by H. M. Ward
It felt like forever, but it could have been only a few minutes. I don’t know. But when we heard footfalls coming toward the closet, we broke apart. There was remorse in his gaze, almost like Trystan didn’t want this to end. It made my heart lurch, but I let him go. Trystan jumped up and sat on the chair. The way he looked down at me broke my heart. There was a haunted expression in his eyes. It was the one he hid at all cost. It only appeared when he was really upset and today it was crystal clear.
CHAPTER 20
~TRYSTAN~
When Tucker closed the closet door, Trystan’s heart slapped into his ribs. He swallowed hard and tried to ignore it. Ever since he was a little kid, he didn’t like being confined to small spaces. His father had thrown him in a dark closet too many times to not be affected by it. At least there was a light in here. And it’s not like they were locked in. Trystan followed Mari’s lead and helped her clean until she nearly fell. Things changed after that. Finding the door locked, Trystan tensed even more. It wasn’t until he realized Mari was freaking out that he snapped out of it.
Sitting with her was bliss. Trystan tried to be content feeling the smooth skin on her hand, but he wanted more. He needed her. They’d be good together. If she gave him a chance she’d see it. But Trystan knew he’s said too many things too many times for her to give him that chance. She’d be crazy if she did.
After a moment, Trystan noticed her gaze on his hand. She watched him slide his thumb across her skin and when she looked up at him, Trystan couldn’t help it. The way her eyes met his, like she was frightened. He wanted to protect her. He wanted to hold her close and tell her it would be okay, but all he could do was return her gaze. Every second he maintained that connection was another second he knew he loved her.
“Mari...” He breathed her name like it was life. Watching her, he felt the pull—the magnetic lock—that drew him to her. Those pink lips were so smooth, so perfect. He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to taste her. He wanted to learn the curves of her mouth and feel her kiss him back. And not because she was rehearsing some lines from a play. He wanted her to kiss him back because she wanted to, because she felt something for him.
Trystan’s hand floated slowing toward Mari’s face. She sat perfectly still, her eyes locked with his, her breath slowly filling her body again and again. She seemed as hypnotized as he was. Trystan leaned closer to her, but instead of kissing her, he rested his finger on her lips. He traced his finger along her lower lip, feeling how soft it was before tracing the bow on her upper lip. Mari didn’t move. She seemed lost in his eyes. The fluttering in Trystan’s stomach increased to intolerable when he traded his pointer finger for his thumb. Rubbing his thumb gently on her lower lip, he thought about tasting that lip. He thought about leaning forward, closing the short distance between them, and kissing her.
But he couldn’t do that to her. She’d think he took advantage of her. No, she had to want him to.
“Kiss me,” he breathed. His lips were so close to hers. She barely had to move, but it made all the difference. If she kissed him, it would be all right. His heart pounded wildly. Trystan’s skin felt like it was on fire. He’d never done this before and any girl this close to his lips would have kissed him instantly, but Mari didn’t move.
Lost in her gaze, he whispered, “Kiss me, Mari.” His heart soared when he said it a second time. Saying her name, asking her to kiss him made him feel every inch of his body. He burned for her touch. There was nothing he wanted more. Thoughts of Mari filled his mind every waking moment, and when he dreamed he thought of her.
Mari seemed like she was going to kiss him. She didn’t pull away. Her body was strung as tight as Trystan’s. He could see it in her eyes and feel it in her breath as it flowed over his lips. When his hands tangled in her hair, he didn’t think he could wait any more. Mari finally blinked, breaking the moment, and turned her face away from him. She looked down, but Trystan didn’t release her. Instead he lowered his hands to her shoulders and pulled her forehead to his.
For the next few moments no one said anything. He kept his hands on her, steadying her, feeling the curve of her shoulders beneath her shirt. Trystan focused on the sound of her breathing, fighting the urge to pull her into his arms. When Tucker showed up, the moment shattered.
CHAPTER 21
~MARI~
My chest rose as I breathed in deeply, trying to steady myself. I remained seated against the door, and when Tucker pulled it open, I fell out backward.
