“You've had someone close to you die before?” she asks in that nosey Eva way of hers I've missed.
I nod. “My grandparents. You haven't?”
She shakes her head. “No. This is my first funeral.”
Well, that explains why she told me had no clue how to help. Even not knowing, she's managed to do everything I need her to do for me. I want to kiss her forehead, whisper how much I love her, but this isn't the time nor place. Instead, I take her hand, shut my door, and say, “Let's go.”
The parking lot is full, overwhelmingly so. There are a few small groups of people standing outside. There are friends from high school, people I don't recognize, and Kelly's uncles, aunts, and cousins milling around. They all seem to notice us at the same time. From this point on, we're going through the motions. People shake my hand or hug me, and apologize for my loss. It's as if Kelly and I never broke up, as if Eva isn't standing next to me.
Introducing her is pointless because they've moved on by the time I can get a word in. We eventually make it inside where more people are seemingly waiting to bombard us. Eva taps my hand and squeezes. I was holding on too hard again. I loosen my grip and I'm able to give her an apologetic smile before someone else comes up to me.
When we walk into the room where the wake is being held, my eyes are glued to the dark wooden casket. At least it's a closed casket. For the moment, the world narrows to only Eva and me. Kelly's parents are standing next to the casket, speaking to those occupying their attention. I gulp, feeling a little lightheaded.
“Let's sit down for a moment,” Eva suggests quietly, tugging on my hand. There are all of five chairs in the room, all sitting against three of the four walls. Eva leads me to an empty one in the corner, farthest away from everyone. I sit down while she perches on the armrest next to me, resting an arm around my shoulders.
The room feels like it's getting smaller and closing in on me. My throat aches. Swallowing is getting progressively worse as I blink rapidly to hold back the tears. Instinctively, I angle toward Eva and wrap my arms around her waist, laying my head on my forearm. I just need a moment. Her fingers play in my hair with her soothing touch. It's not enough though. My skin prickles and with my eyes closed, all I can see is her casket with the sickening knowledge of her being inside. Eva shifts. Next thing I know, she's sitting sideways in my lap, wrapping her arms around my shoulders as I bury my face into her neck. I inhale deeply. Her perfume begins to ground me.
“Okay?” she whispers.
I nod. I'm getting there.
A hushed, harsh whisper says, “You do not need to be sitting in his lap right now.”
I ignore it. This is what I need to get through this. Everyone's opinion be damned. Eva twists her head and in the same tone replies, “With all due respect, Mrs. Montgomery, please go away. It would be more helpful if you gave us a moment.”
Shit. It's my mom? A moment goes by and I kiss her neck in appreciation.
“I don't think your mother likes me anymore.”
I was starting to think the same thing to be honest. It's like all of a sudden, Mom disapproves of Eva. I don't know if it's because of what has happened with Kelly or because of Luke.
“People are starting to walk out.” She glances away. “Her parents are free for a moment if you're ready to see them.”
How could I ever be ready for a moment like this? I lift my head to meet her eyes. I cup her face and rest my forehead against hers. “Thank you.” All she does is nod before standing up.
She was right. Some people have walked out. Mrs. Price is looking at us and for a moment, I feel terrible for being weak and needing Eva to hold me together so publicly. I take Eva's hand before walking over to them. Her father is a short, stout man and the frown he always seemed to wear when I was around is more prominent on his face.
He shakes my hand, nodding once as I give them my condolences again. Kelly's mom hugs me tightly. They acknowledge Eva before turning their attention on me.
“Are you going to the service as well?” she asks.
“Yes, ma'am.”
“Good. You're more than welcome to sit with us, Emerson. You were practically family anyway and I would like to have you there.”
Shit. I'm going to have to leave Eva's side to do that, but I can't tell her no. I nod in agreement.
“Thank you.” She squeezes my hand.
