by Lilly Wilder
“No, it’s not you. You’re safe…for now,” I said, laughing myself. “It’s a girl named Julia?”
“Ah yes, Julia,” Josh said knowingly. He had soft blonde hair and carried himself with easy confidence, as though he knew who he was and what he wanted from life. He was around six feet, so I had to crane my neck up to look at him, and his eyes were blue. His skin was pale, and from the way most people looked around here it seemed they were all focused on their studies, as only a few of them looked as though they got any sun.
“You know her?”
“Everyone around here knows Julia. She likes to think of herself as the Queen Bee, which is why she surrounds herself with her friends and she knows how to wrap the faculty around her little finger, which is why she’s confident at getting away with so much. How did you manage to get her attention so quickly? It usually takes at least a few weeks for people to get on her radar.”
“I was walking into the dining hall and I wasn’t looking where I was going, so I crashed into her and all her food went over her.”
Josh laughed heartily. “So that’s why she smelled of meatballs yesterday! Well, I can certainly see why she has you in her crosshairs.”
“Yeah, she’s the reason I was late for the lesson. She intercepted me and told me that she’s going to make this place hell.”
“Yep, that sounds like Julia alright.”
“I don’t know what to do. My first instinct was to throttle her, but I know that’s not going to do me any good in the long run. I don’t want to end up on the bad side of Headmaster Griff. I haven’t built up enough credit in the bank to survive something like that.”
“No, you haven’t, and Julia would make sure that you’re shown in the worst possible light. But she’ll get bored with you eventually, you just might have to put up with some snide comments until then.”
“Great, something else to worry about.”
“Hey, at least you don’t live here. You get to go home. It would be much worse if you were in a dorm with her.”
I shuddered. “Don’t give me nightmares.”
“Do you have any classes now? If not I’m going to hang out with Troy and Adam; you’re welcome to join us.”
“That would be great, thanks. I haven’t had a chance to make any friends yet. I was hoping to go outside and explore the gardens some more, if you fancied a walk?”
“Oh, that’s very kind, but I try and stay away from the gardens, especially during the day. I have pretty bad allergies.”
It seemed a shame that he couldn’t enjoy everything the academy had to offer, especially when the surroundings were so beautiful, so I decided to explore them myself a little later. Josh took me to one of the private study rooms where Troy and Adam were waiting. Troy was taller than Josh, and had an athletic build. He had thick black hair and a wide smile. Adam’s hair was longer and came down to his chin. It framed his face and hid his eyes. He wore baggy clothes and nodded towards me, instead of greeting me warmly like the other two had. We quickly fell into easy conversation and I felt at home with the boys. I was glad to be in the company of people who actually seemed to appreciate me, and it was nice to not have to feel as though I was in some kind of competition, or under threat.
The conversation was casual as we got to know each other. We asked each other what we were studying and it turned out that Josh and I had almost exactly the same syllabus. Troy was focusing more on athletics and physical education, while Adam was more into music and art. I was excited to learn that we shared botany together though, although my excitement was short-lived when Josh revealed that Julia was in the same class.
Troy and Josh led the conversation, while Adam sat in the corner and listened, occasionally laughing along with us but he didn’t really participate in the conversation. I had always been intrigued by the quiet kids; they were often the most interesting. Most people in the orphanage were like that and I got the sense that Adam had some inner pain he was hiding as well. Even though my attention was drawn more towards Josh, I found myself wanting to get to know Adam better too.
The conversation with them was enlightening. I learned a lot from them, including a lot of unspoken rules about the academy. They told me that Mrs. Thorpe wasn’t as gentle as she appeared, and that I should never ever get the stroganoff to eat. Josh gave me a few pointers about the teachers I was going to have and their quirks, and I was made to feel quite at home. I also learned that Julia had been sent here by her parents who lived in Europe and she rarely went home, which in some ways made her something of an orphan too I supposed. Troy and Adam stayed for a little while, but then they both had classes to attend, so Josh and I were left alone again.
