myself to prove it’s all real.” She felt her insides give another fluttery movement as she thought about him. “But for now I’m glad we agreed to be just friends.”

  Cynthia’s eyes widened as she swallowed hard. “I think that’s a wise move.”

  There it was, a slight pause before Destiny spoke, choosing her words. Her eyes shifted away from Cynthia’s, her throat doing that nervous up and down thing again, “I’ve been having these reoccurring dreams about Stanley.”

  Cynthia saw the shadow of grief pass through her eyes before she averted her gaze. “When did they start?” she asked, surprised by this new revelation. She fought back her anger toward Stanley, reminding herself that Destiny was safe here in Seattle.

  Cynthia wanted to know how frightened Destiny really was but thought her eyes were like shuttered windows, not revealing much. “I’ve been having them since we moved to Seattle,” she said. “I told Tina that I needed to talk with someone about them.”

  Cynthia bit her lip, her fingers plucking at the invisible lint on her blouse. “That’s a great idea…I’d hate it if you were continuously tormented by these dreams. You can’t allow Stanley to continue holding you hostage even through your dreams.”

  She didn’t answer. She just sat there looking down at her with that expressionless face, making Cynthia feel a little uncomfortable. If she were deeply in love with him she would have stayed with him, surely? What sort of man could cause one woman so much pain? From all she’d heard about him, it certainly didn’t sound like he was very devoted to her.

  After pondering her own thoughts for a long moment, she forced herself to meet Destiny’s gaze once more. “Um…I know this might seem a strange question but,” she quickly licked her lips for courage before she continued, “would you consider letting Adam counsel you?”

  The question seemed to hang suspended in the air for a very long time.

  She tried to read her expression, to see if any slight movement of her lips, eyes, or forehead would provide some clue of how she felt about that suggestion.

  Finally her lips stretched into a b
rief on-off smile that didn’t involve her eyes.

  “I think it would be better if I got counseling from one of the other ministers on staff at the church,” she said. “Right now we are just getting to know each other. I don’t want to share too much too soon.”

  Cynthia searched her features once more. “I’m sorry…so very sorry for not recognizing any of the signs that now as I’m sitting here were kind of obvious…” She bit her lip again, releasing it to add, “If it were me in your place, I know I would be terrifyingly frightened.”

  Destiny’s eyes searched hers for a beat or two before they fell away as she said, “I would love to have the strength I’ve seen in you since we’ve been living here as a family. It’s my faith that gives me strength, and Destiny,” she added, “disappointments won’t last forever. At some point they have to leave and your next appointment will be filled with joy.”

  Cynthia reached out to rub her hand gently and whispered, “You’re going to be fine.”

  Destiny really hoped that was true. “Thanks,” she said with a pathetic attempt at laughing. “That really makes me feel better.”

  Cynthia gave her a long look and sighed again, taking her hand, she squeezed it before saying, “Sounds like you need more sugar.”

  “Sugar? But we just ate cake!” she said.

  Cynthia held up her hands in a sign of surrender. “You are so right—I’ll be right back.”

  “Here we go.” Cynthia breezed back onto the porch with two additional slices of cake in her hand. She held them out for her viewing pleasure. “This is just what Sara ordered.” She let the screen door shut behind her.

  “Are you serious?”

  Cynthia smiled because Sara said cream cheese frosting was Destiny’s favorite.

  “It’s the best thing to take your mind off of anything negative and cause you to think of nothing but sugary bliss.” She sat the plates on the table and settled into a rocker beside her.

  “You’re a good friend.” Destiny said picking up a plate.

  “I hear that all the time,” Cynthia said, “now relax and let the sugar do its job.”

  Destiny rolled her eyes. “Hopefully on the lips only and not my hips.” Cynthia watched her take a bite, closing her eyes to savor the taste. She wasn’t sure but she thought she saw a slight release in Destiny’s demeanor as she relaxed, and with those parting words she watched the twins play in the yard.

  Chapter 12

  Just after getting the boys off to school, Cynthia decided to call Tina for a girls’ outing. After talking to Destiny, she’d decided it was time to make new friends. Her career was on track now especially after getting the position at Marvin’s company. She had to laugh at the awesomeness of God. Nobody but the Lord would have orchestrated the course of events for her life. He was truly a comedian on top of being a deliverer, healer, and savior. Thinking about what they could do, she decided a shopping outing would be fun if Tina felt up to it being almost six months pregnant.

  Hours later Cynthia was still thinking how wonderful her afternoon had been with Tina. She and Richard seemed to be such a wonderful couple.

  The thought was still rewinding in her mind when she crawled into bed later that night. She and Tina had stopped by the Seattle market for a tour after they had a delicious lunch. They’d run into a few people they’d both known from the church. Now she stared at the ceiling in her bedroom. She felt as though someone had pulled the rug out from beneath her feet. It was amazing to know that Tina and Richard had been college sweethearts. They’d moved to Seattle right after the Seahawks drafted Richard.

