“In theory, but I disabled that function a month ago.”
“Nobody came running to yell at you?” Michael frowned again.
“No.”
He paused in thought, then asked, “Do you have a protector in the company?”
“Elizabeth, I think. I got my job through her sister back in Ohio. Like—uh, you know the sort of thing.”
She had almost mentioned Bev. Michael must be rather close with Bev to have attended Megan’s Bat Mitzvah. She still had not told him that Bev was in town, living with her. She didn’t want to share him. Maybe she would have if their time together hadn’t turned out to be so magical. She hadn’t wanted to talk about those special moments with anyone, for fear that they would be dimmed somehow. Especially by Bev.
She hadn’t told Michael many important facts. Even though she had felt an instant rapport with him, and they’d been having wonderful times together, she hadn’t confided much about her past. Had she been playing a game of make-believe, with him as the sex object? Ken to her Barbie? What kind of woman led a man on that way? Not about the possibility that they would make love. About the emotions she was free to feel for him and act upon.
“I’ve got to get back to my job,” she said. “Thank you for listening and helping me make sense of these.” Her words sounded formal and constrained. She had been behaving immaturely. No more. It wasn’t fair to him.
Michael gave her a searching glance. He rose and laid some bills on the table, then took her arm and led her over to the stairwell to the street. Halfway down, as they were alone together on the landing, he kissed her briefly but passionately. “Be careful,” he said.
She stumbled back to work. Michael was the real danger to her. That man could drain her of every thought, while filling her with every emotion.
***
Susan was back at the apartment by five-thirty. Rona had called to confirm she was taking Bev out to dinner with Louis and Perry.
Bev modeled several fashionable garments she had brought with her. “Although I don’t know why I’m bothering. Two straight woman having dinner with two fairies,” Bev said in a sour tone.
Susan noted but ignored the non-PC term Bev had used. “That’s why you need to dress well. Louis and Perry are sure to make comments on your clothes.”
Susan’s light remark did not cheer Bev’s mood.
Rona came by for Bev a few minutes later, leaving Susan alone to have an evening of blessed peace in which to think. She roamed the rooms of the apartment, noting how pleasant her furnishings made it. True, they were cheap and simple, meant for short-term use rather than a lifetime. She had chosen them all herself. They gave her satisfaction.
What on earth was she doing here in New York? Where was she planning to take her life in Ohio? Rick had told her his terms, but what did she want? Did she want the affair with Michael she was building to? Or did she merely enjoy the romance of it and have no intention of going through with the more intimate physical part? Kisses were one thing. Sex was another.
Michael seemed to have no doubts of his own. Maybe she needed to have a heart-to-heart with him, explain more about her situation. Although her life was so depressing to talk about. Plus, she wasn’t sure who he was emotionally. He’d told her the facts, but not his feelings. Michael was eager to have sex with her, but what did he feel? Was he in love with her? Could she be falling in love with him? Was that even possible, given her love for Rick? She and Rick had been together through thick and thin.
Suppose she did let this affair happen? Could she then turn her back on Michael and return to Ohio? Would that break his heart? Or hers? What did they want from each other in the future? Was he seeking another life partner? Was she?
She had plenty to regret already. She didn’t want to think about her year of being crazy over Kyle’s death, or what had happened at Nancy’s wedding, but it always came back to that. What a catastrophe. After it, she’d gone on a diet and lost all the weight that had plagued her for years. One hundred pounds. At least in the eyes of the world she now looked more like an ideal middle-aged woman, an ideal wife. Even though the moral truth was far different.
***
Later that night, Susan went to a nearby grocery store for some wine and snacks. Back at the apartment, she prepared trays, in case Rona and Bev brought the men back with them.
They did, plus they brought Jack. “We found this guy hanging around,” Louis said pleasantly. Jack looked a little embarrassed, but everyone seemed in a good mood. Jack certainly looked happier than he had the last time she saw him. Rona was smiling, and Perry and Louis had obviously hit it off. Bev was smiling, too. It wasn’t a nice smile. Bev was enjoying something at someone’s expense. Jack trying to hold onto Rona? Or something else?
