She looked down at the floor and began shaking her head. “No, it was you I felt.”
“It couldn’t have been me. Perhaps it was the Opera Ghost. Oh, no, wait a minute. It couldn’t have been him, because he and I are one, right? So I would have known it.”
She swung her feet off the bed and sat on its edge, waiting, I’m sure, for her equilibrium to return. “Erik, I demand you stop playing with me. This isn’t funny.”
“You demand?” I parroted with raised brows. “Oh, is this the part where I’m supposed to crumble at your feet and cry and dry my tears with your hem? I don’t think so, my dear. You see, while I’ve been tutoring you, I’ve also been learning. I learn constantly—did you know that? I soak up information like the dry desert soaks up moisture. I’ve learned much from you.
“I’ve learned not to let my heart be moved by a traitor’s tears or smooth tongue. There’s nothing you can say or do that will influence my decisions. My plans are in motion and so solidly set that they might as well have been played out already. Nothing can change them, so save your breath.”
She huffed and headed toward the door, scowling at me. “Plans? You’re talking in riddles again, Erik, and I’m not in the mood.” She was halfway across the room when she stopped and put her hand on her forehead. “What did you do to me? I can still smell what you put over my face, and it’s giving me a headache. Oh,” she grumbled, “I’m so tired of you men treating me as if I were a rag doll between two dogs. I’m fed up with it! I’m fed up with both of you!”
“If you feel that bad, then you shouldn’t be wasting your strength walking around, my sweet,” I said snidely, as I held the key to her door out toward her and twisted it between my fingers. Stubbornly, she jerked on the door handle several times anyway.
“Erik, let me out of here! They might be holding the act for me.”
“Oh, I don’t think they can wait that long. I’m sure your understudy has finished the act for you by now. But, sad to say, you don’t have an understudy for your current role, do you?”
She rubbed her forehead again, frowned at the floor, and looked at me angrily. “Erik, please stop playing this game with me. You know Jolene is my understudy. Will you just let me out of here?”
“Why? So you can catch a train with your lover and leave me with nothing but a void? Tell me—why should I do that? Why should I make it easy for you? That’s what I’ve done since day one, and how do you repay me? By leaving without a goodbye or an explanation? No, I don’t think so. You were about to run out on our contract, and . . .”
“Contract?” She cut my words short with defiance. “I have no contract with you, so quit talking this way and let me out of here.”
“Oh, but you do have a contract. Have you forgotten so quickly? Remember—in your more appreciative days—when you pleaded for me to stay by your side, and you asked how you could repay me for what I’d given you?”
“I spoke those words to my angel,” she rebutted.
“Yes, but that angel and I are one—you know that. I was the one who gave you your talent, so the contract is with me and still binding. Nonetheless,” I continued, nonchalantly, as I flicked a speck of dust from my knee, “remember what I told you to do? I only asked you to stay true to the course I’d started you on. At that time, you willingly agreed—you signed a verbal contract with your promise.”
Her eyes narrowed, she shook her head slowly, and I continued, “You know that in some cultures, if you renege on a contract, you could lose your head. Should I take your pretty head as payment for your betrayal? Yes, perhaps I could have it mounted on the wall above my mantel like a trophy. Perhaps that would fill the void after you’re gone.”
That last statement removed some of her confidence, and she took a step back and a deep breath. “That’s a sick thought, Erik. Have you gone mad?”
I laughed wickedly. “Yes, I presume I have. But this isn’t the face or the posture of a madman. I’ve kept my insanity from you. You might have seen a glimpse of it the first time you were down here and tried to take something that belonged to me, but that was only a glimpse. If you’d seen it completely, it would have been the last thing you saw.”
I shook my head. “Believe me, I’ve kept that monster hidden deep inside here,” I said as I thumped my chest with my fist. “No, what you see right now is not insanity, but,” I continued as I rose slowly to my feet, “if you try to take something else that belongs to me, namely you, then I fear you might see the full extent of my insanity.”
