by D. C. Renee
“Travis,” I whispered, his lips just a breath away from mine as I struggled to pull away. His arms tightened, not letting me go. “Please,” I begged, although I wasn’t one hundred percent sure what I was begging for. Him not letting me go was one of the best feelings, wrong as it was.
“Please, Trav, this was wrong.”
“Because I want you,” he whispered.
“Huh?”
“You asked me why I didn’t want to date Abby. Because I want to be with you.” And then his lips found mine again, and I let him kiss me. I let him devour me. I couldn’t comprehend his words, but they were melting a path through my spine, touching every nerve ending I had. Wait, this was still wrong. What would happen when he was done with me? I didn’t want to lose him. I loved being with him. I couldn’t take it if another guy rejected me after I was with him. So I broke free again, this time with more force, and pushed out of his arms. He looked startled but then started walking toward me. I stopped him with my hand shooting up and palm out.
“You kissed me back, Kim. I felt it. Why are pulling away?”
“This changes things, Travis. We can’t go back from something like this unless we stop now.”
“I don’t want to stop. God, Kim, don’t you see? You’re right. I’ve changed, and it had nothing to do with any of the other girls I flirted with. It’s been you. I don’t even have the desire to look at anyone else because you’re all I see. Fuck,” he said and ran his hands through his hair. “I don’t want to fuck anyone, and I don’t want to date anyone. I don’t want to even be around anyone unless it’s you. You, Kim, you. I want to hang out with you and not be watching myself every minute so that I don’t cross some damn line. I want to be able to touch you the way I’ve been dreaming about for weeks. I want to be able to show the fucking world that you are mine and that you, and only you, are what I want.”
“But …” I trailed off. I didn’t have any words. I was shocked and speechless, and my mind was going a mile a minute.
He walked up to me at that point, my defenses down. “I’ve been too afraid to do anything because I didn’t want to lose you. And I know you didn’t feel the same way about me. I would take you any way I could get you. But being with you and not being able to actually be with you was killing me,” he admitted softly. “If you tell me right now that you don’t have feelings for me, then I’ll turn around, walk away, and we can pretend this never happened. I’ll act as if my heart isn’t beating out of my chest and we’re just friends, nothing more. I won’t lose you, no matter what,” he added adamantly. “But that kiss, Kim, that wasn’t a friendly kiss. I felt it. I felt you. Tell me I’m not wrong.” He didn’t say it as a challenge. His words were pleading, and his eyes showed fear. Fear that I might tell him he was wrong. But, damn, he wasn’t. This was wrong, so very fucking wrong. But it was also right. I couldn’t help myself. I leaned in, slowly, and I heard him inhale. My lips were just touching his when I spoke. “Are you going to kiss me or what?” He closed the miniscule distance. I could feel the tension in his body leave as he melted us together. I could feel the smile on his lips as he pressed them against mine.
I had desired Travis for a while, but I never allowed myself to go beyond that. And I was one hundred percent sure the feelings were one-sided anyway. But, now, this moment, it was pure bliss. We kissed and embraced for what seemed like forever. Finally, we broke apart, needing air. The tenderness in Travis’ eyes was what almost broke me. This was real. This wasn’t a dream or a fleeting fantasy come to life. He brushed a strand of my hair from my face, a huge smile on his own.
“Better than my dreams,” he whispered. “Perfect,” he said, his voice low, caressing me. I shivered. “You didn’t answer me,” he said, but I could hear the lightness in his voice.
“That wasn’t answer enough?” I chuckled.
“I want to hear you say it, Kim. I want to know you are mine because I sure as hell am yours.” Best. Feeling. Ever.
“Yours.”
He kissed me again, a sweet kiss.
“Good. Now it’s time for our first date. Breakfast.” He sounded so exuberant that I couldn’t help but laugh.
“Isn’t dinner considered a date?”
“Can’t wait that long,” he said as he put his arms around me, and we walked to the diner. Holy shit! I was dating Travis.
chapter twenty-four
Breakfast was a blur, a wonderful blur, but a blur nonetheless. Travis sat on the same side I did, which I used to find totally weird when I saw couples do it, but it suddenly was really, really nice. Go figure. I got some evil looks, but Travis was completely oblivious as his arm hung loosely around my shoulders. He was animated and exuberant, explaining how difficult it had been to keep his emotions bottled up around me. How he had wanted to pin me against the nearest wall time and time again and crush my body with his. Talk about getting all hot and bothered in public. I was pretty ready to have him do just that if he kept telling me all the details of his feelings—or more like fantasies, I guess.
“Why now?” I asked. I wasn’t going to ask the cliché “Why me?” I sort of knew why me. Because he actually had the opportunity to get to know a girl, me. That had never happened before. And if we weren’t friends first, I didn’t think he would be feeling the way he did now. But we were. And he liked hanging out with me. He was comfortable. Heck, he was even attracted to me, which didn’t hurt I’m sure. He grew to like me. It could have been someone else, but it was me. I wasn’t going to question that. I was too happy. But I knew that liking someone didn’t translate to wanting to date them, exclusively. So I didn’t want to know why me. I wanted to know what changed his mind about fucking around with everyone and anyone.
