“For crying out loud,” he muttered.
Anna’s back was turned to him and she smiled with smug satisfaction that she had managed to annoy him. Something snapped inside of her and she decided that she was going to break something of his. Maybe then he would have the decency to react, to show her some attention and emotion. No one had ignored her as Carter did or made her feel like everything she did was pointless. In school she had not been the best student. It was hard for her to concentrate on homework because she preferred to help with the animals at her family’s farm. The schoolmarm criticized her work and even rapped her knuckles a few times. That was preferable to being ignored. Her ma praised her cooking. Her pa thanked her when she fed the chickens. Her sisters annoyed her and caused problems that now seemed refreshing. And here was Carter, for months her main source of adult human contact, and he wouldn’t even answer a simple question. She knew he was grieving. She felt compassion for him, and she’d been able to understand and tolerate his stupor to a point, but she had finally reached the end of her patience.
She thought maybe the best thing would be to quit and walk out, but she didn’t want to leave. Despite how much his apathy injured her, she craved his presence, and she felt excited hearing the sharp clicking of his horse’s hooves when he returned to the cabin in the evenings. It didn’t make sense to her that she wanted to be around him, but she held hope that the Carter she knew from her childhood still existed somewhere under the layers of sadness. The less he paid attention to her, the more she longed for him to notice her.
As she clattered dishes around, she decided a glass would be a good thing to break. She thought about how she would go about it. She didn’t want to make it obvious that it was on purpose, so she settled on a plan to let it slip through her soapy fingers. That seemed the most likely way for it to happen by accident. Glancing back to find Carter still trying to read his paper, she soaped up her hands, picked up the glass she’d been drinking from, and let it fall. It shattered loudly into a thousand pieces on the hardwood floor. For a moment after, there was no sound.
Paddy broke the silence. “Uh oh!” he said. In his bare feet, he padded toward Anna and the glass.
“Patrick, come here,” Carter said. The command halted Paddy’s steps. Carter stood, folded his paper in half twice, and slapped it down on the table at the end of the sofa. The noise made Anna jump.
Paddy walked into Carter’s open arms. Setting him on the sofa, Carter said, “You stay here while this gets cleaned up.”
“All right, Pa,” Paddy said.
Anna felt horrified as Carter approached her looking as techy as a teased snake. She couldn’t believe what she had just done and regretted it the second after the glass hit the floor. She had never done anything so childish in her life, not even when she was an actual child! Her heartbeat quickened. Gone was the feeling of smugness at getting Carter back for ignoring her. She no longer wanted to see any kind of emotion or attention from him because she knew it would most likely be anger, and the thought of him angry frightened her. She desperately wished she could take it back.
“I-I’m so sorry,” Anna said, her eyes not leaving his face for a second.
Carter stopped when he reached the glass on the floor and surveyed it. Anna was thankful that for a short time the glass provided a barrier between him and her.
“You broke that on purpose.”
Anna gulped air. The accusation was leveled at her without the faintest trace of doubt. She protested a little too strongly and in too much detail. “No! I didn’t. It slipped out of my fingers because of the soap that is all over my hands from washing the dishes. See?” She held out her soapy hands as proof.
He scoffed. “You’re a terrible liar.”
Carter walked outside and returned with a broom and dustpan. He swept glass into a pile.
“I’ll do that, Mr. Barnes,” Anna said, feeling contrite.
Carter ignored her and continued to sweep. After he gathered most of the glass into one pile, he pushed the shards into the pan and took it to the rubbish bin out front. Returning after what seemed to Anna like a very long time, he repeated his motions for the few remaining pieces of glass.
From where he was crouched at her feet sweeping the last of it into the pan, he said, “The article was about how sheepherders and cattle ranchers are scrapping over grasslands.”
