“I don’t want to talk about this right now. You are upset enough and it isn’t good for the baby.”
“If you don’t sleep with them they will take offense. It will all come back on me. They’ll blame me. I am bringing bad energy into your home.”
“It’s fine, Duma. Let it go. They won’t blame you for anything.”
“I can imagine what they’re saying about me. How can I look anyone in the eyes? As selfish as it sounds, I don’t want you to do it. I don’t want you to stick your dick into another woman.” I wail throwing my arms around his neck. “I want to do right by the Saints, Jude. I want to be a good wife and useful. I don’t know if I can be. Now, I know why mother was so sad. Father had too many women. Maybe that’s why she ran off like they say.”
“It won’t be like that. You’ll see. You have to trust me and trust in us. It’s hard for me too. I didn’t want to marry those women. I felt your pain today. I felt it like it was my own and it weighs heavy on my chest. You didn’t ruin anything today because there was nothing to celebrate. I knew you were broken up and that’s why I let you run. I took them back to their bedrooms and I consummated both marriages shortly after the ceremony. It’s over. Proof was sent to their families and they are satisfied.”
He holds me when I try to leave the bed.
“Let me go, Judea.”
He doesn’t. He holds me tighter. I’m glad he holds me tighter. He holds me together still when I break down. We knew this was going to happen, right? It’s our way. This is how it’s always been. Do those other wives feel like this when they watch their husbands get married again and again? Did they hurt like this? It hurts worse than death. It is a death. It’s the death of what we used to be when it was only us. I cry so hard. So, damn hard. Forgive me for my jealousy and bringing bad energy to the people around me.
“Baby, please. Please don’t cry like this. Please. You haven’t lost me. I’m still here with you. I’m not going anywhere.” He holds me in his lap cradling me against his chest. “I did what I had to do, Beloved. I didn’t cum inside of them. There were no kind words or soft touches. I broke through and I left.”
“How was it?” I ask tearfully. “Are they stiff in bed? Did you enjoy being inside of them? Are they better than me?”
Chapter Twenty
“Fuck, Dumani.” He swears in frustration. “No. Why would you ask me that? No one is better than you.”
“Did you enjoy it?” I sob.
“It wasn’t like that. I’ve been with virgins before. There was no magical moment. I stuck my dick in them to satisfy the church. I didn’t even kiss them. It wasn’t for pleasure.”
“What if they don’t like me? What if you like them better?”
“Who cares if they like you? Our home will never be the way it was at your father’s. I won’t let anyone be mean to you. You are my love.”
“The people want to go back to New York with us. You’ll be stuck with them. We’re all going to have your children.”
“I’m not spraying my fucking seed around like my father did. My children will come from you and only you. I don’t want my children to grow up feeling lesser because their mother is a second or third wife. I don’t want my little girls to feel lesser because they aren’t favored.”
Like my mother.
“When everyone died, I thought I would be free of the constriction put on me by the church. We came here and I walked into a hangman’s noose.”
His hands reach for his child. I don’t think I’ll ever stop being hurt. Not after today.
“Dumani, please don’t be angry with me. Don’t push me away from you. I need you.”
He kisses my forehead. I’m hurt and angry but I don’t want to push him away. I let him kiss me and rest his hands on our baby. He loves feeling the baby move and so do I. Judea put it here. His baby is always moving.
“This baby is a blessing. I prayed for our fertility and for this child. I love watching your body ripen with my son. You are my woman and this child was made in love. This baby is proof of my body’s never-ending need to be skin to skin and inside of you making love to you. I think about being inside of you when I am not supposed to. I think about being inside you when I’m preaching.”
I stop crying to gasp in shock. I look around the room for Lucifer to show up and finally claim his flesh and blood son. His words please me. That’s why I’m going to hell with him hand in hand. I get tingly between my legs.
“Have you prayed on it?” I ask him softly.
“Yes. But, I find making love to you helps more.”
“Judea.” I blush.
“I know you won’t believe it when I say it. I swear to you, Dumani. I included you when I planned my life. There was never a doubt on my part. I knew I was going to be with you. I didn’t care who father matched me with as long as you were with me. I finally have you to myself. I don’t have to watch them tease you or watch you sleeping in that fucking barn anymore.” He strokes my hair. “Don’t you see? It was always you.”
“How would you feel if you watched me marry two other men? And after the wedding, they both stuck their—”
“Enough.” His whole body stiffens. “Never, ever, say anything like that again. You are my wife and I will kill a motherfucker.”
“How would you feel watching me give all three of you children?”
“Goddamn it, Dumani. I get it, okay? Now, will you please stop saying it? I wouldn’t let you marry another man. I would forbid it and I don’t give a shit who didn’t like it. Is that what you want to hear me say? It would never happen. I get it and I hate it. These outdated laws don’t serve the same uses they did three hundred years ago. A man doesn’t need three wives. There are more than enough spouses to go around.”
“That’s how I feel. I’ve seen how the wives are when the husbands aren’t around. It gets nasty. I don’t ever want to wait for my night or be sad because I never get a night. They fight and poison each other. They poison each other’s babies.”
“You’ve seen these things happen?”
