by Brenda Mott
“Come here, honey.” Wade opened his eyes and wrapped Macy in a bear hug, and as he did, he looked over her shoulder and saw Tess standing there, not far from the picnic table. The sad expression on her face told him she’d overheard some of his conversation with Macy.
But something besides sadness filled Tess’s eyes. She also looked distracted. Wondering what was on her mind, Wade motioned her to come forward. Tess walked over and slid onto the picnic bench next to Macy, draping her arm around Macy’s shoulders.
“I couldn’t help but hear part of what you said.” Now her eyes filled with concern. “Sweetie, none of what happened was your fault. Not with your mom, and not with what happened today. I made the choice to ride Diego.” She reached out to straighten Macy’s damp pigtails. “Things just happen with horses—you know that. Any horse can spook, even the most well-trained one.” She gave Macy a smile. “Besides, I’ve taken enough hard knocks on horseback to withstand a few more.” She tweaked Macy’s chin.
Wade looked at Tess, his heart melting at her words. He’d known all along that she cared about his kids; watching her with Macy, though, made him realize that Tess had been right all along. Macy needed a mother in her life. Someone like Tess to care about her. But could he ever get past his reservations and fears? Could he willingly open up his heart and his life completely? Even to Tess, whom he’d fallen in love with?
Before he could dwell on the thought, Tess spoke to him. “I just ran into Seth,” she said. “He came out here to find me with some not so good news. My mom’s been put in the hospital with pneumonia.”
An overwhelming need to protect Tess gripped Wade. Concern for both her and Macy bounced myriad thoughts through his mind, leaving him not knowing what to do. He wanted to offer Tess a shoulder to lean on, but at the same time his daughter needed him now.
“I’m sorry to hear that,” he said, rising from the picnic bench. “I’d hoped she’d get to feeling better.” He reached out and pulled Tess into a hug, and she folded so easily, so naturally into his arms that a comfortable warmth poured through him. “How bad is she?”
Tess pursed her lips. “Not good, that’s for sure. I have to go see her right away. Could you look after my horse for me? Take her back to my place or something?”
“Sure.” He massaged circles against her shoulders.
“Your mom’s still sick?” Macy stood, too. “I’m sorry, Tess. You never did tell me what’s wrong with her.”
Tess pulled Macy in to share their hug, and Wade stood there, wishing he could take away the pain from both of them.
“Well, maybe it’s time I did,” Tess said. “How about I come over to your place after I visit my mom? Then we can talk…about whatever you want.” Wade knew she was inviting Macy to open up to her, as well, and for once, he appreciated rather than resented her offer.
Macy nodded. “I’d like that.”
“Okay, then.” Tess moved slowly away from his embrace. “Thanks, Wade. See you later?”
“Absolutely. Are you sure you’re okay to drive on your own, though?” Again, he felt torn. “I could ask if Sharon will watch the kids for a bit if you’re still feeling dizzy.”
She shook her head. And as quick as that, he could envision the shield she erected between them once more. The one that wouldn’t quite let him share every aspect of her life. The one that stood in the way of his being able to love her completely. Had he been guilty of the same thing? A voice inside his head said yes. But if so, he was beginning to realize the error of his ways.
“I’ll be fine. I promise. If I feel even the least little bit dizzy, I’ll have the E.R. doctor check the bump on my head.” She managed a smile, but he could tell her mind wasn’t on her injury. In her mother’s fragile condition, pneumonia could not be a good thing at all. Alzheimer’s patients were more susceptible to going downhill with such an illness. Oftentimes they never recovered.
“Drive careful,” he said as Tess turned and hurried toward her truck.
Then he looked at Macy and knew exactly what he had to do. The rest of the gymkhana was not as important as making things right with the people who mattered most in his life. “I think you and me and Jason should have a heart-to-heart, honey. What do you think?” Jason needed to know what his sister had been dealing with all this time, and he himself needed to make sure his son didn’t harbor any such feelings or pent-up grief that he’d never talked about. Who knew what might not have come out in their counseling session?
His family meant everything to him. And Tess had become a part of his family without him even fully realizing it.
