“I bet it was.” Bianca took my arm and interlocked her own. “I never got the chance to thank you for making me feel welcome that summer. I was very lonely, because I didn’t know anybody and I was so upset about what my mother had told me before I left for Sicily. I might have only been 10, but I knew in my heart that I wasn’t going to have my mother in my life when I got back to America. I was a devastated little girl and you cheered me up.”
I smiled. “I had a lot of fun with you, too. I was surprised how much fun I had. You were a trouper, too, hanging out with me and the guys. They never seemed to mind having you around because you weren’t a pest. You were curious, you were fun, and you never whined.”
Bianca nodded. “You were my first crush,” she said, repeating what she had told me earlier. “I knew that you didn’t feel the same way about me, because I was just a little girl. But I always wish that I could kiss you.”
I took a deep breath, wanting to kiss her right then and there. It was in broad daylight, and I knew that it was wrong, but…
She leaned against a tree and looked up at me. I put my hand on her cheek, her soft cheek, and she closed her eyes. As our lips met, I felt it. I felt the scorching heat go from my lips down to my feet, and, for once, I didn’t necessarily want to simply put my dick inside of her right away. I wanted to just kiss her. Just stand there and drink her in. I still wanted to fuck her badly, but how I felt about her went well past that feeling.
As I broke away from her and looked down, I knew that what I was feeling was love.
And this feeling, in this situation, was one of the most dangerous thing that I could feel.
Sixteen
Bianca
The truth was out. Lucca was the boy who I knew way back when. He was the person who made my last summer, before I found out that my whole world had turned upside down, special. He was my first crush. I remembered how he made me feel. Even though he had his own guy friends who he liked to hang around with – go surf with them, play baseball with them, and just do stuff with them – he always tried to include me. Even though I was a girl who was a few years younger than him, he never made me feel like I was unwanted.
After I got back to America after that summer, I immediately felt the way that Lucca never made me feel – unwanted. Unloved. Rejected. I had desperately tried to call my mother when I got back, and she never picked up. I went over to see her in her new apartment, and she told me that I couldn’t be there and I had to go back to my father’s home. I suddenly didn’t have a mother, and I never got along with my father – I always knew what he did for a living, and it made me sick.
So my summer with Lucca was really my last good memory before everything fell apart.
And now, here he was. A beautiful man who was involved in the same business as my father and who was married to my sister. Who had to stay married to my sister, or my father would have his head. There was no future for the two of us, no matter how much we both wanted there to be.
I cleared my throat as I watched my dog sniff around some more trees and bushes. “Lucca, do you think that it’s such a good idea that I move in with you guys? I think that…”
He stopped and looked right at me. “Yes. Yes, I do. Just like how you needed me that summer, you need me now. If you don’t stay with us, you won’t have anywhere to go, will you?”
I shrugged. “No. I mean, I have friends who will let me couch surf for a little while. But nobody has the room for somebody like me to stay with them. This is Manhattan. Most people my age have tiny apartments. And god knows I can’t stay with my father.” I shuddered. “That would be the worst possible outcome.”
“Then there’s not a question. You’re going to come and stay with us.”
“But Lucca, you have to think this through. You need to make your marriage work with my sister. It’s not something that either of you want, but it’s so important to my father that you stay in that marriage with her. He has the ability to really make life hard for you. I would hate it if something happened to you just because of your feelings for me.”
Lucca put his arm around me and I felt protected and loved. “Bianca, that’s just the chance that I’m going to have to take. Because I want to be with you. You want to be with me. I…”
“You can only be married to one person, and that person is my sister.” I took a deep breath and then told him something that was even more painful to me than what happened in losing my mother.
“And she can eventually give you your own baby. I can’t.”
Seventeen
Lucca stopped and looked at me. “I suspected that was the case. After all, Gino was going on about how Isabella’s baby would be Benito’s one chance for a true heir, because your brother Nico is gay and your brother Stefano is in prison for life. I wondered about why Gino didn’t consider that maybe you would be able to give Benito an heir at some point.”
I hung my head, not wanting to tell Lucca about why it was that I couldn’t have children. This was a dark memory, perhaps my darkest memory. “Yes. I’m not able to have children because of something I did when I was only fifteen. Something that was done to me when I was fifteen.”
He looked at me with sympathy in his eyes. “What happened?” he asked me softly.
I swallowed hard. “My brother’s friend. His name was Antonio. I don’t think that he was in the business. He was a little bit older than me, about my brother’s age, really.”
“Stefano or Nico?”
“Stefano. He had this friend and, one night, we had too much to drink. I was very young, so I really couldn’t handle my alcohol. I can barely handle it now.” I started to laugh, trying to lighten up the mood, because what I was about to say was so very dark.
Lucca nodded. “I would imagine you probably had a hard time handling alcohol at that age. Most people do.”