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“Why do you want to date someone? Why don’t you want to go out with a new girl every day? Why do you want to settle with one? I mean, why now? Why not earlier if that’s what you wanted? Or why not later on in life when you’ve had all the fun you could possibly have?”
“You don’t understand.” Travis shook his head. He moved his face a little closer to mine and placed his hand on my cheek. His words were soft, but his tone said he meant business. “I don’t want to date someone, Kim. I don’t even want to date you. I want you to be mine, wholly and completely. Only mine. Like I’m all yours.” Heart. Stopped. Beating.
“You didn’t answer my question,” I stuttered. His proclamation was doing wonders for my body and heart, but my mind wasn’t completely sold.
“I love you, Kim. I’ve loved you for a while now. It’s not about any timeframes or why now and not later. I didn’t have you before. And I found you now. I kept my distance because that’s what I thought was right. But I couldn’t do it anymore. I need you. I need you in my life, and I’ll take you any way you give yourself to me. But fuck if I’m not ecstatic that you want to be with me, too.”
“Love, Trav? Really? Because we both know I was just at the right place at the right time. If you let someone else get close to you instead of me, then they could be sitting here. You feel comfortable with me. You feel free with me, but that’s because you allowed yourself to be friends with me. Give another girl a chance, and you might be with her instead.” Don’t get me wrong, I was happy to be the girl on Travis’ arm, but I wasn’t going to be delusional about it.
“Dammit, Kim. You’re not fucking listening to me.” He raised his voice, and I saw a couple of heads turn from the corner of my eye. Travis didn’t seem to care, though. “You think you’re the first girl who wanted to be my friend?”
“I didn’t want to be your friend. You and Brent forced yourselves on me, technically.” I had to add that in. Even in the midst of a nice moment, I was still me.
“Exactly my point. There was always something about you. You, not another girl. I wanted to get to know you, and I never had that desire before.” He shrugged. “At first, it was nothing more than fun and intrigue, and yeah, sure, friends, why the hell not? But there is
no one else like you out there. You captured my heart, not someone else. I know this is coming from your insecurities. You put up a tough front, but I’ve seen you down before. Don’t belittle my feelings. Don’t downplay them because you can’t see yourself the way I do. You are special, Kim. It’s not someone else. It’s you.”
I opened my mouth to provide a rebuttal, but he silenced me with a soft kiss. “I mean it. I love you. And I’m not telling you because I expect you to say it back. I’m telling you because I do and you deserve to know. And it’s only going to be you.”
I wanted to say it back, I really did. But there was something … something stopping the words in my throat. I had feelings for Travis, that was for sure. I loved him, yes, at least as my friend, and maybe even a little bit more, but was it the kind of love he wanted? This entire day had come out of nowhere. I needed to process. And even though he said he didn’t expect to hear it back, it didn’t mean he didn’t want to. So I did what any good girl would do. I distracted him with a searing kiss.
He walked me to my place. I started to invite him in. It wasn’t to get down and dirty, although my body would have highly appreciated that. It was because we were friends, and I should invite him in, even though my nerves were on high alert after the unexpected events of the day already. And let’s be honest here, sex seemed like the perfect next step. It might have been a fresh romantic relationship – really fresh – but it wasn’t a new relationship by any means.
“No,” he whispered against my lips as he pulled me close to him. “You’re special, so it will be special for us.” Well, damn, melt my heart a little more, why didn’t you? Who the hell knew Travis was such a closet romantic? Hmm, maybe it was me. Maybe I was drawing the “aw” factor out of him. Well, whatever it was, I was so not going to do anything to make him stop.
“Brent is going to flip,” Travis beamed when we pulled away.
“Huh?” My mind was still fuzzy from his intoxicating lips.
“He’s probably going to be over the fucking moon that he doesn’t have to hear me complain anymore.”
“Wait, what?”
“I might have been drunk, but I told Brent how I felt about you, and I might have gotten drunk a few more times after that. And apparently, every time I get drunk, I bitch and moan about not being with you. He’s probably sick of my shit by now. But now he won’t have to listen to me anymore.”
“Really?” I squealed, for more reasons than Travis could possibly comprehend. I was in shock that Travis loved me or at least thought he did. I was in denial that he just admitted to me that he cared so much that he complained to Brent about it. And I was feeling guilty that I hadn’t thought of Brent the entire time I was with Travis. But what was there to feel guilty about really? I cared about Brent, yeah, but I also cared about Travis. And it was Travis who felt the same way about me, not Brent.
“I told you, Kim. I’ve loved you for a while. You just don’t believe me. It’s all right, though, I’ll make you believe it.” He smiled that multi-million dollar smile of his and leaned in for another kiss. “Dinner, tonight.”
“We just had breakfast. Aren’t you supposed to like wait three days or something? Aren’t those the rules?”