Macy nodded. “That’s fine by me, Dad. I don’t really feel like riding anymore anyway.”
“Okay, then. Let’s find your brother and go home, and after that, I’m going to go to the hospital to make sure Tess is okay and to see how her mom is doing.”
Macy gave him a smile that lifted his heart. “I think that’s a good idea,” she said. “I mean, Tess is strong and brave, but I think deep down she really needs someone in her life besides her animals.”
Out of the mouths of babes.
“I think so, too, honey.” And he knew how to get through that wall Tess had put up between them.
He’d simply have to smash his way right through it.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
TESS DROVE to the hospital with her heart in her throat, denial her only companion. Her mother couldn’t have pneumonia. She’d suffered enough having Alzheimer’s.
Cold reality set in as she made her way through the hospital entrance. While Tess had hoped against hope that the bacterial infection would clear up, she’d known there was every chance it wouldn’t. Raelene’s body didn’t have the ability to fight off sickness the way a healthy person’s did.
Tess hurried down the corridor to the elevator and punched the up button. Impatiently, she waited.
“Hey, sis.”
Tess whirled around at the sound of Zach’s voice. He stood there, looking as miserable as she felt.
“Zach.” She couldn’t hide the surprise in her voice. “What are you doing here?”
He fidgeted, glancing down at the toe of his boot. “I’m not that much of a jerk,” he said quietly. “Even though I’ve been acting like one. Mom needs us all here.”
Quickly, Tess moved forward and hugged him. “I’m glad you came,” she said.
The elevator doors slid open and they stepped inside. Tess’s dad was already in Rae’s room when they arrived. He sat at her bedside, holding her hand. The sadness in his eyes broke Tess’s heart. He looked up at her and Zach and blinked back emotion, removing his grief with a swipe of one hand across his face.
“Glad to see you, son,” he said, giving Zach a half hug, half pat on the back. He embraced Tess, then turned sadly to Raelene once more.
She slept fitfully. With an oxygen tube attached to her nose and an IV in her arm, her body looked even more frail. She frowned in her sleep and moved her head back and forth on the pillow.
“Has she been asleep long?” Tess asked in a near whisper.
“About an hour or so. She hasn’t been resting well lately, from what the nurses at the care facility told me.” Lloyd let out a tired sigh. “Things aren’t looking good for your mother, kids.”
Fear gripped Tess by the throat. It wasn’t what she wanted to hear. Her dad appeared tired beyond his years, more so than she’d ever seen him. Feeling helpless, Tess eased onto the edge of her mother’s bed and laid her hand on Rae’s forehead. “She’s hot,” she whispered.
At that moment, Rae murmured in her sleep. Then her eyes slowly opened. For a split second Tess could have sworn her mother was completely lucid. Raelene looked right at her, her face clear of all confusion. She smiled and breathed a word that sounded remarkably like Tess’s name.
“Did you hear that?” Tess turned to face her dad and brother. “She said my name, didn’t she?”
Lloyd pursed his lips and rested one hand on his belt loop. “I don’t know, hon. Almo
st sounded like it.”
But already Rae’s eyelids were fluttering closed once more. “W-w-w,” she mumbled, trying to form a word. She strained, screwing up her facial muscles with the effort. “W-wh-h…”
Where?
Was that what it was she’d tried to ask? Where was she, perhaps? Yet, Tess doubted her mother was truly asking where she was, though she wished she could believe that somehow Rae’s ability to reason had returned. Her mom could be asking anything. Where were her goats? Or she might even be muttering one of her nonsensical sentences.
Tess bit her lip. “It’s okay, Mama.” She took Rae’s hand. “I’m here, and so is Zach.” She glanced up at her father. “Where’s Seth?”
“He went to get flowers. He was determined your mother should have some.”
Tess could tell by the words he left unsaid that her dad realized flowers would make no difference to Rae one way or another. She’d likely not even be aware of them. Still, Tess loved how her family had come together to stand strong. To battle Rae’s illness in whatever way they could.