I nod again. “We'll see you there.” Quickly, I turn and walk away, hurrying outside and to my truck. Funerals are awkward to begin with. Everyone wants to tell you how sorry they are, bring food you'll never be able to eat all of, and then you have to be near this dead body, which isn't the person you're mourning. That person is gone the moment their heart stops beating. I don't want to say goodbye to a shell. I don't want to be around it either. And then, if you're on the other side of the fence, you never really know what to say other than sorry.
I lean against the driver's door of my truck, looking up at the sky as I tilt my head back. We have fifteen minutes before we'll need to start making our way to cemetery. I don't know if I can do this, being up there with her parents, up at the front and so close to her. How am I supposed to keep it together if I can't put some of my focus on Eva? What the hell was Kelly even thinking doing this to me?
Eva's hands rest on my chest and I glance down at her. “You need this, Emerson. You'll be fine,” she reassures me. When I nod, she puts some pressure on my chest with her hands. “Stop nodding. You have a mouth and a voice, use them. Last time all you did was nod, you blew up at Glen.”
“Sorry,” I offer.
I chuckle when she nods, my lips lifting in a smile when she laughs softly, realizing she did what she just ordered me to stop doing. I catch sight of my parents over her shoulder. “I'm sorry about my mom. I don't know what her problem is.”
Eva shrugs, dropping her hands. “It was probably inappropriate for me to do, but she didn't have to fuss at me over it.”
“No, she didn't,” I agree.
People are beginning to get into their vehicles, so we do the same. I lift Eva into the truck before climbing in after her. The memory of Eva calling me her day-saver surges in my mind. She's been my day-saver for four days now. In some weird way, I could thank Kelly for being part of the reason Eva's here with me. I would be worse off without her. I'm still pissed at her decisions, but part of me is thankful.
Time seems to fly once we arrive. I tug on my collar and Eva kisses my cheek.
“I'll come find you when it's over,” she tells me.
“Okay,” I answer to keep from nodding. I find Kelly's parents and sit next to her mother. The family has seats arranged in rows in front of the casket while everyone else is left standing. I glance back to spot Eva and I'm blown away by the amount of people here. Kelly was amazing, but I wonder if her keeping her illness a secret and her sudden death is part of the reason it seems like the entire town is here.
The service starts soon enough and I tune out the man talking about her life. Memories of nearly my entire life play like a story in my head. Kelly is in almost every single one of them. She was my first best friend, my first crush, my first love. I wouldn't trade that time with her. She helped morph me into who I am today. She was a part of my life and I'm so thankful to have known her, to have loved her. Eva begins filtering into my memories. I didn't think it was possible to love someone more than I loved Kelly, but I was wrong. Maybe Kelly realized it was possible for me.
I blink and realize it's over. Her parents are standing in front of the casket. I watch them pat it in goodbye before turning away. I stand, walking up to it. Throwing everything I was thinking earlier out the window, I rest a hand on the casket.
“I still don't agree with how you did it, Kelly,” I speak under my breath. One of the last things she wrote in her letter was asking for my forgiveness. “I forgive you.” A weight lifts from my shoulders with the words.
I'VE BEEN MINDING my own business as I wait for Emerson to finish saying his goodbye. His
mother officially pissed me off at the funeral home. Emerson needed comfort and all I could think about was how he held me after he found out, so I sat that way with him. She didn't agree with me; I don't care because I was obviously right in what I thought he needed.
“Eva.” I turn at the sound of Mrs. Montgomery's voice. Ugh. She's really pushing me today. I've been trying to focus on Emerson and not the situation, but without Emerson here, it's harder to do. She's watching me as if she's waiting for me to say something.
“Can I help you?” I mentally wince at my tone. There's more bite in it than I intended.
Her eyes narrow. “What happened at the funeral home,” she begins and I feel like I'm about to be lectured.
“Was me helping Emerson,” I interrupt. He was holding onto me before I moved to his lap, but I don't think she saw that.
She purses her lips. “It was inappropriate.” Is she seriously doing this? We're at a funeral and she wants to chastise me? “It was disrespectful as well. Kelly was his girlfriend and best friend. You shouldn't have done it.”
