by Tina Beckett
Past.
It also meant she didn’t have to find temporary lodging or, in the worst-case scenario, stay with her mother in Arizona where Erica would constantly be lectured about being in the Navy. Her mother didn’t exactly agree with Erica’s career choice.
“You’re in too much danger! The Navy killed your father.”
No, the Navy hadn’t killed her father. Undiagnosed PTSD had killed her father eventually, even if his physicians had had a bit of a hand in it by clearing him to serve in a covert mission.
Her mother wanted to know why she hadn’t gone in to psychiatry, helped wounded warriors as a civilian. Though that had been her intention, working in an OR gave her a sense of satisfaction. Being a surgeon let her be on the front line, to see action if needs be, just like her father. It was why she’d become a medic, to save men and women like her father, both in the field and in recuperation.
“Commander Erica Griffin reporting for duty, sir.” She stood at attention and saluted.
Dr. Wilder had his back to her; he was staring out the window, his hands clasped behind his back. It was a bit of an uneven stance, but there was something about him: something tugging at the corner of her mind; something she couldn’t quite put her finger on. It was like when you had a thought on the tip of your tongue but, before the words could form, you lost it, though the mysterious thought remained in your head, forgotten but not wholly.
“At ease, Commander.” He turned around slowly, his body stiff, and she tried not to let out the gasp of surprise threatening to erupt from her.
Brilliant blue eyes gazed at her.
Eyes she’d seen countless times in her mind. They were hauntingly beautiful.
“You’re so beautiful… Beautiful. Like an angel.”
No man had ever said that to her before. Of course, he’d been drugged and out of his mind with shock, but still no one had said that to her. Not even Captain Seaton, her first commanding officer when she’d been a lowly and stupid lieutenant fresh out of Annapolis. Captain Seaton had wooed her, seduced her and then almost destroyed her career by claiming she was mentally unstable and obsessed with him after she’d ended the relationship.
She was far from unstable. She had a quick temper, but over time she’d learned to keep that in check. Her job and her status in the Navy intimidated men, usually.
So his words, his face, had stuck with her. As had the stigma and that was why she’d never date another officer. She wouldn’t let another person destroy her career.
Dating, if she had time, was always with a civilian. Though she didn’t know why at this moment she was thinking about dating.
“Like an angel…”
As Erica stared into Captain Wilder’s blue eyes, a warmth spread through her. She’d always wondered what had happened to him. Since he’d been moved against her wishes, she’d assumed he hadn’t made it.
She’d apparently been wrong. Which was good.
Five years ago when she’d woken up, she realized she’d slept for eight hours. So she’d run to find Captain Dayton, only to be told that, yes, her request had been heard, but had been denied by those higher up the chain of command. When she’d gone to check on her patient, he was gone.
All traces of him were gone.
It was like the covert operation had never happened.
Those men had never been on board.
Even her patient’s chart had gone; wiped clean like he’d never existed. She’d been furious, but there was nothing she could do. She was powerless, but she always wondered what had happened to that unnamed medic.
The man who had begged her not to take his leg.
The man who’d cried in her arms as the realization had overcome him.
Now, here he was. In Okinawa of all places, and he was a commanding officer.
Her commanding officer.
Dr. Thorne Wilder.
Captain Wilder.
She’d never pictured him to be a Thorne, but then again Thorne was such an unusual name and she wasn’t sure many people would look at someone and say, “Hey, that guy looks like a Thorne.” His head had been clean shaven when he’d been her patient, but his dark hair had grown out. It suited him.
The scars weren’t as visible because he wasn’t as thin, his cheeks weren’t hollow, like they’d been when she’d treated him and his skin was no longer pale and jaundiced from blood loss and bacterial infection. She hadn’t realized how tall he actually was—of course when she’d seen him he’d been on a stretcher. She was five foot ten and he was at least three inches taller than her, with broad shoulders.
He looked robust. Healthy and absolutely handsome.
She couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen such an attractive man. Not that she’d had much time to date or even look at a member of the opposite sex.
Get a grip on yourself.
He cocked his head to the side, a confused expression on his face. “Commander Griffin, are you quite all right?”
He didn’t remember her.
Which saddened her, but also made her feel relieved just the same. Erica didn’t want him blaming her for taking his leg or accusing her of something which would erase all the work she’d done over the years to bring honor back to her name and shake the venomous words of Captain Seaton.
It was the pain medication. The fever. It’s hardly surprising that he doesn’t remember you.
“I’m fine… Sorry, Captain Wilder. I haven’t had a chance to readjust since arriving in Okinawa. I’m still operating on San Diego time.”
He smiled and nodded. “Of course, my apologies for making you report here so soon after you landed at the base. Won’t you have a seat?” He motioned to a chair on the opposite side of his desk.
Erica removed her hat and tucked it under her arm before sitting down. She was relieved to sit because her knees had started to knock together, either from fatigue or shock, she wasn’t quite sure which. Either way, she was grateful.
Thorne sat down on the other side of the desk and opened her personnel file. “I have to say, Commander, I was quite impressed with your service record. You were the third in your class at Annapolis.”
