Little Miss Lovesick

by Kitty Bucholtz

  The deck railing hit my back. We stopped moving backward. Matt kissed my cheeks, then my ear. His whisper tickled and I dug my fingers into his back. He whispered again, but not as close to my ear.

  “Am I driving you home now or later?”

  “Mm-hmm,” I said. Sort of said.

  He pulled back more. I leaned into him. He put his hands on my shoulders to keep me from moving closer. “Come on, Syd, decide.”

  Barely a moment passed as I tried to clear the fog in my brain, then he kissed me again, hotter than before. His lips and tongue were hard and demanding. I poured myself into him with renewed passion.

  Just do it, urged one of the Voices in my head.You’ll feelso much better.

  I knew that was true. I felt light-headed already and we hadn’t even done anything to be embarrassed about yet.

  I thought about giving in. But I heard my mother’s voice and my pastor’s voice and all their reasons why I shouldn’t.

  Why should they ever know?said one of my Voices.It’ll be worth it to feel better, to feel loved.

  I leaned forward and kissed Matt again. So hot and sweet.

  I thought of Dirk. He’d madeway more promises than Matt. And look where that ended up.

  Isn’t better to be loved for a little while than not at all?

  I felt Matt’s skin under his shirt. I didn’t remember pulling it out of his waistband. He felt hot and—

  Stop!

  I pulled away so fast, I hit my head on the deck railing. Damn!

  I opened my eyes and my mouth in shock at the pain. My hand met Matt’s hand at the back of my head.

  “Are you okay?” His voice held a mixture of surprise, empathy and laughter.

  “I think that might have been God’s way of knocking some sense into me,” I said a little breathlessly. My ears were ringing. Definitely not thinking about sex at this moment.

  Matt laughed, which made me chuckle. Which made me wince.

  He took one long deep breath and blew it out. Stepping away from the porch railing, he took my hand, guiding me over to the kitchen door. “You sit here for a minute. I’m going to get two ice cold Cokes and my car keys.”

  I sat down and put my hand on the back of my head. I thought I heard him mutter, “And a cold shower to go.”

  CHAPTER 20

  SUNDAY, I got to church early because I could barely stay asleep. Life just seemed too fine to stay in bed. I sang loudly with the praise band, said a hundred thank you’s in my head when we prayed, and complimented Pastor Mark on the sermon. Afterward, I stayed and chatted with my friends for nearly an hour.

  By then, we were starving, so we decided to have lunch together. I hadn’t gone to lunch with them inforever. We went to Paesano’s, the best pizza place on this side of town. They have the most amazing Chicago-style pizza — outside of Chicago, of course.

  I carpooled with Rhonda, Carlo, and Dave. It was immediately obvious that Rhonda and Carlo had been getting to know each other better while I wasn’t noticing. They shared the front seat and acted, you know, like an item.

  If you haven’t experienced it for yourself, let me tell you, a large church’s 20s and 30s singles group can be one step away from a meat market. Just like in a bar, everyone is trying to meet someone, either to hang out or to permanently end bachelorhood. It’s a regular Marriage Mart.

  I tapped Dave on the arm and gestured to the two in front, arguing about the best route to the restaurant.

  “Are they—?” I whispered and raised my eyebrows.

  “Over a month, now,” he whispered back. “We’re taking bets on how long until the ‘I dos’ take place.”

  I giggled.

  Rhonda turned around to look at us. “All right, you two. Hand check.”

  Dave immediately pretended to put his hands over my breasts. I laughed and pushed him away.

  “Are we there yet?” I whined loudly at Carlo.

  “I have to go to the bathroom,” Dave whined.

  “He’s on my side of the seat.”

  “She’s kissing me.”

  I inhaled in surprise and nearly choked. Everyone laughed while Dave thumped my back.

  After a loud lunch with more laughter than I’d had in months, we returned each other to our cars. What a really fabulous day.

  Rhonda gave me a hug. “It’s good to see you again. You look great!”

  “Don’t be a stranger!” Carlo waved and smiled. Then they were off.

  “It’s good to see you smiling again,” Dave said. “I’ve been praying for you.”

