It wasn’t just the Fun Festival that had been important to Mark, Slade knew. It was the atmosphere of it. The kids, the fun, the noise. So Slade decided to create that atmosphere again in a smaller way. After speaking with Emily and the parents of a few of Mark’s friends, he planned an afternoon at the ranch of games, building a snow fort and snowball battles. Although the parents were invited, too, since they’d already taken time for one Fun Festival, they just dropped off their kids to enjoy the fun.
Slade joked and laughed and roughhoused with the boys as they built a wall of snow and then torpedoed snowballs at each other, running behind the wall, bumping into each other, laughing. He was glad the weather had cooperated, and they could stay outside for a bit. After they went into the house, Emily did her part by providing hot chocolate and cookies. They even toasted marshmallows in the potbellied stove. Afterward in the barn, Slade showed the boys some roping skills. Mark looked as if he was having fun, and when everyone said goodbye, Slade thought the afternoon had gone particularly well.
After the last boy left, Slade found Mark in his room where he was putting on his sneakers. “Did you have fun this afternoon?” he asked him.
“Sure,” Mark said, tying one shoe.
“I bet it was just as much fun as the Fun Festival,” Slade remarked, hoping Mark would tell him it had been.
But Mark murmured, “The dads weren’t here.”
“I was here.”
“Yeah, but you were playing with all of us. It just wasn’t the same as…me pretending you were my dad for the day.”
The word “pretending” bothered Slade, as did the rest of what Mark had said. But he had nothing to say to contradict him. All he could think of was, “Maybe someday you’ll have a dad of your own.”
After Mark tied his other shoe, he looked up. “I want you to be my dad.”
Mark’s declaration made Slade take a deep breath. “I don’t know how to be a dad, Mark. I never had one myself. I haven’t even spent time around kids and their dads. You need someone who’s an expert at it.”
The little boy’s brown eyes were accusatory. “You could be a dad if you wanted to. I know you could. But I guess you don’t want to.”
“Your mom has a say in this,” Slade said a tad defensively.
“You could convince her. I know you could.”
Before Slade could find an adequate response, Emily called up the stairs. “Slade, telephone. It’s your brother.”
Slade said to Mark, “We’ll talk more about this later,” and went downstairs, concerned something was wrong in Denver.
But nothing was wrong. Hunter was just checking in after being released from the hospital, telling Slade how restless he was. The doctor hadn’t wanted him to be alone, so instead of going to his penthouse, he was staying with his parents for a few days.
“Mom wants to wait on me hand and foot,” he complained.
Slade laughed. “That’s what mothers do, Hunter.”
There was silence. “I guess that’s true. I’ll stop complaining and be thankful. It almost feels as if—” He cut off abruptly and changed the subject. “When can you come back to Denver?”
Slade glanced at Emily who was sitting in the living room with Amanda. “I’m not sure yet. I’ll let you know in a few days.”
After Slade hung up, he crossed to the living room and just stood watching Emily with her daughter. Apparently Amanda had finished eating and was cuddling against Emily’s breast.
“Is everything okay?” Emily asked when she looked up and saw him watching her.
“Yeah. Hunter’s home from the hospital. He must be feeling better. He can’t wait to get back to his own place.” Slade’s talk with Mark had made him feel restless and even more guilty for leaving when he had. “I want to get Mark that bicycle.”
“Why?”
“Because I feel I let him down by leaving. He had fun this afternoon, but he says it wasn’t the same as the Fun Festival.”
“And you think a bicycle will make up for you not going?”
She made it sound like some kind of bribe. “Hell, Emily, I don’t know.”
“Have you told Mark you’re leaving?”
Leaving. The word had never bothered him before. Neither had the thought of moving on. “No, I haven’t.”
“I’m going to start packing up the attic tomorrow. The agent’s bringing three people through on Monday. He doesn’t think I’ll have any trouble selling if we keep the price fair.”
“I wish you’d reconsider my offer.”
