“It’s necessary. A child needs two parents.”
“Our baby will have two parents.”
He frowned. “You know what I mean. Two parents who live together.”
“You didn’t have that and you turned out fine.”
“I want more for our child. I want…” He paced to the window and looked out. “Marry me, Nicki. Just say yes.”
If only he knew how much she wanted to agree. She loved him and spending the rest of her life with him was her idea of perfect happiness. But not like this. Not as an obligation. If he’d said he cared, that she mattered, she might have been willing to wait for deep friendship and respect to grow into love. But now she wasn’t even sure about that. Did Zane respect her? How much did he care and why?
“No,” she whispered.
He turned back to face her. “Then I want to move in.”
“No. You have your house and I have this one. When the baby comes—”
He cut her off. “I don’t want to wait that long. I want to be a part of things now.”
“There’s nothing going on. The baby isn’t even the size of a rice grain. What do you want to do?”
He shook his head, obviously frustrated. She didn’t know what to say, either. Because none of this was what she’d expected for her life. A baby before a husband? That hadn’t exactly been her master plan.
He exhaled. “You win, but only for now. I’m not giving up on this.”
“Fine. I’m not changing my mind.” Not unless he could come to her and tell her he loved her.
He crossed to the front door and let himself out. She watched him go.
When she was finally alone, she covered her face with her hands and gave into the tears again. Nothing about their conversation felt like a victory to her. Instead she was left feeling empty and alone, and in love with a man who was willing to marry her for the sake of a child, but not for herself.
Chapter Twelve
Midmorning Tuesday Zane walked up the front path to Jeff’s house. He knew his partner was in an all-day meeting, which was fine. Zane had come here to talk to Ashley.
He knocked on the front door and waited. When she appeared, she had eighteen-month-old Michael on her hip and a sippy cup in her free hand.
“Zane? Hi. What’s going on?”
He shrugged. “I just…” He ran his hand through his hair. “I need to talk to you. Is this an okay time?”
“Sure.”
She stepped back to let him enter. Zane followed her to the family room where she set Michael on a play mat. There were all kinds of toys surrounding the kid and when he picked up a brightly colored plastic dog, various musical notes blared out.
Ashley offered Zane something to drink, which he declined. He sat on one end of the sofa, while she settled on the other. She was close enough to Michael that she could offer him a set of baby-size workshop tools.
Zane studied the baby. Michael was sturdy-looking, with sandy-colored hair and hazel eyes. He was a blend of both his parents. Outgoing, bright, friendly. And so damn vulnerable it made Zane break out in a sweat.
He sprang to his feet and walked the length of the large family room. Pictures, toys and books covered all the tables. The room was bright, lived in and felt happy. As if lots of good times happened in this space.
He stopped in front of the sliding glass door and turned back to Ashley. She still sat on the sofa, but her expression had turned from curious to concerned.
“I need to talk,” he told her.
“I figured that much out.”
“It’s just…” He swore silently, not sure how much to tell her. What was she going to think, to say? Did Nicki want people to know? Hell, they would find out eventually.
“I can tell from the track you want to wear out in my carpet that Nicki told you she was pregnant,” Ashley said calmly.
Zane stared at her. “You knew?”
“She found out shortly after you two got back from Los Angeles and told me over the weekend.” Ashley slid onto the floor and rubbed her son’s back. “I told her it was something in the water over there at the office. First Jeff got me pregnant, then you do the same with Nicki.” Humor brightened her voice. “Haven’t either of you guys ever heard of condoms? They’re these neat latex devices that fit over your—”
He cut her off with a shake of his head. “Yes, I know what a condom is.” As for Jeff getting her pregnant, that wasn’t anything similar. Jeff had been eighty percent gone before he’d ever slept with Ashley and making love with her had made him fall hard. It had taken Jeff a few weeks to figure out the truth, but Zane had known it all along. This situation was completely different.
“She doesn’t understand,” he said as he paced to the entertainment center on the far wall. “This was a shock, but I’m dealing with it. The thing is, I want to be there for her. I want to take care of things.” He paused and looked at her. “I want to marry her, but she refused. I can’t let her do that. I need to be there to keep her safe. And the baby. What about the baby?”
Ashley studied him. “You have it bad.”
He did, but not in the way she meant. The fear was with him every second. The past lurked. How the hell was he going to keep it at bay? How was he going to have this turn out differently? He couldn’t lose Nicki and their baby—not and survive. Why couldn’t she see that?
“Tell me what to do,” he said.
“Mother Nature has made sure there’s not much you can do until the baby is born. Zane, take a deep breath and relax. Nicki is perfectly healthy. There’s no reason to think her pregnancy won’t progress like millions of others. She’ll have good days and bad days. She’ll swell up like a balloon and get stretch marks and eat right and take vitamins. In nine months, give or take a few days, she’ll give birth. That’s when she’s going to really need you. But until then, just let nature take its course.”
