Destiny blinked, shaken by the news. No one deserved to die like that. She vaguely remembered some of the events of that day. Shock had to register on her face when they informed her of Adam’s vigil for her, staying by her bedside until she regained consciousness. She struggled to conceal her disappointment when she was told he’d left rather than staying to see her.
The accident was one thing not to remember but she knew distinctly what had transpired between Adam and her. In no uncertain terms she had indicated that she didn’t need his help. But every time the door opened she couldn’t help but to glance over, hoping it would be him. This time when it opened, it was Sara.
“You should be trying to get some rest.” Sara gave her hand a gentle squeeze after walking over to the bed.
“I can’t sleep, not with this headache, plus I’ve been sleeping for three days.”
“We can ask them to give you something for it. What about the pain in your leg and arm?” she asked. “Because I could go talk to Willie. Maybe they will reconsider if he asks?”
“No, I don’t want to be a bother. My nurse told me earlier that they were being careful about using strong medications with this concussion. It’s not too bad. I’d rather suffer a little pain rather than risk going to sleep and never waking up.”
Sara patted her hand. “You had us worried.”
“I know, I’m sorry.”
“Stop it. I’m just glad you’re getting better. That’s all I care about. I’ve been here a while so I guess I’ll leave and see you in the morning.” She leaned over to kiss her forehead. “Sleep well, I’ll be praying for those headaches.”
“Goodnight,” Destiny said, yawning.
She was glad to be alone because it gave her some time to reflect on what happened that day. What must Adam think of her now? Restless, sleep seemed to be evading her. It was so difficult to relax with her bruises and sore body. Her mind kept asking questions. Why had Adam stayed the entire time especially after everything that had happened with Stanley? Every time she thought about it, her head would pound perfidiously, forcing her to push those questions aside.
With her eyes getting heavy, she shifted, moaning from the pain. Laying hands on her head she prayed for the pain to subside.
“Can I join you in prayer?”
That was the voice she wanted to hear since she opened her eyes.
Turning she saw him, “You came…”
Chapter 40
She watched Adam walk closer to her bed as he was taking off his jacket. “Is the pain terrible?”
“At times it has been,” she admitted.
“Have they given you anything?”
“They’re being careful with the meds because of the concussion.”
Adam sat down in the chair by her bed. With his hand extended, he gently laid it on her head being careful not to cause her unnecessary pain. He silently prayed for her headache. Then looking at her he said, “I’m just happy your eyes are open.”
“They’ve been opened since you left.” Destiny stated flatly. She could see from his expression she had thrown him a jab.
“I had to leave at the time,” he said in return. “You had all of us scared to death.”
She felt, rather than saw, his eyes moving over her bruised and swollen face. She was grateful Tina had brushed her hair. Using her good hand she tried to make sure it was still in place.
“Don’t worry about that, Destiny,” Adam said. Destiny knew he was trying to make her feel better about being in such disarray. “It’s nothing a few weeks of rest won’t cure. The Lord blessed you. It could have been much worse.”
She fiddled with the blanket covering her injured leg.
“Thank you for watching over me the entire time I was unconscious. They told me you never left, is that true?” When he remained silent, she finally looked at him. It wasn’t until their eyes connected that she felt the power of the Holy Spirit overwhelming her with the fact that God had truly kept her alive.
“I couldn’t leave you, Destiny. I had to stay.”
“But why? We both know you weren’t happy when you left my house. Why did you come? And why did you stay away today?” She tried to ignore the way her heart hammered in her chest and the way her head pounded as she waited for his response.
“It was the God in me.”
She didn’t see a trace of humor on his countenance.
“Although I wanted to see you I was tired, almost dead on my feet. So, after hearing that you were awake, I praised God and went home to rest. I needed a shower and sleep arrested me after that.” Shifting in his chair he continued, “I didn’t know everything about Stanley but what you told me that day did not agnate the fact that you mean a lot to me.”
He leaned forward, studying her. “Your head hurts, you’re tired. Maybe this is not the place or time for this discussion. I don’t want to cause you to become upset.”
She absently rubbed her injured arm as she fought the urge to cry. “I’m so sorry Adam. I should have told you about my past before all of this happened. Being here has given me a reality check. Tomorrow is not promised. I could have died, never seeing you again.”
Watching him from her bed she noticed him fidgeting with his hands. “Would it have mattered, Destiny?”
“Yes, it would have mattered!” She shouted although she immediately regretted it because of the strain she put on her head. “I need to tell you about me, Adam.” She pointed her finger at her chest to emphasize her point.
Adam shrugged. “As I drove home all I thought about was us and what would have happened if you’d been the one to die instead of Stanley in that accident. I thought about where I wanted our relationship to go. But I feel like you’ve been holding some things back. I want you to be sure about this…” Using his hands, he pointed to her and himself. “Because I’m sure you know where we were headed before all of this.”
When he stood, he towered over her bed. Then he seemed to brace his feet for what he was going to say next. “Your accident really got my attention. Thanks be to God we still have time to deal with our problems.”