Her gaze was troubled as she shook her head. “I can’t do that, Slade. I can’t…” She cleared her throat and looked down at her baby. “I’m going to start a new life. That will be best.”
The thought of Emily starting a new life made Slade’s chest tighten. He wished… Knowing wishes didn’t count much against reality, he mumbled, “I’m going to take care of the horses.”
She didn’t look up at him, and he imagined she didn’t much care what he did.
Emily’s sob escaped the same time the kitchen door closed, and she held her daughter and just rocked her. She didn’t want Slade to leave; she didn’t want to think about the rest of her life without him. But she couldn’t put a fence around him. He’d offered her money to keep the ranch running. But she didn’t want money.
She wanted him.
But she couldn’t ask him to stay. He had a brother in Denver and miles to go before he settled down.
If he ever did.
Chapter Ten
The attic held a treasure full of memories. Emily tried to hold back tears the next day as she took advantage of Amanda’s naptime to sort through years of her dad’s possessions and her own. Finally she just sat in the middle of the attic on the floor and let the tears fall. She was crying because her dad would never meet his granddaughter. She was crying because she did love this house and the land and everything the ranch represented. She was crying because she loved Slade and wanted him to return that love, yet knew that he couldn’t.
She had too much pride to ask him to stay. She had too much pride to accept his help. She had too much pride to love a man again who couldn’t love her.
Slade was a kind, gentle, strong man who had so much to give. But his upbringing or lack of it had made him too restless to put down roots and, the irony was, he was searching for something he’d probably never find unless he could put down roots. But he had to come to terms with that on his own, and maybe he never would.
With a sigh, Emily rose to her feet and wiped the tears from her cheeks. She couldn’t get anything done like this. Maybe if she started actually packing instead of just sorting she’d make some headway. She knew for certain she wanted to take along her dad’s pipes. They still smelled liked the tobacco he’d used. She could remember him smoking while he told her stories. She’d also take along his arrowhead collection and some of the small antique tools he’d collected over the years. But she had to wrap it all carefully. She’d brought a few boxes to the attic but no newspaper.
As she went down the stairs into the room that would have been the nursery, Mark came running in. “Can I go out to the barn and help Slade?”
He’d been playing in his room and she guessed he was bored. “Tell you what. If you go out to the shed and get some newspapers for me, I’ll make some hot chocolate. Then you can take it out to Slade.”
Grinning, he nodded and raced down the stairs ahead of her to the living room. As he went to fetch his coat, she looked out the window. The sun was shining brightly, and the snow glittered with a sheen that was almost blinding. Icicles ran along the side of the barn’s roof and the shed. Although the sun shone today, the weatherman was calling for a big snowfall again tomorrow. She hoped he was wrong. The sooner the real estate agent’s clients could see the ranch, the sooner she’d sell it. It was going to hurt to let it go, so the quicker it was done, the better.
And the quicker Slade leaves, the better, her good sense told her. But she couldn’t quite
believe it.
As Mark put on his coat and boots, Emily took the cocoa from the cupboard.
He opened the door, called over his shoulder, “I’ll be right back,” and slammed the door shut.
As he scurried across the wooden porch, she shook her head.
While she took the milk from the refrigerator and set it to warm in a pan on the stove, she wondered what Amanda would be like at Mark’s age, if she’d be a tomboy or like to wear dresses. Would Amanda miss having a dad as much as Mark seemed to? Slade would make such a good father if only…
Stop it, she scolded herself. You’re only making it harder.
Emily’s thoughts distracted her so thoroughly that the hot chocolate was finished before she realized Mark hadn’t returned. Maybe he’d gone to Slade first to tell him he’d be bringing him the treat. Maybe he’d started helping Slade and forgotten about the newspapers. But he wouldn’t forget the chocolate.
Crossing to the window, Emily looked outside, first at the corral, then at the shed. When her gaze fell on the small outbuilding, she gasped. Snow had mounded in front of the short door. If Mark had slammed the door when he went inside, the snow might have slid from the slanted roof and trapped him.
