Chewie and I went back to load up the Millennium Falcon with the reward that was going to save us from oblivion. Luke came by to harass me one more time. Sure, I was feeling pretty weird about seeing him off to his death and me doing nothing about it. But I didn’t let on that anything was on my mind. My smart mouth kept working despite my conflict.
I offered to let him come with me. I said I could use a good fighter. Which seemed to disgust him even more. He finally left, but not before I found myself saying, and of all things, meaning it: “May the Force be with you.” It just kind of popped out. I don’t know. Luke had that warrior’s glow you read about in the ancient histories. It made me want to say something decent to him.
Then Chewie starts in with his looks again. He wasn’t going to let up on me yet. Money right there in his hands and he’s ready to walk away from it. A Chewie I’d never seen before.
Actually, I wasn’t exactly myself either. It was like I was two people with different ideas about what to do. The old me that knew how to take care of myself was having an argument with some new guy who wanted to be a hero or something.
So, I ended this conversation I was having with myself and started watching all these kids and ragtag pilots climbing into their fighters. They were ready for their suicide mission, pumped up. Even Artoo looked excited being plopped into the back of Luke’s X-wing. His buddy Threepio was trying to stay calm and be of some use to the princess. I was so keyed up I was imagining an emotional life for the droids. You can’t help but do that sometimes.
It’s funny how there’s never a right way to say good-bye to people.
I was hanging back like some shadow creature so Leia couldn’t give me her princess stare. But I was watching and listening to the beginning of the attack on the Death Star. I was imagining the shock of our pilots when they first spotted that enormous space station.
Listening to the incoming reports of Rebel ships being destroyed really shook me up. I knew Luke was out there watching his new pals being blown into nothing and still moving forward, waiting for his big chance. I could just see him and Artoo, courageous as ever, barreling around the Death Star.
It seemed like I could see the whole thing unfolding. Maybe it’s from being a pilot or from always being on the run, but I could sense where everyone was. Not just that, it was like I knew when a guy would make his next move. My mind turned into this giant computer grid.
I was going half crazy just sitting there. Not doing anything. So I left. What was the point in sticking around for the obvious conclusion?
I didn’t want to see Leia trying to be brave. I knew that every time a ship was destroyed, it would take a little light out of her. You know how someone seems a little less human when they lose people they love? A little more like a zombie?
Ahhh, anyway, it made my heart hurt just to look at her. She and Luke already seemed like they had known each other forever. I couldn’t imagine what was going to happen when he went down.
Not to mention the countdown was on. Everybody was listening to this dismembered voice, “Death Star approaching. Estimated time for firing range, fifteen minutes.” How handy to know beforehand when you’re going to be annihilated. I was out of there.
DATA PAD ENTRY 13
Han: Chewie and I had the Falcon loaded. We boarded her without saying much. I was too busy talking to myself again.
We blasted off. I’d made it. I had the money to pay off Jabba. The Imperials were too busy to pay any attention to the Falcon’s exit. I had a clear ride ahead of me.
So what was the problem? I should have been feeling great. A free man again. But I couldn’t help myself. I had to monitor the battle going on back at the Death Star. Chewie and I were silently taking in the destruction of the Rebel pilots. Those boys were going at their mission with everything they had. They were standing tall against the Imperial forces and their TIE fighters. It really got to me.
It was tough going for the Rebel pilots—either they couldn’t get near the opening to shoot the big one down the shaft, or they couldn’t hit a target that small once they did. They were covering for each other at extreme risk. I couldn’t even keep track of how many pilots had gone down. It was last-chance time when they gave the word to Luke.
Suddenly, I knew we were heading the wrong way. We turned the Falcon around and torked at maximum speed to the Death Star.
Three new TIE fighters had entered the fray.
I had a bad feeling about those guys. Time was running out and it was up to the kid to pull off a miracle. They were closing in on him. I figured if there was going to be one last fight, at least it was going to be a fair one.
Luke was down there skimming along the trench in his X-wing with his computer turned off, ready to blast one down the chute by eye-balling it—if he could get the chance. Well, I was there to give him that chance. Those TIE boys didn’t see me coming. See, there’s an advantage to entering the game late: The element of surprise.
Sai’da: So you entered the battle for Luke?
Han: Kind of. But more than that. I couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t want those Imperial TIEs humming down passageways behind any of our boys. They’re an evil-looking bunch, the Imperial forces, including their ships. Even after all the casualties and failed attempts, each Rebel was willing to give his life for Luke’s chance to blow the Death Star out of the galaxy. That kind of bravery gets to you. I knew I had to help the kid. And at that moment I knew in my gut that I was with the Rebel Alliance. It’s like it all becomes clear. And when you know something that sure inside of you, your body just takes off and all you can do is follow. I was going to make sure that Darth Vader—and don’t ask me how I knew it was him—didn’t ruin the kid’s chance.
I told you I like action. Coming at those Imperial TIEs and giving them the surprise of their lives was pretty wild. The Death Star was seconds from eliminating the Rebel base. Talk about changing the course of history for the galaxy. That would have been a grim story for you.