“Miss Jennings,” he started to scold me, but Trystan cut him off.
“You locked us in the closet. Correction, you locked a claustrophobic girl in a closet. With no lunch.” Trystan didn’t move from the chair. He was sitting forward, leaning on his elbows. He looked up at Tucker, his voice filled with unspoken threats.
Tucker’s expression changed from fury to shock. He bent over to help me up, sputtering apologizes. “I had no idea. Why didn’t you say something?”
Before I could reply, Tryst said, “I don’t think the school board will care why she didn’t say anything. I think they’ll be more interested to learn why the door was locked with us inside.” Trystan stood and faced Tucker after he deposited me at a desk.
“If you have something to say, Scott, say it.” Tucker tensed as he spoke. This was the kind of mistake that would be severely reprimanded and Trystan knew it.
Trystan slipped his hands into his pockets and shrugged. “How about a trade? Mine and Miss Jennings’ silence for free period passes for the rest of the semester.”
“You’re blackmailing me?” Tucker growled.
Trystan walked past him and stopped next to me. “No, it’s a trade. Something that helps you for something that helps us.”
Tucker turned to look at me, but Trystan stood between us. Trystan squared his broad shoulders like he needed to protect me. “You’re lucky I was in there, or you would have opened the door and found her hyperventilated on the floor. The passes make up for it.”
It was strange. The way Trystan acted, the way he flew between me and Tucker. I was slightly horrified by Trystan’s demands, but I was too frazzled to interject.
“Where will you go? You can’t wander the school.” Tucker’s hand was on his double chin like he was considering it.
“The prop room. Leave the door unlocked. You can check on us if you want.” Trystan folded his arms over his chest. The way he said it was insane. It didn’t sound like he was asking at all. He was telling Tucker what he wanted for his silence. I expected Tucker to say no.
But he didn’t. Instead, he crossed the room to his desk and grabbed two passes. “If you get caught, I had nothing to do with this.”
Trystan walked up behind him and stopped on the other side of the desk. They faced each other. “If we get caught, you’ll tell them you gave us permission. This is an all or nothing kind of deal, unless you want us to mention parts of what happened today. There are several parts that sound kind of damning.”
Tucker scribbled on the pass, taking in a deep breath as Trystan spoke. When he finished, Tucker handed Trystan the two passes. “It was a mistake.”
“Yes, it was.” Trystan took the passes, turned and collected me, and walked out of the classroom leaving Tucker behind.
CHAPTER 22
~TRYSTAN~
“Are you okay?” Trystan asked.
Mari hadn’t spoken. She glanced at him vacantly, “Yeah. Yes. That was just unreal. I can’t believe you did that.”
Trystan didn’t understand why. He walked next to her. As they rounded the corner, he pulled open the side door to the auditorium and walked to the first row of seats. Trystan held out his hand and said, “Sit down. Eat. You’ll feel better.”
Mari stepped past him and took her lunch out of her bag. She nibbled on half a sandwich as Trystan watched her. His heart was in his throat. He wanted to know what she was thinking, but she didn’t speak. After a moment she looked over at him. “Where’s your lunch?”
Trystan
leaned back in the chair. “Lunch isn’t until next period. I’ll go grab something then.”
Mari nodded and looked down at her sandwich. She moved slowly, like she was shell-shocked. “I have study hall next period.”
Trystan smiled at her. “No you don’t. Not anymore. You’re needed in the prop room for the rest of the semester. Tucker’s orders.” He handed her the pass.
Mari stared at it before saying, “I can’t use this. I can’t be here with you... Trystan—”
“Of course you can,” Trystan’s heart was sinking. The more she came back to herself, the more mortified she looked.
“I can’t. I shouldn’t be here with you...” It seemed like she was going to say more, but Mari’s voice trailed off. Her eyes looked everywhere but at Trystan.
His stomach fell into his shoes. “I understand. It’s okay. Do what you have to do.” He made sure his voice sounded light even though her words made him physically ache.
