by Scotty Cade
Hawk was just about to say, “Fuck you, asshole,” when Justin started speaking again.
“So while I was at the door doing my job, a classmate of mine, Hillary Twesman, walked up to the table with her date. She was a truly pitiful-looking little thing everyone at school called Hillary Toothman because she had huge horse teeth and way too many of them to boot. She looked like a fucking Kennedy reject. Anyway her date was, surprisingly, quite handsome, and I later found out he was a sophomore at Florida State.”
“Was a high school student allowed to bring a college student to the prom?” Hawk asked.
“Probably not, but the school left that mostly up to the parents unless it was pretty obvious.”
“Seriously?” Hawk asked, shaking his head in disbelief.
“Yep, but we digress, again,” Justin snarled, continuing his story. “Much to my surprise, when she introduced us, her date gave me quite a look and held on just a little longer than protocol when we shook hands. The guy’s name was Andrew Powers, and needless to say, after that I was quite smitten with him.”
Hawk leaned forward. “Because a guy held your hand a little longer than normal?”
“Give me a break. I was a sixteen-year-old virgin.”
Hawk did the math in his head. “Sixteen? Shouldn’t you have been at least seventeen?”
“Yeah, but because my birthday is in December and I was just a few months shy of turning six when the school year began in September, I started the first grade when I was five.”
Hawk nodded in acceptance. “Okay, got it.”
“So, I gave them their table assignment and that was the last I saw of him until much later that night.”
Hawk cocked an eyebrow but didn’t say anything.
“Yeah, I know,” Justin said wryly. “So later that night, I needed to pee. I took a break and headed to the men’s room. When I got there, one of the two urinals was available, so I walked up and unzipped my tuxedo pants and was digging for my hooha when the guy standing at the urinal next to me looked over and smiled. He just looked so sweet and alluring.”
“Hooha?” Hawk asked. “Who calls a cock a hooha?”
“Do you want the story or not?” Justin asked in an annoyed voice.
“You’re right, sorry.”
“Anyway, I smiled back and then did a quick double take. The guy was Andrew. I quickly turned my head and stared blankly at the newspaper in the glass display over the urinal while I pulled my dick out”—the sarcasm was obvious—“and started peeing.
“From the corner of my eye, I saw him look over at me again, and then he lowered his gaze and stared at my dick while I peed. I got so nervous it took all I had not to stop peeing midstream. I felt goose bumps forming on my arms, and my blood started pumping through my veins at breakneck speed. It was a feeling I’ll never forget,” Justin said, wrapping his arm around himself.
“Luckily, he finished before I did. When he stepped away from the urinal, I exhaled in relief, or disappointment, I’m not quite sure which, and closed my eyes and focused on finishing. I heard the water running and then the paper towel dispenser whirling and then nothing. Silence. I convinced myself the entire thing had been in my head and nothing but a stupid fantasy. When I finished peeing, I zipped up, turned around, and boy was I surprised.”
Justin paused briefly, took a deep breath, and smiled weakly. Justin appeared to be reliving the entire scene in his head and his expression was one Hawk couldn’t quite read. Hawk felt a pang of guilt for asking him to go through this all over again. But oddly enough when Justin spoke this time, Hawk picked up on a tinge of excitement. Hawk leaned back again and raised his hand. “Wait!” he said. “Let me guess. He was still there.”
“Yep!” Justin said but didn’t elaborate.
“And?” Hawk asked.
“I froze in my tracks. Andrew was leaning on the counter in his expertly tailored tuxedo, looking every bit like a movie star about to hit the red carpet. My God, he was big. If I had to guess, he was at least six-five and two hundred and twenty pounds. You know the type,” Justin added. “Football player size.”
Hawk nodded.
“His blue eyes were locked on mine, and he was smiling broadly, his perfect teeth sparkling in the florescent lighting of the hotel bathroom. You know, it’s funny. This gorgeous guy was staring at me in the men’s room, and my first thought was my God, his teeth are white.” Justin shook his head in disbelief.
