Glen reaches out to stop me from opening the door. “No. Trust me, if she's upset, you need to give her time. Eva's like a wall once she's pissed. Anything you say falls on deaf ears, but simultaneously fuels the fire.”
Sighing, I nod and follow him to his car. “This seems so stupid to me,” I mumble. Then, I recap what happened. “I see why she's upset now, but I didn't even know she wanted to move in! She stays over a lot, yeah, but I don't know. It feels like I walked into a trap. Are you sure I don't need to try to talk to her?” I finish as he pulls into my apartment complex. Not talking to her, not trying to fix this, doesn't sit well with me at all.
Glen seems to think about it. “I get your side, but...” he trails off.
“But what?” I ask urgently.
He hesitates before deciding to continue. “Eva has always been easygoing and her life motto would be to go with the flow without many second guesses.”
“And she's been second guessing everything since she found out about Kelly,” I fill in for him, feeling defeated as he nods. For the first time, I wish Kelly had simply broken up with me. This thing with her is fucking everything up. All I want is Eva and to move forward. I don't know how to make her stop doubting us. I think, overall, she believes in me, in us, but there's a small part full of doubt. “How do I make her see it?” I ask quietly to no one in particular.
“For starter's, don't laugh at the idea of living with her,” Glen answers. “I don't think either of you were anticipating what you were getting yourselves into with one another. I don't think you can make her see it either. Eva likes to be sure of herself and I think as long as you keep treating her like you have, she'll end up sure. She'll come around to that point. Just give her a little time.”
I move my hand to the door handle, but lean my head against the headrest. “The one person I thought I never wanted to lose has turned out to be the one person I wish would stay away.” I sigh heavily for what feels like the millionth time. “Thanks for the ride, Glen.” With that, I get out and head inside.
My phone rings. With disappointment, I see it's not Eva. With fury, I see it's Kelly instead. Twice in one night? I don't even care what she wants. I answer and snap, “Damn it, stop calling! You wanted me to see other people and I am. I can't continue seeing Eva if you keep calling me. My girl, who apparently never doubts, can't stop because of this stupid fucking situation you put me in. I want out, Kelly. Completely. Once and for all. Be happy and live your life without me being part of it. Please,” the anger diminishes with that last word, turning me into a beggar.
There's a silence and then, the call ends. Kelly hangs up. I feel guilty for talking to her so harshly, but I feel relieved for saying it. Now, if I can only get Eva to stop being mad at me.
A distant banging startles me awake. I feel restless. I've been tossing and turning all night, waking up each time. All because I don't like how I left things with Eva. I throw my covers to the side and walk down the hallway. A quick glance at the microwave in the kitchen shows that it's three AM.
“Come on, Emerson,” I hear my favorite voice grumbling as she knocks.
I unlock the door and swing it open with flourish, my eyes dying to see her.
And there she is.
She's wearing sweatpants and my hoodie. Her black curly hair is frizzy and her blue eyes play peek-a-boo as she blinks slowly at me twice before it clicks that I opened the door. I'm unsure why, maybe because it's so early, maybe because she looks like she's been sleeping like I have, but I wordlessly open my arms.
Eva steps forward, wrapping her arms around me. She sighs. It's the kind of sigh one makes when they've been away from home for a long time and just walked through their front door. Being back where things are stable, where everything is in its place, where you can relax and chill because you're finally home. That's what her sigh sounds like to me. Hell, it feels that way to me, too.
“I'm sorry,” she mutters into my chest.
“For what?” I ask, stepping back enough so I can close the door behind her. Honestly, I'm confused. What is she sorry about? For how she feels? An apology isn't needed for that.
“I overreacted and made Glen take you home. I've been sleeping like crap and couldn't take it anymore.” She tilts her head back to look at me. “That's how much you mean to me, Emerson. I got out of bed immediately to come see you.”
I laugh. I can't help it. “C'mon, sunshine. Let's go lay down.”
“I want to talk,” she says as a protest.
“We will,” I promise.
But when we lie down, cuddled together, we fall asleep before any more words can be spoken. I sleep peacefully until she wakes me up again in the morning. She must have woken up before me because she's not her usual grumpy self when I open my eyes. She's solemn, but not grouchy.
“I'm sorry,” she repeats, not wasting any time. “The way you said it and reacted rubbed me the wrong way. I haven't even seriously considered it. Catherine has mentioned it a few times in a joking kind of way. I think the first time she said you were going to ask me, I laughed and said you weren't. But I felt like you thought it was so absurd and impossible to consider. Then you kept talking about how we weren't serious enough.” She shakes her head “That was so hard to hear,” she whispers.
I wrap a curl around one of my fingers, rubbing my thumb over the soft strands. “Eva, it was a knee-jerk reaction and once I said it, I was screwed. Nothing I could've said would've helped.” She nods in agreement. “You're already over here a lot because I want you around so much. Moving in is a big step. There would have to be a conversation about it first, probably more than one. I laughed because I was caught off guard and I figured you'd be on the same page.”
“We are, I think,” she says.
“Yeah? What page are we on?” I ask.