He rose in front of Anna to his full height. Anna prayed he would take it out of her pay and not out of her hide, but either or both seemed possible from the way he bore his eyes into hers. He studied her for a moment. Then to her immense surprise and relief, his dark eyes softened and twinkled at her knowingly. He retreated, taking the last of the glass outside.
Chapter 4 - Nalin’s Dress
Not another word about the glass incident was spoken in the weeks that followed. Their lives continued in the same quiet manner, but Anna noticed that Carter was more responsive to her than before. She still didn’t dare ask him too many questions, but when she did, he would answer her, and not in an impatient manner like before.
During a vicious rainstorm, Anna arrived a few minutes past her usual time, drenched from head to toe. She walked in without knocking, which had become routine, and Carter looked up from the fireplace where he was adding a log from a crouched position.
Paddy ran to give her a hug, which she returned at a distance to avoid getting him too wet.
She felt like she should explain to Carter why she was there. “I thought the rain might clear up later and you’d want to go out. But then it started raining really hard halfway here. I suppose I should’ve stayed home.”
“Yes, you should have,” Carter said, his voice stern. “Come warm yourself.”
Carter used an instrument to poke the log, causing sparks to fly. Anna rushed to the fireplace and stood next to him where he was still bent in front of the fire. She felt cold and awkward. She needed to get out of her clothes and into something dry but was unsure how to go about it. Carter finished positioning the logs and stood up. Her eyebrows lifted in surprise. He looked almost like a different person. He had bathed and combed his hair, but what stood out most was his smooth face. He had actually shaved properly, not just given his face a few hasty scrapes. She could smell the soap on his skin, and she felt drawn to him in a new way. For a moment, he examined her from head to toe. Her teeth chattered, and her braids and skirt dripped water onto the hearth. He walked to the bedroom and returned with a towel and woman’s dress, which he handed to her. Anna blanched when she realized the dress belonged to Nalin.
“I’m sure you recall that she was quite a bit shorter than you are now,” he said. “And thinner,” he added. “But this fit her when she was pregnant.”
Carter took Paddy’s hand and walked with him to the other room to give Anna privacy. She stripped out of her wet clothes, dried her body and hair with the towel, and slipped into the dress. It was neither tight nor loose, but it was very short, ending right below her knees and revealing her bare calves and ankles. Her petticoat and bloomers would have given her legs coverage, but they were soaked and couldn’t be worn. Her shoes and stockings were wet and muddy too, and she realized with dismay that she would have to be barefoot as well as barelegged.
She looked at herself in the mirror and winced. She might as well have been wearing a nightdress. Without underclothes, she could see the outline of her thighs through the dress. She had never felt so exposed and wondered whether she should ask Carter for a pair of Nalin’s drawers. The very thought of asking him about his wife’s unmentionables made her feel sick to her stomach. She couldn’t bear to do it, and she realized she would have to resign herself to being immodest if she couldn’t ask the question and also wished to be dry.
What she felt really worried about was how Carter would react to seeing her in his late wife’s dress. Anna took a deep breath and tried to comfort herself. It wasn’t the worst thing to ever happen. She hadn’t meant any harm. Carter would understand. Wouldn’t he?
> Mustering up as much courage as she could, she tapped on the door. “I’m finished changing.” She turned away to avoid having to look at him and got to work making breakfast in the kitchen. The door opened, and Paddy scampered to Anna and latched onto a side of her skirt like he usually did.
Then Paddy said “Mama” softly and Anna dropped a spoon. It clattered loudly on the floor. Anna felt ashamed and close to tears. She carefully bent at the knees to pick up the spoon and placed it soundlessly in the basin. The only noise for some time after that was the fire crackling and the rain beating on the roof. A wave of nausea rippled through her stomach and tightened around her throat. She knew that by wearing the dress she had broken some unspoken rule about how to act in front of a family who had lost their wife and mother. Why, oh why, hadn’t she just stayed home?