As if testing her senses, she tried the door again. Then, when she looked up at me, I could see the fear in her eyes being to grow.
“What do you want from me, Erik? Are you threatening again to keep me locked down here to sing for you forever?”
“No, my sweet. The stakes have changed, thanks to your deception.” I motioned to the wedding dress lying on the bed. “I want you to put that on.”
She looked at it and moved closer to it. Then, as her fingers covered her open mouth, she exclaimed, “That’s a wedding dress!”
I laughed again. “Why, yes, so it is. Now that you’ve proven your fine knowledge of women’s fashions—put it on,” I slowly growled.
Her head barely shook. “Erik, I don’t understand why you’re doing this. You keep talking about deception. How have I deceived you? I don’t understand, and you’re frightening me with all this crazy talk.”
“Yes, you have a right to fear me now, my dear. You never had a reason to fear me in the past, but you changed the script, and now you have every reason to fear me.” I motioned toward the bed. “Please, sit down and conserve your strength. You’re going to need it.”
“Erik, please, what are you doing?”
“Just playing out the scene as you wrote it.”
“What are you talking about? What did I write?”
“I believe we’ve had a similar conversation, don’t you remember? Although, at that time, I promised I wouldn’t hurt you and that I’d be a gentleman, didn’t I? Well, I can’t guarantee the script is written exactly the same way this time around.”
She frowned, and her hand went to her throat. “I don’t understand.”
“Oh, come now, my sweet, don’t try to play the innocent with me. Don’t you know by now that this is my domain, and I know all that goes on within it? I know when there’s a casting change. I know when new sets arrive or when old horses leave.” Then slowly and deliberately, I added, “And I know when the trap doors are opened and closed. I know all, Christine.”
With my last words, she started putting the pieces together. With my next words, she lost all her color.
“I have eyes and ears all over my realm. They’re in the props, they’re in the curtains, they’re in the catwalks, they’re in the stable. I know everything, from my home in the fifth cellar to the highest pinnacle on the roof. I even know when train tickets are purchased and what time the train leaves the station. I’m very well informed. Oh, speaking of trains, I believe you’re going to miss yours tonight, since you have a most important wedding to attend.”
She hadn’t taken her eyes off me the entire time, so I gestured toward the wedding dress again. “You didn’t tell me how you like your wedding dress. Do you like what I picked out for you? I know it’s not conventional for the groom to pick out the wedding dress for the bride, but then I think you probably realize by now that I’m rather unconventional in most of the things I do.”
Without a word, she stared at the dress, and I went on. “Do you like the accents of scarlet roses? I do apologize for their condition though, I would much rather give you live roses. But then, perhaps their condition is perfect, considering they’re supposed to represent your future.”
Her eyes took on more fright and she shook her head. “Erik, what are you saying?”
I sighed slowly. “Don’t you know by now, my dear, that everyone has to die sometime? And didn’t you tell your young lover that you feared I would kill you? Didn’t you tell him tha
t, if you came back down here, you wouldn’t be able to leave? Well, what can I say, my sweet, you set your own future in motion with your ill spoken and treacherous words, and they’ve been indelibly entered into the script.”
She shook her head. “Erik?”
The look she gave me almost broke through to me. So I rushed toward her, towering over her.
“How could you, Christine? Why? I told you to tell me what you wanted—Raoul or me. I was prepared for you to reject me. I was ready for that, Christine. But, no, you were going to sneak away from me, without giving me so much as a ‘thank you, Erik, for my voice and my career, but I don’t want to marry you, and I’m going away with my childhood sweetheart and leaving the stage and all your hard work behind.’ No, you couldn’t give me the decency of being honest. You were going away without even a goodbye, Christine. How could you? How could you?”
I charged toward the opposite side of the room and nearly slammed my fist through the wall, and then I turned back toward her with my voice raised even more and out of control. “I gave you everything I had. I gave you my heart. I gave you your voice. I gave you my music. Why couldn’t you give me just a simple goodbye? You liar—you cheat—you traitorous, deceitful wench.”