“I saw lots of things.” We share a look. Horrible things.
“I hated the way they treated you. So many nights I wanted to go to you in your loft when your candle was burning late. I knew you were up there thinking about me. I wanted to climb up the ladder like a hero in one of your fairytales and take your body like the men in erotica.”
I blush again. He knows me better than anyone. Books he gave me.
“I wanted to bring you home with me when the weather turned cold. I couldn’t sleep in my warm bed when you were sleeping with no heat. I used to sit on my porch and watch until the light went out.”
“You should have gone with your first instinct and came to me.”
“I wanted to. I wanted to touch your body, let down your beautiful hair, and make you a woman. I’ve made you a woman and a mother. You made me a man and a Father. We are a family now. You will never be cold again. I will bring you blankets and build your fire.” He buries his face in my neck. “Or, I’ll build one inside of you. Can I make love to you?”
“You’ve been with three women today.” I remind him. “I don’t need your pity.”
“Pity? I fuck you because you make me hard, not out of pity. What I did with them wasn’t satisfying to me. I want this.” His hand slides between my legs. “I want to fuck you so badly. I’m going to fuck you and you’re going to let me because you want it too. You want me to fuck you, don’t you, Dumani?”
“Yes.”
“I’m going to make it so good for you that you won’t doubt who I belong to.”
He makes love to me until I am sleeping with a smile on my face. After I’m asleep, Jude lays awake thinking about the smooth young women waiting for him in their beds. Beds not twenty feet away. His new wives are thin and tight with firm breasts and flawless skin. They have long, satiny hair and both have the same light eyes. The tall one, Jennifer, wasn’t as stiff as he led on. She was wet and tight and eager to learn.
He traces the scar on my face thinking he would rather lie here than fuck the two of them again. Judea will figure it out. He always figures it out.
“The temple is a mile away, Duma. We are staying overnight and I’ll be back for dinner tomorrow. Stay inside and wait for me.”
“I haven’t slept alone in a long time.” It means I don’t want him to go.
“I will miss you too, Love.”
We are hugging like he is leaving forever. The men are outside waiting for him and the wives are watching nearby. He kisses me and doesn’t acknowledge them before he walks out of the house. The men are going to retreat to fast and pray.
“Goodwife, I fear our husband doesn’t hold any affection for us. What should we do?”
“Give him time. You are still strangers to him. Let him warm up to you and don’t cause any trouble for him. If I hear you’ve been discussing Jude to anyone outside of this household, I will lash you until you pass out.”
“We would never do anything to anger our husband. We want to please him.”
I know they do. They want to please me because it will please him. The three of us eat dinner in silence that evening and I go to bed early. I lay down and miss my husband. I sleep and dream about him. A hand covers my mouth and a body pins me to the bed. I can tell right away the weight is off. This man is not nearly as tall or as strong as my husband. He’s smashing my stomach. I open my mouth and bite his fingers until I taste blood and feel bones crunching between my teeth. The man screams before the butt of a gun comes down on my head.
The retreat turned out to be a man spa and the Deacons mostly drank and got massages. Jude was angry but he went along. The last thing he wanted to do was lay around drinking with other men while strange young women waited around for him to fuck them. He’s so anxious to be home that he jumps out of the jeep and takes the steps two at a time. There are people on the porch and the guard but he doesn’t care. He has to see her. It doesn’t occur to him immediately that something could be wrong. Not even with this many people on the porch.
“What’s going on?” He asks carefully. Why are these people on the porch?
“Good Reverend, your wife is missing.”
His mind stops working at, “your wife is missing.” When he hears the word wife his thoughts immediately go to Duma. He breaks out in a sweat. Wait, he has three wives now. Maybe it’s one of the other women. Please let it be one of them.
“Which one?”
“The first wife.”
“Dumani? Dumani is missing? How long has she been missing and why in the hell wasn’t I notified immediately? She’s six months pregnant. Where would she go?”
“Good Reverend, the maid went to check on her in the morning and she was gone. There were signs of a struggle.”
“What kind of signs?” He asks dangerously.
“There was blood on the pillow and a lamp was broken. The black maid is gone too. We checked every square of this compound and there is no sign of either of them. There is no way she left on her own.”
“How fucking long has she been gone?” They are afraid to answer him. “How long, damn it?”
“Husband, she ate supper with us and went to her room.” The dark haired one steps forward. He frowns. Husband? Jude forgot he was married to them.
“You were fasting and in prayer. We never interrupt retreat.”
“She’s been missing all night and I am just finding out? Fuck that retreat!” Judea is livid. Outraged. Sick with disbelief. “If she isn’t here, how did she leave? Someone stole my wife and they had help from the inside. You bastards let it happen right under your noses. Maybe it was you who took her? I know how some of you feel about her.” Jude yells accusingly.
“We would never harm the Goodwife! Why would we do something like that?”
“I want a report from every man who opened this gate between now and when I left. I want her found. I want men ready to ride within the hour. I will find out who is behind this and I will have his head. I will have his mother’s head and the heads of whoever else had a fucking hand in this. I will put them on pikes in front of the church to serve as a lesson.”
There are gasps from those gathered.
