She glanced down and to the left, refusing to meet his gaze. “I don’t know, David. I really don’t know.”
Shit. She wasn’t actually lying to his face, was she? Damn it. “Allie, I know that look. That’s your I’m-not-telling-the-whole-truth look.”
She shot him an angry glare. “Are you calling me a liar?”
David took a moment to collect himself before he continued. “It depends. Should I be? Because you’re acting pretty goddamn suspicious.”
Allsún scoffed. “You’re really going to accuse me of lying all because of the word of some demon?”
“Just answer my question straight, and I won’t have to accuse you of anything. Do you know what it’s talking about?”
Allsún met his gaze, trying her best to hold a level stare, but she broke quickly. She was horrible at lying. Keeping things to herself was one thing, but flat-out lying was something she’d never been good at. Her lower lip quivered before she finally broke down and confessed. “Yeah, I know what it’s talking about.”
“And?”
She shrugged. “And nothing. It’s no big deal, okay? They’re my powers, after all.”
David’s eyes widened. “Wait a second. Your powers? So you did take some sort of Fae power from me?”
“Yes, I did, all right? But what does it matter? You didn’t even know you had it, and I’d only gifted it to you by accident years ago.”
David gaped at her. “It matters because, according to that demon in there, the only way for you to transfer those powers is during sex.”
Allsún didn’t respond.
No. That couldn’t be it. She couldn’t possibly have done that, could she? “Did you sleep with me just so you could get your powers back?”
She remained silent.
“Allsún.”
She refused to look at him.
“You did, didn’t you?”
The pain hit him straight in the chest. For a moment, he couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe. She’d slept with him to get her powers back. Here he’d been thinking that maybe something was starting between them again, that maybe, just maybe, by the grace of God she was slowly coming back into his life. But, no. That wasn’t the case. He’d been duped. Allsún had used him without a qualm.
“It’s not what you’re thinking. It’s not the way it sounds. At first I thought about it, I admit it. But by the time we actually slept together it was more than that. I promise you. I didn’t even intend to take my light back. I hoped maybe it would come back on its own, and it just happened.”
David pounded his fist against the wall. Damn, this hurt. “What was the point of lying? Why not just be up front in the first place? You know I would do anything for you, anything you asked of me, as much as it would kill me inside.”
She shook her head. “I couldn’t.”
“What do you mean, you couldn’t?”
“I just couldn’t tell you, okay?”
“Why did you even need your power back? You’ve lived without it for at least five years, so why do you need it now?”
When she didn’t respond, he persisted. “Allsún, why do you need these powers back now?”
She sighed. “I need them to get to the Isle of Apples. If I have all my powers, then I can go to the Isle and the demons won’t be able to come after me anymore. I’ll be safe there.”
David fought back a curse. Shit. Not only had she used him, but she was leaving, to boot? “And when exactly were you planning on telling me this? Not only are you leaving, but you’re going to another whole fucking dimension and you didn’t think that was important to tell me?”
He stepped closer to her, and she shoved him away. “Oh, don’t give me that hurt act, David. If you were so fucking in love with me you would’ve chased after me the first time.”
“I didn’t think you wanted to be chased. I actually thought you would come back.” The thought alone made his heart ache. “Do you know how much it hurt, hoping for weeks, months, years, that you were going to walk back through that door? The pain of losing you was nearly unbearable.”
“Oh, yeah, because I’m the only one who’s caused any pain around here.” She crossed her arms over her chest and turned away from him.
David shook his head. How could she not see why he’d made the choices he had? “Look, I know I’ve made my share of mistakes, but joining the Execution Underground wasn’t one of them. I should have told you beforehand what I was going to do, but I don’t regret joining. I’ve saved countless lives, Allsún. I made the right choice for the greater good. Besides, the only reason I went ahead with it was because I felt so certain in our relationship that never in a million years did I think you’d leave. I thought it was the right decision for both of us. I’d be better able to provide for us, for—”
She cut him off. “Don’t act so self-righteous, like you didn’t do anything wrong. You were the one who hurt me first by making your choice without even consulting me, David.”
“You’re right. I was wrong to do that, but you were the one who walked out,” he said.
She jabbed a finger into his chest. “You made me walk out!”
Pain the likes of which he’d only known the first time she’d left seared through his heart. “What are you talking about? I begged you to stay.”
She raised her voice, jabbing him harder in the chest. “I couldn’t have stayed even if I’d wanted to.”
What on earth was she talking about? How could she have thought she had no choice? “Why the hell not?”
“Because I knew you didn’t want us!” she yelled.
David paused. “Us? Who—”
“Me and the baby, you insensitive jerk. I was pregnant. I was twelve weeks along, and you practically told me the thought of having children with me made you sick to your stomach.”
