by a dagmara
I could only imagine the surprise to those who would have not known us very well, Brady and Chris died laughing as they watched. Catching the trio their mouths dropped open.
After our rendition, we made our way dancing on the floor. The music more like a club now. We were having a blast.
Wesley must have found an excuse to break from the guys and found me on the floor.
Impressed, he could dance.
His hands seemed to be more liberal than he’s normally behaved around me. I suppose it didn’t matter much. He was my date after all. Spotting Charlie it looked as Sophia had shifted her attention to him and he didn’t seem to mind it in the least.
Pulling me into his hold, I matched his smile. Why couldn’t he be the one?
“It’s a wonder how Charlie ever let you go.” He offered. “But, what has me more curious is how you got free of Martin?”
Ok, wasn’t expecting that one.
I didn’t know what to say, choosing to say nothing instead was the only thing that made sense.
His hand landed under my chin lifting my gaze and his lips fell to mine. I was completely taken off guard. This kiss was soft and alluring. He broke from my lips moving just slightly as I opened my eyes.
“Stay the night with me Lillian”, he whispered, “I want you more than anyone I’ve ever known. I promise I’ll never hurt you.”
He sensed my hesitation and sighed.
“I have a four am flight.” Lowering my eyes, I couldn’t entertain any idea of he and I. I was leaving and didn’t know how long. “It seems our timing is off” I smiled.
“That leaves us two hours?” He smiled. “I’m not trying to take you to bed Lillian, I’m asking for your time.” He rubbed the side of my jaw lifting my sight back to his. “I want more than just you in my bed.” He added.
Slighting his head at me, “So, May I ask how long will you be away?”
“Indefinitely Wesley. I’m leaving without a plan. No time frame and no idea where I will end up.” I offered somberly.
“Not what I expected. Does this have anything to do with Charlie?” Pausing, he looked at me seriously, “Or, is this Martin? Does he still have his hold on you?”
“This has everything to do with me. Somehow, I feel lost and need to find something to ground me. To find my perspective. My life has been a constant battle of wits, losses, and wins. Being pulled and manipulated. I’m leaving to find my balance and the clarity I seem to have lost. I’m doing it all for me.” I hoped he would understand.
“Well, I pray it doesn’t take too long. I’m going to miss you.” He offered and pulled me into his embrace. “But, if I could offer a little wisdom. Running away is only a temporary mask, for that which you are running from, will eventually catch up with you.”
“I’m not running Wesley; I’m simply pulling myself out of the equation. I’m taking myself out of it, in order to understand it.” I knew I was being a bit cryptic, but hell, my life and what brought me here was just that.
“It seems than my first assumption was correct. After spending some time and knowing both the Vaihn brothers, it’s obvious that there is more going on here, than which brother wins you. This is definitely much deeper.” Looking to me he had the most serious expression as if he was about to heed a warning. “Lillian, you’ll only find the right path when you got back to the beginning. Look into the past. And I do mean back in the past. History has a funny way of explaining the future.” Breaking from me, he shook his head. “Had you not lost your child, Charlie and Sebastian’s lives would have been thrown thru a loop and a catastrophic one. I’m pretty sure neither of them has given it any thought for their arrogance has blinded them to it.”
“Wesley, what do you mean by that?” I looked to him shocked. He knew something just what?
“I’m not completely in the know Lillian, but I do remember when I was in school and much younger, over hearing a conversation about keeping a long family secret buried and the fear that in the off chance you and Charlie were ever to become a couple it would change things disastrously. I also recall that Prescott and your father had agreed to set you and Sebastian up, kind of like an old fashion betrothal.” He laughed. “Sebastian use to joke about it, as you were so much younger. Hell, I use to tease him, but here you are, an amazing grown woman.” He shook his head. “I suppose you leaving maybe the smartest thing for you. Get away from them, before they kill your spirit.”
“Wesley?” I looked up at him. He knew so much. “You’re an amazing man. I wish I understood the reasons why you bother with me knowing all that you clearly do.” Taking in a deep breath, I realized there was no need to explain anything to this man he knew, he always knew the complications of being involved with me. He not once ever pushed. “Will you come somewhere with me?”
He looked at me quizzically, “Ok, but I have my car, should I follow?”
“Yes. If you don’t mind. I don’t have much time and there is some place I need to stop by. I would love your company if it’s not too morbid for you?”
“I’ll go anywhere if you want me there.” He offered and kissed the tip of my nose.
“Let me say a few good byes.” I smiled.
He waited patiently as I said my goodbye to Sam, Brady, Julie and Chris. They were the only people here that I need to or cared to say good-bye to. They were the people I would miss. Looking around the room, I nodded to Sebastian and couldn’t find Charlie. It was better that way.
Wesley and I walked out to the parking lot together. I watched him climb into his Audi as I walked to my Range Rover.
Sure enough, I found Charlie seated in a black Mercedes and of course Sophia with him. Shaking my head, I should have guessed. His eyes caught mine as one tear escaped me. I climbed into my car and backed out with Wesley following.
