by Mark Mueller
“You named her after my grandmother,” I said.
“You noticed.”
“How could I not? It was the first thing I noticed.”
Maddy half-smiled again, but said nothing.
“Actually,” I continued, “her name was the second thing I noticed about her.”
“Oh? What was the first?”
“She has your eyes. She’s beautiful, just like you.”
Maddy turned a little, but not before I noticed her face turning pink.
“Thank you, Mac.”
A moment later we were on Highfield and parked in front of the Lucas’s home.
“We don’t have to do this, you know,” I said as I cut the engine. “We can let Ducky handle it.”
Maddy looked at me, a flash of anger crossed her face.
“You did not just say that.”
So much for keeping things light.
“I’m sorry, Maddy. I just don’t want to see you get hurt anymore.”
“Don’t you think it’s a little too late for that, Mac? You should have thought of that six years ago.”
“I’m sorry, Maddy. I’m just trying to help.”
“Then let’s find Charlie, okay?”
“Okay, we’ll find her.”
We joined Ducky at the Lucas’s front door. Two minutes after that, we were sitting in the Lucas’s kitchen with Tracy and her grandmother.
“Would any of you like coffee?” Ruth Lucas asked.
“No thanks,” I said.
Maddy shook her head no.
“I’ll have some, thank you,” Ducky said. “Light and sweet.”
As Ruth Lucas fired up her coffee maker, we turned our attention to Tracy.
“Okay,” Ducky said as he pulled his notepad and a pen out of his jacket’s inner pocket. “How old are you, Tracy?”
“I’m nineteen,” she said.
“Okay. You were hired to babysit for Maddy Wuhrer?”
Tracy glanced at Maddy.
Maddy focused on Tracy but said nothing.
“Um, yeah.” Tracy said. “I babysat for her yesterday.”
“What time did you arrive at the Wuhrer’s home?” Ducky asked.
“Um, it was about ten after eight in the morning. Am I in trouble? I didn’t do anything wrong.”
“You’re not in trouble. We’re just trying to understand what happened.”
“Um, okay.”
“Alright then. What did you do with Charlie after the Wuhrers left the house?”
“I fed her the breakfast Mrs. Wuhrer had left for her.”
“Then what?”
“She wanted to watch TV.”
“What did she watch?”
“She watched The Odd Squad, and Atomic Betty, and The Fairly Odd Parents.”
“Any other shows?”
“No. I turned off the TV after that.”
“Then what did you do?”
“We went to the park.”
“Which one?”
“The one up the hill from here. Highfield Park.”
“And that’s where Charlie disappeared?”
Tracy Lucas burst out crying.
“She didn’t kidnap that girl,” Ruth Lucas argued. “She’s not that kind of girl. She was raised better than that.”
“Ma’am, no one is accusing her of anything,” Ducky assured. “We’re just trying to find out what happened.”
“Alright, then.”
“Okay Tracy,” Ducky continued. “What time did you arrive at Highfield Park?”
“Oh, I’m not sure,” Tracy replied. “I think it was around ten-thirty.”
“How long were you there?”
Tracy looked at her grandmother. “Um, maybe an hour and a half.”
“Were other people at the park?”
“There were a few others.”
“About how many would you say?”
“Maybe ten. A lot of moms and their kids.”
“I see.” Ducky wrote something on his notepad. “What were you doing when you discovered that Charlie was missing?”
“Um, I was busy.”
“Can you be more specific?”
“I was, um, indisposed.”
“The restroom?”
Tracy diverted her eyes. “Yeah.”
“Where was Charlie when you were in the restroom?”
Tracy looked at Maddy and then at me. Her eyes watered up again. “She didn’t—”
“Come on Tracy,” Ducky coaxed. “You can tell us.”
Tracy started to cry again. “She…she—” Her voice hitched as her words came out. “She didn’t want to come into the bathroom with me. So I had her play on the swing just outside of the bathroom door until I came back out. I wasn’t in there for more than five minutes.”
“What happened when you came back out of the restroom?”
“She was—” Tracy began sobbing.
Ruth Lucas put her arms around her granddaughter. “I think we all know what happened next, Detective.”
“I’d like to hear Tracy tell us what happened, Mrs. Lucas.”
“It wasn’t my fault,” Tracy wailed.
“What happened when you came out of the restroom, Tracy?”
“She w-w-was g-gone.” Tracy buried her face in her hands.
“What do you mean by gone? She wasn’t on the swing anymore?”
Tracy remained silent for several long minutes.
“Tracy?” Ducky asked.
“No,” Tracy said. “She was gone from the swing when I came out of the bathroom. I couldn’t find her.”
“Did you look for her around the park?”
“Yes.”
“The whole park?” Maddy added.
“Yes, the whole park,” Tracy snapped. “How stupid do you think I am?”
“Listen, you little bitch—”
I put my hand on Maddy’s arm. “Maddy, back down.”
“No I won’t back down,” she hissed. “Not until I get my baby back.” She stood up. “We’re done here.” As she did, she looked at Tracy. “Don’t expect Little Miss Potty Break to get paid, not after this.” She then looked at me. “Let’s go.”