She shook her head. “That’s not true, Erik. What’s wrong with you? You have to have gone mad.”
“Mad? You ask a second time if I’m mad. You must really think I am, but I don’t believe so. You see, I was born this way. Everything else you see, the voice, the music, the intellect are just a façade, much like my opera house. She’s made from bricks and steel, but the fancies in Paris wouldn’t consider sitting on dirt surrounded by unsightly iron and rock. They must have the niceties of arches and angles and gold and plush red velvet to enjoy music. It’s not necessary, you know. They don’t have to have the colorful costumes gliding across the stage like a gigantic kaleidoscope to enjoy her music. It’s just what they prefer.
“I’m much like her—my opera house. At the heart of me, I’m unpleasant to look at, and I’m not talking about my missing nose. I’m talking about my heart and mind. Without the smooth and carefully chosen words, my heart is as cold and frigid as her bricks and my mind is as unyielding as her iron. So, mad? No, I don’t believe so. What you see now is who I am.”
“Erik, stop this. I know this isn’t you. For some reason you’re putting on an act for me.”
“Putting on an act? You honestly think this is an act, a simple illusion? While I am a gifted illusionist, what you see right now isn’t an illusion. What I’ve allowed you to see up to this point has been an artfully crafted illusion, but the illusion has vanished, the curtain has closed on that act. Now you have to come back to the real world. This is real, Christine—deathly real.”
“Erik, stop this. You’re frightening me.”
“Oh, am I now? Well then, my sweet Delilah, you should have considered the consequences of betrayal before you betrayed me. If you had, I never would have stripped my appealing façade and revealed my true structure to you. You would have remained innocent, and I would have remembered you as an innocent—not as the Judas you turned out to be.”
“What are you talking about? I didn’t betray you. Why are you accusing me of such a thing?”
I laughed loudly. “Now you’re teasing me, right? I heard it from your own lips, so don’t lie to me. Lies make me quite irritable, and I sometimes do things of an unpleasant nature.”
“What are you talking about?”
I shook my head. “Remember my last words to you? Remember all I asked for?”
She frowned. “Yes, to give you your ring or my heart. And that’s what I was going to do.”
“If I didn’t know you better, I’d almost believe you were telling me the truth. But, as I said, I heard it from your own lips, spoken under the stars and the wispy clouds. You were going to fly away on those clouds and leave me without a goodbye, without giving me my ring.”
“No, you’re wrong. I wasn’t, Erik. I wasn’t leaving with Raoul. I was coming back to you.”
I leaped toward her and growled. “I warned you! Don’t lie to me!”
“I’m not lying, Erik. You don’t understand. I wasn’t going away with him.”
“That’s not what I heard.”
“You were obviously listening to our conversation on the roof. Well, what you heard was my confusion and fear. Yes, I told Raoul I would go away with him, but I knew I needed more time to think. I couldn’t think with him being so demanding. He was pushing me, and you’d pushed me into a corner, and I didn’t know what to do. I was out of time, and I was frightened of making the wrong decision.
“With the way you looked and what the Persian said, I was so confused, and felt I didn’t even know my own mind or heart. I was about ready to leave without either of you knowing about it and disappear completely. I was going mad. So I went home to think about everything. I didn’t even sleep, and my final decision was to find you after tonight’s performance and talk with you. I knew for sure I had to talk to you before I did anything.”
“Nice try, my sweet, but it’s too late to throw the blame on Raoul or me, much too late. You’ve been fickle from the start, and you’ve driven both of us, Raoul and me, crazy. Well, no more.”
“But, I was coming back, Erik. You can even ask Raoul. We had a huge argument this afternoon about it. He said he refused to let me come back down here, but I told him he had no choice in the matter, and that I couldn’t do anything unless I talked to you first.”
I nodded slowly and moved toward the door; then I spoke softly and deliberately. “So, are you sure you want me to ask him? Well, let’s see.” I started going through my pockets and watched her face in the process. Then I took out a lasso and said, “There it is.” I held it up between us. “Do you still want me to ask him?” She just stared at the lasso. “Well, what will it be—yes or no?”
