by Unknown
She’s staring into the distance with so much pain in her eyes, that my heart goes to her. She opens her mouth as if she’s about to say more, but she doesn’t. I wish I could do something to make her feel better, but I can’t think of anything.
I know if I chance to say something it would probably be inappropriate. I can’t even pat her hand because in this part of the world I’m not certain that type of physical contact is acceptable. So I just stay put next to her for a while and hope that a presence helps.
I wonder what she had to do to survive, all alone, at ten.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
CHANLINA AND I HAVE BEEN spending a lot of time together. She gets to the cascade shortly after me. With her cell being next to mine, it seems that no matter how quiet I try to be, I wake her up when I go.
After our swim, she sits at the breakfast table with Agatha and me. When we’re done talking about the progress of Agatha’s study, Chanlina asks us about life at home, and what it’s like to be a college student.
Under her brave facade, there’s a lot of anxiety.
I thought that, having survived alone in the streets, she would not fear anything, but it’s the opposite.
Chanlina is scared about living with her grandmother next year. She’s terrified that she won’t fit in with the other college students, and she’s afraid that she won’t find her place in this world.
Agatha and I try to help her with those fears because they are the same as a lot of girls her age. We promise her all her questions about her student life are healthy. She’s going to have to make choices without knowing for sure if they’re the right ones. Except for a few chosen ones who have a calling, we’re all in the same boat when the time comes for those choices.
Agatha jokes that, even though I’m the most accomplished student she’s ever met, I still have no idea what I’m going to do when I grow up.
I correct Agatha and say that I’m not sure that I ever want to grow up. I may stay in school all my life. That seems to amuse Chanlina.
But then she hints about her biggest fear, and I understand it’s eating her alive. Chanlina lives as if she’s walking on the edge of a cliff that can crumble at any second.
All the people she loved when she was a kid have died; her entire family. Today she only has one anchor left, her “new” father. He works in the mines, which is a dangerous place to work, she knows, and every single day she fears for his life.
That’s a fear that can’t be brushed away; it’s a perfectly reasonable fear.
“When I’m in school, there are long periods of time each day that I don’t think about him,” she says, “but this week, I can’t help myself. I’m here, waiting for him to come back. We were supposed to spend some time together before the New Year festival is over, and I return to school. I’m sure something bad has happened at the mine, otherwise he would be back, already.”
It’s true that, with all the pouring rain, there could be landslides. Fear can be contagious, but I will not let myself be contaminated.
I shake my head to chase away the images of lifeless bodies drowned in mud, or crushed under enormous boulders that her fear has conjured up in my brain, and I try to keep her occupied.
“Bad news travels fast enough. If there had been an accident, we’d know about it,” I tell her when I see her cringe and frown.
To make sure she’s okay, I have her stay with me at the lab when I work. I download fun books on my tablet for her to read, and I spend time with her and Cook in the kitchen.
Nevertheless, as the week goes by she becomes more and more anxious.
Friday, before the crack of dawn she comes to my room and wakes me up. She’s shaking like a leaf, and she’s so upset that she can’t even speak. There are no tears in her eyes but so much pain it breaks my heart. I sit on my bed with my back to the wall, and make her lie down with her head on my lap. I know not to touch her head, as it’s a disrespectful gesture but I also know that she needs physical contact, so, instead of holding her, I just rest my hand on her shoulder, and make soothing noises until she falls asleep.
In less than a week, she got to me. She’s sweet and attentive to others, and smart as well. I like her a lot.
But then I’m not sure I should get close to her when I remember the look of bliss on her face as she was pressing herself against Oliver’s back on the motorcycle.
I know now that she’s been adopted by one of the Americans who work at the mine. I know that none of them would let their teenage daughter have an affair with one of their co-workers no matter what her past may have been like. I’ve heard of ten year old prostitutes, and I hope that Chanlina did not have to sell her body to survive. But even if she did, it would not make it right for her to have sex with anyone else but someone of her own age group.
I fall asleep upright, praying that Oliver looks at her as an uncle or an older brother. Please, please, please let him love her like that.
A few hours later, a nudge to my shoulder wakes me up. Oliver is standing in front of me with a worried look on his face. He questions me silently by looking at Chanlina, and then at me.
“She’s alright,” I whisper to him. “She’s been having a bad dream. She sees her father in a mining accident.”
The look of relief on his face shows how much he cares about her. The jealous monster that has been sleeping in my heart is waking up and then it vanishes in a puff of smoke when Oliver’s lips brush mine, while he leans over to scoop Chanlina up in his arms.
He says to her, “Hey, baby girl. Look. I’m here, I’m safe and all in one piece.”
She opens her eyes, and smiles at him.
Never in my life have I been happier to see a daughter hug her father back.
❦
While Oliver whisks his daughter away, I make a run for my pond. Today it’s pouring again, but there’s no lightning or thunder. As long as I stay out of the part where the current is getting stronger, I’ll be safe.
