I heard him sigh. “I knew you were a private man, Erik. I knew there were certain subjects that were too painful for you to talk about, your need for a mask, for one. You may not have thought it at the time, but I held my tongue often when it came to your physical appearance. It was only when I needed to know something or needed to explain to you something that I let it be a part of a conversation.”
“And what about your men? Did they also see my glowing eyes?”
“Some did. But your eyes didn’t always glow. The circumstances had to be just right, and the glow only lasted for a few seconds at best. I only noticed it when you were around fire. Actually, I believe it wasn’t your eyes glowing as much as it was your eyes reflecting a fire or light if the rest of the area was otherwise dark. It’s truly a strange phenomenon, but I don’t see how it could frighten anyone. It only lasts a few seconds. If it was continual, then I could see how it could get intense.”
He got up and joined me at the window. “Does that help? Does that answer your questions?”
“Perhaps. It does explain a lot, but it doesn’t make me feel any better about it. To know I’m feared for yet another reason bothers me.” I shook my head. “I don’t know how I’m going to return to Christine. I don’t know how I can face her. I don’t know what to do.”
He was silent, and, I’m sure, picking his words carefully. “How was she when you left?”
“She said she was fine and went back to bed. She was very kind about it—once she got over her shock. But then that’s who Christine is. She’s kind to everyone. Even me, after . . .”
Thankfully, I stopped myself from making that huge mistake and letting him know how I kidnapped her and that she originally wasn’t a willing participant in my endeavors. Not to mention that I’d gone into a tyrannical rage in front of her.
“Thank you, Oded, and I’m sorry I jumped on you. I guess I needed someone to blame. I am sorry.”
We talked for a few more minutes and then I started to leave. I was out on the landing when he just had to have the final word.
“I’m glad to see you’re not favoring your left leg as much.”
“Now, see, Oded. That’s what I was talking about. If you want your curiosity appeased, you always manage to make me a part of a conversation.”
“Yes, but it’s only when I have a need to know. I was concerned about your leg, so that’s why it became a part of a conversation. And someday, when you’re not so guarded, I hope you’ll tell me what happened to it.”
I shook my head and started down the stairs. “Goodnight, Oded.”
On the way home, I decided to make Christine my favorite breakfast, the one Geanne had always made when I visited them. She deserved to be pampered more than normal after what I’d put her through.
The eastern sky was beginning to lighten once I got home, and when I didn’t hear Christine moving around in her room, I went in the kitchen and began preparing breakfast. The eggs were scrambled and seasoned, the potatoes were cleaned and boiling, the cheese was finely sliced and waiting, the bread was buttered and ready to be grilled, the leaks were cleaned and diced, and the bacon was frying when I heard Christine’s door open.
I’d decided to start that day off well and explain my unusual eyes over breakfast and with a lighthearted attitude. So, with a pleasant feeling inside me and a smile on my face, I grabbed the dishtowel and was drying my hands as I walked to the kitchen door. But once I reached it, I froze in place, with the dishtowel hanging limp from my hands. She’d just entered the dining room, and, when she saw me, I think she told me good morning, but I’m not certain.
She was wearing the dark green dress, and I was stunned. She was so beautiful. Her cheeks were rosy and her hair was curling softly over her shoulders. I’d previously thought that blue was my favorite color on her, but, as she moved across the dining room toward me, I had to reconsider. I don’t believe I’d seen her look more beautiful, not even for the gala.
She had to say ‘excuse me’ several times before I could move out of her way and let her enter the kitchen. But, even when she was in the kitchen, I still stood in the doorway, mindlessly watching her.
She was talking to me and I think asking me questions, because periodically I uttered a noise of some sort. But it was only after she walked up to me and waved her hand directly in front of my eyes that I responded like an intelligent human.
“Oh, I’m sorry, Christine. You look stunning in that dress.”
“Why, thank you, Erik—for the compliment and the dress. This is my favorite one.”
She started helping me with breakfast, and, eventually, I was able to gather my thoughts enough to apologize for my childish behavior the previous night. Then I explained what Oded had told me about my eyes.
“Since he believes the dim firelight causes the problem, we can leave all the lights on from now on—if that will keep you from being frightened.”
“That won’t be necessary, Erik. I didn’t expect to see what I saw, that’s why it frightened me. Now that I know what can happen, it won’t frighten me anymore.”
We sat down to eat, and the conversation continued in a wonderful way, just like any normal couple exchanging thoughts over a meal. Once finished, we took care of my leg, which was looking much better, and then we had her lessons. After that, she asked if I would read to her.
“I can’t get enough of your voice,” she began. “I could listen to you talk all day.”
I chuckled, “Oh, I think you would eventually get bored.”
“I don’t think so, and I want to get as much of it as I can before I leave here.” Then she added softly, “If I leave here.”
I wasn’t sure how she meant that statement, and I was almost afraid to ask, but I did. “Do you think I won’t let you go?”
“No, I know you’ll honor your word. It’s just that . . .” She stopped and looked at me in thought. “When you first brought me down here and explained everything to me, I was counting the minutes until I could leave, but now . . .”