The ride wasn’t far. I knew Wesley was probably horrified as to where he just followed me. Parking my car along the small and narrow path, I stepped out leaving the lights running. Pulling with me a basket of Freesia, I looked at him as he stepped out of his car. Nodding his head, he understood what I was doing.
Walking a few feet over, I pulled out the flowers and arranged them on her grave. Seated on the grass directly in front her tombstone, I sent out my silent prayer.
A moment more, I turned my sight to my child’s grave. However, I had never had the opportunity to meet my daughter, as she died prior to birth, a grave felt appropriate. I laid down the white lilies. Her death would be one I would probably never understand. I felt so robbed. Looking between the two graves both my Alley’s laid at my feet. I hadn’t realized that I was drowning in my own tears when Wesley reached over and helped me to my feet.
Wiping my tears from my cheeks, his touch wanted, possibly needed.
“Let’s take a walk,” He offered. Walking back to the cars, he turned mine off pocketing the keys.
Walking up the hill, I hadn’t realized the view that it held of the rolling valleys. The moon high in the night air, cast a serene glow.
“What do you see?” he asked
“Life” I offered.
“Yes, Life, Still and pristine. Much like you, this valley is still.”
“Like me in the dark.” I added
“No, not in the dark Lilly, just asleep.” He looked down at me. “When you come back be sure to come back to this spot and look again. I promise you will see it in a whole new light.” He laughed.
“I didn’t realize how deep you are,” I offered teasingly.
“I have my moments,” he laughed. “I love your smile; you should do it more often.” He pulled me in tight and quick. His kiss I now expected. This would be the first kiss I truly allowed myself to feel from him. This man did love me and I felt it in his kiss.
I was quick to lose myself in it. Before it went any further, he pulled away leaving me wanting more.
“We can’t do this Lillian. Trust me, I want to. But when I do, it will be because you’re ready and your heart is free.” He once more kissed m
e; though this time it was different, this one was good-bye. “I want all of you, not part of you. Patience is a virtue I’ve learned to value. If you and I are meant to be, we will be. You have a plane to catch. Let’s make sure you make it.” He smiled.
My heart seemed lighter with his words. He did love me, and he knew I wasn’t free, not right now.
Walking back down, he escorted me to my car, and we parted ways.
I wished he could be the one. But as life as proved, nothing is that simple. With a broken heart, I was leaving it all behind. This was the one thing that did make sense to me. Some may consider it running away, I simple look at it as freeing myself of all that weighed me down. I see it as finding my freedom.
It was long overdue.
Epilogue
I was running away. Wesley’s words haunted me. “Look to the past to seek the answers in your future.”
Perhaps he was right. In many respects, I had fallen into the same trappings of my past, this time with Charlie. No matter what I changed, the path he and I walked was destined to intertwine and had on multiply occasions. To say he was my only love wouldn’t be true, Charlie was and is my true love, that fact I would never be able to change. My first love, Lucian Xavier Martin, the man that made me, once held the key to my heart. Part of me believes he always would. My history with him was just as complicated as the one I had with Charlie.
Remember, I had to remember, what brought me to this. The answers were in that past, but who’s?
Looking to Leny, he was a constant. I’ve known him since I was eighteen. Like Brady, Leny knew all my secrets and over the years, he proved his loyalties without a shadow of a doubt.
“I have a surprise for you in Peru.” Leny smiled.
“Do Tell!”
“My sister and Alex are visiting family in Venezuela, I thought I would have them cross our path.” He grinned.
The tears filled my eyes, “Thank you Leny.”
“You need him and he needs his mother. Don’t worry, I’ve taken precautions just in case. No one will know.”
To say I had secrets, would be sadly understated. My son was the biggest and most important secret I held.
However, to understand why, you have to understand the past.
Flying to Peru, I hoped that time and space would afford me the ability to unlock the future. I need a clear perspective and I need to step outside of the circus, which my life seems to be a star in, to see how it all connects.
******
My lungs burned and my body was heavy. Oh shit, I opened my eyes to the heat that now covered me like a familiar blanket.
Sucking in a deep breath, I gasped from the pain.
Rising up from the lying position, I opened my eyes. The sounds of the drums all around me;
Beating to a steady rhythm.
Oh, fuck me.
That was one of the most fucked up dreams to date. Looking over, Leny was kneeled before me smiling.
“What the fuck did I smoke?” I shook my head in disbelief.
“They say that one’s dreams are a telling of the future Lilly.”
“Well, I didn’t dream of the future. It was the past.”
“What did the past show you?” Leny asked almost amused with my expression.
“Things I didn’t remember, I don’t even know if there’s any truth in it but Leny?”
“You have that look?” He laughed.
“I don’t know.” Shaking my head. “I need to go home. I need my grandfather’s will, there’s a link between the Vaihn’s and my family that goes way back. My grandmother once mentioned something about my mother’s past.”
“Lil, I know you well enough to know there’s more running through that head of yours.”
“Yeah, there is but I’m not sure yet, I have my work cut out for me and I need to get home.”