Shaking her head she said, “No, you don’t understand.” Trystan tried to say something, but Mari cut him off. “I can’t do this. It’s killing me and you’re just playing me, and I’m falling for it.” She stood as she spoke and rubbed the heels of her hands into her eyes.
Trystan tried to calm her. He didn’t want her to think that. He wasn’t playing her. He lifted his hands to her elbows as she rubbed her eyes. Touching her lightly he said, “This isn’t a game. It’s not, Mari.”
She let out a rush of air and dropped her arms to her sides. Mari stared at him, her lips parted like she wanted to say something but she only shook her head. Grabbing her books, she swallowed hard, “I know what it is. It’s the same thing it’s been with every girl. It’s never a game in the beginning, is it Trystan? She catches your eye and you can’t fathom being with anyone else. That is until you sleep with her.” A tear rolled down her cheek. “I’ve been burned before. I can’t do it again. I won’t. And not with you, so stop this charade or whatever you want to call it. End this seduction scene you created. You’re wasting your time. I don’t like you that way. I never have. I never will.”
Trystan absorbed her words, internalizing them until each one exploded inside of him. She thought it was a game. It was worse than he feared. Mari’s words weren’t sharp, they were pleading—begging him to stop, but he couldn’t. He loved her. It wasn’t random. It wasn’t a quest. He didn’t care if he slept with her or not. He just wanted to be around her, hear her voice, and feel the curve of her body in his arms. And now he didn’t even have that.
He swallowed hard and sat in the chair facing the stage. Trystan didn’t look at Mari. He didn’t respond.
Mari’s voice shook, “I’m serious, Trystan. Stay away from me.” She turned on her heel and walked out the door, leaving him behind.
Trystan stared straight ahead, not blinking. He felt his heart shattering as she spoke, but there was no way to stop it. He let her leave, he let her walk away. She begged him to stop, to keep away from her. Trystan leaned forward and put his face in his hands, knowing he just lost his best friend.
CHAPTER 23
~MARI~
It took me a while to calm down. I spent study hall in the girl’s room trying to stop crying. Eventually Katie came in.
I heard her voice echo when she walked through the door. “I know you’re in here. Melissa Drury saw you come in.” Katie walked toward the stalls and bent over, looking for shoes. “Come on, Mari. Come out.” She stopped in front of my stall. I was sitting on the back of the toilet with my feet on the seat so no one would see me. Katie rapped her fingers on my door. “What happened?”
I got down and unlocked the door. Blotting a tissue to my face I told Katie, “I’m in love with him.” A sad, frightened smile laced my lips. It was the most pathetic, stupid thing I’d ever done, but I couldn’t deny it anymore. It wasn’t a crush. I loved Trystan Scott. Tears streaked my face.
Katie held out her arms and I fell into them sobbing. She hugged me hard, and then set me on my feet. “It’s going to be all right. This isn’t as bad as it seems.”
Shock lined my face, “Not as bad as it seems? I’m in love with a guy that doesn’t know what love is. How would you feel if you suddenly realized you loved Seth?” Katie flinched. “Same thing.” I dabbed my eyes again. My make-up was toast, and I’d be lucky if I could stop crying before the bell rang.
Katie was supposed to be at lunch. She had a fifteen minute pass. After that, they’d come looking for her. “It’s not the same thing. You guys have been friends.”
“Well, we’re not anymore,” I sniffed. “I told him to stay away from me. That I’d never like him that way. It was like falling at his feet and begging him to love me. The way he looked at me, Katie,” more tears ran down my cheeks, “it was like he couldn’t even look at me.”
“So, he told you he was just playing?”
“No,” I said looking up at her.
Katie seemed confused. “I’m missing something. What made you tell him off? What’d he do?”
My lower lip quivered. “I thought he was going to kiss me, but he didn’t. He stayed there, so close and asked me to kiss him.”
“No way,” she said wide eyed. Katie leaned back on a sink. “What’d you do?”