Anna heard Carter move to the sofa. She was aware that he was watching her, but she avoided looking at him and poured her nervous energy into making breakfast, praying that she wouldn’t need to run outside to be sick. She imagined that Carter thought many things, including how big and awkward she looked in his small wife’s dress. She felt like a giant on display at a carnival. Every movement she made felt grotesque, and her cheeks burned with shame.
Eventually Carter spoke. “Anna, stop what you’re doing and come sit by me. I want to speak with you.”
Her heart stopped and she almost burst into tears right then. As she trudged obediently to him, she realized she feared him more in that moment than she ever had before. He had never raised his voice at her, but Anna still had a horrible feeling she was about to be reprimanded. All of her emotions were raw and pooling at the surface. She felt ashamed, foolish, and exposed, and she knew that a single unkind word from him would send her into sobbing hysterics. She sat on the opposite end of the sofa and pulled the skirt down to cover as much of her legs as possible. Her knees were trembling, and not from the cold.
“Are you feeling better, now that you’re dry?” he asked, making a point of looking at her face and not her legs.
Anna didn’t know how to respond. Nothing about the situation felt better to her. “I, I’m so sorry, Mr. Barnes,” she stammered. “About wearing this dress. I didn’t mean—”
“You needn’t be sorry,” he interrupted. “I’m afraid I don’t know much about women’s clothing. If you need something else, take it from the dresser.”
She flushed realizing that without a doubt he’d noticed she wore nothing under the dress. He knew she needed drawers.
“Thank you. I will look in the dresser. I’m sorry,” she apologized again.
“Don’t be,” he relayed for the second time. His voice was gentle and inquisitive. “You were trying very hard not to look at me for the last ten minutes. Are you afraid of what I might think, seeing you in Nalin’s dress?”
Anna felt distressed by his accurate assessment of her feelings. She gave him a pleading look that begged him not to make her explain how uncomfortable she felt. Much to her dismay, she felt a tickle in her nose and moisture in her eyes that indicated she was seconds from crying. Carter took one look at her face and his eyes turned apologetic. He removed his gaze and glanced over at Paddy.
Clearing his throat and taking a businesslike tone, he said, “How long have you been working here, Anna?”
She was reminded in that moment that although Carter was stern and impatient, one thing he wasn’t was cruel. She would never forget his kindness in her most vulnerable state. Beyond grateful for the change in topic, she looked up to the ceiling for a few moments in recollection so she could answer his question accurately. “Five months, two weeks, and three days.”
Paddy climbed into Carter’s lap. Carter raised an eyebrow at her precise response, then said, “You’re a hard worker and a good employee. I have a mind to put you to work rounding cattle with my men, but they wouldn’t like being shown what’s what by a filly.”
Anna felt overjoyed by his two sentences of praise. She could hardly believe what she’d just heard.
“Are you tired? Do you wish to be with your friends and family more?” he asked.
“No, sir. I like working here. I’m saving the money too.”
“That’s smart. I thought you might be saving it. Except for all those sweets you buy, of course.”
Paddy spoke up to request candy and ask about the rain clattering on the rooftop. Carter cut him off. “Paddy, hush when the adults are talking. I’ll answer your millions of questions later.” Carter tickled him to soften the chiding.
It didn’t go unnoticed by Anna that he’d acknowledged her as an adult, though she was only seventeen.
Seeming to read her mind, Carter asked, “How old are you, anyway?”
“I’ll be eighteen next month.”
“That’s what I thought,” he said, leaning back and pulling Paddy into a hug. He turned to her. “I’m sorry, hon, but it looks like you’ll have to put up with me underfoot today. It’s raining too hard for me to go out.”
Anna stood and smoothed the dress down her front. “It’s no bother, Mr. Barnes. I like it when you’re here.” She immediately regretted her candid remark and blushed.
Anna watched with wonder as she witnessed Carter’s face ease into a smile for the first time since she could remember. His lips turned up more to one side than the other and revealed a dimple that transformed his stern face into a picture of boyish mischief.