“Yes.” I didn’t quite know how to talk to Lucca about this. How to tell him about what had happened to me at that party, and how it affected my ability to have children now. “I had a lot to drink that night, and I went to the bedroom to sleep it off. I was a bit of a wild-child – always rebellious. Anyhow, that night at the party, I passed out, and, when I came to, I was still in the bed but…”
I shook my head. I woke up with my underwear on backwards and a pain in between my legs. There was blood in my panties, and, at first, I thought that I had gotten my period. I really didn’t know what had happened, and I didn’t really think much about it. It was strange that my underwear was on backwards, but I thought that maybe I had gotten up to go to the bathroom during the night and put my panties on backwards because I was too drunk to put them on straight.
Then came the cramping and the morning sickness. I missed a lot of school that year because I was too sick to get out of bed. I thought that I had the flu, but it went on for too long, so I ended up seeing a doctor. They immediately did a pregnancy test, even though I told them that I was a virgin.
As far as I knew, I was a virgin.
The pregnancy test came back positive, and I thought that my life was over.
I asked Stefano about that night, and he didn’t know what had happened, but he told me that he would ask Antonio.
Antonio admitted to Stefano that he had sex with me while I was passed out, and I had never felt so violated in my entire life. That was a rape – there was no other way to characterize that. Yet I couldn’t tell my father about it. He would have blamed me because I was there at the party and I was drinking, even though I was only 15.
I didn’t know what else to do. I was naïve, scared and very young. Stefano decided that he was going to help me, because it was his friend who did this to me, so he felt that he should be the one to help me out of my situation.
We had planned together what we could do. I didn’t want to have an abortion – I’m Catholic, so that’s a mortal sin. Plus, it was an innocent life. This child that was inside of me didn’t choose to be conceived. He or she didn’t ask me to get so drunk that I passed out at
a party. I couldn’t do it to the baby.
Yet I knew that my father would kill me, right after he got through with killing Stefano and Antonio. Not literally kill Stefano and me, but he would get extremely angry. His temper is legendary. He probably would have literally killed Antonio, though. After all, Antonio raped his daughter, so that would be reason enough for my father to spill Antonio’s brains all over the sidewalk.
We decided that the best thing to do would be to not tell our father, but hope that he was naïve enough to believe that I was simply getting fat. I would wear bigger and bigger clothes, and then I would have to listen to my father harass me about going to the gym and nag me about eating better. That would be okay. Then I would have the baby, give it up for adoption, and nobody would be the wiser.
That was a silly plan, but it was better than anything else we could have come up with.
Unfortunately, once Antonio found out I was carrying his child, he showed up to Stefano’s and beat me up. Stefano wasn’t around, so it was only me in the apartment. Antonio was crazed and, even though I fought him like a wild-cat, there was little that I could do. He had a gun and he was much bigger than me.
He ended up pinning me down on the floor, and, in a matter of minutes, there was another guy on the scene. A guy that I had never seen before or since. That other guy had a coat hanger in his hand and he savagely put it inside of me while I screamed bloody murder. He killed my baby inside of me, but he also poked a hole in my uterus. I went to the hospital, where they had to remove my uterus, or else I would have died from a massive infection.
I hung my head, realizing that Lucca was still looking at me. He was waiting for me to finish my story, but I just couldn’t. It was just too painful. After all that had happened to me, I felt not just violated but like I wasn’t a whole woman. I felt like I wasn’t good enough for any man after that. After all, I wasn’t able to do the one thing that I knew was always expected of me – give a man a child. I simply felt that I wasn’t worthy, and nobody could have ever told me differently.
Lucca put his hand on my cheek and looked me right in the eye. “Bianca,” he said softly. “You don’t have to tell me about what happened to you. But I wanted you to know that I don’t judge you. Whatever happened to you, I’m not going to be upset about it. I would like for you to be able to confide in me, though.”
I nodded my head. “Maybe later.” I took a deep breath and took his hand. “Lucca, you need to stay married to Izzy. You probably want to have children one day, and, as we both know, she seems to be quite fertile.”
“Bianca,” Lucca said. “You’re the sum of your parts, and your reproductive system is just a small part.” He put his forefinger and thumb together to emphasize just how small of a part he found my child-bearing ability. “There are such things as adoption and fostering, you know. Lots of kids out in the world who need a good home.”
I sighed. “But that wouldn’t be good enough for my father. That’s why Izzy’s baby means so much to him. Gino hit it right on the head – Izzy’s the only one who can have children right now. Stefano certainly can’t, not as long as he’s in prison. And Nico certainly can’t. I mean, he can – he can find a surrogate – but my father certainly would never accept a child born that way as a legitimate heir.”
Lucca suddenly got a far-off look on his face when I talked about Stefano being in prison. But, after a few minutes, he was back and paying attention to what I was saying.
“Hey,” I said, “where did you go just now?”
Lucca shook his head. “Nowhere. I was just thinking about how impossible this whole situation is. Between you, me and Izzy. I just wish that things were different, but these are the cards that we’re dealt.”
I nodded my head. “Well, we better get in there and finish this up. The movers are coming tomorrow to put most of my stuff in storage.”
“Why in storage? I have more than enough room for all your things.”
“No, storage. I can’t stay with you guys for any length of time. Basically, I’d like to stay until I find a job and a roommate. Then I’ll be out of both of your hairs, and you guys can start to canoodle like you should.”