“So how long have you been here?” I asked.
“About a year. Troy and Adam started around the same time as well. We met, at the interview and just stuck together ever since. Some people stay here for longer, others just come to learn a few subjects and then leave again. It’s very flexible, but it does mean that sometimes you don’t get a good chance to make friends. Julia has actually been here the longest. Everyone likes to joke that she won’t leave until she’s studied everything, but I think it’s more to do with her family situation.”
“What’s that?”
“Nobody really knows for sure, and Julia hasn’t been forthcoming. There are rumors around, some people think that her parents are spies, others think they’re royalty. Either way, Julia doesn’t seem to be leaving any time soon. I think that’s part of the reason why she has so much influence here. The faculty likes her because she applies herself and she always manages to skirt the rules in just the right way so that she doesn’t get noticed. Personally I just think they’re rich and didn’t want Julia around, so they packed her off here, hoping that one day she’ll be able to get a career of her own.”
“That sounds pretty harsh.”
“Some parents are like that,” Josh shrugged.
“I wouldn’t know. I’m an orphan,” I said.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say anything insensitive,” he said.
“No, it’s okay. It’s nothing personal, it’s just the way things are.”
“What happened, if you don’t mind me asking?”
“My parents died in a car crash when I was younger. I don’t really remember them. I live with my guardian now,” I said bluntly, trying to not give away too much information. Josh was quiet and offered me a weak smile. I’d been in this situation before. Usually when people learned my story they reacted the same way; with pity. I didn’t need their pity. What I really wanted to do was tell Josh that I was a badass vampire hunter, but I had to hide that from him. He probably thought I was just sad and pathetic. I stood up abruptly and told him I was going for a walk in the garden. He blinked and looked surprised, but he didn’t try to stop me from leaving.
I left, feeling stupid. Sometimes I wished I could escape my past and not have to talk about it ever again. Things had been going so well with Josh, but then they had spiraled. I didn’t want to answer any more questions about my past, so it seemed the only thing to do was make a hasty retreat.
Chapter Five
When I reached the garden I felt a little ashamed that I had rushed away from Josh with little explanation. Talking about my past always triggered me into feeling vulnerable and I often lashed out in a defensive manner. I wasn’t used to making friends and, usually, when people asked me about these conversations I was ready for them to try and take advantage of me somehow. I had worked so hard to fight my way through my feelings of inadequacy, but they always managed to rear their ugly heads. They were like an infection that just wouldn’t go away, much like the vampires.
Being in the garden helped relax me. From this vantage point the building looked smaller and the problems with Julia seemed smaller and insignificant. The plants had their own natural lifespan and they didn’t care at all about my problems. I breathed in the fragrant aroma and felt the soft petals. I watched t
he bees and ladybirds flutter about. I gazed at the caterpillars crawling along the stems and lost myself in thoughts about the natural world and how peaceful it was. It was nice to spend some time not having to think about bullies and vampires, and all the evil in the world. It was a relief to be reminded that there was actually a great deal of beauty.
*
I stayed out in the garden until it was time for my next class; botany. Julia gave me an evil look when I arrived and made a point to trim one of her plants with clippers.
“What a welcome,” I muttered as I settled in next to Adam. He shifted uncomfortably and turned his body in on itself as I sat down. The teacher was a bubbly woman who quickly settled into the lesson and spoke at a high pace. It was a very hands-on class, with lots of flowers around to explore and experiment with. There were also huge vines, and tomato plants. The air was humid, and sweat began to prickle on my skin.
For some reason Adam wore a hoody and I couldn’t understand how he could have been comfortable in that, but he didn’t seem affected by it. He just tended to his plant, snipping away the dead leaves.
“I’m glad to see you don’t have allergies like Josh does,” I said, trying to make conversation. This class was far more relaxed than history and we were able to talk with each other, not that Adam was too talkative initially. I hoped that some time alone would bring him out of his shell. I could imagine it wasn’t easy to make himself heard when he had Troy and Josh to contend with. Both of them were outgoing and it could be hard to be heard in such cacophony.
