by Anita Oh
This was stupid. He would be asleep and make me feel like a fool for waking him up with a stupid code word. But even though it was stupid, I still snuck out of the room and into the gray morning. Something inside me had to know for sure.
My heart sank as I approached the Golden House and saw his shadowy figure waiting outside the gate. As much as I might want to deny it, that seemed a pretty sure sign that our shared dream had been real.
"Budgerigar," I said as I approached him.
His eyes flashed as they met mine. "Portable."
"You couldn't have thought of something less random?" I asked him.
"That's hardly the issue." He folded his arms across his chest, making his forearms bulge. Why wasn't he wearing a jacket, at least? "What do you remember?"
My mind was racing so fast with the reality of what had happened that I could barely articulate what I remembered. Of all the weird things that had happened at Amaris, this was somehow the most disturbing to me. That my mind could be penetrated, my sleep invaded, seemed like the worst kind of treachery imaginable.
"Lucy, focus!"
He'd said my name in the dream, I remembered. And that brought back the other details.
"I remember we were in your creepy great-grandpa's temple, and it was all dark, and you were being a jerk. What do you remember?"
"There were pictures on the walls. Stories."
I was close enough to him now, looking up into his face, and I realized that although I could hear him speak, he wasn't moving his mouth.
"Can you hear me?" I said to him silently, whispering the words from a hidden corner of my mind but not giving them voice.
He rolled his eyes. "Of course I can hear you. I haven't gone deaf."
"Look at my face," I told him.
His eyes widened in shock, and for a moment he seemed stunned.
I had half-expected him to just pass it off. He had some sort of psychic link with his pack. I remembered what it was like from our body swap: sensing where they were, their emotions. I'd thought this was just a heightened version of that, but the terrified expression on his face said otherwise.
"What?" I asked him aloud. "What's wrong?"
He shook his head and didn't answer, but I felt it again. The same feeling as when Sam had said that word. The hook.
And Tennyson felt it too. I knew it even before he clutched at his chest, rubbing at his breastbone in the same place I could feel that hook latching into me, trying to pull something up from the murky depths of my soul. He was hooked as well, and there was no hope for either of us.
I staggered toward him involuntarily, my body being moved by a will that was not my own. I was being reeled in.
The closer I got to him, the more I could feel the thing inside of me begin to surface. It broke free from the depths of my being and cracked open, tendrils of it spiraling outward, all through me. It felt bright, burning bright, scorching a path in its wake. Something inside of me was changing irreparably.
I didn't want it.
It took all of my strength, but I wrenched myself backwards, away from Tennyson. Whatever was happening to me had something to do with him. I couldn't be around him; I had to get away before the transformation was complete. I knew that my eyes were glowing again. In fact, my whole body felt as if it was glowing. The strange power that was uncurling inside of me couldn't be contained and was radiating outward. I had to get away before I detonated.
Not even sparing Tennyson a glance to see how he was doing, I turned and ran.
The island wasn't big enough to get me as far from him as I needed to be, but I ran as fast as I could anyway. The only thing that existed for me was that feeling, no longer a hook but a nuclear reaction that threatened to transform everything around me with its sheer force. I didn't know where I was running to; I had no concept of place or time or anything. The entire world was a blur, and the feeling threatened to rip me apart.
Maybe that would be better. I could fly into pieces, dissolve into nothing but atoms, and the only thing that would change would be me. And then I'd be gone.
All of a sudden, the feeling faded. It wasn't gone completely, but it pushed back enough for me to be aware again. I was in the forest. I'd lost a shoe. Everything was tinged with the golden glow of sunrise, and Tennyson Wilde was standing in front of me, his fingers circled around my wrists.
"What's happening to me?" I asked him.
There was no doubt in my mind that it was his touch on my skin that had calmed me down. A feeling of relief spread through my body from where he was touching me, like stepping into cool water on a hot day.
He shook his head. "I've never heard of anything like this before," he said. "I've been aware of our bond since our consciousnesses were returned to our correct bodies, but it was just an awareness, similar to the pack bond. It's a known thing that sometimes happens to my kind, but since our return to school, the bond has become irregular."
I stared up at him, my mind still reeling, not able to process his words properly. "Our bond?"
"You can no longer deny it," he said. "Whether it's unwelcome to you or not, we're linked. Our feelings are shared, our dreams…" He seemed as if he was going to say something else, but he fell silent.
"When you hurt your leg on the helicopter, I got a bruise," I admitted.
He nodded. "That's unusual, but not unheard of in very strong empathic bonds. What's happening here goes beyond that." A shadow passed across his face.
My brain was still too fried to come up with any suggestions for the weirdness. I couldn't do much more than stand upright and let that feeling of tranquility from his hands wash over me.
"I suspect it's because of your irregular gene," he said eventually, sounding as if he was talking to himself.
He didn't explain what he meant, and I didn't ask. Taking in any more information seemed impossible at that point. I could still feel the power pulsating under my skin. Whatever it was, it wasn't going anywhere. I had to get rid of it, or it would destroy me.
