That Friday afternoon, Sammie decided to take the kids for a walk to the playground. The weather wasn't bad, but the cold was quickly coming. Since Jake was asleep for a nap, he stayed with me. I'd just turned the television on and sat down to watch a show when I heard a knock at the door. Sammie must have forgotten her keys, I thought. Without even looking out first, I pulled the door open. On the other side of it, I found a man I didn't recognize with a long envelope in his hand.
“James isn't home,” I said, thinking he was there to see my brother.
“Cassandra Randolph?” he asked in a very professional tone.
“Yes,” I answered, with confusion filling me.
The man reached out the hand with the envelope in it. Without thinking, I took it from him.
“You've been served,” he said, before turning around, walking down the porch steps, and continuing down the driveway.
I looked down at the envelope and then back toward the man. Where had he come from, I wondered? There wasn't a car in the driveway. I looked around to make sure Sammie wasn't around or coming back from the park yet. She would have been all over that, and I wasn't even sure what that was exactly. I stepped back inside the house and closed the door. The only time I'd ever heard someone say those words before was on television when someone was being sued. That wasn't me. When I looked back at the envelope again, I saw a lawyer's name, with a Michigan address, on it. Had that guy come all the way from Michigan, I wondered? It had to have something to do with Jeff, but what was it? He couldn't be suing me. I'd never done anything to harm him or anyone else. I headed up the stairs to my room, so nervous but so curious at the same time.
“What have you done now?” I whispered, before closing the door to my room and walking over to sit on the edge of my bed.
I slowly ripped the envelope open, so afraid of what I was going to find. When I pulled the papers out and saw what it was, my heart hurt and I felt sick to my stomach. He'd filed for divorce. The tears started before I could fight them off. Of course that would be how he would tell me. I scooted back on my bed and began reading them over. Each new word brought fresh tears. Before I was finished reading, they were streaming down both of my cheeks.
Jeff was going to fight me for everything, literally everything. He wanted both homes, both vehicles, all the money, and full custody of our three children. I couldn't believe what I'd just read. He wanted to leave me with nothing, not a single thing. How could he do that? Will they give it to him? My mind was going faster than ever. How the fuck was I supposed to fight him? How was I supposed to get a lawyer to fight back if I didn't have a dollar to my name? Shit! What was I going to do?
I got up from the bed, shoved the papers into my purse, grabbed my phone, pulled the covers on my bed back, and crawled under them. I rolled onto my side, pulled the covers up around my neck, and stared at the wall in front of me. I couldn't stop the tears. There was no way. He was forcing me to go back to him, but I didn't want to. Any love I'd ever felt for that man was gone. I never wanted to see him again.
When I heard my door open, I kept very still. It was Sammie, and there was no way I was facing her right then. I couldn't do it.
“Are you seriously asleep?” I heard her ask. “It must be nice. I can't believe you sometimes. Three of those kids are yours.”
Then she let out a huff and the door closed. The tears came even faster. Is that how everyone felt about me, I wondered? Did my own parents feel the way she did? Did everyone think I was a loser that did nothing for myself? I knew Jeff did. He'd mentioned several times how he felt. He'd laughed each time too. I sat up in my bed, and with each second that went by, I felt my hurt turn to anger. How could he do this, I wondered? How could someone that's supposed to love me hurt me so badly? Did he ever love me? He was the one that was wrong. As devastated as I was that he'd cheated, I would never have done something to hurt him the way he was hurting me. There was no way he could take everything from me, and he most definitely was not taking the kids. I picked up my phone, and my fingers hovered over the letters. I couldn't remember ever being so hurt or angry in all my life.
Me: You can't be serious?
I knew it wouldn't be long before he'd reply. He was probably sitting around waiting with a sleazy grin on his face. I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to trust anyone again after the shit he was putting me through.
Jeff: You had two weeks, and you didn't come back.
Me: So this is my punishment?
Jeff: What did you expect?
Me: You can't leave me with nothing, Jeff. We've been together for over five years.
Jeff: What's that supposed to mean?
Me: You can't do this. What kind of man reports his wife's cards stolen? How am I supposed to get a lawyer?
Jeff: That sounds like a personal problem to me.
Me: What the hell happened to you?
Jeff: I'm the same man I've always been, Cassie.
Me: Then how could I have ever loved you?
Jeff: You've always been a spoiled little bitch. I always gave you what you wanted. Stop being so selfish. You're not the only one you're hurting here.
Me: Like you're hurt.
Jeff: No, not me. What about the kids? Think about everything they could have if they were here. You won't be able to give them even half of what I will. I'm sure a judge will see that too.
Me: You can't do this. You've cut us off, and now you're wanting to take everything, including them. There's no way. You didn't even want the baby. You haven't even asked about them once since we've been gone.
Jeff: I already told you how to solve this, Cassie. It's actually very simple. You're making this out to be harder than it really is. You come home, and I'll call it off.
Me: Why do you even care if I'm there? You were with her for well over a year, Jeff.
Jeff: You're my wife, and you belong here. When I go to meetings and events, it's you that everyone looks for. They expect you to be there with me. That's where you belong.