For a moment, David felt as if his heart had stopped. Allsún had been pregnant? Images flashed through his mind of the possibilities: Allsún holding an infant in her arms, a house with a white picket fence and a nursery. He shook the thoughts from his head. How could she have kept that from him? “Sick with worry, Allsún. Not because I didn’t want children. I always wanted children with you. I just wanted them to be safe, and I knew that was something I couldn’t guarantee, so I didn’t want to have a kid when I knew I couldn’t protect it. Why didn’t you ever tell me you were pregnant?”
She looked at him as if he were ridiculous for even asking. “Why do you think? I was scared of how you’d react. You tell me you don’t want kids, and then you expect me to be forthcoming when I find out I’m carrying your child? I couldn’t have stood the pain if you’d asked me to have an abortion.”
He stepped toward her. How could she think that of him? That he wouldn’t want to keep his child? “I never would’ve asked you to do that. And you thought telling me now that I’m a dad would be a better idea?”
She shook her head. “You’re not a dad.”
He paused. “What?”
The tears were already pouring down her face. “I lost the baby.”
David’s breath escaped in one large rush. He felt as if he’d been kicked in the stomach. “What?” he managed to choke out.
Allsún wiped the tears from her eyes, though they continued to fall. “I lost the baby. I had a miscarriage.”
David was at a loss for words. His heart sank to the floor. “Allie, I... What happened?”
“If you had just come after me. If you had just fucking chased after me, everything would’ve been all right.”
“Allsún, what are you talking about?”
“How I lost the baby!” she cried. “I ran home that night, crying my eyes out, and I was so upset I didn’t see the warning signs that...a...a...” She choked on her words, barely able to speak them. “...a demon was in the house. It was so pow
erful that I couldn’t fight it. It pinned me to the wall. It knew I was carrying your child and it...it...” She sucked in a deep breath before she let out a strained sob. “It made me miscarry. It reached inside me and just...” Tears rolled over her cheeks. “It was a baby boy. It was going to be an exorcist—like you.”
David’s whole world spun as the horror of the situation hit him full force. He’d told a pregnant Allsún that he didn’t want children, and then a demon had ensured that his son, another exorcist as powerful as he was, was never born. It was his fault the demon had come after her, his fault for not chasing after her and saving her and—oh, God—saving their child.
“Allie, I’m so sorry. I swear I didn’t know. If I’d had any idea, I would have...” He reached out to touch her shoulder, but she swatted his hand away.
“Don’t touch me.”
“Allsún—”
“Just leave me alone, damn it. I was fine—totally fine—until you came into my life again.” She stepped backward, inching away from him.
He moved forward, but she retreated even farther.
“Leave me alone. I want you out of my life. For good this time.” She ran toward the stairs, face buried in her hands.
At the sound of the front door closing, David’s world shattered.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
ALLSÚN RAN FROM the building, refusing to look back to see if David was following her. She was certain he wouldn’t be. He had quite the mess to take care of before he could even think about his issues with her. The romantic part of her still wished that when she’d glanced over her shoulder he had been there, though. She paused as she reached the Super Glide, which he’d thrown on to the grass in a frenzy to get inside. There was no way she could support the weight of that thing on her own. She would need to take a cab, but to where?
A list of possibilities ran through her mind. She could go back to the hotel, but David would find her there, and she would be forced to face him again. That wasn’t something she wanted. She couldn’t go back to his apartment, because the demons knew where it was, not to mention that the door was broken. And she certainly didn’t have any family members she could stay with, since they’d all gone to the Isle of Apples. There was always David’s grandmother, but she couldn’t go there. Not only didn’t she want to put anyone else in danger, but when David was upset he often went to his grandmother for advice. As at the hotel, she would probably be forced to confront him there. The only other option appeared to be to go home. She couldn’t go straight to the Isle of Apples, not without arranging homes for her pets. She reassured herself that her sweet little fur babies were entirely the reason she couldn’t just leave, though she knew deep down she was really hoping to reconcile with David.
As far as she knew, no demons knew where she lived, only where her mother’s home was, so maybe she would be safe at her own apartment, at least for a little while, until she could think of a better alternative. With any luck, David wouldn’t think to look for her there. She flagged down a cab, worried that using her Fae magic to steal a free ride home was getting to be a bad habit.
When she reached her locked front door, she was grateful she always kept a spare key taped under the welcome mat. She locked the door behind her and flipped on lights as she went.
One of her many cats, Olivia, a black-and-white former stray, ran through the apartment to greet her. Thank goodness for Mrs. Cole, her sweet elderly next door neighbor, who’d clearly been taking care of the cats in her absence. Olivia let out a sweet meow as Allsún picked her up and cradled her in her arms. She rubbed her cheek against Olivia’s soft fur.
“I missed all my babies,” she said to the cat, which was purring loudly in her arms.
She carried Olivia into her bedroom and gently placed her on the bed. Two of her other cats came tiptoeing into the room: Olivia’s brother, Ralph, and Jack, a three-legged tabby she’d rescued from the side of the road after he’d been hit by a car and left for dead. She lay back on the bed, falling into her mounds of pillows, then allowed her emotions to run free, expecting more tears to pour down her face.