Lucca sighed. “We won’t be canoodling. I’ll be thinking of you the entire time.”
“Well, then think of me when you’re having sex with her. She does kinda look like me.” I didn’t mean those words, of course. I really would be devastated if Lucca and Izzy actually somehow managed to have a “real marriage.” At the same time, I knew that a “real marriage” would be safest and best for all involved. Especially that unborn baby that Izzy was carrying. That unborn baby needed a father, and I knew that Lucca would be an amazing one. He was smart, compassionate and knew how to kick some ass. All good qualities for any good dad.
We walked into my apartment, and Lucca immediately pinned me against the wall. “You didn’t mean that,” he said. “What you said out there about me thinking of you while I’m having sex with Izzy. You know damned well you don’t want me to ever touch her. Stop acting like what you and I have isn’t a big deal, because you know goddamned well that it is. It’s a huge deal.”
He leaned against me, and I felt his enormous hard-on. “The only huge deal here is in your pants,” I said, resisting the temptation to squeeze his cock. I swallowed hard and looked at him. “Now get away from me. You’re my sister’s-“
I never got the chance to finish my sentence, because his lips were soon on mine. I lost my breath, as I always did whenever our lips met, and my heart pounded as his lips grazed my cheeks and my neck. His hands gently lifted up my shirt and caressed my bare breasts, as I wasn’t wearing a bra. I groaned as his hands, just as gently, unbuttoned my jeans and pulled them down.
“I think I’m falling in love with you, Bianca,” he whispered. Those words sent tingles throughout my entire body as I remembered how I felt all those years ago when Lucca made my entire summer enjoyable. How I felt when I was only ten years old and dreamed that one day Lucca would be my husband.
As I looked into his eyes, I knew that I felt the same way about him. There was no denying it. I grabbed his cheeks and looked into his eyes, but the words just wouldn’t come. I don’t think that I had ever said those words to anyone at all. Certainly not to any of the losers I had dated in my life.
Instead of telling Lucca that I was in love with him too, I simply closed my eyes and let the feeling of his lips and tongues on my body give me the sensations that I was craving. I hadn’t let myself go with any man for such a long, long time. I had always felt inadequate, was always afraid that they would leave me when they figured out that I couldn’t have children. Yet Lucca made me feel accepted and loved. Like he would love me no matter what.
Lucca’s hands gently removed my clothing, as his lips and tongue gently caressed my breasts, first one, and then the other. He freed his cock from his pants and brought out a condom and slipped it on.
“You don’t need that,” I managed to gasp between breaths. “Unless you’ve been messing around. I certainly haven’t been.” And that was the truth – besides Lucca, I couldn’t remember the last time I had had sex. What I did know was that I had had numerous physicals since that time, so I knew that I was clean.
He nodded as he slipped off the condom. “Oh, God,” he said. “I’m going to be able to feel you. Really feel you. Skin to skin.”
He kissed me passionately as he lifted me up off the floor. Then he slowly lowered me onto his enormous cock, and I gasped. This was us, making love without any barrier between us, and it felt amazing. He thrust in and out of me, with one of my feet on the floor and the other one wrapped around his back. I reared back my head and let loose with a loud moan. Unlike the last time Lucca and I had sex, in that restroom at the country club, there wasn’t anyone around who could hear me. I took advantage of that as I screamed his name out loud, over and over again.
“Oh, Lucca, fuck, Lucca,” I panted. “You feel…” I shook my head. I had no words. There weren’t an
y words for how profoundly I was feeling about him right at that moment.
He nodded as he looked into my eyes. Then he kissed me passionately while his hard cock was stroking in and out of me. I closed my eyes, wanting to really feel him inside of me. Needing to know that he was mine and I was his, and, for the moment, there was only us two in the world. Us two against the world.
He came inside of me, as I felt his hot cum explode from his rock hard dick. He thrust a few more times, and I opened my eyes and looked at him.
The way that he looked at me, I knew that he wanted to be with me as much as I wanted to be with him. He kissed my forehead, as I realized that both of us were sweating.
“Well,” I said, as I put my hands on his shoulders. “We need to finish packing this stuff.” I hung my head. “I really do need to make sure that I don’t stay with you guys anymore than I have to.”
“You can stay as long as you want,” he said to me. “I want you to stay with us forever. Stay with me forever.”
I drew a breath and realized that I felt exactly the same way.
Eighteen
I moved into the home with Izzy and Lucca later on that week, after I put my stuff in storage. Izzy was happy to have me there with them, because she was dying for me to help her with putting together her crafts for her Etsy shop. “I know that you’ve always wanted me to be self-sufficient,” she chirped. “So doing all this will help me do that.”
So that was what we did together. While Lucca was at work, doing whatever it was that he did, Izzy and I worked together to put beads and rhinestones on headbands. She was also branching into making purses, so we did the same to various bags – with our hot glue guns, we glued baubles, beads and various jewels onto the bags. Some of the bags even had feathers on them.
Lucca: Azzarra Crime Family Book Two Page 12