"So, we're bonded," I said, the idea still not really sinking in. I had no idea what it meant, not really. "If we get rid of the bond, does that mean I'll stop freaking out?"
He stared at me for a moment, his deep blue eyes seeming to search my soul. Maybe they were. I had no clue how this kind of thing worked.
"I've never heard of it being possible to break a bond," he said finally. "However, it's typically something that happens through a consensual arrangement, not like… this."
He sounded so disgusted that I wanted to pull away from him, but I couldn't bear to end that feeling just yet. "Surely, if something is made, it can be broken," I said.
"At any rate, I see no alternative but to try," Tennyson replied. "This isn't a situation that can continue. It's quite unacceptable."
As he dropped his hands and turned away, I couldn't help but feel the slightest bit disappointed.
Chapter 7
The others were all awake and waiting for us as I followed Tennyson into the Golden House common room. I felt nervous about facing them for some reason, which was dumb. It just seemed like nothing was as it should be, as if something fundamental had shifted.
Tennyson stood by the unlit fireplace, and everyone sat facing him. I took a seat on the sofa beside Althea. Everyone looked tense, and I wondered how much of what had happened they'd sensed. They weren't usually awake this early, so they must know at least some of it.
"As senior member present, I hereby call to order this meeting of the Wilde pack," said Tennyson, looking solemn. He always had to make such a production of things.
The other three looked at me with huge, shocked eyes.
"Tennyson…" Nikolai said, sounding unusually wary. "You realize there's a human here, don't you?"
"Everything will be explained much more quickly without interruption," said Tennyson. He looked tired and not coping, and I'd never seen him look like that before. He must really hate being bonded to me. "It appears that due to complications with
the spell that switched our consciousnesses, Lucy O'Connor and I have been the inadvertent participants in a soul bond."
The reactions were way more dramatic than I'd expected. Althea gasped and clutched my hand. Nikolai burst into laughter. Sam stood up with a clatter as the book he had been holding fell to the floor. He looked from Tennyson to me with betrayed eyes and then walked out of the room.
Tennyson sighed, then continued with his announcement. "There are some peculiarities with this particular bond that have led to it being more" — he glanced at me with an unreadable expression — "intense than any soul bond I have heard of."
"In what way?" Nikolai asked. His eyes were lit up with an evil glee. He was enjoying this way too much.
"Physical sensations are shared, for one thing," Tennyson said.
Nikolai snickered, and Althea slapped him on the shoulder.
"Injury as well," Tennyson continued, paying Nikolai no mind. "And Lucy has been undergoing some changes that seem inconsistent with anything I've read about." He seemed at a loss to explain, and I understood why. It was hard to put those feelings into words.
"I feel like I'm undergoing some sort of metamorphosis," I said. "But it's overwhelming, and I'm not sure my body can handle it."
Tennyson nodded. "It causes her to act irrationally, like an injured animal. Also, it seems to generate some sort of internal power that causes her to glow."
If I'd hoped that Althea had some secret knowledge about this kind of thing, like she sometimes seemed to, I was in for a disappointment. She just stared at me with a kind of blank hopelessness.
"Does it help to be close to him?" she asked quietly, as if she didn't want the others to hear. Nikolai especially, probably.
I shook my head. "That makes it worse, but…" I leaned in closer to whisper. I really didn't want Nikolai making his dirty little comments about this. "If he touches me, the feeling goes away."
Nikolai burst into laughter again. I'd forgotten about the heightened hearing thing.
"I wonder if it has something to do with the dormant gene your father mentioned," Althea said. "The zero gene, I think he called it?"
I nodded. "He said that unless something provoked it, it wouldn't do anything."
That was why Sam had seemed like just a normal kid for the first twelve years of his life, until he'd been captured by the Others.
Althea nodded. "Yes. So, perhaps when Tennyson was in your body, because he's not completely human, that triggered the gene."
Fear shot through me completely, turning me so cold that I began to shiver. "I'm turning wolfy?"
She shook her head. "I don't think so. At least, nothing you've said makes it seem that way. The lycanthropy triggered the gene, but it can't change it into something other than what it would have been if it had always been active."
I chewed on my thumbnail as I thought about what she was saying. "Is that even possible?" I asked her. "It seems a bit sci-fi."
She gave a little shrug. "It happens all the time. Say you're allergic to legumes. You live all your life thinking everything is fine, and then one day you eat a peanut."
"Isn't that just not knowing you're allergic?"
She shook her head. "It's obviously more complicated than that, but it's the same basic principle."
I knew it made sense; I just didn't want it to make sense. I didn't want to change into some sort of supernatural thing. It was hard enough just being a regular girl.
"It's clearly not that at all," said Nikolai, almost bouncing in his seat. "It's a mate bond, obviously."
"This isn't a joke, Nikolai," said Tennyson. His eyes gleamed, and Nikolai stopped bouncing.
"I'm not joking," Nikolai said, though he totally had been. "The most intense bonds are always mate bonds. Because emotions are involved, the bond can have unprecedented effects. Tell them, Al."
Althea nodded. The traitor. "That's true, though I still think it's got more to do with the dormant gene."
