by Dani Oden
"Are you still high?" I eyed her skeptically.
"No," she said emphatically. She added in a stage-whisper, "I might still be a little drunk, though."
"How drunk?"
She shrugged, "Medium."
Lindy and I turned at each other, silently agreeing that we didn't have any other options. I sat down in the chair next to hers. "But we need to talk to you about something important."
"Can you do it while I eat?"
We caught her up on the evening's events. Her eating slowed down until she was chewing each bite endlessly before finally swallowing, listening intently to us.
"This is happening right now?" she interjected.
"We just tried to call you," I told her.
"You guys called me?" she said, glancing at her phone. "Oh, you did. What time did you call me? Eleven-oh-four," she answered herself.
Lindy was clearly growing impatient. "So, we're going to go talk to them. Do you want to come with us?"
"Nope," she said.
"Nope?" I repeated back to her.
She wiped her mouth with her napkin, smearing her lipstick and making it worse. "Pretty sure I can't handle that right now."
"Should we wait and talk about this when she's not drunk?" I said to Lindy, as if Hannah wasn't sitting right there.
My best friend shook her head and gave me a look that said 'I don't know what to do with this girl.'
"Okay, so when we go downstairs, what are you going to do?" I asked Hannah.
"Not go with you."
"And then what?" I prompted.
"Probably stay here, eat some more," she said. "And, then I'll go pack."
"It's too late to go back to Evan's," I said.
"I'm not going to Evan's," she rolled her eyes.
I took the bait. "Where are you going?"
"I'm going to go home. College sucks. Evan sucks. Sororities suck. Disgusting hands in our chapter room really suck. I don't want to be here anymore."
"Don't pack, you don’t mean that," I said, trying again to put a hand on her shoulder.
She swatted it away. "Don't tell me what to do!"
"Honey, you're upset because you're drunk and because Evan was a jerk," Lindy began in as sweet of a voice as she could muster.
"No," Hannah shook her head emphatically. "I've been upset for days. Days. Not just tonight. Haven't you? Why are we even doing this? This place," she waved her hand around, "doesn't matter. We just got here. Why are you even trying?"
"Trying to what?" I asked.
"Trying to go talk to them about the hand. It's just going to get worse.”
"Why do you say that?"
"If they didn't know about it, it means someone else did it."
"Right, we just told you that," Lindy reminded her.
"Who the hell would do that?" she said, her voice rising. "Who would sneak in and put that there? A fucking psycho, that’s who," she slumped back in her chair, sniffling in her hands.
Two sophomores who'd clearly been out drinking, wandered into the dining room. They did a double-take when they saw Hannah’s streaky tears, silently questioning us with wide eyes and gaping mouths.
"Had a little too much," I said lightly, with a forced smile.
"She'll be okay," Lindy added.
"No, no, I won't," Hannah wailed. "It's too much."
"We'll give you guys a minute," one of them said. She started to walk away, tugging at her friend who was still staring.
Once they were gone and once the dining room door had closed again, I sat up and turned my chair toward Hannah’s.
"Look at me, Hannah," I said.
"No," she said. Her crying had lessened but she was still sniveling into her shirt.
"Yes, I need you to look at me."
She squinted up at me, her face wet and her hair sticking to it in clumps, not unlike the way we found her hiding behind the house.
"You can't just leave yet," I said.
"We're in this together," Lindy added.
"It sucks, it's totally shitty, we're not saying it isn't. But, crying and packing isn't going to do anything to help the situation."
"But it'll help me," she said. “Our plan was to leave all along.”
"Not like this. This is running away," I said.
She started to stand up. "No, it's getting out while I still can. While I’m still alive. While I still have all my hands,” she wiggled her fingers at us.
"You're not going to be able to pack tonight, you know," Lindy spoke up.
"Yes, I am," Hannah said defensively.
"I mean, maybe you'll get some of your stuff packed, but you won't finish," Lindy said. Her voice was firm.
"Yes, I will," Hannah insisted.
"There's no way," Lindy shook her head. "It's too much to do in one night."
"Watch me!" Hannah said, sloppily running toward the door. She stopped with her hand on the handle. "You're not coming with me?"
"No, we're going downstairs," Lindy told her.
"You could just go to bed, Hannah," I said gently. "You don't have to pack."
"Yes, I do."
"Fine, let's go," Lindy grabbed my arm. "We'll tell you how it goes," she said over her shoulder.
"What about the robes?" Hannah called after us.
Lindy and I stopped in our tracks and turned back to her.
"The robes?" I said.
She straightened up and said sharply, almost soberly, "The robes and the knife and the candle? Just because they didn't put the hand there doesn't mean they didn't put all of that other stuff there."
NINETEEN
"We'll check on her later," Lindy said, looking at the empty doorway Hannah had just left through.
"She might have thought you were challenging her to pack tonight, you know," I said. "That's kinda what it sounded like."
"I don't think so, she's too drunk to finish. She'll tire herself out, fall asleep on her couch, and thank us in the morning."
"Are you sure?"
She set her mouth in a firm line, "Pretty sure."