  “You have?” My throat tightened. That touched me like little else could.

  “We all have. We’ve been worried about you.”

  I gave him a big hug. “Thank you.”

  We said goodbye and walked to our cars. Thank you, God. I amso lucky. You love me. They love me.

  Who knows who else might come to love you, suggested Lovesick.

  I tried not to think aboutthat.

  That afternoon, I took a book out to the patio and dozed in the dappled light. So relaxing. I hadn’t felt so good in forever. Except for bits of branches that kept falling from the trees, it was immensely peaceful.

  Ow, that felt like a pebble, not a leaf or a branch. I swiped at my leg with my eyes still closed.

  Another pebble hit me, then another. I sat up, staring into the tree. A squirrel must be having a party up there.

  I heard a sound as another pebble hit my ankle. I looked down. Matt grinned up at me. He dropped his stash of pebbles on the ground and dusted his hands off.

  “What are you doing down there?”

  “I knocked but you didn’t answer. I saw your car so…”

  “So you went trespassing,” I teased.

  “You got it. Wanna lock me up?” He held out his wrists to me.

  I grinned and shook my head in warning. I could just imagine what that would lead to. And by the look on his face, so could he.

  “Get around to the front, you bad boy,” I said with mock severity.

  He bowed and grinned and ambled off to the front of the building.

  On my way to unlock the door, I tried not to go crazy. Matt had come to visit! Uninvited. When we’d just seen each other the night before.

  This wasawesome!

  Okay. Calm down. Deep breath. It might not even mean that much to him. Probably not as much as it means to you.

  I opened the door. Matt swooped in and kissed me, swinging me around and shutting the door by leaning our bodies against it. Still kissing me. Running his hands all over me.

  Still kissing me.

  Yeah, right. This doesn’t mean anything to him? How could itnot mean anything?

  Just when I thought I was going to pass out, he pulled back and said, “Hi.” No, not “Hi,” but “Hhiii” with all that his deep male voice could do with two letters.

  I just grinned. I couldn’t even say hi back.

  He leaned in and kissed me some more. Man, he wasvery good at this. He put one hand behind my head to pull me closer — and hit the bump. I winced as he pulled away in surprise.

  “Hey, are you okay? Let me see that.” Matt tried to look at the back of my head. I moved away from his hand.

  “I’m fine, don’t touch it.”

  “There’s a big knot on the back of your head. Let me see it.”

  I grabbed his hands and tried to keep them away. “Iknow there’s a big knot. That’s why I don’t want you to touch it!” I half-laughed.

  “Hold still, for crying out loud.” He forcibly turned my head and examined the damage, prodding some more and making me grimace.

  “Ow! Stop!” He let go and I stepped away, frowning at him. “Likeyou’d know anything.” I covered the back of my now-throbbing head with my hand.

  Matt raised his eyebrows and cocked his head at me. It was a look I was coming to know as his “you don’t know it, but I’m right” look. “Between working at a wilderness camp most of my life and working construction, I’ve seen things th
at would make you faint. I do know a little about first aid.”

  He pointed to my head. “And you should put some ice on that.”

  I made a face at him. “Yeah,now I should ’cause you made it hurt again.”

  He turned toward the kitchen. “Whiner. Hope you never decide to head-butt anyone.”

  “Whatever.” I followed him.

  He pointed toward the living room. “Go sit down.”

  “I don’t need—”

  “Sit!” He turned me around and slapped my butt.

  It made me laugh so I went. He brought me a soft ice pack from the freezer. Ah, that did feel a little better.

  “I still say it was fine before you poked it,” I told him.

  Ignoring me, he sat close and held his hand over the ice pack.

  “Ow!”

  “You have to put the iceon it, not just dab at it.” He shook his head at me again. “Trust me, you’ll thank me tomorrow.”

  I grunted. “Doubt it,” I muttered under my breath. He turned his “I’m right” look on me again so I changed the subject. “So what’re you doing here?” I said in my pretend-grumpy voice. “And where’s the puppy?”