“Yes,” she responded. She didn’t like to talk about Annapolis—because it led to questions about her first posting under Captain Seaton. She didn’t like to relive her time there, so when commanding officers talked about her achievements she kept her answers short and to the point.
There was no need to delve in any further. Everything was in her personnel file. Even when she’d been turned down for a commendation because she was “mentally unfit”.
Don’t think about it.
“And you served on the USNV Hope for the last seven years?”
“Yes.”
He nodded. “Well, we run a pretty tight ship here in Okinawa. We serve not only members of the armed forces and their families but also residents of Ginowan.”
“I look forward to serving, Captain.”
Thorne leaned back in his chair, his gaze piercing her as if he could read her mind. It was unnerving. It was like he could see right through to her very core and she wasn’t sure how she felt about that.
Everyone she’d let in so far had hurt her.
Even her own mother, with her pointed barbs about Erica’s career choice and how serving in the Navy had killed her father. Her mother had never supported her.
“The Navy ruined our life, Erica. Why do you want to go to Annapolis?” Erica hadn’t been able to tell her mother that it was because of her father. Her mother didn’t think much about him, but to Erica he was a hero and she’d wanted to follow in his footsteps.
“I’m proud to serve my country, Erica. It’s the ultimate sacrifice. I’m honored to do it. Never forget I felt this way, even if you hear different.”
So every remark about the armed forces ruining their life hurt. It was like a slap in the face each time and she’d gone numb with her mother, and then Captain Seaton, who had used her. She shut down emotionally to people.
It was for the best.
At least, she thought she had, until a certain Navy SEAL had crossed her path five years before. He’d been the only one to stir any kind of real emotion in her in a long time.
“I have no doubt you’ll do well here, Commander. Have you been shown to your quarters on base?”
“Yes.”
“Are they adequate?”
“Of course, Captain.”
He nodded. “Good. Well, get some sleep. Try to adjust to Okinawa time. Jet lag can be horrible. I’ll expect you to report for duty tomorrow at zero four hundred hours.”
Erica stood as he did and saluted him. “Thank you, Captain.”
“You’re dismissed, Commander.”
She nodded and placed her hat back on her head before turning and heading out of the office as fast as she could.
Once she was a safe distance away she took a moment to pause and take a deep breath. She’d never expected to run into him again.
Given the state he’d been in when she’d last seen him, she’d had her doubts that he would survive, but he had and he was still serving.
Even though he was no longer a Navy SEAL, at least he hadn’t been honorably discharged. It had been one of his pleas when she’d told him about his leg.
“This is your life, Liam. My life… I have nothing else. I need my leg to do that.”
The memory caused a shiver to run down her spine. It was so clear, like it had happened yesterday, and she couldn’t help but wonder again who Liam was. Whoever he was, it affected Captain Wilder.
It doesn’t matter. You’re here to do your job.
Erica sighed and then composed herself.
She was here to be a surgeon for the Navy.
That was all.
Nothing more. Dr. Thorne Wilder’s personal life was of no concern to her, just like her personal life, or lack thereof, was no one else’s concern.
Still, at least she knew what had happened to her stranger.
At least he was alive and that gave her closure to something that had been bothering her for five years. At last she could put that experience to rest and she could move on with her life.
* * *
After Erica left, Thorne got up and wandered back over to his window. From his vantage point he could see the walkway from his office and maybe catch a glimpse of Erica before her ride came to take her back to her quarters on base.
She’d been surprised to see him, though she’d tried not to show it. She hid her emotions well, kept them in check like any good officer.
Erica remembered him, but how much else did she remember?
Bits and pieces of his time on the USNV Hope were foggy to him, but there were two things he remembered about his short time on the ship and those two things were losing his leg and seeing her face.
He remembered her face clearly. It had been so calm in the tempestuous strands of memory of that time. He remembered pain.
Oh, yes. He’d never forget the pain. He still felt it from time to time. “Phantom limb” pain. It drove him berserk, but he had ways of dealing with it.
At night, though, when he closed his eyes and that moment came back to him in his nightmares, her face was the balm to soothe him.
A nameless, angelic face tied with a painful moment. It was cruel. To remember her meant he had to relive that moment over and over again.
And then, as fate would have it, a stack of personnel files had been piled on his desk about a month ago and he’d been told to find another general surgeon to come to Okinawa. Her file had been on the top as the most qualified.
It was then he’d had a name for his angel.
Erica.
As he thought about her name, she came into view, walking quickly toward an SUV which was pulling up. He thought he adequately remembered her beauty, but his painful haze of jangled memories didn’t do her justice.
Her hair wasn’t white-blond, it was more honey colored. Her skin was pale and her lips red. Her eyes were dark, like dark chocolate. She was tall and even taller in her heels. He was certain she could almost look him in the eye.
She walked with purpose, her head held high. He liked that about her. Mick, his old commanding officer in the Navy SEALs Special Ops, had told him a month after his amputation that the surgeon who’d removed his leg wouldn’t back down. Even when Mick had tried to scare her off.
