Mend the Seams (Buried Secrets #3)

by Silla Webb

  Little did I know that his salvation would come with a price: a debt due that he’d forever hold over me. Drew recognized my compliancy, taking Evelyn’s manipulation and abuse as his own. He was methodic in his deceptions. His control developed slowly through time, urging me to break curfew, then coercing me to lie and steal money from my parents. It all seemed petty at the time, cover one little white lie with another, and I was too naïve to realize the destructive path he was leading me down. I put my trust in my best friend, sure that he’d never lead me astray. I allowed my loyalty to overshadow his deceit. Three eighty seven, three eighty eight, three eighty nine.

  Drew Varney’s claws will never descend from my flesh. The heinous acts I’ve delivered at his requests are unspeakable. Not only because of the guilt I bear for such acts, but because Drew always finds a way to walk away from every fuckin’ situation smellin’ like a damn rose. I’ll only bury myself in the darker pits of hell by coming forward with our crimes and as prideful a man that I am, I truly believe death would be less painful than carrying the burden of my sins.

  The dark hatred that I own for Drew is pure and natural. He created the monster within me without conviction and because of him I’ll suffer indefinitely. Because of Drew I’ve lost the only beauty I’ve been graced with in this life. The torture and suffering Savannah received at my hand will forever haunt me. I love her yet I fuckin’ hate every breath she takes because I know I don’t deserve her. I’ve always wanted to claim her, mind, body and soul, receiving her love and letting the beauty of her light cast my demons astray. But that perfection is only an illusion in my world. I can see it, but each time I reach out to grasp it, it’s tugged from my reach, denying me the one thing I hunger for the most. The cruel twisted animal that I am deserves no redemption, my sin can’t be forgiven. I’ve accepted my fate and the reckoning that’s due.

  “Five hundred!” I roar thunderously as I draw in my last sit up. Cold beads of sweat drip from my forehead and I rest my elbows on my knees inhaling slowly as my breathing regulates. A low whistle resonates through the dimly lit halls, a little jingle filtering into the sound with every other step. As the guard strolls past my cell I call out, “Hughes, need a favor.”

  Hughes turns on his heel and glowers back at me. “Ah yeah? Favors cost in here, man.”

  “Has it ever been a fuckin’ issue in the past?” I ask him, tilting my head curiously. I grip the cool, rusted metal roughly in my hands, the knuckles of my scraped fist white with tension.

  “What’cha want, Moore? I’ll see what I can do.”

  “Need ya to call James McCoy and tell him it’s urgent.” Hughes eyes me suspiciously, running his fingers against his day old five o’clock shadow.

  “That’s it? Call your attorney? Have you finally fuckin’ lost it, Moore?” He chuckles.

  “Fuckin’ make the call now before I change my damn mind.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  I know I’ve lied to myself over how I feel about Luke, but I never dreamed the feeling was mutual. Now I’m scared more than ever because I can’t give him want he deserves. Not only am I still battling Josh for divorce, but I don’t know that I’m ready to move on. I’m stuck in limbo.

  Colton decided to pamper Carly with a Momma’s Day Out. Being the selfless big Sister that I am, I happily agreed to go with her. Wouldn’t want her to suffer from boredom or loneliness while sitting through a daunting pedicure. And to be quite honest, I could use a little pampering myself – not to mention some breathing room from Luke. He was less than pleased with our plans and had a hard time loosening the leash, worried something might happen to me while left in a vulnerable state without his constant protection. But Colton assured him that Carly and I would be safe together.

  “Sweet heavens, it’s been too long since I’ve been able to enjoy silence!” Carly giggles. “Silence used to drive me insane, ya know. Now I can’t get enough of it. It’s either a screamin’ baby, loud mouth seven year old or mining machinery blaring in my ear. So this is so very nice.” She relaxes into the massage chair, grinning like the Cheshire cat as her eyes drift closed.

  This is quite nice. I’ve always kept my appearance up with frequent spa treatments and having my hair colored and trimmed often. But I haven’t treated myself since this summer and it’s terribly apparent. My hair is ragged with dry, dead ends and little specks of silver glistening under bright light. I’m too damn young for greys, but stress will do it to ya, for sure. My nails are brittle, yellowing and chipped. I look like hell in a hand basket, which ain’t a pretty sight.

