by Linda Daly
Swiftly, he gripped her arm and she whirled around facing him again. “Don’t you dare turn away from me! Let’s settle this once and for all, here and now. Just what is it that I’ve done?” he had demanded, in a raised shout, “that has soured you against me? And since we are on the subject of Benjamin and Felicity, let them live as they choose. They sure the hell seem to be a lot happier than we are. From where I stand he’s one hell of a lucky man. He’s jumped from one heiress to the other, and wound up with a wife who is not only rich but is genuinely sweet and gentle. I told you before there’s a lot to be said for a woman with those qualities. Hell, I’d gladly pay for you to have some of those attributes!”
Recalling their argument years earlier at Ashwillow, when she had accused him of lusting after Felicity, she glared at him. Struggling to free herself from his grasp, she gritted her teeth, her voice becoming cold and barren. “Take your hands off me at once or I’ll scream! You smell of drink and you disgust me.”
Feeling how tightly his hand was around her forearm, James had released it and apologetically said, “I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry? Are all men the same? They hurt a woman and then they justify it by saying, I’m sorry?” Seeing the look of resentment in his eyes, she had added. “You don’t want sweet and innocent James, you never have. Rebecca was sweet as sugar and that certainly didn’t prevent stolen moments with me, while she lay dying. You wanted me! And now that you have me, would you rather I become deathly ill too, so you can carouse around some more?”
Seeing the hate in his eyes at her comments and realizing she had said too much, Lavinia had rushed to him, pleading, “Oh darling forgive me. I was angry. I didn’t mean those dreadful things. Really I didn’t.”
“Lavinia, get away from me now! I mean it, or I won’t be responsible for my actions.” Walking over to the crystal decanter he filled his glass with an ample amount of brandy, which he immediately tucked away in one large gulp. After feeling the sensation from the aged liquor as it trickled down his throat with ease, he promptly poured himself another.
“James darling, please don’t drink so much alone. Won’t you pour me one too?” Lavinia had cooed.
Lifting the decanter, without even looking at her, James extended it saying with contempt, “Pour it yourself!”
Slowly she had taken the decanter from his hands and reached for him, but James had promptly pulled away, moving across the room where he slumped into an overstuffed chair. Not going after him at first, Lavinia had slowly poured herself a stiff drink as well, her mind racing to figure out what to do next. Watch yourself Lavinia, with your inheritance robbed while Father was dying, by that gold-digger thief Annabelle, James is your only security now. With a plan forming in her mind she belted back her drink, then poured herself another.
Turning to face James, knowing precisely what his weaknesses were, she had cooed, “Here darling, have a little more.” Gliding over to him, feeling his scornful eyes on her, Lavinia decided to seduce him.
After refilling his glass, she slithered between his knees and rested herself on the floor facing him. With the grace of a cat, she had placed the open decanter next to his foot on the thick Persian rug, beside the heel of his shoe. Seductively she had said to him, “You are absolutely right, I haven’t been myself darling.”
Sultrily she traced his thigh, resting her glass on his knee and slowly and sensually, she had begun moving her glass over his knee all the while batting her eyes as if she were helpless. “You know the pain I suffered at the hands of Benjamin. And seeing him and Felicity act as if they were perfect makes me sick. Then if that wasn’t bad enough, with poor Father’s death on my conscience and then learning how traitorous my own sister was, well I suppose it’s been more than I could bear. You can’t imagine my pain and how helpless I’ve felt, considering that she tricked father into changing his will in his weakened state to secure all his holdings except for that worthless townhouse.”
Forcing herself to shed a single tear she had whimpered, “I suppose it has soured me, and I’ve been taking it out on you. Oh please forgive me, James.”
“Lavinia, we’ve discussed this before, several times in fact.” Dismissing the act that Lavinia claimed Benjamin had committed against his wife, he addressed Annabelle’s inheritance instead. “Even if Annabelle was able to achieve such a dubious deed, which is doubtful, knowing her and the Squire as I did, the townhouse is clearly not worthless. Of course it’s not Ashwillow, but with my holdings, you are well cared for.”
“I know darling. You know so much more of financial matters then I do …” Taking the last sip of her brandy, she swirled it across her mouth to ease some of the sting her words were causing her. Laying the glass on the floor she smiled up at him, allowing her hand to slide down over his knee and into his inner thigh, resting it there trying not too appear too obvious.
“Darling, I try, truly try to forget the past, honest I do. But when I saw how everyone was making such a fuss over Felicity and Benjamin at that backwoods, little tart’s wedding, as if they were so pure and perfect, it just sickened me. Do you remember how I told you the day I had caught that little harlot, kissing Benjamin’s thumb, soaked to the skin? Well when Elise had mentioned that behind every good man is a better woman, I nearly lost my mind. All I kept thinking was what would people think of the virtuous perfect Felicity if they knew the real truth? Why as hard as I try, I don’t think I will ever be able to forget that awful stormy day at the vicarage. Why it’s just like it happened yesterday … There she stood, her dress clinging to her bosom, full of silky mud showing through that thin cotton frock of hers all the while batting her eyes up at him, enticing him with her purity and goodness. I can assure you that was anything but pure! More like a lioness after its prey.”