He’d been told how his surgeon had fought for him to get the best medical care he needed. How she’d sat at his bedside. She’d seen him at his most vulnerable. Something he didn’t like people to see.
Vulnerability, emotion, was for the weak.
He’d been trained to be tough.
He’d been in Special Ops for years, even though he’d started his career just as a naval medic like Erica.
And then on a failed mission in the Middle East they’d become cornered. He’d thrown himself in front of a barrage of bullets to save Tyler from being killed. Bullets had ripped through his left calf, but he’d managed to stop the bleeding, repair the damage and move on.
Only they’d been surrounded and they’d had to resort to the old sewer system running under the city to make their escape and meet their transport.
The infested and dirty water was where he’d probably caught the bacteria which had cost him his leg, but it was his leg or his life.
For a long time after the fact, he’d wanted to die because he couldn’t be a Navy SEAL any longer. He’d almost died. Just like his twin brother, Liam, had on a different mission. He remembered the look of anguish on Liam’s wife’s face when he’d had to tell her that her husband was gone. It was why Thorne wouldn’t date. Seeing the pain in Megan’s eyes, the grief which ate at her and her two kids… It was something Thorne never wanted to put anyone through. It was best Thorne severed all ties. He wasn’t going to stop serving and it was better if he didn’t leave behind a family.
And it was his fault Liam was dead and that Megan was a widow. One stupid wrong move, that was what Thorne had done, and Liam had pushed him out of the way.
Liam had paid with his life and Thorne would forever make penance for that mistake.
Thorne had enlisted in the Special Ops and was accepted as a SEAL. It had been Liam’s passion and Thorne planned to fulfill it for him.
And then he’d lost his leg saving another.
He didn’t regret it.
Though he was ashamed he was no longer in the Special Ops. When he’d taken that bullet for Tyler he’d been able to see Liam’s face, disappointed over another foolish move.
Thorne had returned to serve as a medic ashamed and numb to life.
He wasn’t the same man anymore, and it wasn’t just the absence of his leg which made him different.
At least he still had surgery. When the assignment to command the general surgery clinic in Okinawa had come up, Thorne had jumped at it—and when he’d seen that Erica, a highly recommended and decorated surgeon in the Navy, was requesting reassignment to Okinawa Prefecture, Thorne had wanted the chance to know more about the woman who’d taken his leg and saved his life.
Had she?
His mother didn’t like the fact he’d gone back to serving after he lost his leg.
“I lost your brother and almost lost you. Take the discharge and come home!”
Except Thorne couldn’t. Serving in the Navy was his life. He might not be an active SEAL any longer, but he was still a surgeon. He was useful.
He was needed. If he couldn’t be a SEAL and serve that way, in honor of his brother he could do this.
Thorne scrubbed his hand over his face. His leg was bothering him and soon he’d head back to his quarters on the base and take off his prosthetic. Maybe soak his stump in the ocean to ease the pain. He couldn’t swim, but he could wade.
Water soothed Thorne and aided him with his phantom limb syndrome. Seeing Erica face-to-face had made his leg twinge. As if it knew and remembered she’d been the one to do the surgery and was reacting to her.
Perhaps bringing he
r here was a bad idea.
She knew and had seen too much of his softer side. He’d been exposed to her, lying naked on her surgical table, and Thorne was having a hard time trying to process that.
Perhaps he should’ve kept her away.
A flash behind him made him turn and he could see dark clouds rolling in from the east. It was typhoon season in Okinawa, but this was just a regular storm. The tall palm trees along the beach in the distance began to sway as the waves crashed against the white sand.
A dip was definitely out of the question now.
The storm rolling in outside reflected how he felt on the inside and he couldn’t help but wonder if he was losing his mind by bringing her here.
When had he become so morbid and self-obsessed?
He couldn’t reassign her without any just cause. It would damage her reputation and he wouldn’t do that to Erica.
No, instead he’d force her to ask for a reassignment on her own terms.
Though he didn’t want to do it, he was going to make Erica’s life here in Okinawa hard so that she’d put in for the first transfer to San Diego and he could forget about her.
Once and for all.
CHAPTER TWO
“YOU’VE BEEN HERE a week and you’ve been getting some seriously crummy shifts.”
Erica glanced up from her charting at Bunny Hamasaki, a nurse and translator for the hospital. A lot of the residents of Ginowan knew English, but some of the older residents didn’t. Bunny was middle-aged, born and bred on Okinawa. Her father was a Marine and her mother a daughter of a fisherman.
She’d been born at the old hospital down the road and seemed to know everyone and everything about everyone.
“I could say the same for you,” Erica remarked.
Bunny snorted. “I’m used to these shifts. This time of night is when I’m needed the most. Plus I can avoid my husband’s snoring and bad breath, working the night shift.”
Erica chuckled and turned back to her charting.
Bunny reminded her of her scrub nurse, bunk mate and best friend Regina. Truth be told, she was a wee bit homesick for the Hope and for her friends.