But it didn’t happen. First I blasted one of the wingmen. A clear shot. He didn’t know what hit him. That got the attention of the other two. There was no time for subtle games or maneuvers. I just came right at those TIE fighters. Scared the one guy into making a move that slammed him against the wall of the trench. But not before he’d nicked Darth Vader’s wing and sent him spinning out of control into space.
I think getting to say, “You’re all clear, kid,” to Luke was one of the high points of my life.
And the kid. I still can’t believe it. Luke dropped those proton torpedoes down the chute and made something beautiful out of evil. The Death Star exploded into a star field like nothing you’ve ever seen. What are the chances of hitting a shot like that? One in a million! Amazing. The kid really showed his stuff.
DATA PAD ENTRY 14
Sai’da: How were you feeling about yourself once you joined in the battle?
Han: Thrilled. When the Death Star exploded and the reality of the situation hit—that was something. Flying the Falcon back to the base with the other Rebels, thinking about what we had just done… I mean, it was unbelievable. This scrappy little group of Rebels had taken down the biggest space station in history!
I wasn’t used to being a part of the good guy team, if you know what I mean. Outwitting the Imperial forces with a smuggled load is one thing. But going up against them was something else. And not for any reward, but because it was the right thing to do.
Most of the excitement was from the simple high of battle, but part of it was from belonging to something bigger than myself. When you’re working together with people you believe in, your world suddenly seems a little bigger. It’s a rush. For a while anyway.
Instead of turning the Falcon around and jumping into hyperspace like I normally would have, I followed the boys back to base.
Yeah, we were a wild bunch of pilots. We felt alive. We couldn’t say enough nice things about each other. I was even proud of the little R2 unit. I was thinking of him as
wounded in battle! And Threepio was so beside himself with worry over Artoo that he offered to donate his circuits to him. We were all crazy in the way that being happy can make you sometimes. I was hugging Luke and Leia. Chewie and I were cheering and embracing like long-lost brothers.
All the Rebel forces were yelling for us once we got back, and it seemed like we were a big, happy, friendly family.
Eventually things calmed down, though. I got ahold of myself. Then doubt crept in again, like, what do I think I’m doing hanging out here with these people? I’ve got debts to pay and a life to live. I can’t go chasing around the galaxy like some hero with a fairy princess and her noble knight.
DATA PAD ENTRY 15
Han: Odd. Now here I am, the big hero, locked up and helpless while the fairy princess is held captive. Great fairy tale. And where is the noble knight?
Chewbacca: Bwaarrk!
Han: You think so, Chewie? Well, I hope you’re right about Luke. I’ve got to admit that just remembering how he took the Death Star gives me hope. Last minute saves. That’s something Luke and I have in common.
Sai’da: It seems you have much in common.
Han: You’ve got to be kidding!
Sai’da: It’s true that I don’t know Luke, but it certainly seems your fates are interlinked.
Han: Can’t deny that.
Sai’da: Yes, and it appears that the explosion of the Death Star didn’t end your association. I thought you wished to return to Tatooine with the money for Jabba the Hutt. Considering your current circumstances, something must have detained you. Your newfound affection for…
Han: No!
Chewbacca: Vrowk-rr-vorghh.
Han: True, one thing leads to another, and maybe if we had left before the ceremony, things would have turned out different. But the ceremony itself is not important, Chewie.
Sai’da: A ceremony? I believe the ritual of ceremony for any given culture is of interest.
Han: You would.
Chewbacca: Rruumpph!
Han: Okay, pal.
I don’t really want to talk about the ceremony, Sai’da, but since Chewbacca wants to hear about it again for some peculiar Wookiee reason, I guess you’re in luck.
To begin with, I had my doubts about the ceremony. It was a little too formal for my taste. Plus, I didn’t like all the show. And I was pretty eager to get back to Tatooine. But everybody, especially Leia, wanted to honor me.
I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want anyone to have to beg me. I mean, they’re good people and how could I turn away from them? But I needed some time alone.
There was too much excitement. I thought if I could just think things through, I could figure out my life a little.
Luke showed up first. What a great kid, when you get right down to it. He was so happy. He kept saying he knew I would join the fight and not let him down. How an ace pilot like me deserved a ceremony.
It was like I was his new best friend. His sincerity embarrassed me a little. That kid has a feeling and he just shows it, you know? The ceremony thing was made for guys like him. I told him I’d consider it after he’d hugged me for about the tenth time.
“Ben would have wanted it,” Luke said. “He would have been proud. I know he’s proud. I know he knows.”
The kid was starting to sound like the old man. He was even getting that look in his eye.
Then the commander came to see me. I was honored. And he said he would be honored if I would stay for the ceremony. Everyone was being so nice to me that I was starting to feel a little shy. Which for me is a new way of being. I mean, everyone was a hero in this battle, so why was I getting the medal?
But it was Leia who really got to me. She talked about all the guys who didn’t make it back to the base, all those brave kids. She said how she wished they could be there for the ceremony. It would mean something to them. And if it didn’t mean anything to me, then think of the pilots who died for the Alliance and for one another. At least I could honor them.