  “Luke’s not givin’ ya much space these days, is he?” Carly says, startling me from my lulled state.

  “I’m shocked he ain’t lurking about the salon somewhere, or peeking through the window checking on me.” I laugh, rolling my suddenly heavy eyes.

  “Yeah, he’s a bit over protective of the ones he loves. That’s just Luke.”

  “Please don’t say that, Carly.” The mood between us shifts from light airy conversation to a thick lingering tension. She knows how Luke and I feel about each other, only Luke is being completely open and honest about his feelings, while I’m pretending mine are non-existent. So I believe Carly has taken it upon herself to persuade me in Luke’s direction.

  “Savannah, just tell me what you’re so scared of. Luke is a good man. He has done everything he can to show you how dedicated he is to you.” She says quietly, resting her arm upon mine.

  “Carly, please. I deal with all of this shit day in, day out. One day. That’s all I’m begging you for is one day that I can set my mind at ease, enjoying a few hours of soothing relaxation without allowing everything else to overshadow this little bit of rest.” I beg, frustration breaking through my voice. Carly sighs in defeat, changing the topic to mindless chatter.

  After we’ve been pampered and primped to the nines, we make our way home to our ordinary lives as mommas. “This was fun, Savannah. Thanks for coming with me.” Carly says, keeping her focus on the winding road.

  “I had a good time, and my hair thanks you for it. It was in desperate need of some TLC.” I reply, checking my phone for any missed calls or text messages. Looking up, I notice we’re headed in the opposite direction. My brow quirks up in confusion and I glance over at Carly who’s focus never veers from the road, yet she’s chewing on her lip fiercely. “Are we makin’ our great escape?” I kid, trying to break the quiet tension that fills the air.

  “Oh, I was gonna stop by your house real quick. I think I may have left my favorite grey sweater in the closet when I moved, so I just want to check.”

  Unlocking the front door, Carly steps in behind me, making her way upstairs to her old bedroom. I carry the mail into the kitchen, placing it in the Longaberger basket then grab a bottle of water from the fridge. Minutes later Carly pads back down the stairs. Finding me in the kitchen she helps herself to a glass of sweet tea from the fridge then plants her ass on the counter. “No luck?” I ask.

  “Nope, I’ve probably overlooked it.” Carly shrugs casually.

  “Well let’s get back to your house. I’m sure Colton and Luke are tuggin’ their hair loose dealin’ with the kids. Can you imagine the mess we’re bound to walk into?” I reply with a laugh. The image of Colton and Luke gagged and tied to chairs flashes before my eyes as Heidi Jo, Braden and Brailee filter into the vision, snickering wildly-amused over their triumphant takeover of the two huge, yet weak minded men. Yep, we better save these suckers.

  “Oh, they’re fine. I called and checked in on them while I was upstairs. Colton said they’d be firin’ up the grill in about an hour, so that gives us a little time to chat.” She grins wickedly.

  Damn it, I knew she wasn’t upstairs lookin’ for a frickin’ sweater. Huffing loudly, I grab my water and stomp off to the living room.

  “You’re hilarious, Savannah. You think leavin’ the room is gonna end your problems?” Carly laughs as she falls back in the recliner. “Come on, Sis, let’s talk it out…wh
at has you runnin’ in the opposite direction of Luke?”

  “Oh, I don’t know. Perhaps the fact that I’m still legally married to that bastard, Josh. ‘Member him? Yeah, he’s the one who nearly beat us both into oblivion.” I snap back at her.

  “Savannah, you won’t be married forever, sweets.”

  “At this point, I’m not so sure.” I roll my eyes, begging the tears to keep at bay. “Besides, I do have some trust issues I need to work through before I decide to open myself up to any man.”

  “Trust? Savannah how much more trust do you need with Luke? He rescued you when Josh nearly killed us both. He sat vigil by you from the moment he found you until you ran him off, then he still found himself returning to the swing just to be close to you. Hell, he stays in your home now. What would change exactly?”

  Yeah, sweets, what?

  Damn, she’s got me there.

  A million different things. Some things that I’m really not comfortable voicing to Carly, because they’re just too personal.

