by Diane Darcy
She hadn’t realized he was sneaky too.
What had she expected? She should have known better. Men were never to be trusted.
They were done. As far as she was concerned, he’d broken faith with her.
She sat there long enough for the tears to dry and a cold frost to overtake her heart. She wasn’t going to wait until later, she wasn’t going to take him a dessert, and she wasn’t going to be here when he got home for supper.
She was going to march down to his work, throw this letter in his face, and tell him they were through. Professionally and personally.
Chapter Fourteen
Righteous indignation, hurt, and rage fueled her as she headed down the road and across town to Thomas’s place of business.
She went inside to find several men standing at the counter, and Thomas and Franklin helping them.
What Thomas had done to her was bad, and he deserved a scene and public humiliation, but that wasn’t her way. She wasn’t going to do this in front of an audience. She had too much pride.
She watched Thomas look up and what he saw in her expression caused him to freeze. “Rachel? Is everything all right?”
She immediately whirled away and headed back the way she’d come and outside again.
Thomas caught up with her quickly, grabbed hold of her elbow, and spun her around. “What’s going on? Are you all right? Are Cassie and my mother well?”
“Everybody’s fine, Mr. Buchanan. I just came down here to tell you in person that we are through. It is over between us.”
His mouth gaped for a moment. “Why? What’s happened?”
She jerked away and started walking again. “All you need to know is we’re through.”
~~~
Thomas could feel panic rising in him as he caught her again. “What’s going on? And don’t tell me nothing has happened, because something obviously has.” She looked vulnerable standing there, and she’d forgotten to wear her new cloak. “Wait here. Let me go and grab my coat for you.”
She looked irritated by the gesture. “I’m fine.”
“All right. But Rachel, we can stand here all day. In fact, we can stand here into the next century, but I’m not moving, and neither are you until you tell me what’s wrong.”
Her chest rose with harsh breaths. “Thomas, you are a scoundrel of the first order, and I want nothing more to do with you.”
He searched his mind to try and think of a sin he’d committed that would have caused this reaction in her. “If you’ve been talking to the ladies in town—”
A sharp shake of her head cut him off. “I haven’t been talking to anybody.” She pulled a letter out of her pocket and lifted it up in the air. “I read this. I know I shouldn’t have glanced at your personal correspondence. Mrs. Polanski moved my yarn into your office and the letter caught my eye. It turns out it’s a good thing I did see this. You’ve been corresponding with Miss Miller in hopes of finding another mail-order bride.”
He grabbed the letter. “No. I can explain this.”
Tears filled her eyes. “Don’t bother. It is very self-explanatory. While you were courting me, and kissing me, you were writing to another woman, trying to find a new bride. The last I heard, polygamy is not legal in this country, so I can only assume you were checking to see if you could find someone better than me before you committed yourself.”
“Are you insane?” He wanted to grab her by the shoulders and shake her. Instead, he ran a hand through his hair and gulped in a breath. “I am not interested in anyone else. I wrote Miss Miller and told her so. I don’t know if my letter went astray, or what happened. I was very surprised to get this letter.” He shook the offending missive. “I’ve already written to Miss Miller and explained the situation. I also sent the young lady in question enough money to get by for a month so she could look for a different husband. I just mailed it this morning.”
She stared at him, looked away, then back again as if trying to judge his character. It was incredibly irritating. “Rachel.” Feeling ill-used, he growled her name.
“I’m sorry. I still want to be released from our agreement.”
He couldn’t catch his breath for a moment. He’d expected an apology, not a split. “Why? I understand you’re angry and upset. I am, too.” He shook the letter again. “But this was all just a mistake.”
“I don’t think I am cut out to be wife material.” She crossed her arms. “Even though you just told me you didn’t do this, it still hurts, and I can barely look at you.”
“You just need time to calm down. This entire thing was an error, and as soon as you realize that, we’ll get through this.”
She shook her head. “This isn’t working. I’m going to ask Mr. Klein if he’ll give me the job early. I could pay you back for the train ticket from my wages.”
“No. I still expect the full two months.”
“While you look for a new bride?”
“No. While I wait for you to come to your senses.”
He glanced around. “Come back inside the store. I want to talk to you.”
“I won’t.”
“You will. Even if I have to drag you inside in front of the whole town.”
~~~
Thomas tried to take her by the arm, but Rachel pulled away.
“Are you coming?”
He probably really would drag her inside. She finally nodded. He turned away, but was careful to check that she followed.
When they got inside, there was still a customer. She was ready to turn around and go right back outside again. There was nowhere private to talk here, and she still wasn’t inclined to air her business in public.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Silverstone.” Thomas held the door open. “We’re going to have to close early today.”
The older man was oblivious to the tension in the air. “That’s all right, I’m still trying to decide between the Colt and the Remington. I only have so much money in my budget, but eventually I’ll own them both.”
“I have no doubt you will.”
Mr. Silverstone left, and Thomas turned to his friend, who looked surprised. “Franklin, why don’t you take off an hour or so.”