For the next two hours, Tess sat at her mother’s bedside, but Rae had fallen asleep once more and did not wake up the entire time. Tess was torn between feeling relief that her mother was finally resting and wishing she would awaken so they’d know she was okay. Zach left just before suppertime, promising to come back later with Donna. Seth had been and gone, reassuring their father he’d look after the feed store for as long as Lloyd needed him to. They’d all pitch in.
The room grew quiet with only Tess and her dad there. “I could use a cup of coffee,” Lloyd said. “You want anything, sweet pea?”
She shook her head. “No, thanks, Dad.”
“I’ll be right back.” He left the room, walking as quietly as he could so as not to disturb Raelene.
As the door creaked shut, Tess was left with only the noise of beeping monitors. She stared at the woman on the bed who barely resembled the mother who had raised her. And ached for Raelene’s release. She wanted nothing more than to have the doctor come into the room and announce he’d found a miracle cure, not just for the pneumonia, but for the Alzheimer’s, as well. But of course, that wasn’t going to happen.
Fear gripped Tess as she wondered just what her mother’s chances of recovery were. And recovery to what? The same sad existence she’d lived for what seemed an eternity? Cursing the fates that had put Rae in such a state, she tried to focus, instead, on the fond childhood moments she’d shared with her mother. She’d give everything she owned to see her whole and healthy once again.
The door creaked partway open, and Tess turned, expecting to find her dad or one of the nurses. Instead, she saw Wade.
He stood hesitantly in the doorway, his expression apologetic. “I had to come,” he said quietly. His gaze begged her to tell him it was all right.
The genuine compassion in his eyes melted Tess’s heart. She’d been protective of her mother for a long time now, unwilling to let outsiders see her this way. But Wade was no longer an outsider. She motioned him to come in, and he walked over and stood near Tess’s chair. Reaching down, he took her hand.
“How is she?” He spoke so softly Tess could barely hear him.
“She’s finally resting.” Tess swallowed over the lump in her throat. “But I’m not sure if that’s good or bad.” Worry assailed her again. What if her mother didn’t wake up? She’d been asleep a long while now. She told herself it was simply exhaustion that had pulled Rae into such a deep slumber.
At that moment, a nurse came into the room to check Rae’s vital signs, and Lloyd returned with a cup of vending-machine coffee. He greeted Wade and shook his hand. “Good of you to come, Wade.” Lloyd watched the nurse. “She doing okay?”
“As well as can be expected,” the nurse said. “Her blood pressure’s good. At least she’s finally resting.” She peeled the blood pressure cuff from Rae’s arm and left the room.
“Have you eaten anything?” Wade asked.
Tess shook her head. “I’m not hungry.”
“You have to keep up your strength. I could take you to get a bite to eat, or bring you something if you’d like. You, too, Lloyd.”
“I’m fine, Wade, thanks,” Lloyd said. “Tess, go eat something, honey. Wade’s right. You’ve got to keep up your strength.”
“So do you, Dad,” she said. “I’ll eat later.”
“I’ve got my coffee. I’ll get something else after a while.”
Suddenly, Tess recalled her promise to Macy to go over to the Darlands’ and talk to her. “I’ll be right back, Dad.” She motioned Wade into the hallway.
“How’s Macy?” she asked as soon as they were outside Rae’s room.
“She’s okay,” Wade said. “We had a long heart-to-heart. Macy, Jason and I.”
Tess yearned to be a part of that strong family circle Wade had created with his children. She wanted more than ever to reach out to Macy. The little girl’s words, blaming herself for Deidra’s accident, still haunted Tess. She wondered what that was all about and truly cared enough to want to find out. But her mother needed her now. Besides, Wade seemed to have taken care of things.
“I’d like to come see her,” Tess said, “but I can’t leave Mom right now. I don’t know how long…” She let the words trail away, and Wade placed his fingertips gently against her lips.
“You don’t have to explain,” he said. “I understand.” He slipped his arms around her and held her in his strong embrace. One that made her want to be a part of his life. She’d love to have him sit with her and hold her. But of course, he had his priorities and she had hers.
He spoke again, interrupting her thoughts. “I hope you don’t mind my coming here, but I had to be sure you were okay. And your mom.” Sadness filled Wade’s eyes. “I’m really sorry she’s so sick. What do the doctors say?”