He chuckled. “You should know by now that I don’t follow those types of rules. And besides, now that I have you, I’m not giving you a chance to get away.” And just like that, I forgot about Brent again. That was until Travis left and I started to process everything. Well, fuck. How the hell was I supposed to act around Brent now? It wasn’t like I just magically shut off my feelings for him. But before it was stuffed in the back, just like my feelings for Travis were. But now they were running around—free rein. Well, shit. This would be interesting. I just hoped interesting didn’t translate into disaster.
chapter twenty-five
I was distracted all day. I had kissed Travis … wait, scratch that, I was dating Travis. How the hell did that happen? I was going on a date with Travis later that night. I needed to stop thinking about Brent and how this would affect all our relationships. Shit, I needed to stop thinking about Brent period. No, I needed to find out if Travis had told him, and I should man up and tell him, too. I was his friend, after all. Not that Brent would care about who I was dating. He might be shocked that Travis had settled down, but I was pretty sure it would be awkward for him to be around us if he felt like the third wheel. It was always just friends and now two of his friends were dating. How was that going to work for him?
“I don’t get it,” Lauren called out from the bathroom as she got ready for her own date with her boyfriend.
“What don’t you get?” I had told her all the details the minute I came home. She proceeded to tell me to shut up. No, literally, she said, “Shut up. No way, shut up.” And when I clammed up, she had thrown pillows at me to keep going with the rest of the details. Dorks run in packs apparently.
“You want me to talk or to pipe down? Make up your mind,” I responded.
“Oh, ha-ha, very funny. You know what I mean when I tell you to shut the front door.” She’d then ooh’d and aah’d and hugged me, telling me how romantic it all was. Yeah, I guess it kind of was.
“Why are you frustrated?” she called out.
“How the hell can you tell I’m frustrated?”
She stuck her head out and gave me a pointed look that said, “Are you really asking me that?”
“I just … I don’t know.”
“Is this about Brent?” she asked as she stepped out of the bathroom.
“Why would it be about Brent?” It was totally about Brent.
“Um, I don’t know, maybe because you’ve been crushing on him this entire time, too.”
“Duh. He’s cute and sweet. Why wouldn’t I crush? But that doesn’t mean anything. You have a boyfriend, and you’re ‘madly in love,’” I mocked, “but you don’t shy away from looking and appreciating other guys.”
“Uh-huh. Keep telling yourself that,” she responded.
“Okay, so, maybe I’m a little worried about how he will take all this new information.”
“I’m sure that’s all it is,” she chided in a mocking voice.
“Oh?” I asked, wondering what she meant.
“Okay, let me ask you this. If both Brent and Travis magically confessed their love for you at the same time and both asked you to pick one of them, then who would you pick?”
“What does that have to do with me being concerned about Brent’s comfort level?”
“Answer the question,” she demanded.
“It’s not applicable. Brent doesn’t care about me that way.”
“And if he did.”
“He doesn’t.” I was adamant. I was in shock that Travis did, but there was no way Brent did, too.
“You know, the fact that you aren’t answering my question sort of answers it.” She smirked. She freaking smirked.
“It does not!” I yelled in response.
“Okay, fine, I love you too much to argue with you and get you all worked up before your date with Travis. So forget about Brent for tonight. You can tell him tomorrow and ensure him it won’t change things. And I’ll bug you all about it after. Now, go get ready,” she said as she gave me a peck on the cheek and a slap on the ass.
I followed her advice to go get ready for my date. I couldn’t worry about Brent today anyway, not that I was sure why I was worried in the first place.
Travis had picked me up, took me to dinner, and then took me for a walk in the park. Kind of cliché, but totally cute and we had an amazing time. I got to see him be the guy I’d only had moments with before. He told me about his childhood and about funny things growing up. We talked about school and about the future. It was absolutely perfect. My feelings for him were climbing in one short day. It could have been because I finally allowed myself to actually feel them instead of bottling them up or it could have been how carefree I felt with Travis. And the way he looked at me. Forget looking at me as if I was an ice-cream con
e he wanted to lick. To him, I was probably the entire ice-cream truck, stocked with all his favorites. He could try me all night long and the sugar rush would just have him keep on going. Energizer bunny, I was sure. Okay, maybe he got me a little hot and bothered, too. Could you tell?
Damn, it was perfect. There was a moment when I’d compared this date to one with Will, but I realized within seconds that I hadn’t felt like this even with Will. And looking back, all his lines were just that—lines. Travis didn’t say anything he didn’t mean. I had known him long enough now to figure out his tells. And all the ones that were on tonight were the ones pointing toward truth, desire, oh, and lust. Definitely lust. Did I mention I felt super sexy and on fire? Kind of nice, no?
The only time I thought about Brent was when Travis brought up telling him.
“I think Brent might be afraid he’s losing you as a friend,” Travis had mentioned when we were still at dinner.
“Oh, why is that?”
“Don’t know really, just a vibe I got. I told him about us, and he was happy for me and all, but there was something else there. Maybe talk to him tomorrow.”
I nodded. Darn. I knew Brent would find this weird.
Travis quickly pushed those thoughts away when he leaned over and kissed me lightly on the lips.
“No frowning today. You are all mine, and we are going to enjoy it.”