“Call me Carter from now on,” he said.
Chapter 5 - Anna’s Eighteenth Birthday
Anna’s eighteenth birthday fell on a Friday. Carter told her to take a paid day off, but Anna said she didn’t want to. He decided not to insist but was annoyed by her refusal. Why couldn’t the girl go have fun for a day? He’d recently become aware of how long and hard she worked for him, and he felt guilty about it.
She was of marrying age now. To find a worthy man, she’d have to spend some time in town meeting potential suitors, and she wasn’t doing that while employed at his ranch. Carter had begun to notice the grown-up version of Anna. He liked what he observed, and he couldn’t think of a single man who deserved her.
It took him by surprise to discover that the quiet girl was actually quite strong-willed. He liked the way she stood up to him when he accused her of spoiling Paddy. And when she broke the glass as payback for not speaking to her, he realized she was not someone he could ignore, nor did he want to from that point forward. It required a great deal of self-control not to laugh in front of her the evening of the ruckus. He didn’t want her to know how cute he found her silly antic. By the look on her face, she thought she’d done something unforgivable, when really it was nothing but a naughty prank that begged for him to give her attention.
When he walked outside to dump the shards of glass, he continued a distance away from the cabin so he could release the howling laughter that had built up inside of him while he was sweeping. He had not felt such a thrill for a long time. For days he kept thinking about the wide-eyed expression she focused on him as he approached her. It made his palm itch to connect with her backside.
He felt an ache in his chest when he thought about the day she’d changed into Nalin’s dress. The girl sat beside him, half-naked and close to tears. Her face burned red-hot from embarrassment. As much self-control as it took to avoid laughing when she’d broken the glass, it took twice that to abstain from dragging the trembling girl onto his lap and cuddling and kissing her to soothe away her obvious distress and shame. Rarely had he felt so compelled to console someone. An unexpected yearning to be comforted by her struck him as well. Seeing his wife’s dress worn in the present brought emotions too painful to explore, but it made him want the girl wearing the dress to put her arms around him.
His favorite thing about Anna was her sensitivity, but it also frustrated him. The other day he’d watched, incredulous, as she worked for several minutes trying to cajole a mean-looking spider into climbing onto a stick. When it finally latched on after repeated failed attempts, Anna walked
outside with it.
She came back in without the spider or stick, and Carter frowned at her. “What in the Sam Hill did you just do?”
“I put a spider outside so no one would get bit,” she replied, as though that fully explained the last five minutes.
“Why didn’t you just squash it?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t think of that.”
Carter shook his head. “I don’t know how you’ve managed to live on a farm without trying to save the life of every animal.”
“I do try,” she said, sadness clouding her pretty face.
Those were the moments he felt frustrated. How could someone like that survive in this world, which he knew firsthand to be merciless? It made him want to protect her.
He had recently noticed just how pretty and womanly she appeared, despite her childish braids and ridiculous frilly dress. Her face was serene, if serious, and gave away her innocence and sincere regard for others. She was tall, just a few inches shorter than his six-foot frame, and full of voluptuous curves that she unknowingly revealed by moving around to do her work.
When Anna arrived on Friday morning, Carter said, “Happy birthday, Miss Brown,” and gave one of her braids a yank. He watched the color rise to her cheeks like it did whenever he paid her the slightest bit of attention, which he had been doing more of since the incident with the glass. She was light-skinned and blushed easily, and he noticed it every time she felt embarrassed. It awoke in him a tenderness that was almost painful.
“I’d like to take you to supper in town. You know, in celebration of your birthday. We could leave around four o’clock unless you have other plans. My foreman’s wife Grace said she would stop by to watch Paddy.”
“I don’t have plans. That sounds nice,” Anna said, smiling broadly. She looked delighted to spend time out with him, and it made him feel a few inches taller.
The Unbraiding of Anna Brown (Lone Star Love Book 2) Page 3
