by Sloan Storm
Separating from one another, they circled around my workstation, closing in on either side of me. My skin prickled as they hovered nearby. I felt like shutting my eyes, covering my ears and just screaming for them to go away and leave me alone. I hadn’t done anything to them other than receive the attention from Gabe they so desperately craved. Was it my fault they hated their husbands and lusted after their boss as a way of compensating or it? After all, I wasn’t responsible for the way he was acting towards me.
They hovered close in silence, taking turns looking at one another as if they were trying to decide who would go first. As the seconds ticked by with growing awkwardness, I decided I was angry with them whether or not they’d done anything to my experiment. Frankly, that didn’t even matter anymore. This wasn’t how professional people ought to behave. But just then, at the instant where I’d thought they couldn’t stoop any further… they did.
“Fiona?” Amanda said in a voice not much louder than a whisper. “Did you sleep with him?”
Melissa gasped.
Without a word, I backed away from them in complete disgust. With my hands in the air, I held them in a position of mock surrender as I stepped backward. For a moment or so, I wasn’t sure how I ought to respond.
“Amanda,” I said, as I fought the urge to slap her. “I’m not even going to dignify that accusation with a response. Now I’ve told you both, repeatedly, there is nothing going on between Gabe and me. And further, even if there were, it’s not the business of either of you. I don’t spend my time meddling in your personal life. Please extend me the same courtesy.”
No sooner had I finished what I thought was a well-reasoned plea, than they leaned across my workstation and high-fived one another as if I never said a word.
“Don’t worry Fiona, honey. If you wanna bang Gabe, more power to you.”
Wasn’t this treatment at the hands of mean girls supposed to be behind me now? These women were easily ten years older than me. So much for my notion of being surrounded by people like me. If anything, they took out their own repressed angst on me, the new girl.
When was this ever going to end?
Nearing a red light, I pressed my foot against the brake. The high-pitched whistle of brake pads wearing thin reminded me of yet another thing that new promotion would fix, if only I could keep it together long enough.
The whole drive home, I fought the urge. I wanted to stay strong like I always did when things got tough. After all, I was the one everyone ran to when they had problems. Yet here I was again, left to face my problems alone, as usual.
At least I had my grandmother. She’d listen. But thinking of her only made things worse in that moment. As much as I tried to block out the inevitable, it was a matter of time until she… Just then, the first drop fell against the steering wheel with a soft splat. I reached down and smeared my tear into it, afterward drawing my hand up to my cheeks and doing the same against my skin.
As I did, I happened to glance to my left.
Across from me was another car, filled with a family of five. It was like my own… Parents, two boys and little girl. As I looked around at them, my gaze came upon the girl. She’d been watching me cry. My chest flushed as our eyes locked for an instant before I turned my attention back to the road ahead. As the light changed from red to green, I gripped both hands with the steering wheel and pressed the accelerator pedal.
Through a sniffle, I continued to wipe at my eyelids. If my grandmother noticed any signs of my tears, she’d be all over me with questions.
But the truth was… I missed my family. And it still hurt. Even all these years later.
About fifteen minutes later, I arrived home and entered the apartment.
“Grandmother, I’m home…”
I listened for a moment or two to see if she was awake. Hearing nothing, I decided to go ahead and get dinner ready before waking her. So far, I hadn’t been put into a position where I needed to get her a nurse during the day. At some point I would though.
The only question was when.
Soon enough, I finished preparing our food and after waking her and making sure she took her medication, we sat in silence for a few minutes watching a bit of television as we ate.
“You’re awfully quiet this evening, Fiona. Is everything all right?”
Stretched out in the recliner, I rolled my head to one side as I looked at her.
“Yes. Why?”
My grandmother set her plate down on her bed. “Well, since you started your new job, you’ve had something to tell me about every single day. And now, all of a sudden… nothing?”
I swallowed and turned away from her, looking at the television once more. “I don’t want to worry you.”
“Well, when you say something like that, it makes me worry even more. Fiona, you know you can tell me anything my dear. What’s happened? Did something go wrong in the lab? Or is about your boss?”
I looked back in her direction once more. Exhaling, I replied, “Yes, a little of bit of all that, actually.”
My grandmother was the strongest person I knew. As I looked at her frail frame beneath the bed sheet, I felt a lump collect in the center of my throat. Why couldn’t I just deal with them? She would. She’d tell them exactly where to stick their snarky comments and bitchy attitudes. What was my problem?
I closed my eyes for a moment. “I need for you to promise you won’t judge me.”
“Oh Fiona, don’t be silly. Why would you even think such a thing?”
She filled my vision once more as I reopened my eyes. I shrugged as I started to reply. “It’s hard to explain.”
“Try.”
“Um, I don’t know. I just don’t fit in. On the other hand, I never have, so it’s not really a surprise.”
My grandmother remained silent for a moment or so before she spoke once more.
“Fiona, I want you to listen to me, all right?”
I nodded. “Okay.”