“So?” Hawk asked. “Did you two just stare at one another or did someone speak?”
“He said, ‘Hey there,’ as he folded his massive arms over his chest and stretched his long legs out in front of him, crossing them at the ankles. At that moment in my life, I remember thinking he was the most beautiful man I’d ever seen, and his teeth were so white,” Justin said, smiling like he was picturing the man in his mind.
“What’s with you and teeth?” Hawk asked.
“I know, right?” Justin said. “Who knew one could have a tooth fetish?”
Justin continued. “Anyway, I smiled back and told him hello, and then being the shy sixteen-year-old I was, I dipped my head, breaking the eye contact. I willed my feet to carry me over to the sink where I nervously began washing my hands. I heard the dispenser whirling again, and when I finished, he handed me a wad of paper towels, his smile still beaming brightly.
“I dried my hands and tossed the paper into the trashcan, and not knowing else to do, I turned to leave. He grabbed my arm to stop me, and with his mere touch, I felt electricity flowing through my body. ‘Please wait,’ he said. He began to tell me how Hillary had let it slip that I liked boys. Here goes, I thought, now he’s gonna beat me up or something. But much to my surprise, he confessed that he liked boys as well.
“Before I could ask, he told me the only reason he had agreed to escort Hilary to the prom was because their parents were best friends and his mother had asked him to do it because she didn’t have a date. Then he told me I was adorable and leaned over and kissed me right on the lips. And that, my friend… was my very first kiss.
“He asked me out for the very next night, and of course I accepted.”
Hawk sat up straight at that statement. “What did you parents think about that?”
“They didn’t know,” Justin shared. “They would have never allowed me to go, so I told them I was going to the movies with a friend, which I’d convinced myself was pretty much the truth anyway.”
Hawk shook his head. Although he knew the outcome, he didn’t like where this was going.
“Don’t judge,” Justin said calmly, holding up a finger. “We decided to meet at a movie theater the next night, and I was walking on clouds I was so happy.”
“Wait,” Hawk said. “You had a car?”
“Yes,” Justin said, sounding exhausted. “Does that really matter?”
“I guess not. Okay. Sorry.”
“He bought my ticket like a gentleman, and we sat in the far corner of the back row. A subtle brush of his leg against mine led to a deliberate squeeze to my knee. After a quick stolen kiss on the cheek, we were making out like the teenager I was. I’m sure people were watching us, but at that moment in time, I didn’t give a shit. Oh my God. Even now looking back, I think he was the best kisser I ever had.”
“Not that you had much to compare him to,” Hawk said.
“I said looking back now, Hawk. Are you gonna let me finish or not?”
Hawk waved his hand in the air. “Am I not allowed to ask questions?”
“Not until Q&A,” Justin said, going right back into the story. “So anyway, we made out for half the movie until he took me by the hand and led me out of the theater and to his car. We left my car at the movies and drove to a spot I’d heard of but had never been to. You know, one of those remote places kids go to make out?”
Justin held his hand up before Hawk could respond. “Rhetorical question, no need to respond.”
Hawk nodded but noted that Justin’s face was taking on a darker
expression.
“He convinced me to get in the backseat so we would have more room to stretch out, and we started to make out again. I remember thinking I had died and gone to heaven. He was holding my right hand with his left and rubbing circles in my palm ever so gently as we kissed. Then without me even realizing it, he slowly maneuvered my hand to his crotch. When I felt his erection through his pants, I panicked and drew my hand back. He whispered assurances in my ear and coaxed me a little and my hand settled on his crotch. It wasn’t until he started moving my hand back and forth over his erection that I started to get nervous and withdrew again. He unbuttoned his jeans and pulled them, along with his underwear, down to his knees and started playing with himself. I was intrigued and frightened at the same time. I mean, man, his cock was huge, and of course, at the time, I only had myself as a comparison. I’m not small, but my God, he was massive. Then he lifted my chin and brought our lips together again, and I lost sight of it, but I could still feel him moving so I knew he was still stroking.”