  “She’s at home. Iwas going to see if you wanted to get some dinner, but now I think we should stay in.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Yes, right, because the invalid shouldn’t exert herself. I made it twenty-eight years without you, mister. I think I can manage.”

  “I don’t know.” He shook his head. “It seems like I’ve bailed you out a lot in the last month. The river, your vehicle, now your head. You obviously need someone to look out for you.”

  “And you’re volunteering for the job?” I asked skeptically.

  He grinned. “Depends. What are the benefits?”

  I laughed and stuck my tongue out.

  “Really?”

  I hit him in the chest with the back of my hand. He laughed and kissed my forehead.

  “So what do you want to do?”

  “I don’t know.” I shrugged. “I was relaxing on the deck before you came over and made my head hurt.”

  “You were sleeping.”

  “I wasrelaxing with my eyes closed. Besides, who can sleep when you’re being pelted with rocks?”

  He picked up my free hand and twined his fingers through mine. “Stay up too late last night?”

  I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye. “Something like that.”

  “Couldn’t sleep?”

  “Maybe.” I put the ice pack on top of a magazine. He was so quiet. I knew he was staring at me, waiting for me to look at him. I finally gave in.

  His dimple dented his cheek. “Me neither. Wanna take a nap together?”

  “Yes,” I said emphatically. “Which is precisely the reason we shouldn’t.” The cold pack had helped keep my wits about me. “You,” I teased, “are a very dangerous man.”

  “I thought women like dangerous men.” He wiggled his eyebrows and pulled me closer.

  “Listen,” I kept my voice teasing, “it was all I could do to keep from ripping your clothes off last night. So—”

  “I like where this is going,” he interrupted.

  “Matt!” I laughed. “I’m not having sex with you!”

  He swung his arm and snapped his fingers. “Aw, rats!”

  I giggled. “Seriously, I told myself I wasn’t going to have sex until I got married. Then I did with the guy who wasgoing to marry me — at that point, I thought it was just a matter of timing — but then he didn’t marry me. So…now I guess I really am going to wait.”

  He didn’t say anything. Which made me nervous. Had I been too serious? Was the timing wrong? Did he fall asleep?

  “So we’re going to have to think of more things to do with our clothes on.” I ended with a little laugh.

  I didn’t want to look at him.

  “You want something to drink?” He got up off the couch and headed for the kitchen without waiting for an answer.

  I sighed and let my head fall back against the cushion. Ow. Why are guys so hard to talk to?

  “Matt?”

  “Lemonade or Snapple?” he called.

  “Snapple, please.”

  I heard the refrigerator door slam shut. Matt walked in with two Snapples and an attitude.

  “Just for the record,” he said, slamming a bottle on the coffee table in front of me and twisting the top from the other, “we’ve barely even gotten to first base yet. There’s an awful lot of ground to cover —fun ground — before we need to have a discussion about sex. And I think you’re seriously ahead of yourself to be talking about marriage! We’ve known each other for what? A month?”

  He gulped down a third of his juice.

  I glared at him. “Well, excuse me for wanting to give you a heads up about my boundaries. Men always say women act like a tease, act like they want to have sex and say no at the last moment. Here I was trying to be nice and not let it get that—”

  “Tell me, have I asked you to have sex with me? Huh?” The way he was waving his juice bottle, I was going to have a mess to clean up later. “Have I been less than a gentleman around you? Tell me!”

  Kind of last night, yeah! said one of the Voices.

  “I’m just saying I’m not the kind of girl to sleep around.”

  “I never said you were!”

  I huffed and grabbed the ice pack off the table. I stomped into the kitchen to put it in the freezer. Stupid, idiotic, why I bother—

  “Put that back on your head!” He followed me into the kitchen.

  “I don’t feel like it!” I slammed the freezer door. I faced him, hands on my hips. Glaring, waiting.

  He glared back. Then he shook his head. “I gotta go.” He marched to the door, muttering under his breath.

  “What’d you say?” What the hell was he saying? Whatever it was, I wanted to know!

  “Nothing!” He turned at the door. “I’d kiss you goodbye, but I wouldn’t want you to take it wrong.”