Acting on instinct, she grabbed her coat from a peg on the wall and kicked off her sneakers to slide into the boots on the mat by the door. Then she flew out the door, her coat flapping against her body as she ran across the gravel road to the shed, calling, “Mark? Mark?” She thought she heard crying as she neared the small building, and she called his name again.
“Mom,” he shouted from inside. “I can’t get out. Help me.” At least five feet of snow had slid in front of the door. “Mom, I’m scared. It’s dark in here.”
“I know, honey. I’m going to get Slade.”
“Don’t leave me, Mom.”
“Mark, listen to me. Take a deep breath and count to ten. You’re going to be fine. I’ll be right back.”
She could still hear him crying and it broke her heart to leave him, but Slade could get him out faster than she could and they needed shovels. Slipping and sliding as she ran, she called Slade’s name. When he came out of the barn, she yelled, “Get shovels. Mark’s trapped in the shed. Hurry.”
As she dashed back to the shed, Slade disappeared into the barn and soon came tearing after her. He brought two shovels and gave her the lighter, plastic one while he jabbed into the snow with the metal one he used for cleaning out the stalls. “Easy does it, Emily, it won’t help Mark if you hurt yourself.” His voice was gruff.
She knew he was thinking about her labor and having Amanda and still recovering from all of it, but apparently he also knew she couldn’t stand by powerless. As they frantically shoveled the deep layers of snow, she called to Mark, “We’ll have you out soon. Don’t be scared, honey. We’re right here.”
“Slade, are you there?” Mark asked, tears in his voice.
“I’m here, son. Just hold on.”
Snow flew as Slade practically burrowed it away, clearing twice as much as Emily at a time, forcefully pushing and throwing it until the door was clear. Then he opened the wooden door and Mark came tumbling out into his arms. Emily crouched down to hug her son, too, and the three of them held together for a few moments. When Slade’s gaze locked to hers, she saw so much emotion there, her breath caught.
Maybe it was time to take a risk, to throw caution and pride to the wind….
Sucking in a deep breath, she put her own feelings aside for the moment and concentrated on her son, hugging him hard, letting him know he was safe. Finally she leaned back and took his face in her hands. “Are you okay?”
“It was so dark in there. I yelled and yelled, but I guess nobody heard me. And then I thought you might never find me—”
She hugged him close again. “I will always find you.”
This time Mark pulled away and looked up at Slade. “I guess I shouldn’t have cried.”
Slade knelt down in the snow to look Mark straight in the eye. “There’s nothing wrong with crying if there’s a good reason for it, and you sure had one.” Then Slade put his arms around Mark again, too, and Emily couldn’t see his expression under the brim of his Stetson.
Slade’s hands were shaking as he leaned away from the seven-year-old and got to his feet. His throat was tight, and his heart was beating so fast he didn’t think it would ever slow down again. When Mark had rushed out of the shed into his and Emily’s arms, Slade had glimpsed a vision of what life should be, could be, would be, if he had the courage to grasp it. Everything was suddenly so very clear to him. His feelings for Emily went much deeper than wanting to take her to bed—he needed her in his arms every day for the rest of his life. He needed to see her face when he woke up in the morning. He needed to kiss her when he came in from doing chores. He needed her warmth and determination and sweetness to give him direction and purpose and a reason to want to belong.
But he didn’t know how to say any of that to her. Yet somehow he had to try. He had to tell her what was in his heart.
“I think we’re going to have to heat up that hot chocolate all over again,” Emily teased her son as she glanced at Slade. “Are you coming into the house?” she asked him softly.
He needed a few minutes to get his thoughts together. He needed to find the words that would convince her to spend her life with him. “As soon as I clean the rest of the snow from this roof. We don’t want more falling.”
Emily nodded, her eyes big and wide and…he wasn’t sure what he saw there. Maybe it was just gratitude. But when she and Mark turned away and walked to the house, he knew she and the children had become his life.
