by Melissa Good
Dar nodded. ”Very.” She exhaled. ”But I’ll try.” A pause. ”So, was that what was bothering you?”
”Um, no.” Kerry stopped and turned, facing her. Now or never, just suck it up, Kerry, and do it! She hesitated, then she took two steps forward and knelt at Dar’s feet, resting one hand on Dar’s knee for balance. ”I have this thing about commitment.”
A double thump of the heart. Dar’s eyes scanned her face alertly, then a brow edged up a little. ”You do?” she murmured softly. ”Um, I mean, well, yeah. I know you’re a very, um, you seem to be a very loyal and committed kind of per... Kerry, what exactly is this about? Just level with me.”
Kerry scratched her jaw. ”Um.” Now that she was right down to it, the whole thing started to seem really silly to her and she hesitated, torn between continuing and just... ”This is going to sound maybe a little crazy to you,” she temporized. ”And, I just want you to know it’s just something that I...” She stopped, and dug in her pocket, pulling something out and focusing her attention on the tiny, embroidered fir trees that were dancing across Dar’s chest. ”Okay, look.” She put her closed fist against Dar’s stomach, still staring intently at her sweater. ”I tried to find a way just to let you know how important you are to me, and how important our relationship is to me.”
”Okay,” Dar responded, obviously deeply at sea. ”Well, Kerry, it’s very important to me, too. I hope you know that. It’s changed my whole life.”Kerry regarded the sweater. ”Is it a good change?” she whispered.
Long fingers gently grasped her chin and tilted her head back, so that she had no choice but to meet Dar’s now very serious eyes. ”Is that an honest question?” Dar replied. ”I hope not. I hope you know the answer to that already.” She paused. ”Yes, it’s been the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
Kerry managed a nod. ”Good,” she stammered softly, folding Dar’s fingers around the small box she’d taken from her pocket. ”Because for me, it’s this all my life thing and I want you to know that. I want you to understand that even if we can’t go into a clerk’s office and say this, I want this to be forever Dar, that whole in sickness and in heath, for richer and for poorer, in good times, and bad, and have death never part us.” Her words fell into a shocked silence. ”Kind of thing.” A long pause. ”Okay?”
Well. That was the stupidest proposal in the history of the lesbian world, wasn’t it? Maybe I should have downloaded those practice scripts 226
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from the Internet. She eyed her lover unhappily.
There was a soft, almost incoherent sound as Dar started breathing again. ”K.” Her voice disappeared into a soundless squeak, and she self-consciously cleared her throat and tried again. ”K...Kerry did...did you just...” Another sucking in of air, ”p...propose to me?”
Kerry chewed her lip, trying desperately to gauge the response.
”Um, yeah, I did.” She glanced down. ”On the bended knee thing and all.” At least she realized that’s what it was. There’s a point, Kerry. She watched her lover’s face trying to process several different emotions at once. ”I...what I really wanted you to know, Dar is that...you’re not going to roll over one morning and find me not there.”
Dar very slowly lifted a hand and slid it across Kerry’s cheek, cupping the back of her head in an almost hesitant gentleness. ”I’m not sure what in the hell I ever did to deserve this, but I can’t think of any single thing in the world that would make me happier than to accept it.”
She pulled Kerry towards her. ”C’mere.” She wrapped her arms around the utterly relieved woman, who practically climbed up into her lap and threw a bear hug around her. ”You know you didn’t have to do that.”
”Yes, I did,” Kerry mumbled into the wool of her sweater. ”Yes, I did, because I want you to understand you’re stuck with me, Dar.
You’re not going to be able to get rid of me, okay? Not unless you, I don’t know, toss me off a cliff or something.”
Dar let out a pained laugh, trying to ignore the tear that tracked its way down her face. ”There aren’t any cliffs in Miami, Kerry,” she replied softly. ”But if there were and you fell, I’d jump right off after you.” She cradled the younger woman’s head, stroking her hair and pressing her cheek against its softness. ”Thank god you had the guts to do this. It would have taken me either half a lifetime, or half a bottle to have done it.”