Anger was bubbling up inside of me, and it was getting worse with each new text.
Me: So, I'm good for business. How was your meeting?
Jeff: Much better than I'd originally planned.
Me: Was she there with you?
Jeff: Stop being so dramatic. I already told you she's gone.
I was so pissed that I couldn't even reply. Dramatic! He wasn't just cheating on me. He'd done if for over a year, gotten me pregnant while it was going on, and had her living in my house while he had me hidden away.
Jeff: I do have to say I'm surprised.
Me: Why?
Jeff: I honestly expected you to go off about the houses or that Escalade of yours, but you didn't, you mentioned the kids first. I didn't see that coming. Maybe there's hope for you yet.
I felt like my head was going to explode. I was so pissed off. What was he saying? I loved my kids more than a damn vehicle or a house. How could he say that? He was the one that hired a nanny to help me. He was the one that demanded I have dinner and spend the evenings with him. Demanded, I thought. Was he right? Was he the same man he'd always been? He said before that I'd always done what I was told. Had I really? I'd wanted him to be happy. He worked hard for us. I did the things I did because I wanted to be with him and spend time with him. I loved him. Of course I loved that he bought me things and that I was able to shop with my friends and do nice things. That didn't mean that I didn't love him. Was I just arm candy to him? Had he ever felt for me what I'd felt for him? Was it all for show?
Me: How can you be like this, Jeff? I loved you.
Loved, I thought. That was the right word. Every bit of love I'd felt for him had been chipped away, piece by piece. The first piece left when that door opened and she was standing in our home, and he'd been chipping away at it since. There was nothing left. I couldn't go back. There was no way. His next text sealed the deal.
Jeff: Oh, and just so you know, Susan will be here with the kids once they're here. I wouldn't want
you to worry about them.
The anger that filled me when I read that line was more intense than I'd ever felt before. Those were my kids he was talking about. He was not taking them away from me. I didn't care what I had to do, I would do it.
My hands were shaking. I couldn't stop myself when I typed again. Words I never could have imagined slid from the tips of my fingers.
Me: Fuck you! I'll never come back, and neither will they.
Jeff: We'll see about that.
I pulled my arm back, and with a loud growl, I launched that same arm forward, just as Parker had showed me, and threw my phone as hard as I could against the wall. It made a loud noise and fell to the floor in three separate pieces. When my eyes traveled back up the wall, there was a nice size dent where the phone had hit. Shit! I had no idea how I was going to explain that to James and Sammie.
I fell back onto the bed and pulled the cover up around me again. It must have been hours that I stared up at the ceiling, thinking about the mess my life had turned into. For just a second, I thought about calling my dad to talk, but I knew I couldn't do it. It was bad enough that I already had to find a way to explain not going to them in the first place and instead driving for hours to James' house. I couldn't talk to James and Sammie either. I'd heard her words earlier, she felt the same about me that Jeff felt, and I was pretty sure James felt that way as well. I needed to find my own way out of what was happening, and if I did have to ask for money, I needed a plan on how it would be used and another on how it would be paid back to them. It was my job to figure out the solution. I loved my kids very much. Whether I showed it correctly or not, they were my world, and there was no way their father was going to take them away.
When I got out of bed in the morning with barely any sleep at all, I picked up the pieces of my phone to try and put it back together. That was when I saw that the screen was shattered. There was no helping it. It was toast, so I threw the pieces into the trash. When my eyes took in an up close view of the dent in the wall, I shook my head. It was definitely a good throw. As upset as I was, I couldn't help but laugh at the thought. If it wasn't Sammie's wall, she would have thought so too. Since it was her wall, I'd have to find a way to break it to her gently and of course, find a way to fix it.
When I walked down the stairs to get a cup of coffee, James was alone in the kitchen.
“Hey, Cassie,” he said, with a bit of tension in his tone.
“Hey, James,” I said, as I grabbed a cup, set it on the counter, and filled it. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”
“What?” he asked, with a concerned look.
“My phone broke,” I said. “I was wondering if you could get me a new one? I'll pay you back.”
“I can't,” he said. “Jeff has to get it. If not, you won't be able to have the same number. It's on his account.”
“I don't want the same number,” I said, feeling nervous and unsure.
“Is everything okay?” he asked.
“Yes,” I answered, wanting so badly to cry out a big no and tell my brother what was going on.
“Is there something you're not telling me?” he asked.
“Not at all,” I said, lying again. It was not his job to deal with my craziness.
“Okay,” he said. “I'll get it today. Do you mind if it's through the company? I can get you a better deal that way.”
“That would be perfect,” I said. “One more thing, do you have an old laptop at work or here that I can use. I need to get on the internet to take care of a few things.”
“Of course,” he said. “I'll bring you one today. I'd give you mine, but I take it back and forth.”
“Thank you so much, James,” I said, as I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him. “I know I've been a huge pain, but you will never know how much I appreciate everything you're doing for me. Do you think we could go to lunch or do something to spend some time together?”
