by D. C. Renee
I buried my head in my hands and groaned out load. When I lifted it up, both guys were staring at me with smiles.
“That’s not how it works, and no, I don’t have a crush on you,” I responded
“But you think I’m hot?”
“Shoot me now. Yes, you are good looking and don’t you pretend as if you don’t know it. Either of you,” I said, glaring daggers at them.
“Well, good to know,” Travis responded.
“Okay, so that still doesn’t answer my question. What can I do for you?”
“Nothing really,” Brent responded. “It was just pretty funny watching you try to avoid me in bio. Who knew you were so entertaining. We just happened to be here, saw you, and decided to stop by. But damn, Kim. Seriously, you are better than cable TV.”
“So, I’m your go-to source for entertainment now?”
“Yep, pretty much.”
“Lovely.”
And that was how I became friends with Brent and Travis.
chapter three
I ended up hanging out with Travis and Brent about once or twice a week for the next month or so. They thought I was a riot, even though I still didn’t fully comprehend how or why. It seemed as if their goal in life was to scare me so I’d make a fool out of myself. Like when I was coming out of bio and Brent had me so distracted that I screamed when Travis stepped around the corner and simply said, “Boo.” That would have been okay if the guy behind me – who I’d crashed into – didn’t have a cup of coffee in his hand that proceeded to spill all over us. I had grabbed napkins and started patting him down and apologizing profusely until I noticed Travis and Brent and even the guy laughing hysterically. And that was when I realized that I had been patting down his special area. When I had stopped and blushed, the guy had asked me out. He was cute, and I would have said yes if his next words hadn’t been, “If you can turn me on just by doing this, then I wonder what you’re like in bed.” Yep, I had bolted as fast as I could as I heard Travis and Brent’s riotous laughter behind me.
They also liked to ask me stupid questions just to hear how I’d answer, and apparently, all my answers were funny. For example, “Would you rather be caught having sex with a male professor or a female professor?” Really? How was that a good question? Or even a relevant one? And how did these two chumps come up with questions like these? My reply: “First off, why would I have sex with a professor? Are you implying that I can’t get the interest of a guy my age or one who isn’t ‘off-limits’? Or are you saying that I’m not smart enough to get a good grade on my own and would, therefore, have to seduce my professor? And why would you think I would be having sex with a female professor? Last I checked, I was into guys; although, I guess sexual experimentation would happen at college if it were going to happen. And I guess experiencing that with an older, educated female would be beneficial. Hmm, never thought of that. But hey, wait, even if I did get it on with a professor, why would I get caught? I mean, if I slept with one, I’m assuming I did it because I was head over heels because why else would I do that, right? And that meant he would be head over heels for me too, and we wouldn’t want to jeopardize our careers. So we would be totally secretive and then all would be okay. Unless I tried to push him away for his own good and then someone saw that happening, got the wrong idea, and then reported him as a sexual predator. Then I would tell them that he wasn’t to blame, but he would take the fall for me because he loved me so darn much. But then that would mean that I, technically, wouldn’t have been caught. So, there’s your answer, boys.” I might have rambled just a bit. A tiny bit really. What can I say? I had an analytical mind.
Travis and Brent had incredibly amused expressions. I thought I gave a well thought-out answer.
“How the hell do you come up with that stuff? My God, Kim, seriously, the stuff that comes out of your mouth sometimes … really entertaining,” Travis said as Brent nodded.
“Well, I may have read something similar to that in a book.”
“Ah, another book boyfriend, huh?” Brent joked.
“Ugh! I should have kept my mouth shut. Then I would have just been the crazy girl who ran away because you guys would never have given me a second look. We wouldn’t be friends, and more importantly, you wouldn’t keep looming that over my head!”
Brent chuckled. “Well, we’re glad you told us. Seems like this book boyfriend thing is pretty good stuff for our enjoyment.”
“Oh, like you guys know anything about book boyfriends other than what I told you. You,” I pointed at Travis, “haven’t even read the book you are based on.”
“I’m based on? Me? You mean the book based on me, right?”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever. The point is that I pretty much told you there is a book sort of devoted to you, and the more time I hang out with you, the more you seem like him. Yet you haven’t once asked me about it. I bet you couldn’t even get through half of it.”
“Sounds like someone is offering a challenge,” Brent chimed in.
“All right, Kim, I’ll take that bet. I’ll finish reading that book and I win. I don’t, you win.”
“Hmm.” I pretended to ponder. No way was he going to read the book. This would be easy, but that meant I needed something really good for the bet. But what? Before I could answer, Brent interrupted.
“This is a stupid bet.”
“Oh?” I asked.
“Yeah, we both know that either Travis will truly read it and gag, or he’ll get one of his many groupies to read it and summarize and then you lose. The outcome is obvious. Thus, a stupid bet.”
“Fuck, Brent, you’re supposed to be on my side. This was in the bag,” Travis practically whined.
“Yeah, but it was no fun,” Brent responded.
“And you have a better idea?”
Brent seemed to think for a minute before his face lit up. “Yeah, I think I do.”
“So?” I asked. “What is it?”
“Well, there are book boyfriends, right?”