Kerry peeked up at her, seeing the dampness glinting in the firelight. ”Really?”
A hesitant nod. ”I made myself a promise that I’d never let myself risk what I felt when I was that poor, stupid kid back then ever again.”
Another tear spilled out. ”I never realized that when it happened, I wouldn’t have a choice.” Dar regarded her wistfully. ”I’ve never been so scared in my life.”
Kerry gently wiped away the tears, feeling a sense of almost overwhelming relief go through her. It was what she’d been scared of, that Dar wouldn’t, or couldn’t allow herself to accept the risk of the commitment Kerry was offering. But maybe she was right; maybe she didn’t even have a choice.
Maybe Kerry didn’t either.
She wasn’t sure she wanted one. ”Are you going to even look at it?”
she asked, shyly. ”It took me forever to pick out. I kinda wanted one like that old one I have, but they don’t make those anymore.”
Dar slipped her hand around in front of her and offered it. ”Open?”
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Kerry leaned against her, her legs sprawled over Dar’s, as she sat quietly in her lap. ”Okay.” She took the box and opened it, watching Dar’s eyes pick up the glints of the fire off the ring. ”It was kinda, I mean you’re sort of tough to pick a ring out for, you know that?”
Dar gazed at the item, her eyes following the Celtic interlace that surrounded a square cut, understated diamond. ”It’s beautiful,” she managed to get out. ”Dear god, Kerry. You didn’t have to, that must have cost a...”
”I have no idea,” Kerry replied, simply. ”I didn’t look at the prices, and it hasn’t hit my credit card statement yet.”
Dar stared at her, her jaw dropping a little.
”Well, it was less than the card’s limit, Dar,” she replied, putting a finger on her lover’s chin and closing her mouth. ”Stop looking like I bought Pro Player stadium.”
”W...what was the limit on that card?” Dar spluttered. ”Good grief.”
”Um.” Kerry was enjoying herself, now that she knew Dar’s feelings. ”Well, I don’t really know. It might have been the platinum. I’ll have to check.” She almost giggled when the blue eyes widened even further. ”Oh, calm down.” She leaned over and gave Dar a light kiss on the lips. ”It wasn’t that bad.” A pause, while a hesitant smile claimed Dar’s mouth. ”I think.”
”Kerry.” Dar realized she was being tweaked. ”Well,” she drawled softly. ”At least you won’t have anything to say when I give you yours, then.” A slow, sexy smile appeared. ”Because I didn’t look at price tags either, but I know I got a bouquet of twenty four red roses from the guy who sold it to me at the office the next day.”
Kerry’s mouth dropped open. ”Uh.” She glanced up guiltily. ”So that’s where those came from.”
”Yeah, I guess he—” Dar stopped and stared closely at her lover, who was showing a slow flush up along her neck. ”Were you wondering?”
Kerry didn’t know where to look, so she just dropped her head and didn't answer.
”Kerrison,” the gentle voice recalled her, and she peeked up, reluctantly. ”You could have asked me.” She paused. “Though explaining them would have been a little tough, now that I think about it.” Kerry sighed. ”Jealousy is a very embarrassing, not to mention generally icky emotion,” she admitted. ”I wasn’t very proud of how I felt.”Dar lifted their linked hands, and brushed her lips across Kerry’s knuckles. ”No, I know, but...” She rubbed the unresisting hand against her cheek. ”It’s very flattering,�
� she offered. ”From my perspective, I mean.”
Kerry’s eyes softened and misted over. ”So you were thinking of 228
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making this more formal, huh?”
Dar dropped her gaze, her fingers tracing a light, idle pattern ”I have this thing about commitment, too,” she finally answered, her throat working. ”I think I discovered I really like being a part of someone else’s life.” She paused, then indicated her carry sack. ”Hand me that?”
Kerry handed it over, watching her as she dug inside and pulled out a small, velvet bag. ”You carry it,” she stumbled. ”With you?”
Dar stared at the bag, then looked up and nodded. ”Yeah. If I ever found the courage to do it I wanted to be ready.” She held out her hand.