“My dear…” she began as she folded her hands in her lap. “You’ve made so much progress the past few years while you were in college. You’ve been making friends, meeting people. Whatever the problem is, it can’t be so bad that you’d want to go back to the way you used to be. You can’t hide yourself from the world.”
“I know.”
“I was so worried about you during those years. Worried you’d always be a loner, grow up with no friends with your nose always buried in your schoolwork or a book. But look at you now. You’re becoming a woman. And while I think the idea of an office romance is a bad one, it’s clear you’ve at least got him interested in you. That should make you feel good about yourself.”
As she finished her thought, I pulled my knees in towards my chest, hugging them close while leaning back in the recliner. If I believed Gabe was interested in me, she would have a point. But, I had no idea if he was or not, and at this point, my life in the lab would be far easier if he wasn’t. As I ruminated, my grandmother repositioned herself in the bed, assuming an upright, focused posture.
“Fiona, the truth is someday soon… I won’t be here any longer.”
No sooner had she uttered the words than the emotions of the day I buried came roaring back. Almost on cue, my eyes filled with liquid and before I realized it rivulets of wet heat ran down my cheeks.
“Please d-don’t s-say that…” I muttered.
“Well, it’s true dear.”
My upper body convulsed as the notion of her being gone from my life overwhelmed me.
“Fiona, come here. Come give me a hug.”
The springs in the old recliner twanged as I stood. Walking over towards her, I wiped at the fresh discharge of tears, drying my face as best I could. I reached over and hugged her frail body as my grandmother extended her arms around me. She patted me on the back, soothing me with ‘there there’s’ and ‘it’s okay’s’. We embraced for a few more moments until at last she spoke once more.
“Sit down, Fiona. Tell me what’s happened.”<
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I told her everything. I left nothing out. Though I’d been keeping it all a secret for a while now, I didn’t see the point any longer. The situation was getting to be more than I could handle. I needed help.
“What do you think I should do?” I asked her as I finished. “I don’t understand why they are being so mean. I haven’t done anything to them.”
“Well, for starters,” she sniffed, as she straightened her posture in the bed again. “Never let them push you around, if that’s what is really going on. Furthermore, the answer to their behavior is obvious, Fiona.”
“It is? What do you mean?”
“Don’t you see? They’re jealous of you. The only question is, what are you going to do about it?”
I shrugged. Reaching down, I touched my bracelet for a moment. As I did, I felt my grandmother’s thin fingers wrap around my shoulder.
“You can’t let them win. You realize that don’t you?”
“Yes,” I said, as I let out a deep exhale. “I know.”
“Okay then. I’ll ask you once more. What are you going to do about it?”
“I don’t know for sure. For now, I’m catching up as fast as I can. I’m doing everything in my power to avoid a huge fight with them, as it will only make things much worse. It’s getting more difficult by the day though.”
My grandmother reached towards my hand, wrapping hers over it until they both covered my charm bracelet. I glanced up at her, and a reassuring smile came to her face.
“Fight. Never back down.”
I smiled back at her. “Now you sound like Gabe.”
14
Decisions, Decisions (Gabe)
After the minor flare-up in the lab with Fiona’s experiment, things had more or less returned to normal. Over the past several days, I’d received word from Andrew that the apparent friction between Fiona, Amanda and Melissa cooled. As I mentioned, in any other circumstance, I would have put a stop to the catty bullshit myself, but Fiona needed to rise to the challenge.
Apparently, she had.
Even better, Colin informed me at the close of business yesterday that in spite of her setback she’d logged enough hours playing catch up. With only a couple more days left to go in the competition, it looked as if everyone was doing well, including Fiona. And so it was first thing Friday morning I’d invited Colin to my office to discuss the status of things over breakfast and get his input on the eventual winner.
We spent the better part of two hours covering not only the hands-on lab results but also the intangible qualities needed in a position of leadership. Going on his fifth year at a senior level, Colin’s opinion mattered to me. I had no question I could count on him to be objective and unbiased when it came to issues like this. We were wrapping up breakfast when we got down to business end of things.
“Okay,” he began, as he laid three pieces of paper out in front of us. “We’re down to the last three now. Amanda, Melissa and Fiona.”
“Our three musketeers.”
Colin chuckled. “Hardly.”
Amanda and Melissa had seniority, not to mention nearly three decades of lab experience between them. Of course, Colin and I were both aware of their behavioral issues. Either way, picking between the two of them could just as easily be done with the flip of a coin. Tabling the discussion of them for the moment, we moved on to Fiona, with Colin offering up his perspective first.
“Well, as much as I would like to pick her,” he began, as he slumped back into his chair with an exhale. “I think Fiona is perhaps a bit too young, not to mention inexperienced, for this position.”
I nodded. “She’s resilient as hell though, Colin.”
He nodded. “That she is. But setbacks and stressors are one thing when it’s your own work. When you’re responsible for the work of a team, the errors in judgment tend to get magnified, as does the stress.”
“Mmm, hmm,” I said as he finished his thought. “And you don’t think she’s capable of making the transition yet?”
“No, she may well be. That’s not my point.”