“The one where moving in sounds like a good idea, but then when one of us is too much for the other and we need some space, we'd have nowhere to go. So, everything is fine the way it is.” She gives me a small smile. “If I'm over here four or more nights a week, then let's talk again, or closer to the end of the semester.”
I kiss her forehead. “It's a plan.”
“You can stay in bed this time. I'll shower first.” She gives me a quick kiss before getting up, grabbing her overnight bag on the way.
I'm kind of impressed. Eva's never the first one out of bed. I don't want to lie here though. I get up, hearing the water running. I open the door, intending to join her, but I spot a box of feminine products on the counter. Joining her probably isn't going to happen. I quietly close the door and return to bed until she's done. Faintly, I wonder if her monthly visit is part of why she got pissed off so quickly last night. I shake my head of the thought, knowing if I voiced that aloud, she'd kick my ass for saying it.
Eva ends up fixing breakfast while I'm in the shower. We may not live together and may not quite be ready to make that level of commitment, but our routines if we did are already in place. She's comfortable here as if it was her own, too.
“You better enjoy me while I'm here,” Eva tells me, distracting me from my thoughts.
“Why's that?”
“I'll probably stay at my dorm since midterms are next week. I need to study my ass off because I feel like I've been slacking lately. Plus, Catherine broke up with her boyfriend, and she needs me.”
“Shit. I almost forgot about midterms.” Eva laughs, shaking her head at me, and I add, “Are you working Saturday?”
“No.”
“Then study your heart out and we'll take Saturday off to visit my parents if you want.”
Eva nods. “Sounds good to me. I'll be more than ready for a break by then. I'm going to go ahead and leave. I need to go by my dorm before class.” She rinses her plate, retrieves her bag from my room, and returns to kiss me. “Don't miss me too much, okay?” She grins.
“No promises. Give me another kiss and go before you're late.”
She does and then is on her way. I turn my head
to watch her leave, feeling her absence immediately. Here, she has her own comforter, her own toothbrush, and she's started to leave her toiletries in my bathroom. I don't mind either. I like seeing touches of her here, especially since she thinks my apartment is pretty bare in terms of personal items.
After all of that, I kind of want her to move in now. I shake my head at myself.
“JUST CALL HIM.” It's the advice I've been giving for four days now. Catherine and I have been studying for our midterms all week, and when we aren't, she's moping over her break up with Parker. The break up she made happen. I swear, I think we've eaten four cartons of ice cream between the two of us. The only thing it's doing is making us feel worse; her because of her situation and me because junk food on my period doesn't mesh well for me. I'm to the point now where if she complains one more time, I'm going to strangle her.
“I can't.”
“You can,” I interrupt. “You just won't. Come on, Catherine. You broke up with him for a stupid reason. Call him, explain what happened, and he'll take you back for sure.” She shakes her head like he won't. “He's stopped by twice every day for almost a week, trying to get you back. Trust me. He'll welcome you with open arms.” I massage my forehead, gaining a headache and wishing I had my heating pad to help with my cramps until the Midol kicks in. This is definitely one of those weeks when I hate being a girl. I'm miserable.
“It's not that simple, Eva. Maybe he won't want to deal with my issues after I explain them.”
Withholding my sigh is almost impossible, but I manage to do it. “Then he isn't worth it. And Cath, you have commitment issues. That's a walk in the park compared to you being a crazy psycho bitch or something. For the sake of our friendship and your sanity, go talk to him.”
She watches me for a second. “You're snappy today.”
“Sorry, I'm tired.” I've been studying too much as well, I think. An idea hits me. I pick up my phone. It's charging because I wasn't paying attention and let it completely die. Pretending it isn't charged enough to turn on, I ask, “Can I borrow your phone? I want to text Emerson and my phone isn't on yet.”
Catherine shrugs and tosses it to me. I pull up her messages and text Parker. She needs a push in the direction she wants to go. All the message says is that she wants to talk and asks him to come over. His reply comes so fast, he must've had his phone in his hand already. Or else he was desperately waiting for a text from her. I'm betting it's mostly the latter.
Parker made one silly comment about going to a concert with her in the spring and she freaks out and breaks up with him because of her commitment issues. She still hasn't told me any clues as to why she practically has a phobia over it, but I don't want her to ruin what is obviously a good relationship.
“I'm going to Emerson's,” I tell her. “I need a break and someone to cuddle with.”
I casually set her phone on the nightstand and she doesn't pick it up, thankfully. I don't want my plan foiled until it's too late. Quickly, I pack my things. By the time I'm done, there's a knock on the door. Catherine goes to answer it, but I stop her.
“Remember I love you and want what's best for you,” I say before opening the door. “Hey, Parker. I texted you for Catherine because she wouldn't do it. Don't leave until you're back together, okay?” He seems surprised, but he nods. I face Catherine, who looks grateful and upset at the same time. “Next time I see you, you better not be single.”
She nods and then I leave. I call Emerson on my way to the car.
“Are you home?” I ask.
“Almost. I just got off work. Why? What's up?”
“I need you,” I tell him simply and quietly.
“I'm about to pass by the campus. Do you want me to pick you up?” His lack of hesitation and readiness to help me makes my heart surge with love. I already feel a little better.
