by Ann Grech
The return bullets aimed at them slowed, then stopped and with it, the ache in his arm intensified. Connor found his throat mic, which had dislodged when he’d hit the wall, and reattached it, answering his commanding officer’s status check. Rob wasn’t the only loss they’d suffered. Two more of their team were down—one with minor injuries and another in need of emergency treatment.
The thwap, thwap, thwap of helicopters in the distance grew louder until the noise drowned out everything else. He peered out of the window to see two gunships covering the hovering medivac chopper, paramedics zip-lining down ropes. A stretcher followed them down on the winch into their waiting arms. Their commanding officer and Blair, another member of his unit, carried Ross to the medics, lying him down on the stretcher. Another stretcher followed, and Connor knew this one was for Rob. He waved them over before kneeling by his friend. “Medics are here to take ya home, Rob.” Connor lifted his protective glasses and wiped the tears forming with the back of his dirty hand. “I love you, man.”
six months later
Connor stepped out of the plane door onto the mobile steps and looked around. Twilight was falling, the sky a wash of pinks and oranges as the sun set over the Gold Coast hinterland. He couldn’t see it from the airport, but Connor could picture the rolling waves of the Pacific to the east. He couldn’t wait to lay eyes on the ocean again.
Walking across the tarmac toward the terminal, the salty sea breeze teased him—he could smell it even over the avgas—the balmy breeze caressing his skin. The warmth was a welcome change from the out-of-season chilly weather in the Adelaide hills, and before that, the icy winter in the Afghanistan desert.
He’d been discharged from active service. He was done, a civilian now, a scary thought.
The automatic doors whooshed open and the air-conditioned comfort greeted him. The building was jam-packed, the noise from the crowd a low hum. He passed straight through, heading for the luggage carousel and his two bags, trying his best to dodge the crowds milling around waiting. Spotting his duffle, he snatched it up before collecting his guitar case. Connor then joined the line for a taxi. He was tired—it’d been a hard journey so far. Seeing Rob’s widow, Molly, was as heartbreaking as he’d dreaded it would be. But he couldn’t come home without seeing her. He’d long since sent her Rob’s note, but he owed it to her, to Rob, to tell her as much as he could about Rob’s death.
He took a steadying breath and let a smile play on his lips. He couldn’t wait to see Levi, his big blond mate again, and the girl who’d captured his friend’s heart. Their house wasn’t far from the airport. Barely thirty minutes had passed when they pulled up in front of Levi and Katy’s 1970s cottage. Connor sat and stared at the house. Am I really doing this? I left because of them. Why am I back? Because they’re my family and I couldn’t stay away. The taxi driver’s words roused him. “Mate, you all right? This is it, yeah?”
The house had been partly renovated since he was there a few years earlier. Instead of the reddish-brown bricks, the walls had been rendered and were painted taupe and black. The garden had been cleaned up too, but there was no mistaking it was Levi and Katy’s place. “Yeah, we’re here. Sorry, spaced out for a sec.”
He paid the driver and hauled his gear from the taxi. Finding himself standing at the bottom of the front stoop by the front door, Connor froze. Voices and laughter carried through to him. His heart clenched. God, he’d missed that, missed being so light-hearted. His unit hadn’t laughed much in the six months after Rob had died. His absence had hit them hard, Connor especially.
Despite being always surrounded by people, Connor was lonely, and hearing the happy sounds of his oldest friend, Katy, and their visitors conversing, only reminded him of how much he’d lost, and of what he’d had to give up when he was discharged. Six months without one of his brothers had been hell, and now he was out of the army, he wouldn’t see any of the men or women in his unit. Not regularly anyway. Sure, he’d keep in touch with them, pay forward the kindness Katy and Levi had shown him when he was posted in that hell hole, but it wasn’t the same as being there in the thick of it with them. But everything had changed after Rob died anyway.