We lingered in the dining room a few minutes longer, psyching ourselves up to go back downstairs and talk to Exec. When we tiptoed back to the library for the millionth time that week, the doors were closed and only muffled voices came through.
"...call the police..."
"...room is sacred..."
"...smells..."
"...call my mom..."
"...was in there..."
"...close the house..."
"...evacuate..."
"...rid of it..."
"...police can't..."
"This is much bigger than we thought," Lindy whispered.
"It's huge," I agreed. The words made my chest feel heavy.
“So, this changes our plans, right? Those stories about my fake grandpa and your fake internship?”
“I don’t think we can decide yet. I want to know what they know first.”
“Agreed,” she said.
We hesitated for a few more minutes, long enough that the talking quieted down.
Just as I got the courage to knock, one of the doors flew open. A ferocious Kayla and a desperate Tammy grabbed us, pulled us into the library, and pushed us to the ground. The door slammed, and all five members of Exec stood over us, peering down.
"Oh my gosh, pledges?" someone said.
"Holy shit," another voice said. "Totally not what I expected."
"Are you guys okay?" a third person crouched down next to us.
"Let them be," the first voice ordered.
Blurry columns of yoga pants and jeans surrounded us, rising up like pastel and denim tree trunks. I propped myself on my elbows, trying to blink away my confusion. Lindy was sitting upright, rubbing her arm.
Jenna helped me up, while Danielle held her hand out to Lindy. It was the first chance I had to take in state of the girls, and the state of the room. These five girls, who held our sorority in the palm of their hands, were clearly unraveling. Kayla's ponytail looked lik
e she'd slept on it. Jenna was pale and shaky, Danielle was glancing all around the room and not seeing anything in particular, and Tammy was hugging herself, her sweatshirt hood pulled up over head. Sister President was seated behind them at one of the long tables, watching.
Behind them, the mantel was hanging open, as was the second wall inside it. The downstairs lights were off, as if the stairwell led to nowhere. The rest of the library was normal, pristine even, with its warm lighting, rows of books, and shiny study carrels.
Kayla demanded, "What the hell are you both doing down here, sneaking around like that? We're in the middle of--"
"We know what's going on," Lindy interrupted her. Her voice was flat, and she was still wincing as she held her right arm.
Stillness fell over the room.
“Impossible," Sister President said. Her eye make-up was smeared from either sweat or tears, I couldn't tell which.
“It’s true,” I said.
"Why should we trust you? How do we know you're telling the truth?" Danielle asked, her voice strained and small.
"Because we are?" I stammered. It had never occurred to me that they might not believe us.
"Sit your asses down," Kayla barked, standing and pulling two chairs away from the table, positioning them side-by-side. Lindy and I anchored ourselves in the seats. The basement air coming up through the staircase made the room feel colder and I instinctively scooted my chair so close to hers we were practically snuggling. It was the two of us against the five of them.
"What exactly do you know?" Kayla said, standing a few feet away, staring us down.
"We know about the hand, and the pin, and the mess—” I began.
“And the card,” Lindy added.
"There’s no way," Sister President said.
"No one knows about the chapter room except initiated members," Jenna added.
"How’d you find it?" Tammy asked.
"I-I saw light coming through during one of our pledge meetings and when we came back to check it out, we found the foam brick,” I said.
"How'd you know to keep going?" Sister President said.
"The handle was right there when we reached in," Lindy explained. "All we had to do was pull and it opened up the first door."
"Yes, that's what it does," Danielle said coolly. "You just happened to figure that out, by chance?"
"Yes," Lindy said, while I nodded my support.
"Maybe we could buy that, but how'd you know what to do next?" Kayla said. "Can you explain that?"
"We brought Hannah back the next night to show her the robes, and they were gone—"
"You found the initiation robes?" Kayla narrowed her eyes.
"Is that what they’re called?" I said.
Jenna sighed. "I wish we could get rid of those."
The other members of Exec turned to her in surprise.
She said innocently, "What? They freak the new girls out every year. That isn't a secret."
"Can you not do that right now?" Sister President said to her sharply. She turned to Kayla, "Why were the robes out?"
"We were checking sizes, remember? You know this. We ended up putting them back."
"We did? When?”
"Sunday."
"Oh, right. When the lights were burnt out."
Lindy nudged me. We were probably at fault for burning the lights out by leaving them on all weekend.
Sister President turned back to us, "So you were in there twice? What, was once not enough?"
"We wanted to show Hannah," Lindy repeated.
"You wanted to show her, or she wanted to see them?" Tammy said.
"Both," I said.
Kayla pressed her lips together. "Go on."
"When the robes were gone, we were confused and we sat down on the floor. Hannah's bracelet caught in the carpet and lifted up some of it up, so we found the other switch," Lindy recalled.
"It was Hannah's bracelet?" Sister President said. "Hannah who's not here?"
"Yes, but--"
She waved her hand, rejecting Lindy's attempt at an explanation. "How convenient. Keep going."
"And we used the knife to lift the plexiglass--"
"Damn it, you guys. Why was the knife left out?" Sister President commanded.