She wasn’t helping. “How do I get Nicki to marry me? I need to convince her.”
“Why?”
“I have to be there with her. I want to take care of her. I can’t do that from fifteen miles away.”
“Not a very good reason to marry someone.”
He knew what she meant. That most couples married for love. Because they cared. Because they wanted to build a life together.
He’d wanted that once—with Amber. He’d seen their future, their kids, their life after the Marines. He’d known he would grow old with her. Right up until the day he killed her.
He sank into a recliner. He couldn’t love Nicki. He’d vowed to never love anyone again. He couldn’t stand to go through that again. Not ever.
“She’s important to me,” he said at last.
“Wow. Words to warm a woman’s heart for sure,” Ashley told him. “No wonder she didn’t jump at your proposal.” She pulled Michael onto her lap and stroked his hair.
“Here’s the thing, Zane. You have eight-plus months until the baby arrives. Why don’t you simply accept Nicki’s ground rules for now. Live with them, see if they work. If, as the time for the birth gets closer, you still feel this strongly about getting married, then ask her again. In the meantime, I suggest you look at what’s going on and think about whether or not there’s a way to be a part of both of their lives without living together. Other couples have made it work.”
He nodded because that was what she expected. But he hadn’t found the information he’d been looking for. The magic sentence that would make Nicki say yes.
He thanked Ashley for her time and left. On his way back to the office, he decided that that he would go into a “wait and see” mode. He would study the situation and look for weaknesses on Nicki’s part. There had to be some way to convince her and he would find it. In the meantime, he would do everything in his power to protect her and his unborn child. He was a trained expert. He had skills and he intended to use them.
Nicki pulled the lunch cooler she often brought to work out from under the desk. It was like opening a can of tuna with a hungry c
at in the house. Somehow Zane heard the noise from the other side of the office and suddenly appeared in her doorway.
“What are you eating?” he asked.
Before she could answer, he took the container and unzipped the top. As she watched in a combination of amazement, amusement and horror, he laid out her sandwich, the salad she’d made and the piece of fruit. Then he pulled a small notebook from his shirt pocket, flipped it open and noted her choices.
“How much protein on the sandwich?” he asked as he wrote.
She considered the question. “I used a couple of slices of ham.”
“Any in the salad? Beans, chicken, cheese?”
“No.”
He didn’t look happy with her answer. “You’re not getting enough protein, Nicki. And don’t use lunch meat. You want something more high quality than that.”
“What I want is to be left alone in peace,” she told him. “Zane, it’s been all of three days and you’re driving me crazy. You check on my breakfast. You call me at home to find out what I’m having for dinner.”
His dark gaze never left her face. “So?”
“So, it’s nuts. I eat a healthy diet about ninety percent of the time. I think that’s fine.”
He frowned. “Not while you’re pregnant. I’m going to Pike Place Market after work. I’ll pick up some fresh fish and produce and drop it by.”
She knew his heart was in the right place, but if he kept this up, she was going to have to get a restraining order against him. Worse, while he was trying to be caring and supportive, he was breaking her heart about fifteen times a day. Like just now. He’d told her he was buying her food, but he hadn’t mentioned anything about staying with her to enjoy it. He didn’t seem to want to come over to dinner or talk or anything.
“I should have the food chart ready by then,” he said.
She winced. “I thought you were kidding about that.”
“No. I’ll print out the spreadsheet, seven copies at a time. All you have to do is fill in the foods you eat. The chart will show how many of the various food groups you should have and the quantities. You can pick anything you like within that category.”
“How generous,” she murmured.
“Your nutritional needs have changed,” he said. “And they’ll continue to change with each trimester. Research shows that vital elements of the baby’s neurological system are being formed even as we speak.”
Zane had devoured several books on pregnancy in the past couple of days. Nicki was still in the first chapter of the one she’d bought.
“I appreciate the need for good nutrition,” she said. “But I’m not sure my doctor expects me to be this regimented.”
As soon as the D word passed her lips, she wanted to call it back. Zane slapped the notebook closed and tucked it back in his shirt pocket.
“The appointment is still next Wednesday, right?” he asked.
She nodded.
“I’ll be there.”
Hardly news, she thought. Zane might not have moved in with her, but he was sticking about as close as a tick. Just this morning he’d wanted to talk about her fiber intake. Of course he’d insisted on accompanying her to the doctor. His list of questions had reached two pages.
While Nicki could handle his worries about the baby, it was the other questions she didn’t want to hear. Like the ones where he asked the doctor how her disability would impact fetal growth and delivery.
In the past couple of days she’d ceased to be a person to Zane. Instead she was the woman responsible for his baby’s gestation.
“Want to come over and watch the game on Saturday?” she asked. “The University of Washington is playing UCLA. I’ll even give you points.”
He shook his head. “I would like to meet to discuss future modifications of your exercise program.”