I lower my voice. “I know who Kelly was to Emerson. I wasn't doing anything Emerson didn't want me to do. He was hurting and I was comforting him. As his mother, you should want his pain to be lessened.” She opens her mouth to object, looking shocked as if I attacked her parenting skills or something. “Why do you have a problem with me now?”
Her gaze turns steely. “His life should have been spent with Kelly.”
I stare at her with wide eyes, my mouth hanging open a bit. I don't understand what caused her to do a one-eighty.
“Everything okay?”
I snap out of it at the sound of Emerson's voice. “Yes, are you ready to go?”
“People are going over to their house,” Mrs. Montgomery says to Emerson. “You should go.”
He shakes his head. “I don't think I will. We've got that drive home, too.” He kisses her cheek, says goodbye, and leads us to his truck. When we get on the interstate, Emerson asks, “What did Mom say to you?”
“Nothing,” I lie. He doesn't need me to add onto today.
“You looked as if she had slapped you, Eva,” he points out. I wish she had because it felt like it. It probably wouldn't have hurt as much either. “What did she say?” he repeats.
I ignore him. “Did you say goodbye?”
He glances at me, but I don't acknowledge him. “Yes.” He adjusts the heat and adds, “I forgave her.”
“That's good.”
“I even thanked her.”
This time, I glance at him. “For what?”
He shrugs and uses one hand to undo the buttons at his neck. “Everything. The time she gave me and for the break. I don't agree with it still, but if I had known, I would have done exactly what she didn't want me to do.” He reaches for my hand. “And I wouldn't have met you.”
“Yes, you would have. You roomed with Glen. You would have met me eventually.”
“Maybe, but maybe not.” He stops long enough to take a breath. “What did she say?”
I lean my head against the headrest, thankful I'm on this side of the truck instead of on the middle. “Why do you think she hates me now?” I ask.
“Because of the funeral home. You didn't do as she thought you should and you went against her.”
Great. “I've done it twice now. Three times if you count that conversation.”
“When was the first time?” he asks as he changes lanes.
“When you walked outside that day? She told me not to follow you, and I ignored her.”
“I'm glad you did,” he says solemnly. Again, he doesn't let it go. “I think part of it with my mom is the thing with Luke. Mom has frowned upon most girls who are...associated...with Luke because she thinks they are as bad as he can be. They obviously aren't any good if they'll hook up with him like that, is her thinking. You started inching to her bad side then.”
“So I'm on her shit list for something that happened two years ago?”
He squeezes my hand. “Maybe. Don't worry about it.”
“I'm not supposed to worry about your mom hating me and thinking you shouldn't have ever been with me?” I blurt out.
He jerks his gaze in my direction and I immediately regret saying it. “What did she say to you, Eva?”
There's no escaping it this time. “She told me you should have been with Kelly.” I hurry to explain what led to her saying so.
He shakes his head. “I'm sorry, Eva. Kelly was like a daughter to her, but she shouldn't have said that to you. It's not your fault or mine that I wasn't with Kelly the past year and a half. It's Kelly's. She can't blame you for me being with you now. Ignore it.”
“Okay.” Being on his mother's good side is preferable, but Emerson's is the only opinion that matters to me. I reach out to find the country music station and adjust the volume, turning it higher just a bit.
We are quiet on the drive back, stopping to pick up food before we reach his apartment. Inside, I take off my heels, grateful to have them off my feet. Emerson asks me if I'm staying tonight, and I am, and with how my work schedule is for the next few days, I have a feeling I'll be staying here for the rest of the week. He's kept me within reach since Sunday, not that I've minded. I like being here with him.
Emerson goes to lie down on the couch, turning on the TV, while I throw away our trash. I glance at him, debating if I want to lie with him or make him pick up his feet. He's untucked his dress shirt and unbuttoned it, so it falls to his sides, revealing his undershirt. Emerson holds out his hand and makes the decision for me to lie with him.