“Good Reverend, her mother and sister said she’s probably hiding again. Her Father thinks she went hunting and will turn up any time now.”
“That woman is not her mother nor do they speak for my wife. She would never leave without me. Duma was stolen. Get me the Goddamn watch from last night!”
The night watch is dragged in looking tired and afraid. Maybe it’s the shotgun in Jude’s hands. Maybe it’s the hostile look on his face.
“Who did you let in and out of here last night?”
“No one, good Reverend. No one came in—”
Jude hits him in the face with his shotgun. The man stammers and pleads but he doesn’t change his story.
“I’m going to ask again who left through these gates last night?”
“We let no one in.”
The shotgun blast takes out the bottom half of the man’s leg. Jude turns to the other three men. “Who did you let in here?”
“No one came in! I swear. One group left, they were returning home to start over. We said a prayer with them.”
“Who are they?” Jude demands and he tells everything he knows.
“It sounds like Belle’s husband.” The housekeeper says when he’s finished. “The one who cut out her tongue. He’s a bad lot. Please, find her before they hurt her and the baby.”
“Why would he take my wife?”
“I don’t know.”
Jude knew that it was unlikely. “You didn’t find it odd that people would begin a thousand-mile journey in the middle of the night?”
“No Sir, it’s cooler at night. It is the best time to travel.”
“They paid us. They gave us silver and whiskey.” Another admits.
“You had strict orders that you blatantly defied. It resulted in the abduction of my pregnant wife.” He turns to his right-hand men. I want these bastards hanged and their families put outside the gates.”
“Wait! The blonde man! He left too. He left shortly after the caravan. Good Reverend, please, we will help find her.”
The blonde man? Gavin? Gavin wouldn’t steal his wife. He’s a friend. Were they having an affair? Jude pushes the idea aside. Duma would never be with another man. Did he want her for himself? Was he watching her all along? Is that why he came here?
“Send a group of volunteers to my house. I’ll need a map and my horse. I’m leaving and I am not coming back without my wife.”
He goes home to change and gather supplies. His hands shake as he picks up the bloody pillow. He holds it in his arms and sobs brokenly.
“Husband? If I might have a word?”
“What is it?” He snaps at her.
“We know who helped the men take your wife. If we tell you, they’ll kill us. Please don’t leave us here.”
“Did you help them?” Jude grabs her by her arm.
“No husband, we didn’t know she was gone until she missed breakfast. We would never harm the Goodwife. She is going to teach us how to be like her so you will love us all the same.”
“Is that what she said?”
“No, but it’s her duty to our family. Hopefully, there will be three children born next year.”
“Tell me who took my wife.” He ignores her ridiculous notion.
“Hannah Dare was friendly with your blonde friend. She promised to get rid of her.”
“Be ready to ride in fifteen minutes. I’m going to visit the Dares”
Jude is pleased with the turn out. A hundred men are armed and ready to ride to the ends of hell to bring back the Goodwife. Jude swings up into the saddle.
“There are three ways they could have gone. We’ll split up into three groups and hit every whorehouse, watering hole, and cave between here and Lubbock. We meet up there to powwow and plan our next move. If I’m not there it’s because I’m on their
trail and in that case, head west toward that church in New Mexico.”
Shadrach’s new house is a well-built structure made of white washed bricks. Jude doesn’t knock. He walks right in and yells for Shadrach. It’s Hannah who comes running at the sound of his voice. Jude catches her by the throat, lifting her off the ground as she kicks and struggles for air.
“Where is she, you, cunt? You tell me where they took her or I’ll crush your fucking windpipe.”
“Shadrach! He’s killing her! Shadrach!” Her mother screams.
“You tell me where they took my wife or today is your fucking last.”
“Let her go. She doesn’t know anything, Hamilton.”
“She knows something, don’t you Hannah? Where is she?”
Jude draws his pistol and puts it to her head. He loosens his grip enough for her to speak.
“Jason took her and the maid.”
“What does he want with my wife?”
“Your friend, the doctor. I told him she didn’t get sick. They made a deal. Jason sold her for land in Alaska. Gavin promised to come back for me. He loves me!”
“Too bad you won’t be here to meet him.”
Caroline screams when he pulls the trigger.
“I’m going after Duma. If I see you north of Pennsylvania, you’ll be joining this traitor.”
“No! Not my baby girl! Not Hannah!” Shadrach and Caroline fall to floor and hold their dead daughter.
“I want her body buried outside of the walls.”
“You, bastard! You, evil bastard!”
“I’ve been called worse.” Jude walks away feeling lost and betrayed. Gavin Antonov stole his wife. He came in, befriended him and stole his wife and unborn child. He would pay with his life. He would pay in blood.
I wake up in a moving vehicle. I smell unwashed bodies and urine. My head is in some one’s lap but it is too dark to see whose. People are crying and whimpering around me. Where am I? Where are we going? I touch the lump on my throbbing head. I feel my belly. It’s still hard and round. I sigh in relief when I feel my baby move. We are still alive. It’s hours before the vehicle stops and the back doors swing open. The sunlight is blinding. My face is bare to the world.
The Doomsday Papers Page 21