“No, I'll drive. My class starts earlier than yours tomorrow.”
“All right, I'll see you in a few minutes then.”
We hang up. We end up arriving within seconds of one another. Emerson looks tired, but he gives me a smile anyway. He also gives me a bear hug, which makes me feel even better. He holds me close, his face pressed against my neck.
“Mm. You're just what I needed, Eva.”
“That's good to hear and all, but it's cold out here and I forgot my hoodie.”
Emerson laughs, releasing me but taking my hand. “Don't you mean my hoodie?” he asks as we begin walking to his apartment.
“Nope. It's mine now.”
He smiles, not saying anything else until we reach his apartment. “I didn't think I would see you for two more days. Everything okay? You didn't sound too great on the phone.”
“Everything's fine mostly. Do you want to shower or anything first?” He looks ready to crash. I'm ready to lie down too, so I want to get him to that point as well.
“You don't mind? You don't want to talk first?”
“No, no. Let me in the bathroom and then you can shower. I can wait to talk. It's not that important. And really, all I want is to lay with you.”
He nods, so I head to the bathroom to get ready for bed. When we walk past one another to switch places, he kisses me gently. We stand there for a moment, kissing, and Emerson once again blows me away with how he can make me feel worshipped and treasured so easily. Stress from the week begins to chip away with every second he kisses me.
“I'll be quick,” he murmurs against my lips.
And then, he's gone.
I crawl into his bed, not feeling tired at all anymore. My stomach is free of cramps, but my headache isn't letting up at all. I deeply inhale the scent of his sheets. It smells more like detergent than Emerson. He must have washed them recently.
God, I've missed him. We've been texting, but I haven't seen him since Monday morning. Between class, work, studying, and Catherine, there hasn't been much time. Plus, he's been busy too. I'm definitely a girl who needs to physically be around my guy on a regular basis.
Emerson stays true to his word. He's in bed with me within twenty minutes. He pulls me against him, holding me as close as possible. “I've missed you,” he says, his chin lightly rubbing against the top of my head as he speaks. “I've missed this.” His arms tighten around me briefly.
“Me too.” I slip my leg between his to make us even closer.
His heartbeat and breathing are almost rhythmic, luring me into peacefulness.
“Did you want to talk?”
“No, just hold me.”
He chest moves with his chuckle. “Wasn't planning to let go.”
The pounding in my head gets worse, so I move way enough to massage my temples. Emerson frowns.
“Do you want me to get you something for your headache?” he asks.
“I've already taken something.”
He grabs my wrists, removing my hands, and begins to massage for me. I moan because oh, my God. His hands are magic and so much better than my own. I ignore his chuckle, closing my eyes to enjoy how it feels instead. “Tell me about your day. How's Catherine doing?”
I told him yesterday about what happened. “I texted Parker to come over and left them to fix things. She wants him so much, but she wasn't willing to doing anything about it. I sped things up for her. Hopefully, they'll make up. I can't handle any more ice cream.”
He laughs. “And what about your day?”
“Work, class, and studying. When I told Catherine I was leaving, I told her I needed someone to cuddle with. Aren't you glad I chose you to be that someone?”
“It's the best thing to happen to me all day. Does your head feel better?”
“Yes, thank you.” Emerson wraps his arms around me and I cuddle closer. “How was your day?”
“Similar to yours.” His blinks are coming in longer intervals and I know he's getting closer to falling asleep.
“How come you never have bad days?” I ask, realizing he's never really said he's had a bad day except the one day when I did too.
�
�I do,” he reassures me, never opening his eyes. “But then I see you, and it all goes away.”
Aw. “Good answer. Good night, Emerson,” I whisper with a smile.
“Night.”
He holds me throughout the night, giving me what I needed. He can make a semi-bad day better and that's worth so much. It's times like these when it's impossible to doubt us. We feel too perfect, make everything better, and undoubtedly have a strong connection. Maybe it is too soon, but this, how it feels to be with him right now, I want for the rest of my life. I sigh happily and close my eyes.
“Eva, it's so good to see you again!” Mrs. Montgomery hugs me tightly before turning to Emerson. “I've missed you,” she says to him, hugging him as well.
“Missed you too, Mom. Where's Dad?”
“I sent him to the grocery store. Let's have a seat.”
We follow her into the den where she sits on a love seat as Emerson and I take the couch. His mom showers us with questions about school, work, and our relationship. There's a small touch of disappointment in me as she makes it clear that she doesn't know a lot about me. I would have thought Emerson would have shared more whenever he talks to her.
When Mr. Montgomery arrives, Emerson leaves us to help him bring in the bags of food. His mother leans forward, causing me to do the same. Her voice is soft as she speaks and it's like she's sharing a secret with me.
“I'm sorry to pepper you with so many questions, but Emerson doesn't call often, so I'm out of the loop.”
I feel bad for being relieved. It's not that he doesn't talk about me; it's that he doesn't talk to his mother. His mother is so wonderful, so nice and sweet, often reminding me of my own mother. Why doesn't he call her? If he has time for me, he has time to talk to his mother for ten minutes.
Without a Doubt Page 17