“We’re really closing the store?”
“For a while.”
The man grabbed his coat and, though she could feel his stare, Rachel was careful not to look at him as he left the store.
Thomas locked the door.
Rachel still had her arms crossed defensively, and she wouldn’t look at him. Couldn’t. Anger and embarrassment still pounded through her.
She heard him sigh. “All right, come into the back. We’re going to talk.”
She was on the verge of tears and didn’t want to talk. Feeling like she didn’t have a choice, she followed him behind a green curtain, and he grabbed hold of a chair, swung it around, and gestured her into it. He pulled another chair across from the first.
She slowly sank down.
He sat facing her, leaned forward, and put his elbows on his knees. “All right, here it is. You’re going to tell me what this is all about.”
“What do you mean? I told you, I read a letter I shouldn’t have, and I found out you are looking for another bride.”
“And I’ve explained it’s all a mistake. Since you’re still upset, we’re going to talk about it.”
Tears started to fill her eyes and she turned her head to the side, not wanting him to see. She sniffed.
He handed her a handkerchief.
She gratefully took it and dabbed at her eyes. Now that the tears had started, they didn’t stop. It didn’t take long before she was sobbing. He pulled her out of her chair and onto his lap before wrapping his arms around her.
“You don’t want to talk about it, but we’re going to anyway. Someone, some time, hurt you very badly, and when you read that letter today, it touched that part of you and it started to throb. Am I wrong?”
She shook her head.
“Tell me.”
She didn’t
want to. She didn’t want to tell him about the men in her life who’d let her down, hurt her. She thought she’d encased that part of herself, as hard as stone, and it didn’t affect her anymore.
But when she thought Thomas had let her down, that he had betrayed her, the tidal wave of emotion that spilled out proved her wrong.
She felt the tears coming. She tried to hold back the sobs, but it was no use. Thomas gently pushed her face into his neck and encased her in his arms. That was all it took. She started to sob as if her heart were breaking.
After about five minutes, she finally managed to get control of herself again, with only a whimper here and there as she started to calm.
“I’m so sorry. I don’t even know where that came from.”
“You know well enough, and you’re going to tell me all about it.”
She didn’t want to, but there was a part of her that needed to say the words. That part of her she protected was open and bleeding, and suddenly the words started to come, whether she wanted them to or not.
“When I was fifteen, my father took his own life.”
There, she’d said it. If he felt differently about her now, there was nothing she could do about it anymore.
“What happened?”
She pressed her cheek to Thomas’s shoulder. She didn’t want to accidentally look at him while she was talking. “He’d lost everything. We’d always been wealthy. We had a beautiful home, beautiful clothes to wear, our own bedrooms filled with furniture, toys, anything we could ever want.”
She hesitated for a moment. “It was bad enough he was gone, and we were all grieving, but we were thrown out of our home and with nowhere to go, we each went into service. My mother’s cousin took her in as a companion. I was fifteen, and my sister was eighteen, and we both took jobs teaching younger girls. My sister is still with the family she originally contracted with. I wasn’t so lucky.”
She glanced at him. “We were used to having governesses, not assisting them. But the knowledge we had was useful, and we were grateful for it. Grateful we could find employment.”
She sighed. “My new family was quite charming. I liked the two girls I was caring for, and living in a beautiful home was almost as good as what I’d been used to.”
Thomas snorted. “Being a servant would be far different from being one of the young ladies of the house.”
She lifted a shoulder. “I talked myself into believing it, anyway.” She took a deep breath. “Their son was twenty-two years old. I’d been there for about a year and a half when he started to take notice of me. He’d always sort of scared me, and I tried to stay away from him, but he kept showing up in places where I’d be alone. Finally he came into my bedroom one night. I’d accidentally left the door unlocked.”
She was silent a long while. “First he tried to talk me into it, and then he just tried to take what he wanted. He tore at my clothing and I screamed. He struck my face, but before anything more could happen, his mother came into the room.” She took a calming breath.
“She blamed you?”
Rachel nodded as fresh tears filled her eyes. “She did blame me. I was thrown out of the house that night, and with nowhere to go, I made my way, ten miles, to where my mother lived. I was able to stay there for a few days while I found a new job.”
She leaned into him, talking against his shoulder. “I was a governess for another family for a while, but that young lady was eventually sent off to finishing school, so I no longer had a job there, either. I eventually heard about a sewing job in Massachusetts and moved out there. The hours were long, and the conditions were poor, but I really liked it, you know?”
She peeked up at him. “And then the fire burned everything, and we had to find work, and there was nothing to be had.”
“What happened? How did the fire start?”
“A fire ball flew through the window. I don’t know, but we all had our suspicions that the owner of the company had burned it down.”
“So that makes three men who have betrayed you.”
“Did I mention my beau deserted me when my father died? He apologized, of course, but his family wouldn’t let him continue to court me.”
Thomas sighed. “And so you read this letter, and thought I’d betrayed you, too.”