  They loved each other. Their future was all mapped out. They had an adorable daughter and a son on the way. Life. Cynthia couldn’t get her head around it. It made her chest tight to think of how her life could have turned out if she hadn’t gotten pregnant. There was no way she’d have made a different decision about her sons; they meant the world to her. Yes, her relationship with her parents had been jeopardized but she’d done it without their help. God had blessed them. She thought back to the night before she left for college, to the things they’d said to her. They both had agreed that her relationship with Marvin would only lead to a dead end, and with her father’s help it had. Then one month after going to college she found out she was pregnant.

  She twisted in bed, rolling over to her side. It was a time when she thought things were going to turn out differently and not end up in such a disaster. Even worse, she hadn’t been around family to receive comfort and support from them because they’d pushed her out of their life when she’d needed them the most. Marvin had no idea she’d been pregnant or had his sons. She could still remember the conversations they shared about their future, and the way Marvin had looked at her when they were in love. She was drifting toward sleep when an insidious little thought weaseled its way into her mind: now that she was back in Seattle and Marvin was still free, maybe, just maybe, things could change between them. Her eyes snapped open. Her heart kicked out an urgent, panicky beat. Don’t even think about it. Not for a second. What would he say about the boys?

  But she was wide-awake and the thought was lodged in her brain, glowing like her night-light.

  She was free to love again. That’s if Marvin was interested in a second time around?

  “Don’t be an idiot,” she said out loud.

  Chapter 13

  Destiny was on her way out the door when the phone rang. She glanced at her watch. It was already ten minutes past the time she was supposed to leave for the office. She reached for the phone. “Hello?”

  She heard someone on the other line, but no one responded, so she repeated her greeting. “Hello?”

  When the person continued to breathe in her ear and refused to say anything, Destiny decided she had more important things to do. Already late, she hung up the phone. She continued toward the door, remembering to lock it on the way out. Some people evidently had nothing better to do than to play on the phone.

  Sitting at her desk, Destiny decided to make the phone call she had been putting off all day. She and Adam had agreed to talk today about plans for this week. They had enjoyed a wonderful dinner after church on Sunday. Adam had taken her to SkyCity, the Space Needle’s five-hundred-foot-high restaurant, for a wonderful brunch. After a wonderful meal and delightful conversation, they had walked through the Space Needle’s Pavilion. It was the most unique shopping experience.

  Then she had gone home only to have another haunting nightmare. They disturbed her sleep, like the surprise spring storms that ran rapid throughout the south. Since coming to Seattle, she had fought hard to push all thoughts of Stanley and the past from her mind. She had started to believe she was succeeding. Despite the gloomy rainy climate of Seattle, the lab she ran at Kintama Chemicals kept her so busy that somehow being immersed in work for days on end she wouldn’t have time to think of him or see his evil face. Last week she had talked to the secretary at Greater Community about support groups for battered women. She was excited to find that they did in fact have a support group, which met once a week.

  She had been debating about inviting Adam to dinner. She had all the right reasons for why she shouldn’t but they fell short of a legitimate reason. All of her haggling about it was causing her day to drag. The one good thing about today was that her test results were just what they’d been looking for in their latest research. So things in the lab had actually gone fairly smoothly. Maybe because she’d slept like the dead last night after her nightmare. She couldn’t remember when she’d been out cold like that.

  Her cell phone rang. “Saved by the bell.” She’d been about to go off on another long analysis of why she should call Adam. One glance at the screen and she smiled. Tina.

  The conversation lasted nearly an hour. Tina updated her on things with Taylor and her pregnancy. Her descriptions of Taylor’s antics were hilarious. Her stories about Richard obsessing with the baby showed how in tune with one another they were, even in pregnancy. The perfect couple. Th
at was what Destiny wanted.

  She heaved a big, loud sigh. She could go to lunch early. But eating wouldn’t help. If talking to Tina for the better part of an hour didn’t do the trick, nothing would.

  There was only one thing to do.

  Call him. And see if he’d accept. After all they were friends and hadn’t they said they’d get together?

  The only question left was what kind of friends? She chewed her lip, pondering that for a minute. The kind of friends who supported each other through thick and thin in life or the kind that would eventually become a couple and all that it entails?

  A grin stretched across her lips.

  She picked up the phone and dialed.

  “Hello?” he answered softly, his thick voice barely audible.

  “Hi,” she responded, suddenly embarrassed that she called at all. He had told her that Monday was a rest day for him.

  “I was just thinking about calling you. How’s your day been going in the lab?”

  “Everything’s fine. It’s been busy but I’ve had a breakthrough in some research, and since I had a few minutes, I thought I would take a break to call you.”

  “You could have called me early this morning. It would have been nice hearing your voice,” he responded, a hint of a smile in his voice.

  “You probably were sleeping, especially after delivering such a wonderful message on Sunday. I didn’t want to disturb you.”

  Adam laughed softly before he said, “I enjoyed our day. You were such a joy to be with.”

  Destiny could feel herself blushing profusely. She tried hard but couldn’t stifle her giggle. It was very difficult to stay focused with Adam when he was being so charming. “Thank you. I had a good time as well.”

  “Don’t you want to see me again?” he asked, his voice taking on a serious but cautious tone.

 

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