“I couldn’t. I wanted to, but I can’t. I can’t let this happen again.”
“Trystan isn’t Greg. They aren’t the same guy. You can’t act like they are.”
I stared at her. “What the hell is wrong with you? Yesterday you were telling me to stay away from Trystan and now you’re on his side?”
She slid off the sink and stepped toward me. Taking my shoulders she said, “I’m on your side. Trystan has his own faults and it scares the hell out of me that you like him—”
“I love him, Katie. I feel it. It’s in every inch of me and I wish it wasn’t.”
She released me. “Why are you crying? Because he asked you to kiss him?”
“No,” I answered tugging my hair, “because I can’t pretend anymore! I can’t deny it and I can’t let him play me whenever he wants. When his big blue eyes look at me a certain way, I’m toast, Katie.” Sadness bled through me like I’d been fatally wounded.
Her arms folded over her chest. Katie was quiet for a while. She handed me another tissue and finally said, “Then tell him.”
“What?” I squealed.
“You’re stuck in the middle. You love him, but he doesn’t know. He’s flirting with you like you’re a toy. That’s why you’re mad, right?” I nodded. “So tell him. He either runs away screaming, or takes you in his arms. Either way, there’s no more in the middle.”
Katie sounded crazy. The idea of walking up to Trystan and telling him how I felt scared me to death. But I felt desperate. Without a word, I turned to the bathroom door.
Katie rushed after me. Grabbing my arm, she turned me around. “Wait! What are you doing?”
“I’m going to tell Trystan Scott that I love him.”
Katie smiled sadly at me, and gave me a hug. “I’m across the hall. Let me know how it goes. I’ll watch for you to come back.” I nod and she released me.
CHAPTER 24
~TRYSTAN~
After Mari ripped his heart out, Trystan stared at the stage. A million thoughts ran through his mind but he couldn’t focus on a single one. She’s not coming back he thought, and ran his hands through his hair. Looking up at the high ceiling, he scolded himself for putting pressure on her, for telling her to kiss him.
If they hadn’t gotten locked in that closet, he wouldn’t have done it. But when he sat there with her, so close that he was breathing her in, he couldn’t help himself. Mari was on his mind constantly, and it didn’t matter what she thought—this wasn’t a game. Trystan knew it. He felt it in his hollowed out gut.
Trystan’s throat was so tight he couldn’t speak. That’s why he let her walk away. There was nothing to left to say. He blew it and she flat out rejected him. Hollowness consumed Trystan until he couldn’t sit there another s
econd. He sprang from the seat and bound up the stage stairs. Pulling open the basement door, he descended in darkness.
He felt his way through the room until he found a music stand. Feeling his way along the cold metal, he found the light at the top and clicked it on. Trystan crossed the room and grabbed a guitar that the music teacher offered as a prop a million years ago. He dragged a stool to the center of the room and tuned the ancient guitar, hoping the strings wouldn’t snap. When he was done, Trystan took some pages that were folded in his pocket and smoothed them on the stand, spreading each on out so he could see the song he was working on—the song he didn’t think he’d get to finish since his dad smashed his guitar. But since Mari left him here alone and Tucker was probably still fuming in his room, Trystan risked it. He put the pages in front of him and strummed the cords of an unfinished melody.
After a few moments, he hung his head, holding the guitar in his lap. One foot extended off the stool onto the floor. He turned himself around so that the light was to his back and before he knew it he was playing the song he always played when he was hurt. Mari’s song.
At first he didn’t sing. He couldn’t. The knot in his throat choked him into silence, but as he played it melted and Trystan could breathe again. The tightness in his chest didn’t release though. Mari’s words echoed in his mind, I never liked you that way. I never will. Stay away from me, Trystan.
The guitar became part of him as he played. It was an extension of his soul. He poured his heart into his music and right then it was shattered. Trystan’s fingers knew the song. They moved across the strings, pressing and sliding as he closed his eyes. There was nothing to compare this to. He’d never felt so broken in his entire life.