”Go on,” she added, simply. ”I’m not very good at picking things out for other people. Shopping for this was an interesting experience.”
Kerry took the bag, startled a little at its weight, and opened the velvet cord, shaking the bag gently over her hand until a ring tumbled out. The room went very still. ”Oh,” Kerry sighed softly, finding it hard to catch her breath. It was so pretty. It sat in her hand, winking at her, a sturdy, yet elegant band which cupped up into a rose, whose delicate petals framed a brilliant, round cut diamond stone. She tipped it up a little and looked at the inner band, where she spotted some engraving.
”Dar, wh...” She looked up as the skin under her arm grew very warm, and she was shocked to see the profound blush on her lover's face. The blue eyes were fixed firmly on the fire, and Dar’s nostrils were flared slightly. She looked back down at the ring, then bent her head closer.
Yours Forever.
With the words, something clicked home in Kerry’s awareness with a certainty that made her lightheaded. ”Dar,” she managed to whisper.
”Yes,” the response was clearly, and precisely enunciated.
”I think I’m going to pass out.” Kerry felt a strong grip take hold of her, and she let herself go limp, one hand closing loosely over the ring.
She floated in a pleasant haze for a moment, hearing in the back of her mind a soft, affectionate chuckle. ”That is so beautiful.”
”The ring?” Dar murmured, into her nearby ear.
”The words,” Kerry corrected her.
”Oh.”
”The ring’s gorgeous too.”
”So, you like it?” Dar asked, hopefully.
“I love it.” Kerry closed her eyes and buried her face into Dar’s shoulder. “But not nearly as much as I love you.”
Chapter
Seventeen
IT WAS TOO quiet. Dar cocked her head as a tree branch brushed against the window, making a soft scraping noise. She’d forgotten how quiet it really was out here, without the ever-present sound of traffic or airplanes.
Or air conditioning. She glanced at the ceiling in mild amusement.
The AC provided a white noise that most Floridians were subliminally used to. Its absence was almost uncomfortable, as the silence beat down on her ears broken only by Kerry’s soft breathing.
Her soft, adorable breathing, which was warming the skin right above Dar’s heart, since Kerry was nestled against her right side, with her head pillowed on Dar’s shoulder, and one arm wrapped securely around her stomach.
It was nice and cozy, and she’d discovered, much to her own personal amazement, that she really, really enjoyed all this cuddling stuff.
A revelation. Her parents had been anything but physically affectionate, even with each other, Dar had only seen the occasional hug. A pat on the back, sure. A gentle slap on the leg, her father’s favorite attention getter, yes. But hugs?
Hell no. In fact, she honestly couldn’t remember the last time her mother had touched her.
Oh, no, maybe she could. Dar reflected
quietly. Yeah. The first, no, second time she’d broken her arm—the bad one—when the bones had been sticking out of her arm, and had left the thin, straight scars Kerry always liked to trace.
Mom had held her then, while she tried so hard not to scream.
But then her father had come in and she’d bitten her lip almost through to keep the crying inside, her efforts rewarded by a brief pat on her cheek and his approving. ”That’s my tough girl.”
Dar chewed her bottom lip reflectively. It had been an ever-present argument between them, she knew, until her mother had just given up and allowed her to follow in his footsteps as far as she was able.
It couldn’t have been easy to watch, she realized. She hadn’t been a pleasant child. Going through adolescence had been one long string of fights, and trips to the principal’s office, and threats of reform school.
She’d had one principal who wanted her out in the worst way, with only one thing blocking his case - she’d been a straight A student.
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placement, the whole nine yards. She’d gotten into college on an academic scholarship and frustrated her friends, what few there were, by her ability to breeze through classes with little studying, and less preparation.
She’d graduated in the top two percent of her class, with honors, but at that point in her life, she hadn’t cared. She’d tossed her rolled up diploma into a basket in her room at her parent’s house, and spent an entire weekend so drunk she still had no recollection of it.
Then she’d gone out into CAS and found the first job that would pay her enough to cover the monthly payments on a car, rather than just her junk food budget, and spent her free hours under water, away from everything.