I let myself sink slowly into the fresh water and try to make sense of the way I feel. It’s a new exercise for me. I don’t mean that I was uncaring before - I did try to pay attention to what my family deems important, such as birthdays and holidays - but I was just going through the motions because it was expected of me. I did not truly care, and would have been just as happy to be totally isolated from them. Feelings were not an important part of my life. Well, as long as I had Agatha.
It seems that Oliver has turned me into a new person, and that there’re a lot of things I have to sort through, now. Strangely, the loud rushing sound of the cascade helps me to do that. It has a calming effect on me.
I’m very happy that Oliver’s back and safe; Chanlina’s nightmares were taking a toll on me. I’m also delighted that his relationship with Chanlina is a chaste one. What I feel here is relief.
But I can’t seem to wrap my mind around this new aspect of Oliver. He has a daughter who is barely younger than me. How old is he, anyway? He can’t be more than thirty. Has he adopted her legally? He must have if he’s sending her to live with his mother in Florida. He must at least have obtained a long-term student visa for her.
And then it hits me: why should I care about that, anyway? It’s not like either one of us committed to anything. I’m only going to be here for a few more weeks, and then I’ll fly back home while he’ll either stay here, or move on to another mining site.
I wish I was like Chanlina and believed in magic…
And then magic occurs, and Oliver is right by me in the water. I was so absorbed in my thoughts I did not see him swim in. Any noise he may have made was been covered up by the gushing sound of the waterfall. He’s really good at that, appearing next to me without a noise.
He’s wrapping his arms around my waist from behind, and kisses this soft spot he’s found on my neck.
I turn around to face him.
“Hello, stranger,” I say playfully reaching for him.
“Do you let all strangers kiss you like that?”
“Not usually, but you kind of remind me of a guy I met a couple of weeks ago. I fell asleep in his bed one night, and then the next day he was gone.”
“Oh, I know that guy. He’s got a daughter in boarding school. He went to pick the kid up at the bus stop. When he came back to introduce the two of you, you were out. He waited a bit, but then an emergency came up and he had to run.”
“Nothing bad, I hope?” I ask.
He frowns as he answers, “Nothing that couldn’t be fixed.”
“I’m glad,” I say, and put my lips to his forehead to smooth out the wrinkles.
He smiles, and the lines vanish.
“When I left, I put a note on my pillow.”
“You did?”
“Yes, I was telling you to make yourself at home in my room, and that I would return as soon as I could.”
“Never saw it. I’m sorry.”
“Me too. I had this fantasy about coming back early in the morning, and curling up next to you.”
“Mmmm that would have been nice,” I say, nuzzling into his neck and wrapping my legs around his waist to keep afloat.
“I had promised Chanlina a few days away,” he tells me. “Would you like to come with us?”
“No can do. I have my work, and I think that Chanlina needs some alone time with you.”
“You’re not answering my question,” he says.
I cock my head sideways, as if I don’t understand what he’s saying but I know he’s right. I may have given him reasons as to why I should not be tagging along, but I did not answer his question.
He asks again. “Would you like to come with us?”
Oliver looks so serious that I know my answer will be decisive of the road that our relationship will take. I think carefully about my answer.
“Yes, I would be happy to go with you two.”
“But…”
“No buts,” I lie.
“You’re sure?”
“Does it really matter?” I bite back because I feel cornered and I don’t like it. He looks surprised.
“The truth is that I’m not sure how I feel about your coming equipped with a ready-made family, but I understand that it’s a package deal.”
“Fair enough,” he says seriously.
“Are there any more of your family members that I should be aware of?” I ask.
“Not that I can think off at the top of my head,” he answers.
“Okay. So you’re in luck because I like your daughter,” I say, softening my tone. “So, yes, I would like to come with you.”
“So, it’s a done deal.” He grins and it’s my turn to be surprised. “Yes, I asked Agatha, and she said that whatever you had to do could wait until Monday,” he kisses me lightly, and continues. “I also asked Chanlina. She hesitated for half a second, and then said that if she couldn’t have my undivided attention, then there was no one else she would rather share me with.”
“That’s sweet.”
“Yes, you’ve managed to conquer the both of us,” he says, and that makes me smile.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
WE LAND IN BANGKOK A few hours later. A limo is waiting for us at the airport, and it takes us to a nice hotel on Silom Road. It boasts a huge hallway with a large Shiva sculpture. Most of the staff is Indian; a pleasant lady in a traditional Indian sarong shows us to our room. It’s a large bedroom, about twenty times the size of our base camp cells. There are two queen-sized beds.
Chanlina is ecstatic. She jumps on the bed by the window and says “Dibs!”
“No problem,” I answer trying to hide my disappointment. I mean the room is cool, really nice and spacious, but I had been hoping for a little more privacy. There’s no way I’m going to do anything sexy with Chanlina a couple of feet away, and no wall between our beds.
Then I scold myself. I’ve waited twenty-two years for this, so I can wait another week.
But then, Oliver tells her, “Actually, they’re both yours.”
He pushes a door that doesn’t open on a bathroom, as I had assumed but on an adjacent bedroom.