She slowly shook her head.
“That’s what I thought. Your time is up, Christine, and the hour is late.” I looked at my watch. “It’s now 10:10, and if you don’t make the right choice by 11:00 tomorrow night there won’t be any more choices for any of us.”
“What are you talking about? What choices? What are you planning?”
“Plans. Let’s see. You know, my first plan was to find Raoul and end his pathetic life before this scene we’re now playing even started. But then I thought, no. If he isn’t destroyed when the Opera Populaire comes down, then he’ll have to spend the rest of his life with the knowledge that I had the last laugh.
“My word is law around here, and he’ll have to concede to it. He’ll know he was powerless against my forces and couldn’t protect his love from the fate I’d given her. For him to lose to me will be a fate worse than death.”
“Bring the house down? What do you mean? Oh!” she exclaimed when the pieces fell into place. “The gunpowder—the black boxes. Erik, you wouldn’t!”
“Remember, I told you I left them connected just in case there was another twist or turn in my life when I might need them. Well, here we are, and I need them. I never expected you to make the decision you did, so you created this twist and my need for those boxes. This will be my final act—and yours.”
“Erik, you can’t do this. Think about all the people above us. All the innocent people.”
“Innocent people! None of them is innocent! They all scorn me! They’re all the same!”
She shook her head and faced me. “But, Erik, I was doing just what you wanted me to do. I was coming back to talk to you. I was even considering going away with you, not Raoul.”
“Well, well. I’m a much better teacher than what I’ve given myself credit for. That was excellent, my dear. You’ve learned how to think on your feet and present a convincing lie. But it won’t work on me. Not anymore.”
Seriously frowning, she shook her head strongly. “This is all wrong. You’re not being logical. There has to be an explanation for your actions. What has happened to change you? Have yo
u been drinking?”
Laughing again, I replied, “I have no need of alcohol to fuel my sanity, or insanity if you wish.”
Once I stopped laughing, I became very serious and almost lost my composure. My hands pressed into fists and my jaws clenched. I even slammed one of them into the doorframe before I calmed myself and took a deep breath.
Her lips were parted, and her eyes were wide as they stared at me, silently. I walked back to her, lifted her left hand, and stroked the back of it gently, while moving my glance between her eyes and her hand. My voice was tender and charming as I started my next taunt.
“You have such lovely hands, my sweet, very smooth and slender. But they look so terribly naked now. I liked them much better when this one was adorned with my ring. By the way, where is the gold band I gave you? You know, the one I asked you to be careful with, the one that holds sentimental value to me alone? You remember, don’t you, Christine? The one you wore for several months as my living wife? Where is it now? Don’t tell me you’ve misplaced it? Or did that young man of yours remove it for you?”
I squeezed her hand to the point of pain, and I’m sure my voice was just as agonizing. “You could have had the decency to return it to me. Was that too much to ask? How could you treat it with such apathy? But then, why should I think you would be careful with a ring when you weren’t careful with a living, beating heart?”
I gave her hand a stronger squeeze until she moaned. “You’re hurting me, Erik.”
“Oh, really? Is your heart bleeding yet? No, you say. Well, until your heart bleeds, don’t talk to me about hurt. You know nothing about hurt.” I gestured to my chest. “Can you see my heart bleeding? I know you can’t, because it’s bled itself to death. It’s now dead and feels nothing, no more joy, no more hurt, no more empathy for the desires of a diva.
“Did you know its death was slow and painful? Well, it was, so be thankful you weren’t looking on as it died. It was most unpleasant. Your compassionate heart wouldn’t have been able to withstand its torture. Oh! But, wait a minute, there was no compassion in your heart while mine was dying. Yours had only one agenda, to fall into the arms of your lover and let him kiss away your compassion. Am I right?”
Through Phantom Eyes: Volume Five - Christine Page 65