She nodded. “I remembered how you’d acted when we first met. Cold and uncaring. I thought that maybe—” She bit her lip as tears filled her eyes again. “I thought maybe you wanted this other lady, and were just holding onto me as a backup.”
Thomas made a scoffing noise and shook his head. “How could you think that? After the way we’d been together this last month?”
“Well, you don’t like my cat.”
“I like your cat just fine. But what does that have to do with anything?”
“Well, any man who doesn’t like my cat could be capable of anything, right?”
Thomas started to laugh. “As I said, I like your cat just fine. That’s why you saved him, isn’t it? Because all your power had been taken away and you had the power to save him?”
Tears filled her eyes again. “I don’t know, I didn’t think about it. It just gave me someone to love.”
He didn’t say anything for a long moment, and she was content to rest against his shoulder.
“We are quite a pair, aren’t we?”
“What do you mean?”
“When I was seventeen, I fathered a child with my sweetheart. We had a shotgun wedding, so I was practically a child myself when we had Cassie. When I asked for a homely bride, it was because I didn’t want to make any more mistakes. My first wife was a horror. She was lazy, she gossiped, she was selfish, and she couldn’t cook and wouldn’t learn. As we had no money, we weren’t able to hire help, so those were quite lean years, and we fought a lot.”
He looked up at the ceiling. “She resented me, and maybe she was right to do so. Though we were both seventeen when she got pregnant, I should have been the one to say no. She was beautiful, and once she started to have affairs, they became her main source of entertainment. I stopped sleeping with her long before she finally ran off with one of her lovers.”
He met her gaze. “I’m sorry to be so blunt, but when I sent that letter to Miss Miller, I didn’t want to trust that a beautiful woman could have any substance to her. You’ve proved me wrong, many times over.”
“I’m sorry.” Tears filled her eyes again. She was turning into a crybaby, and she didn’t like it. “I’m sorry I lied to you to get this job. I’m sorry I didn’t trust you.” She could count on Thomas. He was straightforward, and she was too quick to judge and too slow to trust.
“It’s all right. Everything is going to be fine.” He hugged her close again and set his cheek against her own.
She burrowed in close, loving the feel of him, the safety of his arms. Did she love him? She resisted the idea. That letter cut her to the quick. Left her feeling sick and vulnerable. It was easier to run away than to believe.
“Rachel, you can trust me with your heart.”
Tears welled in her eyes again. He was caring, loyal, and she didn’t deserve him. “Thomas,” she pressed the mangled handkerchief to her eyes. “Did you buy me the material to make my dresses? Did you buy the dresses I never wore?” Since they were laying it all out anyway, she decided she needed to know.
Thomas’s face turned red. He started to sputter and she reached up and pressed her fingers to his lips.
“Never mind. I do believe you just answered that question.”
~~~
Late that afternoon, Rachel was still feeling slightly embarrassed. She’d snooped in Thomas’s personal correspondence, marched down to the store and broken off their relationship, before crying in his arms like a baby while telling him her secrets.
She wasn’t sure she could look the man in the eye when he arrived home.
“Rachel, I’m heading over to Jane’s house, is that all right?”
Rachel was tempted to deny Cassie’s request so as not to
be alone when Thomas returned. But the girl’s hopeful expression changed her mind. “Perhaps for a short while.”
She still couldn’t believe he’d bought her all that clothing and material. After leaving Thomas, she’d stopped by Mrs. Gentry’s house and asked about the original dresses. The older lady had brightened and brought out the clothes she’d hidden away in case Rachel changed her mind.
Her closet was filling out nicely.
She still couldn’t believe he’d done it, and though she was embarrassed, his generosity made her feel softer toward him. Even softer than before, if that was possible.
She was toying with the idea of writing him a letter. Their relationship had started out with exchanged letters, impersonal and uncaring.
It made her slightly sick to realize one of the other ladies might have taken him up on his offer. But they hadn’t, thank goodness. He belonged to her now.
So, the letter. This one wouldn’t be impersonal or uncaring. This one would tell him she was ready to give him her heart. She loved him, and wanted to marry him.
He’d asked her again, after she cried in his arms. But there was no way any self-respecting woman with puffy red eyes and nose would accept an offer.
She had her daughters to think about someday, didn’t she? They’d want to know how he’d proposed. They’d want to know how she’d responded. For that matter, Cassie would be the first one to ask. She’d be horrified to hear such unromantic details.
No, she wanted to write a letter and let him know how she felt. She wanted him to read it, find her, sweep her into his arms and kiss her. She wanted him to tell her that he loved her, too.
She could make it look like the letter she’d sent him originally, from Miss Miller’s. She could mail it and everything. Only this time, she’d put a picture of herself inside like some of the other girls had done. She’d tell him, in no uncertain terms, that while she wasn’t homely, she had good character, was a hard worker, and would love him and his family for the rest of her life.
Maybe he’d write her back, and she’d have a letter to cherish for years to come.