Justin closed his eyes and stopped talking. Hawk figured this is where things took a turn for the worst, and he wondered if Justin would continue. He watched patiently as Justin took deep breaths and slowly opened his eyes. The honey brown color had turned to a deep dark brown.
Justin inhaled deeply. “Before I knew it, he was forcing my face down to his crotch, squeezing the back of my neck so hard I couldn’t move, demanding I open my mouth. Overpowered and with no other choice I could see at the time, I did.”
Justin stopped talking and looked at the ceiling. “I don’t know, maybe that’s really what I wanted. I’ve asked myself time after time if I brought this on myself.”
“No!” Hawk said. “No matter how far it got or how much you teased, if you said stop, he should have stopped.”
Without acknowledging Hawk’s comments, Justin continued. “He forced my head down onto his dick, grabbed my hair, and moved my head up and down. God, I remembering gagging continuously and not being able to breathe as he maneuvered my head up and down his cock. That’s when I went from scared to terrified.”
Justin paused and wrapped his arms around himself. When he wiped a single teardrop from his cheek, Hawk reached out and laid a hand on Justin’s leg. “Dude, you can stop if this is too much.”
“No,” Justin argued, his bottom lip quivering. “This is the first time in over ten years I’ve talked about it. I need to get this out.”
Hawk squeezed Justin’s leg in a show of support. “You can stop anytime you want to. It’s okay.”
Justin closed his eyes and continued with tears now streaming down his cheeks. “That went on for a while but eventually it wasn’t enough for Andrew. He lifted my head, and using the weight and sheer size of his body, maneuvered me onto my stomach. He stretched his body out on top of mine and held me facedown in the backseat. I kicked and thrashed, trying to get away, but I was very puny back then, not near as muscular as I am now, and his weight was crushing on top of me. I remember him reaching under my waist and unhooking my khakis and yanking them and my underwear down to my ankles. The last thing I heard was a spitting sound before I felt the worse pain in my life. The fabric of the car seat muffled my screams as he forced his way inside me over and over again. My begging him to stop only seemed to excite him more, and he pumped furiously until he finally came and eventually collapsed on my back. After he caught his breath he pulled his pants up and got off the backseat. When he slammed the car door shut, I sat up and struggled to pull my pants up. My underwear was caught around my knees and the damn things wouldn’t come all the way up. I felt his gaze on me, and I looked up and our eyes met in the rearview mirror. His eyes were no longer sweet and alluring, but cold and not the least bit remorseful. All he said was ‘Get dressed.’
“He then drove me back to my car and said that if I ever told anyone what happened, he would say it was consensual and it would be his word against mine. He also told me his parents were very well connected in our town, and he felt certain everyone would believe him over me.”
“Fucker!” Hawk mumbled under his breath. “Please tell me you didn’t accept that.”
“Oh hell no,” Justin said. “I may have been small, but I wasn’t stupid. I knew something he didn’t know.”
Hawk smiled. “You were only sixteen. That’s statutory rape in most states.”
Justin closed his eyes and nodded. “Bingo! Anyway, I drove myself home and immediately told my parents what had happened.”
“Yesss,” Hawk said, slapping Justin’s leg again. “How did they react?”
“Exactly how I expected them to. They were outraged, shocked, and although I knew they were disappointed in me, they never let it show until much later. When everything was said and done, I was grounded for a year for lying to them and putting myself in that situation. Anyway, they took me straight to the hospital and told the doctor what had happened. He completed his examination and called the authorities.”
“Did they do a DNA test?” Hawk asked.
“DNA tests weren’t as widely used back then as they are now, but my dad, not knowing if Andrew would deny the rape or not, had the smarts to insist they take one. In the end, we really didn’t need it. Remember Andrew still didn’t know I was sixteen and didn’t have the sense to deny anything happened.
“Within four hours he was brought in for questioning and forced to take his own DNA test. At first he did exactly as he said he would and told them I came on to him in the movie theater and it was completely consensual, but luckily the medical examination showed otherwise. Imagine Andrew’s surprise when he was ultimately arrested for statutory rape of a minor.”