“Her prognosis isn’t good. That’s why I need to stay. Will you please explain to Macy for me? Tell her I’ll be by as soon as I can.”
“I told you, don’t worry.” He massaged the back of her neck. “Do you want me and the kids to feed your animals for you?”
Tess raised her eyebrows in surprise. “Would you?” She’d been wondering what to do, afraid to leave her mother’s side but knowing the animals needed taking care of.
“Of course.” He leaned his forehead against hers. “I’m not that mean, Tess.” He brushed a kiss across her lips, and Tess’s heart raced. If only…
She pushed her fantasy wishes aside. “I guess you aren’t,” she said, attempting to lighten the mood. “Not if you’re willing to feed the cats.”
He heaved an exaggerated sigh. “Only under duress.” He gave her a teasing wink, then sobered. “Call me if you need anything. I don’t care what time it is.”
“All right. Thanks.” Tess kissed him, then turned and walked back into her mother’s room, conflicting thoughts running through her mind. It felt good to have Wade in her corner, yet at the same time she was afraid of letting herself lean on him.
TESS AWOKE in the middle of the night and sat straight up in the chair. Disoriented, she wondered where she was for a moment. Then the dim light at the foot of Rae’s hospital bed came into focus, and Tess saw her father slumped in a chair on the other side of the bed. His cowboy hat rested on one knee; his booted ankle was crossed over the other.
In her sleep, Raelene coughed and moved restlessly. Tess rose and took her hand. “Mama?” she whispered. “Are you all right?”
Rae made an indistinct sound but didn’t open her eyes. As the fog of sleep cleared from Tess’s brain, myriad feelings raced through her. Fear that her mother would not pull through gripped her and would not let go. What on earth would it be like not to have her around anymore? Looking out for her mom had been such a major part of her life for so long now, Tess couldn’t imagine anything else.
She thought of Wade and Macy and Jason. Her life had seemed complete. Then Wade and his kids had worked their way into her heart. Lately, she’d beg
un to feel more and more as though something was missing from the world in which she existed. When she was with Wade, she felt a joy unlike any she’d ever known. He’d become a big part of her routine lately—a routine that had involved only her family and her animals.
She’d liked her life as it was and hadn’t felt a thing lacking. But now Tess questioned her own judgment.
At first she’d tried her best to keep Wade at a distance. After making love with him, though, deep down she’d begun to realize there was no turning back. When he’d shown up at the hospital last night, it had suddenly felt right to let him come into her mother’s room. He belonged there. If she could only let herself take that final step and tell him how she felt.
Her dad awakened a short time later, looking completely exhausted. “She didn’t wake up in the night, did she?” he asked, moving to stand beside the bed.
“Not that I’m aware of,” Tess said. Her throat felt hard and dry and her eyes burned. She ran her hand lovingly over Raelene’s arm. “God, Daddy. What if she doesn’t wake up?” She clamped a hand to her mouth, suppressing a sob. “I’m not ready to let her go. I haven’t had enough time with her. Not near enough.”
Lloyd moved around the foot of the bed and took Tess into his arms. He hugged her tight, then stood her back. His own eyes swam with unshed tears. “You listen to me, sweet pea. You spent more time with your mother these past several years than most folks would in a lifetime.” His expression intent, he gave her shoulders a firm squeeze. “You gave to her without complaint.” He shook his head. “Not enough? Honey, you’ve done more than your share, believe me. In fact, you gave too much, Tess, and for that I blame myself.”
“Dad—”
“No, I mean it. Your mother’s sickness tore me up inside. I couldn’t face what was happening to her, and I pushed a lot of her care off on you when I shouldn’t have. For so long now you’ve given so much of yourself to everyone and everything around you. Think about it.” He gestured with one hand. “Your mother, me and your brothers, your rescue horses.” The look on his face softened. “Raelene may not wake up again. We have to face that. But it’s not too late for you to wake up, honey. Any fool can see that Wade Darland is plumb crazy over you.” Gently, he shook her. “Go to him. Give yourself something for once. And allow him to give something back to you.”