Destiny bit her lip. He was right. She knew from the moment that they met this relationship was more than just a casual friendship, even if she wasn’t ready to admit it to herself. “Okay, you’re right,” she said, wiping a tear. All of the events of the day were catching up with her emotionally.
She took a deep breath before blurting out, “You see, when I was a senior in college, I was raped.”
She watched as he dropped back down in his chair. The fine lines at the corners of his eyes showed signs of his concern. His gaze grew shuttered. “Oh, my God, Destiny. I’m so sorry,” he muttered in a gravely voice. Adam moved closer to Destiny, but he did not touch her. He wanted her to know that he was there for her. “I had no idea you were dealing with something like this.”
“No one but Tina, her husband, and Auntie know about it. It’s been my secret for all of these years.” She was leaning forward, trying with shaking fingers to reach the box of tissues on her bed tray to wipe away the tears that were flowing. “I can’t keep all of this stuff inside anymore, Adam. I just wanted to be free. That experience caused me to hide behind everyone, even Stanley, because I thought I did something to deserve it.”
“Your fault? No, Destiny, rape is never the victim’s fault.” There was deep concern in his voice as he touched her hand lightly with his own. Destiny was struggling to control her crying because she could feel her headache getting worst. “I went to a couple of counseling sessions in Charleston but never finished.”
“But why? Didn’t your aunt or Tina suggest it? Even the doctors could have assisted you with that, Destiny. My God, I cannot imagine what you had to deal with.”
“I need you to take your time, Destiny, and tell me everything.”
Dropping her gaze, she clasped the tissue with trembling hand. “I didn’t think I needed it at the time. All I thought I needed was someone to adopt the baby. Tina agreed to do that,
so I thought I’d be fine. I was going to graduate and move on with my life.” She glanced over at him with eyes filled with tears; she could tell he understood by the way he squeezed her hand.
“You know what I did, Adam? I pushed it so far back in my mind that I actually tried to pretend it never happened. I wanted to get on with my life.” She paused. “I was so determined to move on that I absolutely refused to look back. I had the baby. Tina adopted her. I moved to Charleston and found myself in another mess.”
Struggling to maintain some semblance of composure, he met her scrutinizing gaze once more. “All right. So you moved to Charleston. How? You said you’d let Tina adopt the child. Why did you feel this was a mistake?”
“It wasn’t until I got saved, Adam, that I began to feel as if there was an extra weight in my life. Now I understand that God wants me to get rid of all the things that have caused my life so much pain. I got tired of hurting, tired of feeling like it was my fault, and tired of the dreams. That’s why I started attending Healing Virtue counseling at the church.” She looked at him now with a renewed determination in her eyes.
“I agree,” Adam said, “that Elder Ford is the best because I believe the Lord had me put her in that position because of her compassion for hurting women. Plus, she has had firsthand experience. She was in an abusive relationship that ended in the unfortunate death of her husband.”
Destiny was not surprised by this she knew Elder Ford’s testimony.
“Destiny, I’m sure it has helped you work through some of your pain and hurt from that experience. You mentioned Charleston; what happen there?”
She knew if she was to be completely honest he had to know about everything. “Adam, do you have any idea how difficult it was for me to tell you this?” Trembling hands touch her forehead, praying to keep the headache at bay until she finished.
“The man who raped me was Stanley’s best friend. Stanley and Curtis had been friends since their college days. Curtis was in love with a young lady named Denise. She was also in college with them. But something happened, and Stanley ended up with Denise. Curtis was mad because he really loved her.
“I was a pawn in a game they were playing with each other. Curtis raped me. But that wasn’t the worst part. He threatened me and said I’d better not go the police or he’d make sure Richard wouldn’t be able to walk or ever play football again. I loved Tina and Richard, so I made them promise not to go to the police. After having the baby, I moved to Charleston, took the job I was offered by Stanley, and eventually moved in with him because I thought I needed him to protect me.
She watched as Adam got out of his chair and sat on the side of the bed. Overcome by the wealth of her emotion, Destiny cried harder. She made a bit of a protest when he first cradled her against his chest.
He pulled back, placing a tender kiss on her bruised forehead, another on her nose. At the sight of tears pooling beneath her lashes, he tenderly gathered Destiny against him once again. Defeat sucked the wind out of his sails. “What kind of man treats a woman this way? God created a woman to be loved, cherished above measure but never man handle or used!” He hated the frustration that colored his tone.
“Please don’t cry, it’s okay, it’s going to be okay. We can make it through all of this together. So, Taylor is really your child?” She lay there, looking at him for a moment that seemed to last forever.
Destiny heard the sincerity in his voice. Pulling back, Adam fluffed her pillow and helped her lay back down comfortably on the bed. “I admire you for not having an abortion. You gave that little girl at chance at a happy life. You did good Destiny.”
“I’d done my research.” She’d been a part of a single parent home since the day she was born and she wanted more for her daughter. The best research showed children with two parents in the home usually offered stability for a child. God knows she wasn’t stable at the time. He had just said she had done the right thing. But now he was silent and that worried her. What was he thinking? If she were totally honest with herself, she would admit how good it felt to have him here. She’d always felt safe with Adam. She wanted to lean into those broad shoulders now just to have his strong arms around her once again.