  How the hell do you plan to heal these wounds if you don’t let all this anguish out?

  Damn my conscience has a sharp tongue, and sadly it’s usually right. I curl up in the corner of the couch, getting comfortable before getting into all this shit with her.

  “Carly, you have no idea the abuse I suffered at Josh’s hand. It went further than just slappin’ me around or calling me names. Josh evoked a fear in me that I just can’t seem to overcome. The control he held over me, I don’t think it will ever vanish.”

  “And that’s what Luke’s fought so hard to protect you from! Savannah don’t you see it?”

  “I know that Luke would never harm me the way Josh did, but it’s hard to let him in right now. I feel like I have to guard myself just to be safe.”

  “How do you know if you don’t give him a chance? You said it yourself that he would never hurt you. You don’t make much sense.” Carly’s voice raises as she prepares her argument.

  “You wouldn’t understand, Carly. You’ve never abused like this. You’ve never been raped!” I yell it out without even realizing it. That’s the darkest secret I carry with me and I never intended to voice it. I hang my head appallingly, pushing back the tears. Don’t you dare cry another damn tear over that bastard!

  “Actually, Savannah, that’s where you’re wrong.” Carly says sitting down beside me. She laces her fingers through mine then looks up at me sorrowfully. “I’ve never shared this with anyone but Colton, because it’s a violently disturbing memory that I wish I could forget.” She sighs, her chest shaking with fear as she blinks back the tears, holding her head high as she speaks. “I was raped just after I moved to Myrtle Beach, and that cost me and Colton our first born child. It’s hard to overcome, I won’t deny that. I nearly lost myself, so consumed with an array of emotions that my world seemed to fade to black. I’ll never forget my little angel, but I was so determined to find my way back to me because I deserved my happiness. You have to fight through the anguish and rise above it. It took me a while but I did it and so can you.”

  I’m so shocked by her revelation. I didn’t know she was pregnant. Oh heavens, she was so young! My heart aches that she lost such a huge part of her and Colton due to such a depraved event. Carly continues to tell me about how she nearly gave up on life but she realized that although this world is full of hate and ugliness that you have to look past the darkness and find the beauty. She’s so admirable. Carly has always been more resilient between the two of us, and I wish I could steal away just an ounce of her strength.

  Since she shared her story with me, I feel a little more comfortable with opening up about Josh’s abuse. I don’t think Carly was prepared to hear what I went through no matter how bad she wanted to know. Perhaps she didn’t realize just how bad the abuse was? I always kept my veil perfectly in place, hiding the bruises and scars. Apparently I didn’t hide them good enough, because Luke ended up seeing them all. But I’m grateful that he did.

  “Can you just be honest with me for a second? How does Luke make you feel?” Carly asks inquisitively.

  “Confused.” I shrug. There’s no other way to explain it all. I know there is something there, but until this divorce is finalized I can’t begin to sift through my emotions.

  “Think of it like this…if your divorce was final and Josh was just a faded memory. How would you feel then?”

  “Are you ever gonna drop this? I don’t know how I’d feel, Carly. Besides, there is still your past with Luke that hangs over my head, and I’m not sure how I feel about that.”

  “You can’t be serious, Savannah.” Carly stares at me in shock. I glare back at her silently, tongue tied and tense in the moment. “Luke and I are just friends. I know that if I need to confide in him, I can. Yes, we shared one night together, but that one night was a drunken mistake that nearly cost me the most important man in my life.” Carly reassures and I feel stupid for even bringing it up. To be honest, I think I’d rather find any excuse not to let Luke in just to keep my heart safe. She bats her mascara laden lashes, heavy with disgraceful tears that brim her hazel eyes. “But Sis, the way he looks at you is truly mesmerizing. He looks at you as if you stole the breath from his lungs, as if you’re the only person in his sight. Luke is head over heels for you, Savannah and he’s never gonna relent until he has you.”

  “Savannah! This is Michele, how are you?” Michele sings loudly through the receiver.

  “Good morning, Michele, I’m good. How are you?” I ask nervously. Her calls never bring good news.