“Sure,” he said. “I'd like that. Let me see when I can get a free minute. I love you, Cassie. I feel horrible for what you're going through. You know I'll help in any way I can.”
“I do,” I said, as I let go of my brother and grabbed the coffee I'd made for myself.
I'd just sat down next to Sammie on the couch when the doorbell rang, and I froze. She looked over at me with the strangest look before getting up to go answer the door. I don't know why I was nervous. It wasn't like Jeff could make things any worse, but hearing that bell still scared me.
Jackson came running into the room with a huge smile on his face. His mom came through seconds later with a tired look on hers.
“You sure we have to do this today?” Lauren asked Sammie. “How do you have so much energy?”
“Well, you can see my dad there for a short time or for hours at your house. Which is it?” Sammie asked her in return.
“Ugh!” Lauren let out, as she plopped down onto the couch.
I couldn't help but let out a laugh. Lauren and Sammie were very different. While Sammie could move every second of the day, Lauren was getting tired earlier each day. She was helping to finish their house, so I had to give her that.
“What?” Lauren asked, as she turned her head toward me while leaning it back against the couch. “You think this shit's funny? I hope I see the day you look like this when you're pregnant. I don't know how she does it?”
“Oh, I'm done having babies,” I replied. “You need a man for that, and I have no interest in one of those anymore. I have to agree with you though, I don't know how she does it either.”
We both sat on the couch watching Sammie move around the room.
“She's not ready,” Lauren said, pointing over at me. “I'll just take a tiny nap until you're done. Take your time.”
Then she mouthed the word please, and my face went from a laugh to serious.
“Oh,” she said with a smile. “If I'm going, you're going.”
“Get your ass moving, Cassie,” Sammie said. “I want to get there before the place closes.”
“It's early,” Lauren said, as she shook her head. “Not to mention, you own the place.”
“Just move,” Sammie said, as she looked over at us with a stern look set on her face.
“Yes, Mom,” I said, as I pushed myself up from the couch.
“Don't act like you're tired,” Sammie snapped, as she grabbed my coffee cup from me. “Your ass was in bed longer than the two of us put together last night.”
“Doesn't mean I slept,” I whispered, as I headed for the stairs.
“I've been ready for over an hour,” I heard Sammie say from behind me.
“Good for you,” Lauren replied to her in a cocky tone.
“Even the kids are ready,” Sammie added.
“I'm going,” I yelled out over my shoulder. “I'll hurry.”
“No need,” Lauren shouted.
“Shut up,” Sammie yelled at her.
When I reached up into the air and flipped her the bird, they both burst into laughter. I found myself laughing too, all the way to my room. Those two were something else. Lauren was pretty cool. It wasn't her fault her husband's family was crazy. She had to have a good sense of humor to make it with them. It was actually refreshing being around people that told it like it was, instead of smiling to my face and then talking behind my back. With my friends in Michigan, I spent more time trying to impress them, just so that wouldn't happen, than I did building real relationships.
“Do I really have to do this?” I mumbled, as I pulled out a drawer to grab a pair of jeans.
It was hard enough putting one foot in front of the other just to keep moving without bursting into tears. Every single part of me was so damn worried about what was going to happen, and it took all I had not to let it show. Going to that place and seeing Parker wasn't something I wanted to do. He seemed to enjoy pushing my buttons, and I knew it wouldn't take much, with the state I was in, to break me. There was no way I was losing it in front of him. That could not happen.
Once I was ready, I walked down the stairs and into the living room. Sammie looked up at me and laughed.
“What?” I asked, already feeling so damn irritated with her.
“You know,” she said. “I never thought I'd say this, but I kind of miss the old Cassie. She at least ran a brush through her hair before she slapped it up on her head. Is there any chance of hitting a happy medium between the two?”
“Shut up,” I said. “I'm ready. That's what you asked for.”
Lauren looked over at me and laughed.
“That's not how you catch him,” she mumbled.
“Catch who?” I asked. “I'm not interested in catching anything except for a ride right back here.”
She gave me an okay, whatever look, and I narrowed my eyes at her.
When we got outside, Lauren took Jackson to her car and Sammie motioned me toward hers.
“I can just drive myself,” I said.
“Not going to happen,” Sammie said.
“Why does Lauren get to drive herself?” I asked.
“Because I'm going home when I leave there,” Lauren answered. “There's no way I'm getting stuck with her for the rest of the day.”
The entire ride, I repeated the words “please don't be there” over and over in my head. When Sammie parked, we got out and walked toward the building. Lauren was right behind me. She let out a laugh when I walked through the doors and released a relieved sigh when I didn't see him.
“What was that for?” I asked her.
“Nothing at all,” she said, before walking over to Lance and hugging him. “Hey, Dad.”
She really wasn't so bad, I thought, as he hugged her back. If I hadn't pushed my family away, I would have been as close to them as she was. That was all on me.
I sat down on the bleachers and reached into my purse to get my phone, but it wasn't there. Damn! I was still looking down into my purse when everything from the day before popped into my mind and hit me like a ton of bricks. Before I knew it, a few tears had slipped from the corner of my eye.
Out of My League, Part 2 Page 4
