“I’m not sure really. Apparently, someone finally stumbled upon the truth about me. I wanted to be the one to tell him—I would have. But I shouldn’t have waited so long.” Looking at my hands, I admit, “I knew I’d lose him, and I couldn’t bear that. Not that I ever really had him, but at least he was in my life in some form, you know?”
“Trust me, I do.” Lia laughs. “You worked with my father while Luc and I were getting it together, so I’m sure you were privy to some of our story. It wasn’t exactly conventional in a lot of ways.” Pursing her lips, she adds, “None of us have had a picture-perfect past, so maybe it stands to reason that we wouldn’t do anything in the normal manner.”
“I thought you’d hate me when you found out,” I say honestly. “Frankly, I’m more than a little relieved you’re still speaking to me.”
Her eyes drop to my neck, and I raise my hand self-consciously to touch it. “If I thought for a moment that my father was responsible for that, I’d either help you kick his ass or drive the getaway car after you did it. But I know him better than that. He didn’t raise a hand to my evil mother, so there is no chance he’d do that to the woman he loves. Which means I can only assume that someone in your family did this. I’m guessing your father?” I’m still stuck on Lia’s words about her father loving me. Even if I had believed that last night, after what he now knows about me, I doubt he will want anything to do with me. He will quickly forget me, which I doubt Lia truly understands.
I give her an embarrassed smile before nodding. “I said the wrong thing to him. and he snapped.” I swallow hard. “He’s losing it, Lia. He’s had moments through the years when he’s been verbally abusive and insulting, but he’s never hurt me physically. But as I looked into his eyes when he had his hands around my neck, I didn’t know him. A wildness was there that scared the hell out of me. Even as he was hurting me, I don’t think he was even seeing me. Does that make any sense?”
I see a shudder pass through her small frame before she smiles sadly. “More than you can imagine. To me, I think a person is only capable of violence when they completely remove themselves from the equation. Their physical being might be present, but their mind is somewhere else. Especially when it pertains to your own blood. A true father or mother should never be able to harm their child, nor stand by while another does.”
I put my hand over hers where it sits rigidly upon her knee. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking. Please forget I said anything.”
She surprises me by shaking her head with a laugh. “It’s fine. I’m not a victim, and I haven’t been for a while. I refuse to give those who hurt me that kind of power or satisfaction. I have a past, and some of it is bad, but I also have a future, and it’s more than I could have ever imagined. I have everything that I dared to dream was possible. And my dad is part of that. I know he’s a hard man on the outside, but when he loves someone, there’s nothing he won’t do for them. And he loves you, Liza… er, Jade.” I hate that this is what my friends will endure. “Because of that, he’ll forgive you, and he’ll protect you.” She puts her other hand on top of mine. “All that I ask is that you not give up on him. He’s like Luc in so many ways. Stubborn, overprotective, and overbearing. Alpha right down to the core. Even though it can be exasperating at times, you’ll never have to doubt his love for you when it’s given.”
“But that’s the thing,” I say glumly. “Your father has made no mention of love. I do believe he feels something for me, but I don’t think it’s love.”
She gives me an amused look before saying, “You’re still here, right? If he didn’t completely lose it and kick you out, then he loves you. Come on, Jade, you know him as well as I do. Could you imagine him leaving the person who betrayed him in his home unless he was head over heels?”
“Keep your enemies close,” I point out.
“Bullshit.” She snorts. “He doesn’t play games. He’s direct in what he does, especially when it involves a threat to his family or Falco, and you’re both.” When I wince, she smiles sympathetically. “I’m sorry, but you would be both by most people’s standards and especially to someone like my father. Yet you’re in his home, and believe me when I say, this is very much his sanctuary. He only entertains family here. I’d be surprised if he’s ever even brought a woman here before.”
It’s my turn to laugh when her cheeks turn red. I hold up my hand to stop her apology. “Trust me, I’m aware that your father has sex. Although he’s always been very discreet about it around the office. That’s not to say that there haven’t been women who’ve dropped by. Plus, he’s a favorite of the society page, and there have been plenty of sightings of him with pretty girls by his side at events over the years.” And that won’t be me. Ever. Either beside him or as a pretty girl.