  My mouth opened to say something —anything — but he was gone.

  “I’ll see ya,” he muttered as the door slammed shut behind him.

  I was so angry, the smoke from my ears could’ve set off the fire alarm. I paced into the living room. Back into the kitchen. I heard his truck pull out. No squealing tires like Dirk, but driving faster than one should in a parking lot. Idiot.

  I grabbed my cell phone and punched “1”, pacing while I waited.

  “Hey you, guess what? I caught two fish today.” Emily sounded like her usual cheerful self. Out with a man who was happy to have her around.

  “Great!” I stomped onto the deck and threw myself into my chair.

  “Oohhh, what happened?”

  I shook my head. “He’s an asshole. That’s what happened.”

  I heard Emily murmur, “Do you mind? It’s kind of an emergency,” in the background. “Okay, tell me everything.”

  “He just ran out of here in a fit because I said I wouldn’t have sex with him! He’s such a jerk!”

  “Who? Matt?”

  “Yes,Matt! I was trying to be nice and he got mad because he thinks I don’t think he’s a gentleman which Idoor I wouldn’t be going out with him though I probably won’t benow which is just fine since he’s afraid to be seen with me anyway!” I stopped to take a breath.

  “Wow,” Emily said slowly. “How did all this come up? Start at the beginning.”

  I got up and paced my porch while I told her about the last twenty-four hours. The puppy, dinner, falling asleep, kissing, hitting my head — and today, which started out great and ended up in a crash and burn.

  “Huh,” Emily said. I knew that tone.

  “What?” My guard went up.

  “Did you want to vent, or did you want my opinion?”

  Iknew I knew that tone. I thought for a moment. I probably shouldn’t ask, but… “Tell me.”

  She took a deep breath. “Well, in my opinion, most people get mad without warning when they get too
close to a truth they don’t want to face.”

  I knew I wasn’t going to like this. Wait, she must mean Matt. Okay, that’s fine then.

  “So what truth do you think Matt doesn’t want to face?” I thought I heard her laugh, but there was a lot of background noise so maybe not.

  “Maybe hedoes want to have sex with you, but he doesn’t want to admit it because he doesn’t want a relationship. Or maybe your talk of marriage scared him and he thinks that’s what you’re fishing for. Or maybe he’s just a nice guy who thought you were moving too fast.”

  I grunted. “Yeah, right.” Was there such a thing? “He seemed to be moving fast enough last night.”

  He did say you were only on first base, said a Voice.Maybe it was only in your imagination that you already saw the entire play.

  I dropped down in my chair again. Don’t want to listen to that Voice.

  “What about you?” Emily asked.

  “What about me?” Defensive. Don’t want to listen to Emily’s voice either if she’s going to say something I don’t want to hear.

  “Is there anything you’re afraid to admit?”

  “Matt’s the one with the problem, not me.” I kicked little pebbles off my deck with my toe. Matt’s pebbles.

  I did hear her chuckle that time. “Oh, well, inthat case. So you don’t want to have sex with him?”

  Desperately. “No! I just said that!”

  “Okay.”

  “Okay what? What am I supposed to do?”

  She sighed into the phone. “Well, it looks like your choices are a) have sex and see if that fixes the problem or makes it worse — not the best plan if you ask me, b) break up and see if you both feel better, or c) cool down and apologize and see what happens. Personally, I think you two are good together.” She chuckled. “Obviously, you’ve got chemistry.”

  “Thanks, Em,” I growled. I picked up a pebble and threw it as hard as I could at a tree. A couple birds flew out of the branches. A squirrel skittered away.

  “Hey, anytime,” she said, all cheerful. “I’ll call you later and see what you decided.”

  I closed my phone. “Blah, blah, blah,” I said. I liked it better when she just listened instead of helped.

  CHAPTER 21

  WHEN I walked into GT’s kitchen a few days later, my prayers were answered. Matt stood at the counter. Surrounded by papers and on the phone, he looked busier than ever. I wondered if I should wait to apologize. (I’d decided Em’s Plan C seemed like a good first choice.) As I paused, thinking about it, he hung up.