“Allergies? Oh…yeah.”
“At least you get to go into the garden when you can. Do you often?”
“Yeah. I prefer going in the night. When it’s quiet,” he said. I could tell I wasn’t going to get much in the way of conversation out of him. I focused on tending to my own plants.
“I only took this as a bit of a lark, but I’m actually loving it. I never knew botany could be so relaxing,” I said, after a while. “What made you choose it?” I knew from my time in the orphanage that everyone wanted to talk, it was just a matter of time and perseverance, and finding the right topic that would elicit a reaction.
“I like growing things. I like taking care of things. There’s so much death in the world it’s nice to watch something grow for a change,” he said. His voice was smooth and quiet, a little high-pitched.
“I can understand that.” Little did he know the grave meaning behind my words. I’d never exactly had a high opinion of the world even when I had been living in the orphanage, but once I’d been exposed to the truth that vampires existed, I was astounded by how evil the world was. There was some beauty to it, but there was also a hell of a lot of evil, as well. It festered and writhed under the surface, almost as though it was some kind of boiling disease that bubbled underneath the flesh of the world just waiting to emerge and ruin everything.
The teacher didn’t seem to mind us talking. It was a relaxing lesson and I was glad to feel under less pressure than I had been in Mr. Shackleton’s class. Tending the plants was an exercise in mindfulness, although it did require concentration. A few times I snipped healthy leaves away and they fell to the desk, swaying through the air. Adam smirked. His plant looked pristine.
“I hope this plant isn’t angry with me,” I joked.
“I think it’ll be okay. They’re pretty friendly here,” he said, and stroked the petals of his plants. I tilted my head and looked at him curiously.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“I’m just showing them a little bit of affection. They grow better when they know they’re wanted.” He immediately dipped his head in shame and I could tell that he had been ridiculed for this before. I felt awful for the scorn in my voice. “Never mind,” he added. “It doesn’t matter.”
“No, please, go on,” I said, taking a few steps to the side to be closer to him. I could smell the scent of the rose in the air. I admired his plant. The petals were full of color and the stem was straight and strong. It looked perfect. “Do you mean to say that the plants have feelings just like we do?”
“It doesn’t matter. It’s stupid.”
“No, please,” I pressed. Adam licked his lips nervously. His desire to talk about this seemed to override his embarrassment. His words tumbled out quickly, and his eyes lit up in a way that I hadn’t seen them do, until now.
“Well of course they have feelings. It makes sense if you think about it. After all, they are life, just like us and just like animals. They might not be as advanced as we are or capable of complicated thoughts, but they still react to their environment, they still thirst for nourishment and nutrition, and like everything else they want to spread their seed so that they might live on through their children. They respond to care and attention. I talk to all of the plants. It helps them grow. It helps me as well. Sometimes I think they understand me better than anyone else. You probably think I’m weird.”
“I admit it’s something I’ve never heard before, but we all have our little quirks. When I was growing up I had lots of imaginary friends because all my real ones kept leaving. But what about Troy and Josh? Don’t they know you better than these plants ever could?”
“They’re great, but I can talk to plants in a way I can’t talk with anyone else. I guess I just feel I can be myself around them. They don’t judge me. They don’t argue with me. They don’t doubt me. They just listen. And look at how well they grow?”
He turned his body to point behind him at the rows and rows of plants in the classroom. I followed his gesture and my mouth dropped open at the sight of all the colorful flowers. There was such a mixture that I lost track of counting them. Some I recognized from my brief foray into the garden, although I wouldn’t have known what species there were. I had seen them when I came in, of course, but I had assumed that the teacher tended to them, not Adam.
“You made them all grow so vividly?” I asked, astonished.
“I did,” Adam’s eyes gleamed with pride. “I figured I had the time to do it, so I come in here when I can’t sleep. It’s relaxing and peaceful. One day I want to be the gardener here and take care of all the plants.”