Lia wiggles an eyebrow. “You’ve got a Google alert set up, haven’t you?” She smirks when I look away guiltily. “Oh, don’t worry about it,” she scoffs. “I did the same with Luc. I think it’s practically a given when you’re in love. Especially if it’s with someone high-profile.” God, I’m so thankful she gets me. I’ve felt so… stupid… watching him from afar.
I don’t think I’ve realized how lonely it’s been over the past few years. Strangely, even though I have forged good friendships with Kara and Lia particularly, I always felt that because of my lies, I could never truly feel accepted. Yet here is Lia, someone who suffered so horribly at the hands of people she should have been able to trust, welcoming me despite my deception. She’s seen through the name, the only thing that hasn’t been true, and truly understood what I feel about her and her father. It feels so good to have a friend I can talk to. Living as Liza Malone has been isolating and lonely. Jacey may be my sister, but she’s never taken the time to understand me. To embrace our differences and love me anyway. Yet Lia… Don’t cry, Jade. No more tears. “I don’t know how this could possibly work, Lia,” I whisper miserably. “I do love him. But I fear that won’t be enough. Under normal circumstances, a successful relationship with a man like Lee would be difficult. But how can it possibly work out, when almost no one wants to see us together?”
“That’s not true,” Lia protests. “Granted, there will always be some asshole who doesn’t want you to be happy, but I think you’ll find that our family will understand and won’t hold what’s happened against you.” She shrugs her slim shoulders before adding, “As for your family, you know them better than I do. But from what you’ve told me, they’re not likely to be happy should you end up with my father. I’m not sure that matters anymore, though. You must make a life for yourself, and either they’ll get on board, or they won’t. I think you’re past the point of caring about what they want, though.”
“You’re absolutely right.” How did she get so wise? “I’ve done things their way for far too long. If Lee will give me another chance, I’m not about to blow it for people who couldn’t give a shit about me.”
Lia holds out a fist. “Hell yeah, put it there.” I giggle as we fist-bump. Then we both laugh when Lara rushes over and lays her tiny hand against ours as she grins proudly over the accomplishment. Lia picks up her daughter and kisses her cheek. “Now, let’s discuss how we can turn this whole mess around. Between the two of us, I think we can solve the world’s problems over a glass of wine and a little advice from Google.”
The warm glow I feel is so foreign that I wonder what it means. And then it hits me. This is what it would feel like to be a part of a real family. I vow that no matter what, I won’t give up on my dream of a life with Lee. I may have a father and a sister, but without Lee by my side, I’m deathly afraid I’ll end up a bitter shell just as they are.
LEE
I pause in the foyer when I arrive home a short time later. I hear laughter from what sounds like the kitchen. This is the last thing I expected. Jade was quiet and withdrawn when I left. But now, it sounds as if she’s having a party. I take a hesitant step forward and freeze when something crunches beneath my shoe. I look down in confusi
on and see a trail of crumbs that extends as far as I can see. What in the fuck? My chest tightens and my shoulders twitch at the mess.
It needs to be gone. I need to sweep it up. Immediately.
There’s no way I can concentrate until it’s taken care of. With that in mind, I move toward the kitchen and what I find there shocks me even further. My daughter and Jade appear to be taking turns trying to toss something into each other’s mouth from across the bar. Lia giggles as what I now see is popcorn bounces off Jade’s cheek and lands on the floor to join the pile that is already there.
“You totally suck at this,” Jade singsongs, then hiccups loudly. “I knew I shouldn’t have had that last glass of wine.”
“No kidding.” Lia’s speech slurs slightly as she opens her mouth and motions for Jade to toss a piece of popcorn her way. She catches it easily, and I feel a moment of pride before shaking my head. “I’m glad Luc came to pick up Lara. He’s the best.”