“Then let’s get you home” Leny smiled offering his hand.
Thinking about Julia’s Wedding, that night I had been, so debated, so lost. I can’t believe it’s been a full year and a half.
I had flown to Tahiti for Sam and Brady’s wedding 10 months ago, but hadn’t seen them since. I can’t believe it’s been so long since I’ve seen him. Brady and I skyped often, but being around him, was something I missed.
Sitting here on the tarmac, waiting to take off I found myself once more debated. Was I ready to go home?
I didn’t have an answer. It felt like it was time. I spent most of my time using my connections to establish clinics for indigene’s tribes of Peru. I traveled to Brazil in between the time helping and volunteering where ever there was need. I felt that giving what I could would help me find some clarity. In many ways it had. Brady capitalized on my efforts when the first story broke over a year ago. I had met a journalist doing a piece on the amazon. She and I spent a decent amount of time together. I had no idea that she would in the end, write a piece on me. Based on her article, I was surprised that Charlie or Sebastian, never intruded on my life during this time.
Wesley and I, exchanged emails from time to time. I wasn’t surprised, when word came that he was dating someone and very serious. He was a good man, and though he implied, I never truly held him, too actually wait. Nor did I, ask it of him.
In secret I had spent needed time with my son. He was growing up to be such a character. His charm, legendary. It was the dimples when he smiled that made him irresistible. He was a good focus to help the loss of my daughter, the sister he would never meet. Whatever had happened in my past, I at least had him and his future was what would be my priority. Always.
Blaring thru the headphone, control tower was giving us the green light.
Looking over at my pilot Leny, I nodded.
“Ready to go home?” He spoke into the head set.
“No” I laughed. He shook his head in response. I had officially earned my pilot’s license and this would be my first takeoff as Leny was playing co-pilot for this trip.
“Take it nice and easy,” he offered.
Double-checking the instrument panels, I confidently took the plane down the runway.
Nervously, I took the plane up and started leveling her off at thirty thousand feet.
“Very good Lillian, it seems you’ve really mastered your take off.”
“I had a good teacher” I smiled over.
Leny was more than just my pilot, he had become my friend. He was in his mid-thirties and very gay, which made him perfect for me. He and I spent the past year and a half flying all over South America. He was a Venezuelan born immigrant to the states. Holdings had hired him four years earlier and he and I met a few times but having him with me for the past year and a half was amazing. Many times, he doubled as my security when it called for it. I made sure he was more than compensated for all that he did. He deserved more but wouldn’t take it. Instead, I made sure his family would be more than taken care of. I owed him at least if not more. He had become invaluable to me. I was certain that he had saved my life on more than a few occasions.
“Are you ready for a shock?”
“What do you mean?” I looked back at him.
“You haven’t had the conveniences of modern life in a very long time. I’m sure it will be a shock to your system.” Again he laughed
“Doubtful, however I do miss running water.” I laughed back. “What do you miss?” I asked
“It’s silly, but I miss the corner coffee shop,” he offered apologetically. “I love my lattes,” he added.
“Hmm, coffee, yup definitely miss that.”
“Can I ask something more personal Lillian?” he looked over
“Of course Leny”
“You looked so sad when we started all this. Now you’re different something seemed to heal inside your soul. What had you broken?”
Wow, talk about hitting the nail on the head.
“I suppose life had me caught up, in things I didn’t know how to deal with. I needed perspective Leny. I believe I have found it. Broken, yeah, I think I was ve
ry much so.”
“And what have you learned?”
“Funny, I’ve learned more than I had set out for. Mostly, I realized there was more to me. I found acceptance. In many ways, I found my heart if that makes any sense?”
Silently, I learned that I never lost my heart, Nico was my heart.
“If I may, I think you found more than just your heart Lillian, what you have done for so many.” He shook his head. “I respect you. You are a woman of means, yet you lived like you had none and you gave more than just your wealth. You shared your heart with everyone you helped and those you don’t even realize you have.”
“Thank you Leny.”
“What are you thanking me for? It was all you and I got to witness it. I should be thanking you for allowing me to be here with you. I feel like I watched you become the woman you were always meant to be Lillian.”
“Let’s hope that everyone sees what you do.” I smiled knowing that my road is about to get bumpy.
I followed Wesley’s advice and learned so much. The answers were indeed locked in the past. I had Brady file for an immediate annulment from the farce of a marriage I had entered into with Charlie. Thinking of it I really didn’t understand why he had fought me so hard on it. Knowing the past, I had the upper hand and would play it now that I felt confident of my resolve and my heart. I would find an end to this nonsense they had me pulled into.
They should have left me be as my ignorance was their best hand, But thus the saying, ‘never play your hand to close to your heart’, for it was them whom had done just that.
In two days’ time their world is about to be rocked, as I hold a full house.
Confident, I knew how to play this hand.
The Induction of Holt; Part Three
Reality and Dream become distinct; hidden truths surface.
Lillian Holt finds herself running in search of answers, answers hidden in her past. The induction of Holt is a travel back in time. The History of her beginning and the answer to the future.