“What is your point then, Colin?”
“Only that given some of the time constraints we’re under with the Link Protocol, why take the risk? She could always be groomed for a management position down the line. You know, once this effort is behind us.”
Colin was being pragmatic, of course. And, he had good reason to be. If I was in his situation, I would likely come to a similar conclusion. Of course, the inside information I had about Fiona put Colin at a disadvantage. Based purely on technical merits, all three women were all fairly equal. Leaving aside the childish antics of Amanda and Melissa for a moment, they did solid lab work. But… with the pressure of her grandmother’s illness, not to mention the mountain of debt associated with it, no one would be more motivated to succeed than Fiona.
Just as I was about to offer a counter to his statement, Colin’s cell phone started to ring. He picked it up from the table and flipped it over.
“It’s our supplier in Hong Kong, Gabe. I’ve been waiting for this call. Do you mind if I take it?”
I shook my head and gestured for him to continue. “No, go ahead.”
“Five minutes,” Colin said, nodding his head. He stood from his chair and made his way out of my office.
While he chatted, I munched a bit. I alternated between crunchy strips of salted bacon and gulps of bittersweet grapefruit juice as I waited for him to return. Leafing through the results, it became clear to me I’d have to trust my instincts. As an entrepreneur, it’s hard to explain hunches to non-risk takers like Colin. He evaluated things based on facts, black and white. And after all, that was his job, so it’s understandable.
Yet, I had the opportunity to mold Fiona, shape her and make her believe in her potential. Even so, I wasn’t a fool. Giving the newest, and youngest, team member that much responsibility would be anything but a hands-off option for me. Her authority would be challenged, there was no question in my mind about it. However, that wasn’t an altogether terrible thing.
True growth comes out of adversity. She’d already had her share of it in life and managed to get through it. The real question for me was did I want to take a chance on her getting through even more when it meant my own ass on the line? In the end, Fiona could fail. After all, she’d never been subjected to this level of pressure. And since she’d been here, she’d been vulnerable on a couple of occasions.
It was by no means a done deal with her.
Swallowing down a final sip of coffee, I placed my cup back down in the saucer. I held it by the handle for a moment or two, gently clinking it against the edges of the dish while I mulled my options. As I did, my focus shifted from the pragmatic to the romantic and the moment when I’d complete my seduction of her. Now that the competition was near its end, I’d have ample opportunity to pursue my interest in Fiona.
Frankly, keeping my distance turned out to be more difficult than I anticipated.
What’s more, I wasn’t sure why, but until the other day, I hadn’t considered the possibility she might be a virgin. Now I couldn’t seem to shake the suspicion.
The last time I remembered having sex with a virgin was… well, it had been a while. I had mixed emotions about the conquest if that was the case. But in the end I decided I wouldn’t veer from my objective until I found out for sure, one way or the other. Whether she turned out to be a virgin or not, I resolved to let what happened in the moment be my guide.
Around that time, I noticed Colin approach in my peripheral vision.
“Where were we, Gabe?”
Turning my head in his direction, I looked up at him. “I’ll make my decision and inform the team of it on Monday.”
He seemed taken aback by my sudden choice. “Okay, Gabe. I’ll let them know.”
15
Caught Red Handed (Fiona)
I had no idea where I stood in the competition, but based on the fact that Amanda and Melissa weren’t bothering me as much in the past
few days, I assumed they were probably struggling with their work. That was fine with me. It couldn’t happen to a nicer couple of people as far as I was concerned. In any case, it was mid-afternoon Friday when I sat in the lab waiting for my last experiment to wrap. Once it finished, I’d be done and with any luck, still in contention.
I still had about a half hour or so until it was finished running though. Under ordinary circumstances, I would fill my time with other busywork or at the very least, organize my current workload. But ever since the ‘mishap’, I had no intention of going anywhere while experiments ran. So instead, I stayed glued to a desk close by and waited. I glanced at my log book and made a few final notes until at last, I found myself with nothing to do.
Like literally, nothing.
I exhaled a deep breath, rolling my head around in a couple of small circles, relieved and proud I’d been able to recover from my earlier setback. Of course, I hadn’t won anything yet, but at least I still had a chance, and no one could take that away from me.
Just then, the last discussion I had with Gabe popped into my head. I had no idea if he’d been keeping tabs, although I suspected he did. If he had, would he be pleased with how I’d handled it? Although I’m sure it wasn’t the way he would have done things, I hoped he would.
In spite of his teasing ways, he’d been kind to me. I still had no idea why. I wasn’t anything special and certainly nothing like the women he probably dated. If for that reason alone, what he thought of me mattered.
As to the rest of it… His office dalliances and veiled overtures towards me, well, I’d blocked it out of my mind for the most part. Thinking about him in ‘that way’ would mean nothing but pure distraction for me.
But as I sat there, unoccupied, my mind wandered back to the first night we met. Knowing what I did about him now, I looked on the interaction in a whole new light now. My gaze lingered, out of focus, on the scribbles in my log book as the memory flooded back.