By now all the guests were seated. Susan felt an inner glow because she had insisted on acquiring enough furniture so this would be possible. She remembered her first night here, when there hadn’t even been one chair for her. Silly of her to care, but she did.
“Did you have a nice time?” she asked a minute later, putting a tray of snacks on the coffee table in easy reach of them all. She offered drinks all around. Rona and Jack each took a glass of wine. Louis and Perry had beer. Bev picked up a cream soda.
“It was okay, nothing special,” Rona replied, reaching for a strawberry, “Perry tried to persuade us to go clubbing, but I used the story of your bar hopping night with us as a dreadful warning.”
“We had fun that night,” Perry insisted. “We danced up a storm.”
“Absolutely,” Susan said, trying to be scrupulously honest.
“See?” Perry said to Louis. “She agrees with me.”
“It wasn’t all dancing,” she reminded Perry. “I had to fight off at least six overeager men, and then I threw up. Plus the next morning I even had a hangover.”
“Come on, you know that’s a perfect night on the town,” he claimed, with a mischievous smile.
Louis said, “Perhaps not the puking part.”
“A hangover is proof that you had a good time,” Perry insisted.
“I’ll drink to that,” Rona raised her glass. Then her cell phone rang. After taking a sip, she looked at the number, but didn’t answer.
Everyone else ignored the rent in the social fabric caused by a cell phone ringing. It happened so often these days.
Only Bev seemed to want to make something of it. “Why don’t you answer?” she asked deliberately. “This is the third call so far this evening, and I’ll bet they’re all from the same man.”
Louis and Susan shared a concerned look. Perry was obviously mystified by the edge in Bev’s tone. Jack’s brow became thunderous.
The phone rang again. Rona looked directly at Bev as she deliberately answered the call. After a few seconds she said, “No, I can’t. I’m with friends tonight. I’ll call you later.”
Susan was ready to breathe a sigh of relief, but Bev kept pushing.
“Was it your secret lover?” Bev asked Rona. When Rona didn’t answer, Bev turned to Susan, “Remember, the married one with the big deal career?”
She probably looked as horrified as she felt, and that was answer enough for Bev. Darn it. What a tacky thing to say in front of Jack. Not to mention cruel to Rona. Rona looked stunned by the casual venom in Bev’s tone. Was it possible that she had never taken Bev’s measure all these years? Bev, who had quite a pleased expression on her face?
Rona always gave as good as she got. “I see you’re recovered enough to act like a crazy bitch again. Time for you to call Todd and arrange to go home,” she said to Bev. She stood and headed for the door. “The rest of you please excuse me, I’m calling it a night.”
At Rona’s words, Bev’s face crumpled. Bev started to call after Rona, but Louis ground out, “Shut up!” in a harsh whisper. Bev was so startled by his anger she lost her chance to take a final swipe at her supposed best friend.
After the door slammed, the men jumped up, all talking at once about how the hou
r was late and it was time to leave. Perry looked particularly embarrassed. “What was that all about?” he asked no one in particular. No one answered.
Bev acted innocent and self-absorbed. “That’s so mean of her. She knows that Todd is acting like a total bastard.” She burst into tears, sobbing noisily.
The men were more embarrassed now. Louis patted Bev’s shoulder, sympathetic to her again. Bev had a genius for hitting other people’s sore spots, and then for focusing attention and caring back on herself.
Jack came up to Susan. His expression was sad. “You’ll go check on Rona, won’t you? I don’t think I can be the friend she needs right now. Or ever again.”
“I’m sorry, Jack.”
“So am I. I’ve been living in a fool’s paradise, it seems.” He said goodbye and left.