The sound of a car backfiring startled Connor out of his reverie. Instantly, he was transported back to the little village he’d patrolled with Rob by his side, every one of his senses conjuring up a picture so real it hit him like a freight train, making him stagger back under the weight of it all. The click of the firing pin being cocked had him reaching for his gun, its weight comforting. Time slowed as he lined up the shot, the bullet passing through the chamber when he’d squeezed the trigger and finding its mark. The deep boom of his rifle and the clatter of the AK47s. The cries and screams of agony from his bullets. The dust in his eyes, kicked up by each bullet ricocheting, and the acrid smell of the cordite, so strong he could sometimes taste it for days.
The noises escalated—the hiss of the rocket propelled grenade followed by a thundering boom as it exploded, drowning out even the rushing of blood in Connor’s ears. He waited for the shockwave to hit him, but it never came. The pain didn’t either. The fear in the air—of extremists, of death, of living a life after the war—enveloped him, his body instantly switching to fight mode. The absolute and utter terror in which he’d lived, forced to face his mortality when he was on the wrong end of a weapon and fight for his life had his training kicking in—they’d taught him to win or be buried. There was blood everywhere, splatters on walls and in the dry, dusty dirt, pools of it spreading over the hard-packed soil, literally draining the life out of Rob. He lunged forward ready to strike, but instead, Connor tripped and hit a hard surface stopping him short. Blinking, his vision cleared. What the fuck? He was on his knees on the middle step, his guitar case having hit the front door when he fell.
“Oh, God. No,” he breathed, horrified at himself. He tried to suck in a breath, but he couldn’t. His vision darkened around the edges and his heart slammed in his chest.
Connor sagged, the fight draining out of him. What the fuck was he doing? There was no threat here. No, that wasn’t right. He was the danger. He wasn’t even fit to meet his friends again. He shouldn’t have gone there, shouldn’t have believed that he could re-enter civilian life. He was putting at risk the two people he’d give his life to protect. There was no way he’d do that. Connor pushed to his feet, picked up his guitar and turned, the weight of the world on his shoulders. He blew out a breath and took the first step away from Levi and Katy. They needed to be protected from him. They were better off without him. Knowing that, though, didn’t make it hurt any less.
Levi
The bang at the front door had Levi getting up to investigate. The sight before him shocked him to his core. Connor was unmistakeable, but the man he saw wasn’t the fun-filled, quick-to-laugh boy he’d known. No, the Connor walking away from him, not even slowing his stride when Levi called out, “Hey,” to him, was a shell of his former self. Even from behind he looked entirely defeated, beaten down. Lean shoulders hunched, hands in his pockets, head lowered, he took another step away. But his oldest friend—the man who took a piece of Levi with him when he’d joined the army six years ago—wasn’t supposed to arrive for another day.
Was he really real? Actually home? Nervous energy assailed him, excitement filling his veins. “Con?” he called, wonder in his voice. Connor stopped midstride, and Levi wanted to laugh and cry, to grab hold of the man before him and make him giggle like they’d done as children. Unable to help himself, he launched himself off the steps and reached out, grasping his elbow and drawing Connor to him.
When he turned, Levi’s breath caught. He was crushed by the sadness radiating from Connor—his normally imposing six-foot-five frame turned in on itself. The light in those deep, dark eyes had faded, his forehead marred by a deep crease. Melancholy surrounded him like a fog, squeezing the life out of him. The sight had a lump forming in Levi’s throat. Wishing he could take away Connor’s pain, all the evil he’d see
n and lived through, Levi’s heart broke. His friend’s life had changed far too much over the years they’d been apart. His hair—a buzz cut—gave him a rough edge, highlighting the war machine the army had turned this gentle soul into. Anger filled him, mourning for the hardships Connor had endured while Levi lived the easy life.
“You’re here,” he murmured as he pulled his friend into a hug, crushing Connor in his grip. Lean muscle met his hands, unyielding even as Levi pulled him closer. Levi’s grip practically begged the other man to hug him back. Relief and the love borne of two decades of friendship overwhelmed him. It’d been far too long since he’d seen his best friend, since he could judge with his own eyes that he was safe. Levi didn’t let go until Con sagged against him and returned the embrace.
“I’m sorry,” Connor mumbled in his ear. “I need to go.”