When he let himself into the kitchen ten minutes later, Slade still didn’t know what he was going to say or how he was going to say it. After he pulled off his boots and hung up his coat and hat, he saw that Mark was sitting on the sofa in the living room, a mug of hot chocolate in his hands, watching an animal show on TV.
Emily got up from the table and went to the pot on the stove. “Ready for that chocolate?”
“No.”
His abrupt answer made her put the pot back down. “Would you rather have coffee?”
“Emily, I couldn’t care less what I drink. I—” He stopped, feeling foolish and disconcerted and terrified as hell to tell her what was on his mind. But he was going forward and he wasn’t looking back.
They spoke at the same time. His “I want you to marry me” got tangled up with her “I want you to stay.”
“What?” they asked simultaneously.
Covering the distance between them swiftly, he clasped her shoulders. “Did you ask me to stay?”
She nodded. “Did you ask me to marry you?”
The uncertainty in her voice made him bring her closer into the circle of his arms. “I’ve got years of habits to break, Emily, and you’re going to have to be patient with me. It’s taken me a while to realize I want to do more than kiss you and find satisfaction with you under the covers at night. You’ve become part of me, and so have Mark and Amanda. Every time I thought about leaving, I got this sinking feeling in my gut, and I didn’t understand what it was. Now, I do. I want to build a life here with you. I want to make you my wife. I want to be a dad to Mark and Amanda. I never knew what love was until I came here and found you. Will you marry me?”
There were tears in her eyes, but she looked up at him with a smile that seemed to surround him. “Yes, I’ll marry you. You’re the finest, strongest, wisest man I’ve ever met. I love you, Slade Coleburn.”
He couldn’t believe his ears. He couldn’t believe she felt the same. He couldn’t believe she was going to be his. To make it all real, he took her into his arms and sealed his lips to hers. There was a depth to their kiss that hadn’t been there before. All the barriers were down, and Emily responded with every bit of passion that he’d suspected was there. Their tongues danced against each other, their arms twined tighter, their bodies strained together until Slade knew he believed in d
reams again and maybe even a heaven.
Absolutely absorbed in each other, Slade felt her start of surprise as if it was his own when he heard, “Wow! I never saw anybody kiss like that before.”
Before he pulled away from Emily, he knew she was going to be flustered. He also knew becoming a father didn’t start the day they got married. It started now.
He crooked his finger at Mark and when the boy came close, Slade laid a hand on his shoulder. “Remember when you said I could be your dad if I really wanted to?”
Mark’s head bobbed up and down.
“Well, I really want to. How do you feel about me and your mom getting married?”
“You’ll be my real dad and Amanda’s, too?”
“I’d like to be. Since you’re her big brother, and she can’t talk yet, I guess you’ll have to speak for both of you.”
“I want you to be my dad, and so does Amanda,” Mark added solemnly.
Slade curved his arm around Emily and his other around Mark. “Then let’s set a wedding date.”
Epilogue
Almost three weeks later, on Valentine’s Day, Emily stood in the small dressing room off the vestibule of the church where she was about to get married, and tried to stand still as Mavis zipped up her wedding gown. It was cream satin, beaded at the sweetheart neck and down the long sleeves. Its full skirt made her feel like a princess.
“This is such a beautiful gown,” Mavis said to her.
“It was all Hunter’s doing. He has a client who designs wedding gowns. He sent me photographs and I picked one, and I can still hardly believe this is me.” She’d curled her hair and arranged it on top of her head. The veil was simple, attached to a headpiece that slipped under her curls. The lace flowed down her back and she couldn’t believe that in a few minutes, she’d be Slade’s wife.
Slade’s wife.
Tonight she would become truly one with him. He’d insisted they not make love until their wedding night, knowing it would be more special that way. They weren’t going on a honeymoon because of Amanda and Mark, but Slade had promised her that after they were all used to being a family for a while, the two of them could slip away for a weekend alone.
Just the Man She Needed Page 14