“Maddy—” I started.
“No, Mac. There’s nothing to gain from being here.” She turned and headed for the front door.
I followed her outside. “Maddy, come on.”
“No, you come on, Mac. Do you want to know something? Last night was the first night since Charlie was born that I didn’t kiss her goodnight. I didn’t get to kiss her goodnight and tell her I love her.”
For a split second I was sure she was going to punch me. Instead, she started to cry.
On impulse I put my arms around her and held her tight. There really wasn’t anything I could say to console her at that moment. I mean, how can anyone console a mother whose child is missing? You can’t. I didn’t know what else to say. Even as someone whose life had always revolved around words, as mine did, there were very few times when I don’t know what to say. And this was one of those times. I was at a complete loss for words. And it was exacerbated by the reality that Charlie was my daughter, too. All I could do at that moment was to hold Maddy and to give her my emotional support, which was something I had failed to do six years ago. I had to support her and to stand with her until we found Charlie. I resolved at that moment that nothing else on earth mattered. I had to help Maddy get Charlie back.
“Maddy,” I whispered.
She looked at me. Her pale blue eyes were bloodshot and puffy.
“Listen,” I pleaded. “We’ll find her. I don’t know how, but we’ll find her. I swear to you.”
Okay, Mac,” she answered softly.
“Come on, let’s get out of here.”
“Hey, you two,” Ducky called out from the Lucas’s front door.
Maddy and I both turned around.
“What?” I asked.
“Where are you going?”
“Anywhere but here. We’re going to find Charlie, one wa
y or another.”
Ducky shook his head. “She could be anywhere. I have everyone in the sheriff’s department out and looking for her. The state police are out looking, too.”
“Good,” I said. “You can count us in, too. We won’t stop until we find her.”
“You know, the best thing the two of you can do is to go back to Maddy’s house and wait there.”
“You’re joking, right? Just sit there and wait?”
“No, I’m not joking. Look, someone might call or she might just show up. Either way, I need to have someone there I can trust. Go to back to the house. You can help out best from there.”
I was wary, almost as if Ducky wanted us out of his way.
“I don’t know.”
“Please, Mac? For me? Go back to the house.”
I sighed and shook my head in disapproval. Then, “Okay, Duck, we’ll go back to the house and wait. I don’t like it but we’ll do it.” I looked at Maddy. “What do you think?”
“I just want my baby back,” she sniffled.
“Good.” Ducky said. “And keep your phone on this time, okay, Mac?”
“I will,” I promised.
“One other thing.” Ducky went to his cruiser’s back seat, grabbed something and then brought it forward and handed it to me. “Take this with you and keep it on.”
“What is that?” Maddy asked.
“It’s a portable police scanner,” I said. “It’ll help us hear what’s going on.”
“It has batteries, so make sure you keep it with you,” Ducky said.
“Thanks, Duck.” I turned to Maddy. “Ready?”
“Yeah,” she said. “Let’s get out of here.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
When we arrived back at her parents’ house, Maddy was out of the car and into the house like a woman on fire. When I joined her a moment later, she was pacing around the kitchen like a wild animal. I had never seen her like this before, not even when we were together.
It was unsettling to see her like this. I made a note not to offer her any coffee. I could only imagine what a caffeine and sugar rush would do to her now.
Neither of her parents was home. We had no idea to where they had disappeared. Or why, for that matter. I couldn’t believe they’d just up and leave after Ducky had asked them to stay by the phone. I wondered about people sometimes.
I was relieved that Rebecca Diaz wasn’t there, either. I hoped she wasn’t out making trouble for the way Ducky had treated her earlier. We didn’t get many state officials visiting us out in the sticks, and I was just as irked as Ducky was that the woman had shown up. We may not be as slick as city people, but that doesn’t mean we don’t know how to handle our own business. And Rebecca Diaz was uninvited and unwanted.
Maddy continued to pace the kitchen and talk under her breath to no in particular. I could only imagine what she was thinking, but I did recall that in the past she’d often talk to herself when she was stressed out.
“Maddy,” I said.
She kept striding back and forth and talking to herself as if she hadn’t heard me.
“Maddy,” I said again, louder.
She stopped and looked at me, almost as if she hadn’t recognized me.
“What?”
“Come with me into the living room.”
“Why?”
“We need to plan what to do.”
“I can’t just sit around here. I’ve got to find Charlie.”
“You mean we’ve got to find Charlie,” I corrected.
“Sorry, you’re right.”
“Come on,” I gestured.
We went into the living room. I sat on the couch while Maddy continued her pacing.
“Maddy,” I said.
“Yeah.”
“Come sit with me. You need to conserve your energy for Charlie.” Her continued movement was beginning to get on my nerves.
She stopped and looked at me for a moment. Her eyes were riveted on mine.
“I can’t sit, Mac. We can’t just sit here doing nothing. Charlie’s out there somewhere. And if we don’t find her soon, it might be too late. I’ll—” She began to cry.
I got up from the couch and wrapped my arms around her. I held her and waited patiently—for what, I don’t know, other than I sensed that I still needed to prove to her that she could count on me.