“No,” he challenged. His friend was back with them, and this time, Levi wasn’t letting him disappear. Connor was going to stick around whether he liked it or not.
Levi loosened his hold and pulled back. Wrapping his fingers around Connor’s biceps, he assessed his friend. “We’ve missed you, Con. This is your home. You can’t leave. Hell, Katy’ll have my balls if you do.”
“Where is she?” He watched as Connor’s eyes flicked to the house and filled with something he didn’t recognize. Trepidation? Nerves, perhaps?
“Inside.” Levi pointed to the door. “You made it just in time. We’ve got Katy’s cousin Nick and his wife over for dinner.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt. I’ll….” He trailed off. Eyes glazing over, Levi could see him slipping away from him. What horrors were pulling him back, drowning him?
“Con,” Levi prompted.
Connor looked down, not meeting Levi’s gaze as he spoke. “A car backfired and it took me back to one of the battles. Right into the thick of it.” The other man shook in his arms, and Levi held him tighter, drawing him back into his embrace.
“It’s okay, Con. You’re safe here.” Levi loosened his grip on Connor and squeezed his arms before dropping his hands. “Come on, you’re not leaving.” Levi motioned to the front door and smiled. Neither of them moved though. Levi could tell Connor still needed a moment before facing the others.
“You haven’t changed your aftershave,” Connor murmured, wonder evident in his voice. “In all these years, you’ve still got the same one.” He was shocked Con even knew the smell. Then again, it was always the small things his friend had noticed.
Levi’s cheeks heated as they walked toward the front steps. With a hand on the door, he smiled sheepishly, embarrassed at his own predictability, and ridiculously happy that Connor would remember something so insignificant. “What can I say? Katy thinks it suits me.” Truth be told, he just bought the same one—a blend of orange and cedar—whenever he needed a new bottle. He’d never even thought of changing it.
“Reminds me of our summers together as kids. Remember when we first started shaving and your dad got us the same kits?” Connor said as he smiled and reached up to pat Levi’s scruffy cheek. The stubble he hadn’t bothered to shave that morning was certainly thicker than the fuzz he had as a teenager, but he still couldn’t compete with Connor’s thicker stubble.
Levi threw his arm around Connor’s shoulder again, playfully rubbing the top of his head with his knuckles as he laughed. “How could I forget? Best days ever. Beach cricket and bonfires. God, my bed always had so much sand in it whenever we crashed. Mum used to go nuts at us more for trailing grit through the house than breaking curfew.” He’d always been close to Connor. They’d done all the important things together; his childhood was filled with memories of the two of them side by side. Then when Connor’s drunken father had disappeared without a trace, he’d just moved in, and Levi’s parents had fought it out with Child Services. There had never been a question of him staying; his parents had made sure that Connor never had to leave.
But things started to change in their final year of uni. Levi knew exactly what he wanted to do. He had the grand plan mapped out, and believe it or not, he’d managed to achieve most of the things he’d set out to do. But Connor was never so sure, and then bam, he dropped the bombshell that he was giving up his studies. It was like he was running from something, dashing away to join the army to fight a battle he’d never seemingly cared about before. Levi and Katy were left in his dust trail, waiting for him to come home to them. That was the worst thing about his being away—the waiting to hear, the never knowing where he was and whether he was safe. Levi’s need to know had turned into an obsession, religiously checking the Defence Force’s media releases every day and watching the news morning and night. Every day he didn’t hear of an injured or killed soldier filled him with a sense of relief, knowing they were one day closer to Connor eventually coming home. But the relief was always short-lived, knowing his best friend would be out there, doing God knew what the very next day.
To top it off, Levi still had no idea why Connor had left. It doesn’t matter. He’s here. He’s back. Giddy excitement filled him, and he couldn’t help but grin. It widened when Connor reflected his smile, his perfect white teeth a stark contrast to his deeply tanned skin. Levi pulled him closer, hugging him hard. “Welcome home, mate.”
“It’s good to be here, Lee. I missed you guys.”