“I want to help you work through all of this in any way I can. You are a strong woman in the Lord and God knows I celebrate the woman before me right now.”
Those words took her breath away when her heart was already shuddering. Now she truly believed they could really make their relationship work.
“Why?” Her lips trembled. She bit them together. Don’t get your hopes up. This is Adam…he’s too logical to really believe there’s still a chance.
His eyebrows shot upward. “Seriously?”
When she made no effort to amend her demand, he made a dry, pained sound that might have been an attempt at a laugh. “You’re someone who means the world to me and from the beginning I’ve told you God brought you into my life at the right time. I want us to work, Destiny.”
With all her heart Destiny knew he cared about her; that he would never stop. He was truly a believer. He had never given up on her. That gave her so much joy that even being in this hospital couldn’t make her doubt that now.
Chapter 41
He’d gotten her to eat, which was a step in the right direction for her to get out of the hospital. She’d given him the story from the beginning. She was eating her ice chips, her dark eyes searching his, before asking, “You think I’m crazy, don’t you?”
My God. How was he going to make her understand he cared more for her than any words would convey? He understood that awful place she was in and wanted to help her more than he wanted to draw in his next breath. He did not for one second believe she was crazy. “Destiny, I know you’re not. Sometimes we all make mistakes but those mistakes can become miracles if we allow God to make them so.”
A nurse came in to check her vital signs, so their conversation was put on hold for a few minutes. As she left the room he glanced around before he continued.
“Do you remember me telling you about a conference I attended when we met on the plane?” He asked in a voice that was toneless, showing no hint of emotion.
Destiny looked down at her hands for a moment. “Yes…yes I do…” she said, returning her gaze to his. “You said you conducted a seminar. On my birthday date you told me it was on Pastor’s and Cyber-porn.”
He lowered his gaze and sighed. “It’s complicated…but I want you to know everything about me as well. I have always desired to have a relationship filled with the love of a God-fearing woman. I thought I’d found that in a young lady named Regina Webber who I met in college. Her father was a pastor, and I thought she was the one.” Reclining back in his chair, Adam closed his eyes and rubbed his temples before continuing. Turning he noticed a surprised look in her eyes.
He watched as she searched his face. He wanted her to trust him. Her past relationship hadn’t been based on trust.
“Did you just say her name was Regina?” She adjusted herself in the bed, her hands was shaking.
“Yes, I did.” He watched her trying to see where this was leading.
“Oh my God, that’s the same woman Stanley mentioned to me. He said she told him I was here in Seattle.” She shook her head as if she was trying to figure out what was going on.
“I can’t believe she did that. I knew she was having some problems because of the way she showed up at my office, but to do this to you is unbelievable.” He got up from his chair.
“Adam, if you don’t want to finish this conversation today it’s all right, I understand. We both know you don’t have to.” He’d almost lost her a few weeks ago. He refused to let the enemy use any kept secret destroy what they were trying to build. He wanted Destiny to see that it was time for both of them to move forward. Sitting back down, he reached for her free hand.
“Because I asked her to marry me, but when I told her I was moving back to Seattle to minister, all bets were off and we broke up. After returning
home I got involved with a young lady via the Internet on one of those social sites. One thing led to another and before I knew it I was addicted to cyber-porn.” The silence thickened around them. Adam didn’t have to tell her every detail, but she had to know some aspects of how serious it was. He moved his head from side to side, frustration setting his lips in a grim line.
“I hated the man I became during that time. All those years wasted because I was weak in my flesh. I couldn’t see any good, only the bad or the potentially bad. I was a sick man sinking deeper everyday into the depths of sin.” His gaze shifted to the row of windows beside her bed. “I am proud to say I’m delivered from cyber-porn. But just recently Regina showed up at my church. I haven’t seen her in five years.”
Adam wanted one thing to be crystal clear in all this. He was determined to go through with his plan to discuss all of this with her.
One of his broad shoulders rose and fell in a dismissive shrug that Destiny felt wasn’t quite representative of how he felt. He waited a beat before continuing. “When I realized that she was interested in reconnecting, I told her I had no intention of getting back together with her, and I asked her to leave.” He paused, his voice brimming with disgust. “Regina has always wanted the easy way out. She sees only the glitz and glamour. That’s not true ministry.”
She wiped an invisible piece of dust from her sheet before responding, “I know the pastor’s wife role is different than any other and sometimes even undefined.”
He took her hand. “God just wants any wife to be the best wife to her husband, everything else will fall into place.”
“That’s all I would know how to do.” Destiny nodded adamantly.
In that moment, Adam realized his desire to protect and shelter Destiny had kept him from seeing how strong she was. She wasn’t just beautiful and kind and generous. She was also smart and determined. He’d driven himself crazy with worry all of this time and what he should have done was trust her like she asked him to.
No Wasted Tears Page 25