Bev had settled in for a good long cry, and Louis evidently realized it. He motioned to Perry, who was looking even more uncomfortable, that they should leave now. Louis gave Susan a wry look. “We’ll get out of your way. You’re used to this.”
She sighed. “That I am.”
After the men left, she cleaned up the food and beverages. Bev starting talking through her sobs, “I figured it out a long time ago. Rona never has that expression on her face for any other man. She’s so mean.”
At these self-absorbed, resentful words, Susan made herself walk away to the kitchen. Bev was wrong. Rona hadn’t a mean bone in her body, but Susan had zero intention of discussing Rona with Bev.
Thankfully, by the time she returned to the living room, Bev had turned on the TV to zone out. Fine with Susan. She dimmed the lights a bit, and slipped out into the hall, deeply glad to get away from Bev again. This supposed old friend was sheer poison.
She went to Rona’s apartment on the second floor and gently knocked on the door. “Who is it?” Rona’s voice sounded watery. Once Susan answered, Rona opened the door.
It was shocking to see moisture on Rona’s face. Rona never cried.
Susan rushed to embrace her. “Why are you crying?”
“It’s all too much. You were right about Bev. I should have told Jack it was over but I haven’t, and now he has learned it in a painful way. What was I thinking having dinner out with my pals when nothing is resolved with Edward?” This last was muttered as she turned and walked back inside. Susan followed her in.
She was stunned at the pristine condition of Rona’s living room. All the piles of newspapers were gone. “What happened?”
“I got rid of a few things.” Rona smiled a bit. “You’ll be proud of me. I recycled all the newspapers. They’re gone.”
“This is amazing.”
“I faltered often while cleaning them up,” she admitted wryly.
“You did it. I’m so happy for you.” She hugged Rona and smiled a broad smile. “You have conquered the hoarding impulse. Oh, this is wonderful.”
“Maybe. I simply haven’t felt like keeping any newspapers lately because my mind is going around and around over Edward.”
“Is there something wrong?”
“You could say so.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Rona restlessly moved into the tiny kitchen and brought a wine glass for herself and one for Susan. She filled them both with ice water. Then she smiled. “Look at us. We’re actually sitting on chairs and using my coffee table.”
Susan smiled dutifully, knowing Rona was within her rights to be proud of herself, but also aware she was stalling. Finally, Rona stopped fidgeting.
“Edward still thinks I had the abortion.”
“Oh,” Susan replied blankly, “You haven’t told him?”
“Our reunion was so overwhelming,” Rona excused herself. “You saw what a mess I was before I even allowed myself to meet him.”
“You told me you made love with him.”
“Did I ever. It was the best sex of my life,” Rona said with satisfaction. “So was the next time and the time after that. We don’t talk much.”
Why was Susan surprised? Rona had always had a freewheeling attitude toward sex. She liked plenty of it and she didn’t consider it a deep commitment. “I thought you two had recommitted. Reunited. Whatever.”
“We have. Sort of. He says he wants to make up for the past.”
“That’s not what you want?”
“Could be, if I can trust him.” Rona got up and wandered the living room. Despite the removal of the newspaper piles, it was still filled with odds and ends everywhere. She turned back to face Susan, looking haunted.
“If I open up to him emotionally, he could destroy me all over again. This time, I know I won’t recover.”
Susan nodded. Rona’s fear was reasonable. A heart could break only so many times. The pain of starting over became too overwhelming. “What does Edward say he wants?”
“Nothing, because I haven’t let him talk. I’ve turned every time we have together into a sex date. Maybe I’ve been using him, getting revenge, whatever.”
“You’re not the revenge type,” she replied, trying to reassure her friend. Rona looked vulnerable, so different from her usual style.
“I’ve been keeping him at a distance this time around. I’m afraid he’ll hurt me again.”
“Then don’t let him,” Susan urged. “Sex can’t be as important as your peace of mind.” Even as she said it, she knew she was being hypocritical. After all, wasn’t she contemplating sex herself with Michael? Even though having an affair with him could further complicate her already messed-up life?