Connor hefted his duffle bag up his shoulder, and Levi reached out to take it. It occurred to him that he hadn’t seen any other luggage. Connor only had his duffle and his guitar case, not that the presence of the guitar was a surprise—he never went anywhere without it. “Is this it?”
“Yeah. When you spend a few years on deployment, you only travel with the essentials. Apart from Dad’s car, this is everything I own.”
“Katy’s gonna have a field day taking you shopping.” Levi faked an exaggerated shudder. “Can you tee it up when I’m filming though? I’ve been exposed to that kind of torture before.”
“There’s this thing called the web. Great for shopping.” Levi couldn’t help but laugh at Connor’s playful patronizing.
Jumping back to his reference about filming, Connor asked, “How is work by the way?” as he leaned against the brick wall outside.
“Good. You got the pics we sent from the award ceremony, didn’t you?” Katy always made sure to update him every day. He’d often go to bed to find her sending a bunch of pics to Connor, emailing him with whatever they’d got up to that day. It was her way of letting him know they were waiting for him to come home.
“Yeah, looked like fun.”
“It was.” Levi nodded. “What about you? What do you think you’ll do now you’re out?”
“Honestly, I dunno. I’m gettin’ a new tat, and I’m gonna fix up my dad’s car so it’s running again. Then I s’pose I’ll find a place.” Connor shrugged and shook his head. “Maybe go back to school? I don’t exactly have many marketable civilian skills.”
“Well, I’m glad your tat is a top priority.” Levi laughed and pulled open the door.
Connor paused before entering and looked back at the driveway. Levi’s car was parked out there, together with Katy’s cute hatch and her cousin’s BMW. “Your bike in the garage? Show it to me later, yeah?”
He sighed. “Never did it up. It’s still sitting in the garage in pieces. The producers offered me a company car, so I drive that.” He pointed to the white sedan sitting in the drive. It was boring as shit, awful to drive and so not him, but it was also free.
“Huh,” Connor remarked. A bike was the one thing Levi had always dreamed of having, and sure, he’d bought the frame and most of the parts to put together a sick Harley, but he’d never done it, never managed to take the step of assembling it. Part of that was because of Connor. Levi could have easily sent it to a mechanic, but it was always something the two of them had planned on doing together.
But Connor had lived his life, not holding onto old dreams. Maybe Levi should have done the same. Levi was kind of disgusted with himself that he�
��d never even started fixing the bike, but every time he saw the parts in the garage, thought about starting it, he missed his best friend so damn much. It was easier avoiding it than facing the possibility that they’d never get the chance to do it together.
Levi held the door open, ushering Connor through first. He couldn’t help but admire the man who stepped past him. When he’d left, he was a boy. They both were. Connor had always been good-looking, always a ladies’ man, but he’d lost his baby face, and now that Levi had gotten over the shock of seeing his friend again, he could appreciate just how commanding he was. Dark features and a tall, lean frame, he moved with feline grace—almost like he prowled. And Levi was captivated, unable to tear his gaze away from his friend. God, it’s good to have him back.
“Everything okay?” Katy called out, poking her head into the hall. He smiled at the unmitigated glee that quickly overtook her shock upon seeing Connor. Then the whirlwind that was Katy as she sprinted up the hall hit. Dropping his guitar case off his shoulder, Levi watched as it hit the floor and Katy launched herself into Connor’s arms. She wrapped around him like a monkey, holding him tight as she whispered something in his ear. Connor towered over her, but wrapped in his arms, they were perfect together; the two most important people in his world. Her long dark hair, silky soft to the touch, was almost the same colour as Connor’s, and their tans were alike too. Levi knew from intimate experience that hers covered every inch of her body. Does Connor’s? Surprised at his train of thought, he focussed on Katy again. Her curves and those blue eyes, which sparkled with mirth, had drawn him in at first. She was, in his mind, the most beautiful woman on the planet, and he wasn’t ashamed to admit he’d fallen hard and fast for her. As he’d gotten to know her, that love had strengthened. Her talent and zest for life, mixed with her spunky attitude livened up his soul. His cock didn’t complain either—she was a wildcat in bed, and he loved every minute they were together.