“Come,” I beckoned. “Sit with me.”
For a moment she didn’t move, but then she sat next to me on the couch. We continued to hold each other, but neither of us spoke for several long moments. I realized two things while we sat there in silence, two things that both terrified and exhilarated me at the same time. After everything that has happened in the past six years, and after everything that had happened in the past couple of days, I knew for sure that I wanted another chance at a relationship with Maddy. And in addition to that, I wanted Charlie in my life, too. It didn’t matter to me that she and I were strangers. We would have time to get to know each other and to fall in love with each other. I wanted to be Charlie’s father, her real father, not just some guy she saw on the weekends who sent her birthday and Christmas gifts.
I knew that now was the time I had to man-up and be the person Maddy deserved, and to be the father Charlie could depend on. We had to find her. We had to find her now. And I knew that the way to do it was to keep Maddy focused on doing something.
“Tell me more about Charlie,” I said.
Maddy pulled away from me and wiped her eyes, which were puffy and red and wet. “What do you want to know?”
“Everything. I want to know everything about her.”
Maddy was silent for a long moment. Then, “there’s so much to tell you. I wouldn’t know where to begin.”
“Why don’t you start from the beginning?”
“Yeah, the beginning.”
“I’ve got plenty of time.”
“She’s the best thing that ever happened to me, Mac. I owe you a debt of gratitude.”
“Me? For what?” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
“For Charlie. You gave her to me.”
I chortled. “I think we both had something to do with her conception.”
Maddy smiled. “I guess we did. But I want to thank you for her anyway.”
“Were you ever planning on telling me about her?”
Maddy’s eyes went dark. “I don’t know.”
“Fair enough.”
“I was angry at you for a long time.”
I took a deep breath and exhaled. “I knew you’d be. That’s why it was so difficult for me to approach you to make my amends.”
“I suspected as much. But you have to remember, Mac, I was angry with you because no matter what I tried to do for you, you kept drinking. I couldn’t reach you anymore. When you drank, you went someplace else and I wasn’t welcome there. I loved you more than anyone I’ve ever loved in my life, and you were killing yourself with the drinking. I didn’t know you anymore. And when I found out I was pregnant, I had to make the decision to save myself from you. And to save the baby.”
I turned away, unable to look at her.
“I’m sorry, Maddy,” I whispered.
“I know you are, Mac.”
“Can you ever forgive me?”
“I already have,” she whispered.
I turned back and looked into her pale blue eyes. “You sure?”
Maddy stared at me. “Yes, Mac, I’m sure.” She paused for a moment. “When I was coming home from New York, it occurred to me I hadn’t been fair to you. I was holding you to a standard I wasn’t keeping myself.”
“Wow. How so?” I was intrigued.
“I realized I had been so angry for the past six years, that I wasn’t seeing what I was doing. I broke up with you because your drinking had harmed our relationship to the point of no return. I was angry with myself because I couldn’t bring you around. I couldn’t stop you from drinking. I was so resentful of what you had done to me that I decided to get back at you by
not telling you about Charlie. Sure, I didn’t want her to be affected by your drinking, but at the same time I wanted to hurt you for hurting me.
“I was wrong for doing that. I should have told you about her from the beginning. And now she’s gone, thanks to me. I’m so sorry. I—I—”
Maddy started to cry again. I put my arms around her and she buried her face against my neck.
I gently pulled her away from me. “Listen to me, Maddy. You had every right to protect her from me. I deserved not being told, and it served me right. And I was a coward for not making amends with you sooner. If I hadn’t hesitated in approaching you, things could have turned out differently. Maybe you could have told me sooner about her. So, it’s my fault things worked out the way they did. I forgive you for not telling me about her, Maddy. And it’s forgotten. What happens now is what matters.”
Maddy was quiet for a few moments.
“I need to ask you something, Mac.”
“Anything.”
“Would you want to have a relationship with her?”
“Absolutely! I want to get to know her. I want to be her father.”
Maddy hugged me. “Okay, Mac, she’s yours. From now on.”
“And yours too, Maddy. We can make this work.”
“I hope you’re right.”
“Do me a favor,” I asked.
“Sure.”
“Show me her room?”
“Her room?”
“Yeah, I want to see her bedroom.”
“Are you serious? Why?”
“It’s surprising what a bedroom can tell you about someone.”
“You’re a writer, Mac, not a psychologist.”
“Well, I’ve learned it takes a little psychology to be a writer.”
“How?”
“Being a writer is more than just writing down what people say and do. Seeing someone in their element tells me just as much as the words they say. Sometimes more.”
A wary Maddy stood up. “Okay, Mac, come on. I’ll show you.” She took my hand and led me up to the second floor. We went into the second bedroom on the left.
As soon as I entered the room I experienced a sensation that took me by complete surprise. I noticed a very foreign, yet familiar scent. It was so surreal, yet I recognized it right away. In a simple, primitive way I could detect Charlie’s scent. It was almost as if by scent I knew that Charlie was mine, as if it was my DNA that had recognized hers.