“I think you certainly have a talent for it,” I said. He smiled at me and then a shadow loomed over us. The smile faded from his face and he shrunk into himself once again, turning back to his plant. I turned to see Julia standing before us.
“Is he going on about his precious plants again? As if they’re alive,” she barked a laugh. “Still, it makes sense that you would attach yourself to someone like him.” She wielded the clippers like a weapon. Each one of her movements was fraught with danger, as though she might have lunged forward and cut us at any moment. However, she only seemed to want to pour scorn on our conversation, as though she thought we needed her approval to be friendly. I threw a glance over to her desk where her flower sat. It was an ugly, thorny thing. The stem was twisted and the head of the flower drooped. The thorns were spiky, as though it was afraid of anything getting too close.
Adam withdrew into himself and despite my best efforts to get him to talk he wouldn’t open his mouth for the rest of the lesson. As soon as it was over he rose and pulled his hoody around him, pushing the whole world away again. I couldn’t understand how he could wear such a thing outside when the sun was shining brightly, but he dug his hands into his pockets and walked briskly back to the main building, dipping his head so that nobody had to see him. I looked with ire at Julia as she confidently strode out of the classroom. I didn’t know what had happened in her life to make her such a vile person and I didn’t much care. There were some basic standards that people should have followed and she was not paying attention to them at all. She was evil, I had no doubt in my mind of that, and I hated how she treated people. I could handle her needling me, but Adam seemed so timid and harmless. All he wanted to do was tend to his plants; there was no need, absolutely no need, for her to treat him so cruelly.
*
I left class myself and I had a bit of time that I was supposed to use for studying, but since I had only just started and didn’t have any assignments yet I decided to explore the school a little more. I hoped to run into Josh again and dreaded an encounter with Julia and her cronies. As I walked back to the main building the sunlight danced on my arms. It was a nice feeling. So much of my life was spent in the shadows of the night, I liked the moments when I could enjoy the sun. It reminded me that I was a part of the normal world.
I thought about what Adam had said too, about how plants had lives and wanted the same thing as the rest of us; to endure. I wasn’t sure I agreed with him about plants having feelings, although part of me was tempted to apologize to the grass I was treading on. But the rest of what he had said made sense. After all, wasn’t that the driving force through life, to live? Maybe it was that simple and the meaning of life was to be alive. It was the same for vampires. That’s why they did what they did. They turned other creatures so that the species could continue, and even Slayers were the same. We were taught that we’d have to have children one day to continue the bloodline and make sure the world is protected from evil. Everything just seems to keep going, as though there’s no end. We’re all just a link in the chain and the only point of the chain existing, is that it does exist.
I wasn’t sure how that made me feel. I suppose it made me feel kind of empty, so I tried to push the thoughts from my mind. I was envious of Adam in that moment, because at least his hobby was making things grow and thrive. Although I was making the world a better place, I was doing so by killing things. I was no better than pest control really. I didn’t create life or put anything of worth into the world. I just took things away.
I ended up walking through the hallways, strolling aimlessly, and my path took me to the gym. I heard the loud, squeaking echo of sneakers against the polished floor and the heavy impact of basketballs pounding against the backboards. As I entered I saw Troy in mid-flight, one arm stretched high, the ball leaving his hand and nestling into the net with a satisfying ripple. He landed and grinned, then high-fived one of his teammates. His flesh glistened with sweat and his muscles were tensed as he sprinted around the court in this practice game. He was clearly the best player on the court and I leaned against the wall, watching him with interest. I’d never been one for sports, apart from when the Olympics rolled around, but watching him caught my attention. I admired the way he used his body. It was like watching an animal whose body had been honed over years of evolution to be perfect for one purpose and one purpose alone. Everything moved exactly how he wanted it. Every step he took was measured, every movement of the arm and flick of the wrist was timed perfectly and when he had the ball it became an extension of himself.