“He’s so earnest, so sincere. So repentant. He’s getting to me,” Rona continued. “He’s consumed with guilt over the abortion. At first I didn’t believe him. I thought his guilt was a convenient ploy to soften me up. Apparently, he truly has tortured himself for twenty-five years for giving our child a death sentence.”
“One that you never carried out,” Susan reminded her.
For Rona had not gone through with the abortion Edward had wanted. He went back to his wife and never knew Rona continued her pregnancy and gave birth. In her hour of need, Rona had turned to Susan, who was unable to conceive a child. Or so the doctors had thought at the time.
She had been eager to adopt Rona’s baby. By then Rick was launched in his career, and they already owned a big house. It was the perfect adoption situation. During the last trimester, Rona came to live with them in Ohio. Susan did her best to support Rona emotionally as she grieved over the love affair that had ended. When the baby came, Rona handed her to Susan. They shared the first hours of Nancy’s life, and it was Rona who named her. Ever since then, they had shared Nancy as much as time, distance, and different lives made possible. They stood together last year when Rick walked Nancy down the aisle, for it had always been an open adoption and Nancy knew Rona was her birth mother.
“You’ve been the mother to Nancy that I could never have been,” Rona admitted.
“I’ve been grateful every second for the gift you gave me, dear friend,” she replied, emotion in her voice.
Rona rose and came to her chair and knelt by it. “Should I tell him everything? May I?”
“Of course. Nancy knows the truth.”
“You won’t mind?”
She said, “No,” and meant it.
“If she had wanted to meet him, wouldn’t she have tried to already?”
Susan couldn’t help the miserable expression that crossed her own face then. “We’ve all been through hell for the last several years. Nancy as much as anyone. She lost her little brother. I don’t think she wanted to do anything that might upset my fragile balance once I got out of the hospital.”
“You seem pretty solid to me these days,” Rona commented.
“Solidly confused.”
“About that man you’re dating?”
“Yes. Also about Rick, and other things I won’t burden you with tonight. When are you going to tell Edward?”
“Tomorrow. He keeps calling, wanting to talk.”
“Do you want
me to come with you?” she offered.
“Honey, I can handle him. Once I decide to, anyway. If it’s going to get messy, you don’t need to be around.”
“I suppose we should have told him at the time.”
“He didn’t deserve to know then,” Rona said hardly. “He had gone back to his bitch wife and left me out in the cold.”
Susan stopped second-guessing herself, knowing they had done the best they could so many years ago. She leaned down and hugged Rona. “He’ll take it well, I’m sure.”
Chapter 19
With Rona planning to tell Edward about their daughter, Susan was on alert all the next day. She even emailed Nancy to tell her what was happening, but Rona never reported back. Meanwhile, Bev kept up her sly glances in her direction. Having managed to make Rona miserable, Bev was obviously seeking similar bragging rights over Susan. Within a day, Bev had managed the feat.
After going on her usual museum hop on Saturday, Susan spent an extra hour clothes shopping on Fifth Avenue. She arrived home late in the afternoon.
Bev had a surprise visitor: Michael. He was sitting on the couch. He gave Susan a cool look, as if he had discovered something to her discredit. Lord knew, there was plenty to discover. Bev was gloating.
“Sue, look who’s here. Louis told me you and Michael were dating. Since we’re such old friends, I decided to invite him over. Imagine my surprise. He didn’t know you were married.” Bev spoke smugly. She had scored big.
Susan didn’t know what to say. Obviously, Michael deserved an explanation. Equally as obvious, he wasn’t happy about her lack of forthrightness. With Bev looking on eagerly, she couldn’t open her heart.
“I must go put my things away,” she choked out, raising the shopping bags as her excuse. She ducked into her bedroom.
Within seconds, Michael had followed her. He shut the door with a care that bespoke his effort at control. Then he turned to confront her.
Summer in the City Page 18