Again she stopped, and I held my breath. Could she possibly be thinking what I hoped she was thinking?
“I’ll miss being able to ask you a question just to hear your voice. I’ll miss it. I’ll miss you. So, if you don’t mind, I’d like you to read to me.”
I sighed. “I’ll miss you also, Christine.” Then, when the moment became too intense, I asked, “Do you like Shakespeare’s sonnets?”
“Yes, I do. Is there anyone who doesn’t?”
“To some they are mindless, indiscernible babble, but I find them thought provoking. I think the hundred and sixteenth is appropriate.
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alterations finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O, no! it is an ever-fixed mark,
That looks on tempest, and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken.
Love’s not Time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle’s compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error, and upon me prov’d,
I never writ, not no man ever lov’d.”
We sat quietly gazing into each other’s eyes, attempting, I believe, to understand each other’s thoughts.
“That was beautifully spoken, Erik. You do his sonnets justice.”
I thanked her and then read more until it was time for me to meet my elves again. Then we decided what we wanted to eat for supper, and she said she’d get it started while I was gone. After I clicked the door closed, I smiled the biggest smile. I absolutely loved surprising Christine with gifts. But to get this one was going to take me farther than the wharf; I would have to go up to her dressing room.
I was a bi
t surprised and then concerned when I neared her mirror and saw light coming from it, but I didn’t need to be. It was Meg and Madame Giry, discussing where Christine could be. It had been over two days since she’d been seen, and they feared she’d been hurt when the chandelier fell. They’d gone to Madame Valerius’ home to see if she was there, and they didn’t know where to look next. I was waiting for an opportunity to calm their fears when Sorelli came to the door.
“Madame Giry, the Vicomte de Chagny would like to speak with you as soon as you can.”
Immediately, Madame Giry and Meg got up from the lounge and headed for the door. Then right before Madame Giry left, I spoke to her.
“My friend, don’t worry about Mam’selle Daaé. She’s in good hands and will return to you soon. Please let the concerned ones know that she’s safe, but not who has care of her.”
As expected, she nodded and closed the door. I waited a moment and then entered and locked the door. Once I had Christine’s lavender dress in arms, I started home, smiling the entire way. I came in the door to my home quietly and listened for Christine. When I heard her in the kitchen, I quickly went to her room and laid the dress on her bed. Then, with an even larger smile, I left.
While trying to control the degree of my exuberance, so she wouldn’t suspect anything, I entered the kitchen, but, when I saw her, my mood automatically changed. She was standing on a chair in front of the pantry, holding my jeweled dagger. I started toward her, and when she noticed me she started with her questions.
“Erik, this is beautiful. It looks like a family heirloom—is it?
“I believe so,” I replied while taking the dagger from her hands and placing it on the table. Then I reached for her hand. “Come down from there before you break your neck. What were you doing up there anyway?”
“I was looking for more spices and saw something shiny. I just wanted to know what it was.”
“I should have guessed. You’re letting your curiosity get you into trouble again, my dear.”
I replaced the chair at the table and then started to put the dagger back on the top shelf of the pantry.
“Wait, Erik! May I look at it for a moment? It’s the most beautiful dagger I’ve ever seen.”
I sighed and handed it to her. “Be careful. It’s extremely sharp. It would be a shame if you sliced off your curiosity,” I said sarcastically and with a bit of my irritability showing.
“Is it your heirloom, Erik? Did it belong to your father or mother?”
“No,” was my curt answer.
“Please tell me about it. Was it a gift?”
“No.”
“Did you buy it?”
“No.”
“Are you teasing me again, Erik?”
“Do I look as if I’m teasing?”
“What’s wrong? Why are you angry? I only want to know who gave it to you. Or did you find it somewhere?”
I looked at her inquisitive eyes and sighed, trying to release my unwarranted irritation. “Very well, if you must always have your curiosity appeased, I found it—right here,” I said as I held my hand on my left side. “Remember this ugly scar? That beautiful dagger nearly took my life.”
“Oh!” she gasped and scrunched her face. Then she looked at the dagger and set it down on the table.
“Does that change your view of it, my dear?”
She nodded. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been so nosy.”
“It’s all right. It also captured my attention.”
“Why do you keep it around?”
“At first, I was going to throw it into the lake, but then, like you, I was mesmerized by its beauty. So I decided to remove the blade and keep the jewels and gold handle as a paper weight, but I never did,” I said as I ran my fingers over the handle.
“I’m sorry,” she said in a somber tone. “Sorry for the pain it caused you. But, at least . . . .”
“At least, what?” I asked when she didn’t finish her thought. She shook her head. “Come on, Christine. You can’t start a sentence like that and not finish it. But, at least—what?”
She took a deep breath. “At least it wasn’t a weapon you used to kill someone.”
At first I was hurt by that reminder, but I couldn’t let anything spoil our day, so I tried to be honest with her. “You’ve got that right. I’ve never used a blade or a gun as a weapon. I have an aversion to blood. I would never use such a ghastly instrument.” She was quiet and stared at me for far too long. “What now? What are you thinking of asking me this time?”