Alone.
Kerry stirred, shifting a little. She lifted her head and looked up.
”Hey?”
Dar exhaled, and gave her a fond look. ”Hmm?”
”Why are you still up?” Kerry rested her chin on Dar’s breastbone.
”Do you want some hot milk?” Her dreams had nudged her uneasily awake.
A quiet smile, as Dar rubbed her arm lightly. ”No, I was just thinking, that’s all.”
”Mm, ’bout what?”
Dar hesitated, then shrugged, pursing her lips a bit. ”Nothing really concrete, my folks, a little bit about school.” She moved a stray lock of hair out of Kerry’s eyes. ”Go on back to sleep, you looked so peaceful.”
Kerry considered her words. ”I wasn’t really fond of school,” she commented. ”I wasn’t that good at it, except stuff like English,” she admitted. ”I belonged to a lot of clubs, Key club, Young Republicans, that kind of thing.”
Dar smiled. ”You were a Young Republican?” she queried. ”I think the only club I ever joined was um...” She thought. ”Some jock club or other. I was on a lot of sports teams in high school.”
”Oh, gee, there’s a surprise.” Kerry grinned at her, then her expression faltered. ”Not me. I wanted to play softball, but...” She paused in memory, then sighed. ”I probably would have sucked at it anyway.” Her mother had been horrified at the very thought. ”I got stuck with golf.”
”I’m sure you wouldn’t have,” Dar objected, mildly. ”You’ve got good eye hand coordination, and a nice running style. You’d have been fine,” she analyzed. ”I never had the damn patience for golf. How in the hell did you stand it?”
Kerry peered at her in silence, then she let out a quiet breath. ”Do you know something, Dar?” she stated softly. ”Do you want to know when the very first time was that I was told I was capable and intelligent?”
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The blue eyes peered at her in puzzlement. ”Sure.”
”You should know,” Kerry told her. ”You wrote it, in an email.”
Dar stared at her in shocked silence.
”And you hardly knew me. You’d met me for what, a half an hour?” Kerry shifted, propping her head up on her fist. ”Even the bosses at Associated, I mean, sure, I was always spoken of as a hard worker, a nice girl, always on time, but despite what Robert s
aid, the only reason I got that job was because the guy in there before me left with the accountant’s wife in the middle of the night, and they needed someone real fast, and real accessible.”
”That’s not true, Kerry. You were an excellent director. Your personnel record carried the highest recommendations in it,” Dar argued. ”You’re highly skilled, highly motivated, very intelligent, and...and...”
Kerry gazed at her wistfully.
”And adorable,” Dar finished, having run out of professional descriptives. ”Don’t tell me that’s why you decided to come work for me, because I stated the obvious?”
A soft sigh. ”It might have been obvious to you, but it sure wasn’t obvious to me,” Kerry admitted. ”I had a mental note somewhere to say thank you for that, by the way. I think you were the first person in my life who just took me at face value, and didn’t assume I was some fluffball muffinhead who got the job because of my father.”
She reflected. ”Even Robert, who liked me, when he put me in as manager, he told me he didn’t expect much, just that I should try to keep things going until he could find a real director.”
Dar watched her, stunned. ”You’re serious,” she muttered.
A slow nod. ”What did you see in me Dar, that no one else did?”
Kerry wondered aloud.
Dar actually reached up and slapped her own head. ”Okay, for starters, you had guts,” she spluttered. ”And, and you held yourself together in a very stressful situation, and you came up with some very good, and very intelligent plans for the takeover, and, and you told me to go to hell, for chrissake. Do you know how many people have done that and gotten away with it?”
”Not many, huh?” Kerry was guiltily soaking up the praise like a sponge.
”Try one.” Dar hitched herself up and regarded her lover. ”Listen, I know talent when I see it. It’s part of my job, Kerry, and believe me, my talent meter went off the scale when I saw you,” she sighed, perplexed.
”Good grief, Ker. You’d think I hired you because I had the hots for you or something.”