  “Well I am literally skippin’ my crazy ass over to the court house right now, and I just wanted to cue you in on the divorce proceedings.” Her voice is always jovial and kind. I brace myself against the counter as dread fills my stomach and I pinch my eyes closed preparing myself for the sorrowful tears that are bound to fall. “Savannah, are you still there?” Michele asks softly.

  “Ye-yes, I’m here.” I stutter.

  “Judge Thornhall owes me a little favor, so I’m hoping to have the divorce petition signed and filed by the end of business today.”

  I still, unable to move my cemented feet. “I’m sorry, what?”

  “Josh signed the Petition for Divorce, Savannah.”

  “He what?”

  “He signed! James hand delivered the petition himself just this morning. But he also asked that I give you a letter from Josh. That’s at my office if you want it, if not, we can pretend I never received it.”

  My knees defy my feet and I slide down into the floor, consumed with…shock? Joy?

  “Savannah!” Michele yells, pulling me to the present.

  “I’m here.”

  “Congratulations, honey. I don’t know what prompted him to change his mind, but you’re free now.” Free? FREE! Michele explains in further detail the process for the divorce while my mind stumbles over the reality of my freedom. Since Josh signed the Petition, reluctantly, she’s pulling strings with Judge Thornhall to have the divorce finalized today.

  Pressing end on the phone I drop it to the floor and sit staring at the shiny silver handle of the cabinet. My breathing slows as I try to grasp my new reality.

  Divorced.

  Safe.

  Free.

  I hear the back door slam shut but I’m too weak to move. Heavy steps descend toward me but I stay focused on the cabinet, my thoughts running rampant with excitement and relief. Suddenly, a large frame stoops before me. Taking in my frail state, Luke’s large, yet gentle hands cup my face ever so softly and as my eyes drift to his the tears spring free. Without thought, he scoops me into his arms, carrying me to the couch. He brushes my hair back, allowing him the view of my red puffy eyes. His piercing blue eyes soften, filling with sorrow. “Sweetheart,” he whispers as he dips his head and kisses the corner of my lip, “you’re safe.” He swipes the pad of his thumb across my cheek erasing the tears instantly, tightening his gripe around my waist.

  “I’m free.” I whisper, suddenly
finding the strength to smile.

  “What, sweetheart?” Luke asks, his face scrunching in confusion and I can’t help but to cry harder.

  “I’m free! I’m free!” I try to find more words to express my happiness but that’s all my mind can focus on – my freedom. Luke doesn’t pry any further for several minutes. He holds me close, giving me the chance to calm my tears, gathering my thoughts.

  Suddenly I realize, Luke showed up just when I needed him. After we dropped the kids off at school this morning, he brought me home then left to attend to business. He told me it would be late evening before he’d be home, but to call if I needed him. I didn’t consider calling him, because I didn’t have the chance. Within minutes of ending my call with Michele, he was here just like he knew.

  “I didn’t expect you to be home so early.” I say, wiping my eyes. My face is stiff and puffy, surely an ugly sight. But Luke doesn’t pay no mind to my appearance.

  “Did you say home?” Luke asks, tilting his head to the side as he searches my face suspiciously. My chest seizes with anxiety and my mouth drops. You did say home. Shut up! Don’t go there…momentary lapse in thought.

  “Sorry, just used to you being here.” I say shyly as I push up from the couch and pad off into the kitchen for a drink of water. My throat is so dry and scratchy, closing up from the choked up tears I cried. Or panic that’s rising up your chest. And then there’s that.

  I stand by the sink trying to drag in slow ragged breaths when suddenly I’m embraced by strong, corded arms. Luke dips his face into the curve of my neck, pressing a tender kiss to my delicate flesh. My breath catches in my throat and he inhales slowly then mutters, “Don’t hide from me, Sav. I’m here. No matter how long it takes.”

  Emotions swirl and tumble throughout me like wild fire, and I pinch my eyes closed trying to clear my head. My shoulders feel lighter, the weight of a million pounds floating away with one simple phone call, yet the crushing pain that breaks through my chest sends trembles down my spine as my mind clouds. I’m free. Like a delicate sparrow, I’m released of Josh’s torturous talons, his soul crushing words and his sadistic control. I’m free of his rage, the all-consuming heartache that has gripped me for far too long. But as the fear he wracked me with floats away slowly, a new fear seeps into my skin taking hold of me.