“Yeah,” I answered.
“So there must be book girlfriends, right?”
“I guess, in theory, there are, but I’ve never really heard of that.”
“So who is Travis’ book girlfriend?”
“Why do you want to know?”
“Just bear with me, yeah? Tell us about Travis’ book girlfriend.”
“Well, let’s see. Her name is Abby. She’s a good girl. She doesn’t really swear or drink, but when she does, she can outdo us all combined. She’s really smart and good at math. She’s pretty with light brown hair and gray eyes. But the kicker is that she’s secretly a poker genius.”
“And she falls for Travis in the book?”
“Yeah. She doesn’t sleep with him like all the other girls do, so they become friends and then, of course, he starts to care about her. There is some drama and then they get together and they even get married at the end.”
“All right, so, if Travis exists, why doesn’t Abby exist?”
“Not following you, Brent,” Travis responded.
“I bet you,” referring to Travis, “that you can’t find your Abby and get her to like you.”
“Dude, too easy. Just got to find a nice girl and get her in bed.”
“Nope, can’t be someone willing to sleep with you. And she’s got to like you, not the Mr. Badass thing you got going on.”
“Wait,” I interrupted. “You want Travis to get some sweet, innocent girl to fall for him, if that’s even possible with his obnoxious personality, all for the sake of a bet? And what happens to said sweet, innocent girl? She falls for you and then what? You break her heart? No way, no how. I am not okay with this bet.”
“All right, fine. The girl just has to like Travis and then nothing will happen. I’m sure you’ve liked guys and when things ended, you weren’t heartbroken, right?”
I nodded.
“I’ll even let you guys team up because God knows Travis will probably mess this up on his own. So you both again
st me. If you guys can get a girl like Abby to like Travis, then you win. You don’t, I win.”
“What’s the Abby criteria?” Travis asked before I could even answer.
“She either has to be named Abby or look like her or be a ‘secret poker genius,’” Brent said with a smile. “She has to be nice and smart, and she can’t be willing to sleep with you before she even meets you.”
“That will be a problem. Every girl wants to sleep with me when they see me,” Travis responded completed straight-faced.
I spit out my soda across the table before falling into a fit of giggles. “Really, Trav? Really?”
“Like you didn’t want to sleep with me?”
I laughed harder. “Cocky much? And for your information, just because I thought you were hot didn’t mean I wanted to sleep with you. You are eye candy, honey. And when I first met you, you were bruised up and bleeding. Not exactly appealing.”
Travis scowled before glancing away. I think I even saw a bit of hurt flash across his face, but Travis was too cocky to care what I thought, so I didn’t give it another second.
Travis turned to Brent. “Seems too easy, but fine, I’m in. What do I win?”
“If you win, then I’ll help you restore that bike you wanted.”
“Bike?” I squealed. “Please tell me you mean bicycle, or better yet, a tricycle.”
“A motorcycle, Kim. Why?”
“How could I know you over a month now and the irony just keeps on coming?”
“What happened?” Brent asked.
“Freaking Travis in the book has a motorcycle! Damn, Trav, you seriously keep getting weirder.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Travis responded wryly.
“It’s fate,” Brent added.
“All right, you help me with the bike,” Travis stated, “and if I lose, which won’t happen, but if I do, then what do you get?”
“You have to finally train me.”
“No way, no how.”
“Why not?” Brent asked.
“You already know why not. I won’t be responsible for you getting your ass kicked.”
“What the fuck, man? Why would you think I’d get my ass kicked? And isn’t that the point of fighting? Besides, if you train me, then I won’t have anything to worry about.”
I, of course, had been snickering the entire time they argued about Brent training.
“No,” Travis said again.
“All right, fine. No bet then,” Brent said as he crossed his arms, clearly pissed.
“What the hell is so funny?” Travis asked, turning his attention to me.
“You guys,” I responded. “I just had a mental picture of you guys fighting, and it was hilarious. I saw you afraid you were going too hard on Brent, so you backed off. Brent was pissed you didn’t want to train him, so he lunged at you, but he slipped on the sweat you both left on the mat and ended up falling into your arms. It was actually kind of romantic if you think about it. I’d love to see that. But, really, I don’t get why you won’t train Brent. Are you afraid he’ll be better than you?”
“Seriously, Kim? First off, I still don’t know how your mind works and those are some messed-up thoughts about Brent and me. Unless you wanted to try a threesome with us, then that would make sense.” I gasped and was about to smack Travis when he laughed and put his hands up. “And second, there is no way Brent could be better than me.”
“Then what’s the problem. Besides, aren’t I supposed to be on your team? You know two against one sounds like pretty good odds for a win. Unless you doubt your charming ability. Oh, my God! That’s it! You don’t think you can get with a girl without sleeping with her! I’m right, aren’t I?”
“No!” Travis exclaimed. Then he turned to Brent. “Fine, I agree, but only because I’m not going to lose.”
Then they shook on it. “Hey! What about me? What do I get?”
The two guys turned to me as if they only just realized I was there. “Oh, come on, Kim,” Brent whined, “you know you are going to help us with this whether there is something in it for you or not.”
“Why would you think that?” I asked, not completely dismayed.