"It is not a mate bond," I said. "No way. No mating here at all."
I wasn't entirely sure what a mate bond might involve, but it was not happening, ever.
"Whatever type of bond it is, we need to end it," said Tennyson. "It's a danger to us both, and we can't allow it to continue."
"Tennyson…" said Althea, looking sad.
"It has to be possible," he told her. "If something is made, it can be broken."
He met my eye then and gave me a nod. I nodded back.
"Let's get to work," I said.
We scoured every book in the Golden library, and Althea sent a message to get more sent from home. All weekend, I read musty old books, trying to find some way out of this situation. I didn't sleep. My back ached and my eyes blurred, but I forced myself to pay attention. If I could stop this, I could stay human. That was what it boiled down to. So, I had to do everything I could do break the bond.
Tennyson didn't sleep, either. He sat beside me, occasionally touching me on the wrist or the back of the hand if he felt me starting to lose it again. Althea and Nikolai drifted in and out, but if Sam was around, he didn't come near us.
Before I knew it, it was Monday morning.
"We have to go to class," Tennyson said.
I glared at him over the cover of my book. "You're joking, right?" There was nothing on the planet I wanted to do less than go to class. I wanted to sleep or shower or not be suffering from repeated supernatural hijinks. "How about you go to class, and I'll just be there empathetically while I nap?"
"Fine, I'll rephrase," he said. "I have to go to class. And I'm not comfortable with you being too far away. If you have another attack, it will affect me too, and I need to be able to get to you before anything bad happens."
I sighed. "Fine, but I need a shower and some clean clothes."
Morning classes were almost over by the time we got to school, and I started to worry when I realized that Tennyson wasn't in my English class.
"You were fine with being separated when you were going to nap."
I shrugged. "Well, it's not as if I can ever get away from you, then, is it?"
Our classes were in the same wing, but when Tennyson turned down a corridor and I kept climbing the stairs, my heart started to jackrabbit.
"You'll be fine, you'll be fine, you'll be fine," I repeated to myself.
You'll be FINE, Tennyson said inside my head. Now, be quiet. I need to concentrate, and people are looking at me strangely.
Such a jerk, I told him.
But he was right: I was fine. I joined in the class discussion on Hamlet, and things felt almost normal. But, toward the end of the period, I started getting a little antsy. That feeling, which had been simmering below my skin, began to boil. My mind began to swirl. Oh, man. I really hoped I didn't start to glow in English class. That wouldn't be easy to explain.
"May I please be excused?" I said, then grabbed my stuff and ran from the room.
Once again, I was blind, rushing around in a panic. Only this time, I had a definite destination in mind. I had to get to Tennyson Wilde.
I met him on the stairs, almost crashing into him in my need to be close to him. It was so wrong — Tennyson Wilde, of all people — but I had no control over it.
He grabbed me by the hands, and it was like taking a breath after being held underwater. I came back to myself with a thud. I was standing in the main stairwell, hand in hand with Tennyson Wilde. He was standing a few steps below me, so we were at the same height, his eyes on a level with mine as we stared at each other.
My life had taken a most unexpected turn. I knew I needed to step away from him, to let him go, but I was still out of control.
"Am I glowing?" I whispered.
He narrowed his eyes, scrutinizing me. "Not noticeably."
I was going to let go of him. Any second now. Just as soon as that calm feeling had maxed out.
The bell rang, and people started flooding out of the classrooms into the halls.
"Come on," Tennyson said, dragging m
e down the stairs by my hand.
People stopped and stared as they saw us dash by, but still, I couldn't let go of him. I was too afraid of what would happen if I did. Of what I'd become. But, man, I would be staying off social media for the next week, because nobody would have anything good to say about this.
We got outside to the courtyard, and he let go of my hand.
"You're okay now," he said. It wasn't a question.
"What are we going to do?" I asked him, struggling to keep up with his long stride. "We can't just spend the rest of our lives with each other."
"We won't have to," he said, stopping suddenly and turning to face me. "The bond is unstable because it wasn't forged properly."
I nodded. I'd learned at least that much in all my reading over the weekend. Normally, it was a really involved process that opened a clear line between the two people, an open channel for their "souls" to communicate back and forth. But because our bond had been a mistake, there was no clear path, and our "souls" had to keep finding shortcuts or hacking out a way through, which was why everything got so messy.
"Right, but the only way to fix that is to create a proper bond," I said. "Which is the opposite of what we want."
All the books were clear on one point: a bond that was made in the proper way could never be reversed. But none of them said anything about whether or not an accidental bond could be reversed, or, even better, how.
"We'll find a way to break it," he said. "There is no alternative."
He turned again and walked away, trusting that I would follow.
Chapter 8
Our afternoon classes were together. but Tennyson had polo later on, and because he was the captain, he couldn't get out of it.
"It'll be fine," he muttered to me in chemistry as we waited for the bell to ring. "If we stay in contact through our minds, I'm sure it'll be fine. Though, I don't know why you refuse to come to polo practice with me."
I rolled my eyes. "There are a lot of reasons," I told him. "Pick one."