“We should probably change,” I say.
He runs his hands up my back. “We will eventually. I just got comfortable.”
I snuggle into him, closing my eyes instead of watching the sports highlights.
“Let me see a hand,” Emerson requests. I give him one by lifting it above my head. Since his shoulders are leaning against the armrest, he's propped up some and I'm a bit low on his chest. I feel both his hands grab mine and he begins to massage it.
I smile. “You didn't forget.”
“I don't forget anything where you're involved.”
“Oh, now you're just trying to charm me.”
“Always,” he agrees. I roll my eyes. Before I can come up with some retort, his chest rises and falls with a deep breath. “I want to say something to you and I want you to take it. Don't analyze me for hidden or double meanings. Listen and accept it.”
Oh goodness. Is it going to be good or bad? I can't tell. He releases my hand and I shift to look up at him. He looks happy. His grief has been present in his blue eyes, but now, there's a happy glint dominating them. So, something good.
“First, you should know this is something I realized before now, before this past week happened. I've wanted to tell you and the reason I'm telling you now is because I need to say it, I need to tell you, and I need you to know it.”
“Will you tell me already? I feel like I'm getting a surprise or something and you're teasing me.” But this feels so much bigger and my impatience is getting the best of me because of it.
Emerson laughs and gives me the smile I love so much. “I love you.”
I stare at him, waiting for him to say something else when what he said hits me. “What?” I breathe. “Are you sure?” I blurt out.
He grins. “I'm sure, Eva.”
“Oh, okay. Wow.” I'm overwhelmed by the gravity of his words. My heart is about to beat it's way right out of my chest and into his, so it can cuddle with his heart. I want to hug him, squeeze him, and maybe even squeal with excitement, but it's like I'm stuck on the processing part.
“You don't—” he begins, but I interrupt him, knowing what he's going to say.
“I love you, too.” I pull myself up to meet his mouth. Until he said it, I didn't realize how badly I've wanted to hear him say it, to know how he feels, and if it included the massive four-letter word. Elation carries me higher. I've done it. I've fulfilled my fair
ytale dream of falling in love at the same college as my parents, just like they did.
My dress rides up as I straddle him. Emerson releases a growl-like sound when he grabs the back of my thighs and pulls me closer. That one motion takes our sensual kiss and catapults it into a frenzied, lust-filled kiss as our hands travel over our bodies with a crazed need.
“Emerson,” I breathe, pulling away because... Why am I pulling away? His hands are on my hips for the moment, exposing me since my dress is bunched above his hands.
He leans forward, placing an open-mouthed kiss on my neck that nearly does me in. “Not letting you go,” he murmurs before kissing me again.
“Then, love me,” I tell him. He pulls my dress up over my head, helps me free my arms from the sleeves, and we begin to get lost in one another. This time feels different than before, but in the best way possible.
“Eva!” Catherine shouts, wrapping her arms around me. “I feel like it's been forever since we've hung out. I miss you.” She pulls back. “How was the funeral?”
“Okay.” I explain the bad parts: Emerson's mom and feeling awkward as everyone practically ignored my existence. Then, I tell her the good part: Emerson got his closure.
“So, how has he been acting? Still quiet?”
“Not as much,” I answer as she gets her drink from the vending machine. When she grabs her drink and turns to face me, I add, “He told me he loved me.”
Catherine drops the soda, her jaw landing on the floor with it. “Why didn't you lead with that?” she exclaims.
“Because you asked me a question first.” I pick up the bottle and hand it to her before taking my turn at the machine.
“Well?” she drags out the word. “Don't leave me hanging! What happened?”
I shrug. “I said it back. I should be back at the dorms by Sunday. As far as I know, football Sunday is still happening and I won't be there. Plus, I'm behind on my homework.”
“Are you looking forward to not spending every waking moment with him?”
“I liked staying there, but I am looking forward to having a sense of normalcy and balance again. How are things with Parker? What have I missed?”
Without a Doubt Page 22