Jade nods enthusiastically, and I wonder snidely what my son-in-law has that causes her to give that dreamy sigh. “Well, he kind of had to after she got into Rufus’s litter box. The poor thing had to wear one of Lee’s shirts after we gave her a bath. It was sweet of him to insist that you stay here to enjoy the pizza we ordered. I swear you really hit the man—” She snaps her fingers clumsily a few times as if searching for the right word before she blurts out, “Jackpot! You won the man-candy lottery. You’re rich in sexy hotness.”
Lia reaches across the bar with her fist extended, and they bump them together. “Hells yeah, I did,” she whisper shouts. “And you don’t know the half of it. He’s a god in the bedroom.” No fucking way. I cringe when she opens her mouth. I need to put a stop to this conversation before she says something I’ll be forced to kill Luc over. As it is, I’ll never be able to un-hear what she’s already said.
I clear my throat loudly, and they both swing around to look in my direction. Which is a mistake, because Jade teeters on her chair in an alarming fashion. I rush forward and barely manage to grab her before she face-plants on the floor. “Whoopsie.” She laughs before wrapping her arms around my neck. “You’re my hero,” she adds as she gazes at me in a way that has my heart thumping firmly in my chest.
“You are,” Lia states, and I can’t help but smile at the daughter I love so fucking much it hurts. “I’d consider it a personal favor if you’d make her my—well, mother just sounds weird, but maybe friend of the father.” Her nose scrunches up as if she’s concentrating deeply before she shrugs. “There’s father of the bride and stuff like that, so friend of the bride? If you married Liza—I mean Jade—then that’s sorta what I’d be. Is that right?”
“I could be a mom,” Jade offers. “After all, I’m older than you. And even though it wouldn’t be physically possible to have a kid your age, I could still be called that, right?” She glances at me, as if awaiting confirmation, and I have no fucking idea what to say. Hell, I’m not even sure I know what they’re talking about it’s so jumbled.
“Er… sure, honey,” I finally say when it becomes obvious they’re both waiting for something from me. I’m trying desperately not to dwell on the disarray in the kitchen. It’s not as if I can start cleaning with two drunk women who aren’t safe to be left unattended. “Lia—sweetheart, I think you should sleep over tonight. I’ll call Luc and let him know.” The words have barely left my mouth when I hear the doorbell. What the fuck else? Jade still has a death grip on my neck, and now she wraps her legs around my waist, and I’m forced to either carry her with me or pry her loose. I glance at my daughter and say firmly, “Don’t move.” She gives me a comical salute, and my lips twitch in amusement before I retrace my steps with Jade plastered against me. I sigh in relief when I see Luc through the peephole. I throw open the door, and he blinks in surprise as I wave him inside. “Don’t even ask,” I warn. “And why in the hell did you leave these two alone here?”
He puts his hands up in surrender before chuckling under his breath. “I had to make an executive decision since you weren’t here. I couldn’t get Lia to leave, and my daughter had recently been covered in what I’m very much afraid was cat shit. I instructed your doorman not to let them leave the building, and then I hauled ass home to drop Lara off with the nanny. I wasn’t gone for long. In my defense, they were both still upright when I left.” Luc looks around and winces. “Man, this place is… Did the three of them do all this?”
I keep my eyes straight forward, refusing to take in all the carnage. If I do, I’ll shut down, and that’s the last thing any of us need right now.
It’s just clutter. You can take care of it as soon as you’ve dealt with this. Compartmentalize. Pack it away for now.
I force myself to relax and shift Jade’s weight. “Obviously, they did.” I roll my eyes.
“You do know she’s asleep?” he asks as he nods in Jade’s direction. I feel something wet on my neck. Yeah, I think she’s out of it and drooling on me. Perfect.
I shift her in my arms once again. Her body has become a lead weight, and I fear I’ll either drop her or bang her head on something. “Give me a minute to get her settled, and I’ll be right back.” I’ve taken two steps when I hear a crash, followed by laughter.
“I’ve got it.” Luc waves me away.