She shook her head again. “It doesn’t matter. It’s none of my business anyway.”
I replaced the dagger on the shelf and sat down across from her, laying my hand on top of hers. Then I said softly, “Remember, Christine, my life is your business. I don’t want to keep secrets from you, even if it’s a subject I don’t like talking about. If there’s something you want to know, I’d rather you ask me. If you don’t, then my imagination conjures up the worst, and I get unnerved. So, if there’s something more that’s bothering you, something about me, then I want to answer your questions so they won’t be blown out of proportion by some false rumor.”
She nodded and lowered her sight to our hands on the table. “You’ve admitted that there have been ones you’ve had to kill or be killed yourself. Was the one who stabbed you one of them?”
“Unfortunately, yes,” I replied after a deep breath. “He thought it would make him someone important if he captured the Opera Ghost. Foolish man. That was his last attempt at trying such an unwise endeavor.”
She thought for a moment and then asked another question. “If you don’t use a gun or knife, then how did they die?”
I ground my teeth, released her hand and sat back. I looked at my hands lying on the table, and I truly hurt inside. I never expected her to ask such a pointed question, and I didn’t know if I could answer her. I removed my hands from the table and almost sat on them. They were disgusting to me when I viewed them in that light. Christine knew I was troubled and tried to correct the situation.
“See, I told you I should mind my own business. I’m sorry. Forget I said anything.”
“Forget? If it were only that easy. Something else you’ll discover about me is that I never forget anything. I can remember every word in every conversation I’ve ever had, every word in every book I’ve ever read, the details of every place I’ve ever visited, every piece of music I’ve played and every note in it, along with every fight I’ve ever fought. Forget? If it were only that easy.”
“You don’t have to answer that question, Erik. I don’t want to cause you more hurt.”
I looked at her. “Will you be able to forget the question if I don’t answer it?” She quietly gazed at me. “That’s what I thought. If I don’t answer it, you’ll always wonder, won’t you? I’d rather you know the truth than to wonder and perhaps envision something worse than the truth—if there is anything worse than the truth.” I added as an afterthought.
She gasped and exclaimed, “The Punjab lasso! Is there truth to the rumors I’ve heard about it? Is that your weapon?”
“Yes, but it isn’t the type of weapon that’s rumored. It’s more like a violin string than a traditional lasso.”
“Really? A violin string? How did you discover such a thing? Or did you invent it?”
I took a deep breath and laid my face in my palms, closing my eyes and rubbing my temples with my fingertips.
“Oh, Erik. Again, I’m sorry. You don’t have to answer. I can tell it’s hurting you.”
“I want you to know the truth. I don’t want there to be unanswered questions swimming around in your inquisitive head and bumping into each other. It’s just hard to talk about it. I hate that time in my life, but you need . . . you deserve to know.” I raised my head and looked at her. “It was when I was very young and full of hate for everyone. If anyone crossed me, they only did it once. I was feared, and people steered away from me, which is what I wanted—to be left alone
.
“Then one day something happened, and I woke up to the horror of my existence, causing all my hatred to move inward. I hated myself and wanted to die. Then, when others recognized my vulnerability, I became the target of extreme abuse, but I didn’t fight back. I felt I should be punished for my crimes, so I let the abuse continue until one night when I thought I was going to die.
“At that time, I became a victim of the Punjab lasso. But the one using it didn’t want to kill me, he only wanted to rob me without my fighting back, and it worked. When he had what he wanted, he took the lasso off my neck and ran away. I instantly realized the potential the lasso had, so I ran after him and made him tell me about that strange weapon.
“After that, I spent over three months learning how to use it in such a way that it wouldn’t cause any harm. From then on, I was never abused, and I never inadvertently killed anyone in the process of trying to save my life, with a few exceptions like Buquet. Since I was shot, I couldn’t get to him in time to release the lasso, and, regardless of what others might think, I do regret his death.
“The lasso has saved many lives. I know there are those around here who fear it, but, as long as everyone leaves me alone, they have nothing to fear. In fact, while I was in Persia, I was even called upon to use my skills with the lasso to help track and capture criminals. When I did, no blood was spilled and no lives were lost. It’s saved many lives over the years. And, in a way, it’s caused others to fear me enough to leave me alone.”
I brought my hands back up on top of the table, opened them, and looked at my palms. “I’ve been gifted, as you know. Between my hands and my mind, I can do almost anything. While I’ve done ugly things with my hands, I’ve also created beauty with them. I have to remind myself about that beauty often, or I’ll go crazy over the ugliness they’ve caused.”
The fright and disgust left her eyes and her compassion returned. Then she laid her hands on top of mine and looked in my eyes.
“Thank you, again, Erik. I can tell it’s hard for you to answer my questions. Thank you.”
I nodded and then watched her face. I knew there was another question forming behind her eyes, but I didn’t know if I wanted to ask her what it was, but I had to.
Through Phantom Eyes: Volume Five - Christine Page 40