To her surprise, no tears came. If she was honest with herself, the argument with David had been something of a relief, allowing her to finally get all the pain and anger off her chest. A beautifully marked calico leaped on to the bed—Ms. Fit, her slightly angry eldest cat, which her mother had saved from a box of homeless kittens outside a convenience store. She petted Ms. Fit’s head before she propped herself up on her elbows, surveying the cats in her room.
She lay there for nearly an hour before she heard a knock at the door. There was no need for her to look through the peephole—though she did it as a precaution anyway—she knew who it was.
She opened the door and stepped aside. David walked in without a word and headed straight for her couch.
He sat down, then cleared his throat. “I wasn’t going to make the same mistake as last time and not come after you, so I’m here now, and I’m not leaving until we have this conversation. I think it’s long overdue.”
She crossed the room and sat down beside him. Even after all the time that had passed, she wasn’t sure she was ready for this, but regardless of whether she was ready, David was here now, and he deserved the truth. She twisted her hands together as she spoke. She couldn’t look at him yet. “The night we broke up, I was mad about you joining the Execution Underground, but that’s not why I left. I left because I was three months pregnant.”
David shook his head, as if he still couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“David, how could I? From the moment we got engaged, you had always insisted you didn’t want children. I’d known for weeks, but I’d been afraid to tell you, because I had no idea how you would react.”
He lifted her chin with his index finger and forced her to look at him. “I would’ve told you we’d get through it. That we would be great parents, and that I was happy, even though it was unplanned.”
“I tried to tell you, but that’s not the reaction I could have predicted when I showed you those baby shoes. Instead of realizing what I was trying to say, you just brought up the fact that you didn’t want kids. How was I supposed to feel about that when I was twelve weeks pregnant and full of raging hormones?”
He reached out and took her hand in his. The most sincere sadness crossed his features, and she could have sworn his eyes were the slightest bit misty. “I’m so sorry, Allie.”
That was when she lost it. Tears clouded her eyes before they poured down her cheeks. “Well, that doesn’t really matter now,” she snapped.
David ignored her anger and continued to treat her gently. “I should’ve been there to protect you. I wanted to come after you so badly, but I thought you would come back if you wanted to. Even after a week had passed, I still just thought you were cooling down from being angry with me, and rightfully so. I was such an idiot—I know that now. Then a week turned into a month, and the months turned into years, and by the time I actually accepted you weren’t coming back, approaching you seemed impossible. I knew you didn’t want me anymore, so I thought it would be best to let you move on with your life.”
She shook her head. Move on? Boy, was that a joke. Even with a nice guy like Tom around, she’d never been able to move on. That was exactly her problem. “I’ve never been able to move on after losing you and the baby at the same time. It’s always followed me around like a dark cloud hanging over my head.” She paused. “I’d hoped our first would be a boy, you know.”
David remained silent, tracing circles on her palm with his thumb in gentle movements.
“The demon said he would be an exorcist, just like you, and that’s why he had to...” She couldn’t choke out the word, no matter how hard she tried. But then she opened her mouth again and the words fell out as if a floodgate had opened. She couldn’t hold them i
n any longer. “I managed to call 9-1-1 after the attack. An ambulance rushed me to the hospital. The doctors only told me what I already knew the moment I saw the blood. The baby—our baby—was dead. The doctors wanted to put me under anesthesia to have a D and C, a medical abortion, but some part of me just didn’t want to give up on him just yet, even though deep down I knew it was a lost cause. I kept praying, hoping, pleading with God to save him, but no answer ever came.
“I wasn’t hemorrhaging, and since I wouldn’t agree to medical intervention, the doctors sent me home for what they call ‘expectant management,’ which is really just a medical way of saying you’re miscarrying at home and alone.
“The doctors also like to say, ‘It’s okay. You’ll be able to have another.’ But all I wanted to do was scream at them and say, ‘But I want this one. This baby. My baby. Because I already loved him and would have gladly given up my life just so he could live.”
Without warning, David pulled her into his arms. She rested her head against his chest as her tears continued to fall. “Not a day goes by that I don’t think about him. I couldn’t bear the thought of not giving him a proper memorial, so I paid to have a headstone laid for him at Mount Hope Cemetery. I visit it once a week and put flowers down when I can. Each year on what would have been his due date, I light a candle for him and say a prayer, even though some days I don’t have a lot of faith in God after losing him. He would’ve been four years old now. I named him Michael, like your middle name, like the angel. Michael O’Hare Aronowitz.”
David stroked her hair. “It’s okay. You can tell me anything. You need to get this off your chest.”
“The worst part is when I hear other woman talk about their kids, not because I’m jealous that their babies lived and mine had to die, but because they say things like, ‘Wait until you’re a mother someday’ and I just wish there was some way I could tell the world I am a mother.” The last words came out as sobs.
David tightened his hold around her. “You’re not alone anymore, Allie. The world may not know, but I know. I know now, and I think you sound like the world’s best mother, because I can see how much you loved Michael.”
Immortal Hunter Page 17