Nicki slammed her hands against the desk. “Dammit, Zane, back off. I mean it. You’re making me crazy with your micromanagement of my life. I’m fine. The baby’s fine. Go live your life. If you don’t want to hang out with me, then find another bimbo and have at it. I will be your friend, or your lover or both. But I will not be some science experiment. Whatever your problem is, get over it. Do you understand me?”
She’d raised her voice with each sentence so that by the time she finished, she was practically shouting. Her last words echoed in the still room.
For a second she thought she’d gotten through to him. Zane nodded and even gave her a slight smile. But when he spoke, hope died.
“You’re starting to feel the mood swings. I read about them. Don’t worry, it’s just hormones. Things will get more even in your second trimester. As for me backing off, it’s not going to happen. You might not understand what’s at stake here, but I do. And I’m never going to forget it.”
Nicki spent the weekend trying to figure out how she was going to tell her parents she was pregnant. She knew they would be very excited about being grandparents, but they also had big plans for a wedding. Despite the fact that she’d told them she didn’t expect them to pay for her trip down the aisle, they’d been saving for years. Every few months, her mother sent her pictures of bridal dresses or cakes. Just for Nicki to look at.
They loved her, she thought Monday morning as she wheeled through the quiet office and headed for the company gym. They wanted her to be happy. Unfortunately she was about to disappoint them in a huge way.
Oh, they wouldn’t say anything. They both adored Zane and would welcome him to the family. But having a baby without first being married wouldn’t make them proud.
Although right now her folks were the least of her problems, she thought as she entered the workout room.
“Nicole,” Ted called from his place at the chest press. “You’re looking especially lovely this morning. Ever consider the value of working out naked?”
The familiar banter with her co-worker eased her tension. She grinned.
“You’re a sexist pig, Theodore.”
Ted finished with his exercise and sat up. He was tall, muscular and could have squashed her head like a bug. “I like naked women,” he said without the least bit of remorse. “So sue me.”
“I just might have to do that.”
“What if I offered to take my clothes off, too?”
“Nobody wants to see your hairy butt,” Rob said as he strolled into the room. “Least of all a classy chick like Nicki. What’s going on, kid?”
“I’m good,” Nicki said. “Why aren’t you in New York with the royals?”
“They headed home. This was all just preliminary work. The real trip starts at the end of the month.” Rob headed for the treadmills. He’d tied his long, blond hair back in a ponytail. As he stepped onto the machine, he flipped his towel on the side bar.
“Yup, just me, the princess and the New York skyline.”
Nicki laughed. “Oh, what about her husband? I’ve heard that El Bahar men are very hot-blooded.”
“You wouldn’t want to lose your head,” Ted joked.
Rob ignored them both and punched in the program on the machine.
Feeling better than she had in a week, Nicki made her way to the recumbent bike and shifted onto the seat. After strapping her feet in place, she started her workout.
There were several programs to choose from on the bike, along with intensity levels and adjustments to time. She punched in her favorite and set the difficulty level for five. After setting the clock for thirty minutes, she began to cycle.
Her muscles were slow to warm up. For the first half mile there were an assortment of aches and pains that finally gave way to a sense of strength. She picked up the pace.
Twelve minutes and thirty-seven seconds into her workout, the door to the gym burst open and Zane stalked in. He looked so annoyed that neither Rob nor Ted called out a greeting. Nicki ran through her activities for the past twelve hours, which was about how long it had been since Zane had checked in with her, and couldn’t figure out what rule she could have violated.
“Wait just one darn minute,” she said as Zane stopped next to her. “You’re not my mother. If you can’t be pleasant to me and our co-workers then you can leave right now.”
“I’m pleasant,” he snarled. He turned to the two bodyguards. “Good morning.” It sounded more like an order than a greeting. His attention swung back to her. “You’re not wearing a heart monitor.”
“What?”
“A heart monitor. I bought you one.”
Sure enough he pulled the equipment out of a box and handed it to her.
“Why on earth do I need this?”
He looked at her as if she had an IQ of sixteen. “So I can monitor your heart.”
He thrust the band that would wrap around her chest toward her. She took it and stared at the strip of rubber and elastic.
“No way,” she said, but Zane was already strapping the display unit on his wrist.
She actually yelped. “You are so kidding,” she told him, her temper flaring to the point of spontaneous combustion. “There is no way in hell that you’re going to put a heart monitor on me, then keep the display for yourself.”
“I’m the one who’s interested.”
“You’re the one who’s crazy.”
They glared at each other.
In the background she heard scuffling noises. She turned her head and saw both Rob and Ted heading for the door. She knew it was more about them escaping from the fight than any desire to give them privacy.
She returned her attention to Zane, determined to win this battle. He blinked first.
“I really want this, Nicki,” he said, his tone slightly more reasonable. “It’s important to me.”
She could understand that. Respect it even. But not at the price of her privacy and well-being.
“Zane, you have got to stop. Women have been having babies since the beginning of time and I’m going to guess almost none of them wore heart monitors. Okay? So back off.”
A Little Bit Pregnant Page 15