“Because you are a sucker for this book boyfriend shit, and I know you are eating this all up. Think of it as one of your books coming to life. You’ll probably be the only one actually enjoying this shit.”
They had me. Damn, they had me. This would be so much fun!
“Argh!” I sounded like a cross between a pirate and someone who’d hit their funny bone. “Fine, I’m in. But when I win … I mean, when we win, I’m buying myself some Jimmy Choos.”
“Sounds kinky.” Travis smiled.
“Yeah, if you like super hot, fuck-me heels.” Not sure why that didn’t sound so kinky in my head, but I thought I was proving my point that they weren’t kinky.
“Hot damn!” Brent whistled. Yep, apparently “super hot, fuck-me” sounded kinky. Who knew?
“All right, all right, what’s the timeline?” I asked.
“One month,” stated Brent.
“Oh, this is going to be easy!” Travis said at the same time I spoke, “Oh, shit! How am I going to groom Travis and get him a girl in one month?”
Both guys turned to me. “What? You think Mr. Slick over here can just waltz up to a girl with the panty-dropping smile, and he’s going to get a nice girl? No way. He needs to rein in his bad-boy ways, and we need to do research on some girls.”
“Rein in my what? Panty-dropping smile, huh?”
“Don’t worry about it. Just know it exists. Have no fear, Kim is here.” Yes, I actually said that right before Travis and Brent burst out laughing.
“Oh, stop. I’m a dork. We’ve already established that. But Trav, don’t worry. I’ll have you being a gentleman in no time.”
“Oh goodie,” he answered sarcastically. Yep, oh goodie indeed! This was going to be so much fun!
chapter four
I forced Travis to meet me at the mall the following day, and Brent wanted to come too because, in his words, he said, “I have got to see this.” Not sure why he thought this would be fun, but whatever.
“Why are we at the mall?” Travis asked.
“Because we need to fix your wardrobe.”
“What? Why? What’s wrong with the way I look?” His confused expression was actually kind of adorable.
“You actually have to ask?”
“Uh, I asked, didn’t I?” Yeah, I guess he did. Huh. Thought he knew he looked like a poser already, but I guess he didn’t.
“Well, it looks like you are having some sort of identity crisis,” I informed him. “Your clothes can’t tell what style you’re trying to pull off. Are you metro? A preppy college boy? A wannabe skater?”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Definitely adorable.
“I’m saying you need some help with your clothes.”
“If that’s true … if I look so off, then tell me why I have never had any problem getting girls?”
“Because the girls you get don’t give a damn what you look like with clothes. They only care about what you look like naked.”
Brent choked on his soda, and Travis laughed.
“That’s not a compliment, Mr. Player. I mean, look at you right now. You have a button up dress shirt with rolled up sleeves that screams metro, but then you pair that with cargo shorts and what the hell kind of shoes are these? Do you own a skateboard?”
“I look good.”
“Yeah, your face,” I snorted. I was great with the comebacks, wasn’t I? “Dress shirts can only go with jeans, not shorts. You can wear cargo shorts, but they need to be a bit more fitted and only with t-shirts. You can get away with wearing them with a polo, but only if you truly want the preppy college boy look, which we don’t. And shoes? Converse or loafers only… oh! Or maybe boots. Yeah—rugged but dressy boots but not with shorts.”
“And why should I trust your opinion of my clothing?”
“
You think I’m good looking?”
“Yeah.” Both guys agreed, which kind of made me feel pretty damn good.
“You wouldn’t mind getting me in bed?”
“Well, damn, Kim, is this all it takes?” Travis asked.
I rolled my eyes. “Just answer the question.”
“Yeah, I bet you’d know a few good moves.” If I had any doubts about Travis’ player ways, he was definitely getting rid of them.
“For your information, I could drop you to your knees begging me for just another tiny taste before I left you high and dry after getting my fill. So yeah, I know some moves.” Okay, so that was so totally not true. You know how they say when people brag about their sex lives that means they suck in bed—yep, that was probably me, although how a girl could suck in bed was beyond me. Thoughts for another time. “But that’s not the point. The point is that I am a female you wouldn’t mind finding you attractive enough to sleep with. That means you need me to find you attractive. And if I find your style funny looking, then why wouldn’t other girls find you funny looking?”
“Didn’t you just say I was hot?”
“Your face! Once again, you have great bone structure and you even have a pretty good body.”
“Pretty good?”
“Well, your clothes kind of kill it.”
“You are the most frustrating woman I’ve ever met.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment. Now, let’s get started.”
“Who’s buying the clothes?” Travis asked.
I had giggled to myself for a moment before I shot Brent a look. “Brent.”
“What? Why me?” he asked.
“Because you insisted on coming and you’re not doing anything productive, so here is your way to contribute.”
Then the fun began, and what made it even better was that Travis had absolutely no clue that I was messing with him. I had way too much fun playing dress-up with him. I insisted he try on clothes that were completely outrageous and not him at all. I had him trying on just about every color that existed — neon purple, hot pink, you name it. I think Brent caught on faster than Travis did because he started pointing to bright yellow and polka dot shirts with a smile on his face.