“She’s in the kitchen,” I throw over my shoulder as I stride toward the bedroom. Jade is snoring so loudly now that my ears hurt. I’m in love with a woman who snores like a freight train, and whose father hates me. Karma is truly a bitch with a nasty sense of humor. Although I do pause and consider the initial part of the sentence. I’m in love with a woman. It’s not just that I love her. I’m in love. Fuck. I flip on the light in the bedroom and briefly consider changing her clothes. Her body is so lax that undressing her would be damned near impossible on my own. And there is no way in hell I’m asking Luc to give me a hand. So I snag the edge of the comforter and pull it back before depositing her gently onto the top of the sheet. Her blond hair half covers her beautiful face, and I sigh as I reach out to push it back. Her mouth falls open promptly and another loud snore fills the room, but she remains deeply in the throes of sleep. I smile despite myself. How can I not? I brush a tender kiss on her forehead before covering her and going to check on Luc’s progress with Lia.
“Baby, we need to go.” Luc is laughing as my daughter peppers his face with kisses. “You want to see Lara?”
“Mmhmm.” She giggles. “Then you can tuck me in.”
Fuck. At this rate, I’ll be forced to burn the kitchen down. There’s no way I can continue to eat where my daughter has talked to and about her husband in such a… sexual fashion. I clear my throat loudly. This feels like déjà vu. “Everything okay in here?”
Luc has the good manners to appear slightly embarrassed while Lia levels a sloppy smile my way. “There’s my daddy,” she says, then waves across the bar in my direction.
Luc wraps an arm around her shoulders and pulls her tightly against his side. “We’re going to be on our way.” He rolls his eyes as he coaxes my daughter across the room. “I’ll let you know when we get home,” he adds. I hear his amused voice responding to her nonstop chatter as they slowly disappear down the hallway. A door closes in the distance, and then there’s nothing but blessed silence. And then I look around me. Filth. My shoulders tense.
No one can see it this way. I have to make it clean for us.
I get a broom from the nearby utility closet and begin methodically sweeping the floor. Clutter. Mess. Disorder. It’s all I can see. My movements are quick and efficient. I’ve done this a million times before, and I don’t waste time with indecision. The kitchen is returned to its normal pristine state. I then go from room to room, restoring order.
Get it clean, Lee. Don’t make a fuss. Be calm and get it all clean.
I don’t pause until I reach the bathroom where Rufus has his litter box. The cat is standing in the middle of the room meowing pitifully as he surveys the mess along with me. Then surprisingly
, given the disarray around me, I find myself relaxing. Maybe it’s the obvious disgust on the animal’s face as he takes it all in. It’s as if I’ve found a kindred spirit. You’re losing it. The cat is just pissed that someone played in his shit. “I feel you, pal,” I offer sympathetically. “I’m not real fond of people fucking with my things either.” Then I feel like an asshole when I think of my daughter, granddaughter, and Jade. Would I rather they not visit? These are more than just people. Is a clean house worth never seeing the people who I love? Maybe Pete’s right. It may be time to deal with this obsession that has haunted me for so many years. I don’t want to be crippled by old voices anymore. I fear that at some point, I’ll hurt the people who mean the most to me over some fucking crumbs. I lean down on my haunches in the middle of the litter-covered bathroom floor and rub the cat’s bristling fur until he calms and begins purring. “We’ve got to learn to adapt, pal. It might not be possible to teach an old dog new tricks, but surely, you and I are capable of change.” He meows plaintively as if to say, “no fucking way,” and I chuckle. “Yeah, it sucks, but one thing at a time, okay?”
It takes me another hour to go over the whole apartment, and by then, I’m exhausted. I strip my clothing off and take a quick shower before flipping on the bedside lamp. I freeze, so used to my bed being empty. The sight of a woman there is foreign to me. Sleepovers lead to expectations, and that’s something I don’t have the desire for—or at least I didn’t.
She mumbles and turns onto her side, leaving me just enough room to slide in behind her. I pause to turn the light off, then pull her against me, cradling her head on my arm. She’s so warm and soft. God, she’s feels so good in my arms. A feeling of peace unlike anything I’ve ever known before comes over me, and I know that although the road ahead is long, I’ll do everything I can to be the man she needs. Because somehow, she’s become the woman I can’t fathom to live without. Somehow, she’s become mine.
Lee Page 18