Chanlina rushes to the other room to look, and I follow. It’s about the same size but has a king-sized bed. I think it’s a California king size: very big.
Oliver is right behind me, and whispers “Got ya, didn’t I?”
“You sure did!” I say punching him lightly.
“You are getting my undivided attention tonight.” He’s got that cat-about-to-eat-the-canary look, and a hot blush rushes to my face.
“Children, behave!” says Chanlina as she smiles at us. I can see that she’s also relieved about the two bedrooms. It would have been weird even if we had done nothing more than sleeping.
We go out, and stop in a tiny restaurant called Café de Laos for the best green papaya salad with grapefruit that I’ve ever had and then walk around the night market.
I watch Oliver as he kids around with Chanlina and jokes with the street vendors while negotiating the prices. I can’t believe he’s mine, for now.
Chanlina gets a few DVDs from a street vendor to watch tonight and maybe tomorrow, in case we decide to stay in bed late while she wakes up early.
We return to the hotel, and the three of us lay on the king-sized bed in front of the television. Chanlina slips into her pajamas, takes command of the remote, and zaps from channel to channel until she finds a CSI Miami episode. She watches, fascinated by the views of the Miami skyline. She’s probably thinking about where she’s going to live next year and it must look very exotic to her. She proves me right when she asks Oliver, “Do you think I’ll like it in Florida?”
“Yes, I’m sure you will. And I’m sure you’ll get along fine with my mom. She’s really cool, and now she has a new job so she won’t be on your back.”
“What is she doing?”
“What she’s always done: running some sort of restaurant. From what I understand, this one’s got live events- you know- bands, live music and I think they do square dancing, too.”
“Oh, that sounds like fun! Do you think she’ll let me come and learn?” asks Chanlina, who’s warming up to the idea. If there’s dancing, the place can’t be all that bad for her.
“I’m sure she will,” says Oliver, stroking her shoulder.
Chanlina falls asleep on our bed with a smile on her face. Maybe she’s dreaming of square dancing with a handsome cowboy. From Bangkok to Florida, she’s in for quite a change of culture. At least the climate will be similar to the one she knows.
Oliver brings her back to her room, and I lean on the doorframe between our rooms and watch him tuck her in. He draws the curtains, turns the light on in her bathroom, and leaves the bathroom door half open. This is thoughtful. This way, if she wakes up in the middle of the night, she’ll be able to find her way.
I like watching him be a sweet Dad.
He walks to me and into our room, and pulls me away from the door, while he locks it behind him.
The sweet dad has vanished. Standing before me is a different man. He looks as if he’s going to devour me, and it’s so sexy that I can hardly breathe.
I’m standing next to the door, very hot, and so very scared. I want this, but I’m not sure what to do next, or how to go about it.
The awkward moment passes when he reaches for me, and I can burrow my head in his chest.
“Don’t over think it,” he says as he massages my neck.
“Stop reading my mind.”
“Are you scared?”
I nod, but I don’t pull back. Instead, I pull his shirt out of his pants, and work on the buttons.
I’m pretty sure I shouldn’t wait. My heart is beating in my chest as it did the first time I climbed on a high pool diving board.
I have this feeling that making love is like diving. The first time you go for it, you can’t stop to think about what you’re about to do. If you do stop, look down to the pool, and contemplate the jump you’re about to take, you freeze.
Tonight, I don’t want to fre
eze.
“Do you want the lights out?” he asks with a very husky tone.
“Not out. I want to look at you. Dimmer would be nice though. The ceiling fixture is bright enough for an operating room.”
That gets a chuckle out of him. He lets go of me, kills the ceiling light and turns on a bedside table lamp.
“Better?”
“Much better.”
“Good.”
He’s finished removing his shirt, and has unbuckled and opened the top of his pants. The part of my brain that is still functioning is amused, as I’m sure he’s picked this stage of undress on purpose because he knows how hot he looks like that.
“You like what you see?” he asks, noticing my smile.
“What do you think?” I can’t recognize the throaty voice that comes out of my mouth.
“Oh, I know you do,” he answers with a smirk. I try to kiss it away from his face as I run my fingers down his chest. It does not work; his lips are still curved in a smile as I play with them.
Somehow my clothes vanish, and I’m standing naked in the middle of the room. I don’t need to ask him if he likes what he sees. The answer is clear as day when I push his pants down.
He has barely touched me, and I’m on fire already. Just the memory of what I felt the last time he did touch me has me totally charged.
Oliver lets me explore his body. My hands trace down his chest, around his waist to his butt, and up along his back. My fingers notice a few bumps: scars that I never noticed before. I’ll have to ask about those later. Now’s not the time for war stories.
We move to the bed. Oliver pushes me onto it, and makes me scoot to the middle.
“Do you want me to tell you what I’m going to do to you or would you rather I be quiet?” he asked.
“Telling me is good,” I say, “I like to know where we’re going, and I love it when you talk to me with that sultry voice.”
I also love that he asks. I listen to him tell me what he intends to do. He’s going into details because soon his mouth will be busy and he will no longer be able to talk.