“I hope that bastard got what was coming to him,” Hawk said, pounding his fist into his open palm.
Justin reached over, plucked a tissue out of the box on the end table, and wiped his face and blew his nose. “In the state where I grew up, the law says, and isn’t this sad that I remember this word for word: ‘Anyone who engages in an act of unlawful sexual intercourse with a person under age eighteen who is more than three years younger than the actor is guilty of either a misdemeanor or a felony and punishable by up to one year in county jail or by imprisonment in the state prison.’ His family connections kept him out of a state-run prison, but he still got a year in the county jail and five years’ probation, not to mention the status of sex offender for the rest of his life.”
“Fucking A.” Hawk wrapped his arms around Justin. “The bastard deserved so much more,” Hawk added when they were both upright again. “But at least he paid for his actions.”
The two friends sipped their bottles of water in silence for a little while, Hawk not really knowing what to say and Justin looking absolutely exhausted.
Eventually Hawk spoke. “Dude, it all makes perfect sense to me now. I always knew there was something, and I understand now why you don’t date or trust people that easily.”
Justin cocked his head to the side and opened his mouth like he was going to correct something Hawk had just said and then thought better of it.
“What?” Hawk asked. “After what we just shared, you think there’s something you can’t tell me?”
“Just because I don’t go out on physical dates, doesn’t mean I don’t date at all,” Justin shared with a slight smile.
“I don’t get—” Hawk stopped short. “You mean the Internet?”
Justin flashed a smile and nodded.
“How do you date on the Internet?” Hawk asked. “I know you can meet people on the Internet, but you eventually have to meet in person. Right?”
“Not necessarily,” Justin said.
“I know I’m the last one that should be talking to you about sex,” Hawk said. “But, dude, are you having cybersex?”
“For the last twenty-three months with the same guy,” Justin admitted.
“No shit,” Hawk said, smiling broadly. “Dude.”
Hawk’s smile quickly faded when a thought popped into his mind.
> “What?” Justin asked.
“What kind of guy has cybersex with you for almost two years without wanting to eventually meet you in person?”
Justin smiled. “The kind of guy who’s in the Coast Guard and has been on a ship for the last twenty-two months.”
Hawk thought about Justin’s answer. “You said twenty-two months. That means he’s back on terra firma? What are you gonna do now?”
Justin closed his eyes. “I haven’t figured that out yet.”
“Jesus, Justin,” Hawk said. “You don’t know this guy. If you keep refusing to meet him, and he thinks you led him on for two years, he might come looking for you.”
Justin held both hands up, palms out. “Relax, Hawk. It’s okay, man. He doesn’t know my real name or where I live, all he knows is my online screen name.”
“Okay, if a guy is really into you, do you think he would just be happy with a screen name for two years?” Hawk asked. “Hasn’t he asked for pictures or anything?”
“Yessss,” Justin snapped back.
“And…?”
“If you must know, I sent him a picture of a guy who looks similar to me I downloaded off the Internet.”
Hawk stood and started pacing back and forth, rubbing his shaved head. “Fuck, Jus, you’re a catfish?”
Justin looked down, fumbled with his water bottle, and didn’t respond.
“And what do you know about him?” Hawk asked. “What if he’s not who he says he is either?”
“I know a hell of a lot more about him than just his screen name,” Justin replied. “His name is Jeremy Stanton, he’s twenty-nine years old, and he’s stationed in Charleston, South Carolina.”
“Okayyy,” Hawk said. “That’s what he’s told you. Has he sent you a picture?”
“Yes,” Justin replied rather proudly. “In his uniform.”
“You know, we can scan that picture and do an Internet search to see if he’s legitimate. And I might add that he can do the same with yours.”
“Really?” Justin responded.
“But let’s look at this from another perspective,” Hawk said. “I’m the last one to judge based on my sexual habits alone, but at least I’m honest. Let’s say he’s being totally truthful with you. How does it make you feel that you’ve been lying to the guy for the last two years?”