She was right. I couldn’t turn my back on what they had died for and just say, “Oh, no thanks. I’m taking my reward and heading home.”
It was such a small thing she was asking me to do. And yet it was a big thing, honoring those who had made the ultimate sacrifice.
I said yes.
She was so gentle. And beautiful. Once she had accomplished her mission, she had a chance to rest. It looked good on her. Even her voice seemed softer.
Chewie was thrilled. He had wanted to stay all along.
DATA PAD ENTRY 16
Han: Now that everybody was in agreement about the ceremony, all we had to do was show up. Luke, Chewie, and I were dressed in our finest, which wasn’t much, and waiting for the big deal.
Suddenly the door zoomed open and there we were. Rebels were lined up in formation like they were the leaders of the entire Galactic Empire. There was an aisle for us to walk down. So off we went, Luke and I in the front, followed by Chewbacca, who was so excited he was howling his best Wookiee howl.
Luke and I were a little more contained. At least on the outside.
I have to tell you, though, once I got over how stupid I felt, it was a thrill parading down that tarmac to the stage with all those troops lined up in respect for us.
It was a thrill, wasn’t it, buddy? A big-time deal.
Chewbacca: Arrorrkkk!
Han: We looked out at all these Rebels standing tall and we were a part of them. Being respected by honorable men and women is not something I’d experienced a lot of in my life.
Okay. It got to me, all right? I was happy for a while there.
The princess was in a charming mood, too. She slipped the medal over my head and smiled. No wise comments. I winked at her so she’d know I understood she was crazy about me. No, I was just feeling good. Not much you can actually say at a time like that.
And Luke, the kid looked so happy and proud I was about ready to adopt him.
Even the droids seemed happy. Artoo was beeping away and Threepio was patting him on the head. I’m thinking they actually do have more emotion than we give them credit for. Heck, I’m thinking I have more emotion than I give myself credit for.
That ceremony was one time we were all in agreement. No arguing over what to do or who was right or where the money was or who was giving orders. Just all of us feeling good that things had turned out right. We’d each done our job in the way we knew how. Life’s usually a little more complicated than that, trust me.
Once the ceremony was over we were back to making decisions about the rest of our lives. Back to being just ordinary human beings. For better or worse.
Sai’da: But didn’t the ceremony change you in some way?
Han: I don’t know. Maybe it did. Once I was treated with that kind of respect, I started looking at myself in a different way. Wondering who I could be, not just how I could make the next cash transaction.
Not that I figured it all out right then and there. I still haven’t, actually. I mean, look where all that reflection got me, Sai’da—sitting blind in this damp, cold cell waiting for that filthy, oozing creature that’s got Leia to come kill me.
It always comes back to that, doesn’t it?
DATA PAD ENTRY 17
Han: I’m still worried about Leia. I need to stretch instead of sitting on this cold, wet bench. That’s better. Don’t let me walk into a wall, Chewie.
Do they ever feed you in this nightmare? I mean, I haven’t had a meal in a year now. I’m starting to think I might be hungry.
Sai’da: I’m not aware of their meal schedule for prisoners. But I don’t think they are terribly concerned about your well-being.
Han: No kidding. Have you ever considered they might not let you out of here? Of course, how different can this be from the monk’s life?
Sai’da: Oh, very different. To be deprived of my books would be unthinkable.
Han: You know, I understand your interest in history. I really do. I’m not without a certain interest my
self. But sometimes don’t you want to actually be out and living life, making some history of your own?
Sai’da: It is a desire I try to contain. It is not considered a proper concern in my order.
Han: Sure, but that doesn’t change the desire, does it? I mean, let’s say I get out of here with a little assistance from you. Wouldn’t you like to take a look at some of those places you read about? Maybe see a few ancient scrolls? Walk through a temple of unknown origin?
Sai’da: You do those things?
Han: You’d be surprised at the interesting situations you get into as a smuggler. It’s not all a matter of life or death. Tell me you wouldn’t like to take a cruise around the galaxy on the Millennium Falcon.
Sai’da: Well, certainly, I understand the appeal. Although it is heresy for me to even admit that. But I am, after all, human. Far too human to be worthy of the B’omarr Order, I fear.
Han: We’ve all got our inner battles, it seems. One thing about being in carbonite, I realize situations are a lot more complex than even I figured.
Chewbacca: Waarrk!
Han: Chewie says he hears someone coming. You expecting the guard?
Sai’da: No. I would not think so soon.
Han: Listen, my friend, whatever happens, don’t forget the deal we made. I can trust you, right?
Sai’da: Yes. Most assuredly.
Han: Chewie, who is it? Did Sai’da leave?
Chewbacca: Arroarwwk!
Han: Boba Fett?
Sai’da: I will return…
Han: I was just saying the smell couldn’t get any worse in here. And you show up, Fett, and make a liar out of me. So, what brings a rat like you down—
DATA PAD ENTRY 18
Sai’da: My conversation with Han Solo has come to a halt—a temporary one, I hope. But there is no telling what Boba Fett, the most notorious bounty hunter in the galaxy, will do to him.
Star Wars Journal - Hero for Hire by Han Solo Page 6