"It's easier to just leave it in there so we don't have to go searching each time," Danielle said.
Sister President rolled her eyes. "This is exactly why I told you not to leave it in there."
"Well, it's not like we can put it back in the kitchen at this point," Tammy said. "It's covered in wax now."
Sister President looked back at Lindy and I. "Continue."
"We flipped the switch and the wall opened, so we went downstairs,” Lindy said.
“And, that’s when we saw everything,” I finished.
Sister President put her elbows on the table, and her head in her hands. Jenna remained against the wall, her eyes down to the floor, while Kayla, Tammy, and Danielle had stopped pacing to stand still and listen to us.
"That's it?" Kayla finally asked.
We both nodded.
Tammy spoke next, "And how do you guys know about the card?"
"I found it," Lindy explained.
“Where did you find it?” Tammy said.
“On a table by the front door.”
“How’d it get in my mailbox?” Sister President asked.
“I put it there,” Lindy said. “I panicked.”
Sister President drummed her nails on the table. "You know, things were fine until you and your pledge sisters showed up last week," she said.
I wanted to speak up again, to defend myself, to make them believe we were innocent, but I couldn't trust myself to speak clearly through my nerves.
"Anything else you need to tell us?" she asked, her voice firm but tired.
"No," Lindy and I said together.
"Can you give us a minute?" she said. Her expression was blank but her tone was telling us to get the hell out.
"Where do you expect us to go?" Lindy said, glancing around the large library, and the open mantel space.
"You can wait in the hallway," Jenna said.
I sighed with relief.
"We'll come get you when we're ready," Sister President said, standing in a not-so-subtle way to get us to do the same.
Lindy and I took the hint and retreated, leaving the five of them alone. As soon as the door closed behind us, we both sank down on the floor. I leaned my head against the wall. Neither of us spoke for a few minutes.
She finally asked me, "Do you think we’re going to be kicked out?”
“Yep. Do you?”
“Yep. Do you think the hand is still down there?"
Before I could answer, Kayla came and got the door for us. She didn't say a word, she simply turned the handle, pushed it open, and walked right back to her seat at the table. The rest of the Executive Board was already seated, staring us down.
"Close it behind you," she said over her shoulder.
Lindy obeyed, and the two of us slowly stepped forward. The chairs had been moved back to the table, where we clearly weren't welcome, so we stood by the wall. I didn't know how to lean or what to do with my hands, so I settled for putting them behind my back where I could wring them out of view.
"This got intense," Lindy said under her breath, barely moving her lips.
"Mmm-hmm," I said, keeping my mouth closed. I surveyed the group, who seemed to be waiting for Sister President to speak. She was taking her sweet time reviewing the notes that had appeared in front of her while we were away.
"Pledges Holloway and Harris, the Executive Board of the Alpha Gamma chapter of Iota Beta wishes to address you in regard to your confession of your entrance of and exposure to our sacred chapter room. Pledge Harris, we will also be addressing the anonymous note you sent, which under some circumstances could have been considered threatening. May we do so?"
“I didn’t send it,” Lindy said.
“Delivered,” Sister President said
. “Same thing.”
I felt Lindy stiffen next to me. I kept my arms behind me, trying to appear calm from the front.
"May we address you?" Sister President repeated.
"Yes," we answered.
"Given the unusual circumstances, the Executive Board has chosen to strike all admissions from both of your pledge files and no punishment will be rendered," she said.
"Wait, what?" Lindy interjected.
"We are going to strike the fact that you both entered the chapter room, given the circumstances," she said.
"The hand is 'circumstances'?" I said dubiously.
"What else would you call it?" Tammy said, from Sister President's left.
"An emergency?" I said.
"A crisis?" Lindy added. "Or, an effing nightmare?"
The girls shifted in their seats, glancing at one another. Sister President sighed and continued, "Did you hear me say it’s getting stricken from your file, and you’re not getting punished?"
"I heard it," I said, flabbergasted by their priorities.
"Me, too," Lindy said flatly.
"We've decided to trust you," she said simply.
"You have?" I asked.
"Should we not?" she eyed me.
"No, you should. You definitely should. You guys just seemed..."
"Hell-bent on blaming us," Lindy concluded.
"Well, we discussed it and we decided you probably wouldn't just show up down here and ask a bunch of questions if you were at fault." She sat back in her chair, and tilted her head thoughtfully.
I wiped my palms off on my jeans, and Lindy’s posture relaxed a tiny bit.
"Do you have any further questions?" Kayla said, writing something else in her notebook.
"Are we in danger?" I asked.
She blinked. "What?"
"Are we in danger?" I repeated. "It wasn't us and it wasn't you, so who was it? Was it another active?" I ventured.
"Or a pledge?" Lindy asked.
"We're not sure," Sister President finally said.
"But do you think it was someone in the house?" Lindy said.
Sister President’s eyes flickered. "We hope not."
"Anything else?" Kayla said abruptly.
"What are you going to do now?" I pressed.
"We can't tell you," she sighed.
"Well, are you going to call the police? Do you need us around to give statements or something?"