“Right. I do recall you telling me that story before, but never with such vivid detail.” James, feeling the effects of the drink, relaxed in his chair, able to see Felicity in his mind with her pert nipples pressing against a cotton frock.
“Go on Lavinia, tell me more,” he mumbled feeling aroused by thinking of Felicity as a seductress.
Lavinia knowing the time was definitely right to further seduce him, slid her hand up his leg and began to unfasten the ties of his trousers, while caressing his manhood to further arouse him.
“Darling, she may well be able to fool some of those naive people with her sweet and innocent act, but take it from someone who knows, she seduced Benjamin only to take something away from me. Whom she despised. You remember that dreadful outburst at the vicarage I told you about and how she kept trying to prove worthy of my acceptance of her? Why would have that been necessary if I hadn’t found her out? She and I both knew what sort of harlot she actually was, with no real breeding. I tell you I don’t trust her. Why I even blame her for Benjamin’s actions now. She drove him insane, bewitching him all the while, fooling her aunt and uncle into leaving her such a large inheritance. And I helped her to succeed. It does make me wonder though, who she might try to get her claws into next. Precisely why I became so distraught this evening. At the reception when you greeted her and kissed her hand, with all her droll dear friends around her, well darling, I just lost all of my senses becoming insanely jealous. Which is understandable, loving you as I do …”
“Oh darling you can’t be serious, she and I were only being polite,” James mumbled, enjoying the sensual touch of Lavinia’s hand caressing him.
“Darling you mustn’t be fooled by that so-called innocent act of hers. I know her type. She appears to be a soft harmless kitten, when in reality she’s nothing more than some alley cat.”
Feeling his manhood exposed from his skillful wife, he looked down at her and feeling his drink, his words slurred. “An alley cat you say?”
“Yes darling, ruthless and scheming. I was just so worried that she was now after you that I was beside myself. She hates me you know, and I still remember our arguing over her in Father’s garden.”
“Don�
�t be absurd …”
Kneeling in front of him, her body seductively leaning against his manhood to further arouse him, she extended her hands to him outwardly. “James, you do forgive me for my foolish jealousy, don’t you darling?”
“Of course, I do …”
“Then show me darling,” she suggestively cooed, gently tugging at his arms to draw him near her as she leaned back on the carpet. “Come prove to me that you want only me.”
Lunging from the chair, James fumbled at her petticoats, freeing her from the cumbersome undergarments. As James entered the moistness of her body, the vision of Felicity that was so perfectly painted for him, remained fresh in his mind, until his hunger was satisfied. Upon fulfilling his desires, he lay lifeless across Lavinia, despising himself for allowing himself to be gratified by his wife, while lusting after another.
Lavinia struggled to free herself from under him and after successfully pushing him off her, she sat up, looking appalled at the sight of her husband.
“Well that was hardly worth the bother,” she had said disgusted, while arranging her torn undergarments.
Stretching for the open decanter, she had leaned against the chair occupied by James only moments earlier. Pouring another brandy, she then looked at the man before her in contempt. Raising her glass as if cheering him, she had said, sipping slowly at her drink, “You’re right about one thing, James. Things are different between us. I find you as loathsome as Benjamin once was.”
Hearing his wife say such words, James lay on the floor as anger and rage filled his tormented mind. No longer would he try to help his wife forget the past. It was his turn to lash out. The love he had once felt for Lavinia had now vanished. He had been unable to avenge her honor before, but he would avenge the marriage that had been taken from him. And as he lay there hating the life he was forced to endure knowing Benjamin went unscathed living a peaceful existence, James fell asleep vowing to rectify that.
Finishing her drink she entered their suite and went into her powder room where she looked into her reflection, and felt defeated. Nothing is going my way. Maybe it’s time to change my strategy. He wants sweet; well that is exactly what he’ll get! I can be just as sweet and wholesome as that tart Felicity, and that puritan Miranda, whom everyone adores. Then maybe I can manage to get some of that money he holds so tightly.
Tearing her dress deliberately, Lavinia stared into the mirror. Now James, live with the guilt of forcing yourself on your wife just as you think Benjamin did, you pathetic bastard.
As she walked to her dressing bureau to get a clean nightdress Lavinia smiled, leaving her torn dress where James would surely see it when he came to. How easy it is to be a poor helpless kitten. Now protect me, you shell of a man.
So deep in recalling the prior evening events in his mind, James barely heard Benjamin saying, “James, are you alright, old man?”
“Yes, I was just reliving the whole incident in my mind again. As I told you, our intimacy was consensual, never forced. The only sin I committed was seeing another in my mind as I had her, but it was not by force,” James said, omitting whom he had fantasized lusting over to be able to perform for her advancements.
Inhaling a deep breath, searching for the appropriate words to guide him, Benjamin asked, “James, was this other woman Rebecca?”
From the moment he had arrived, everything up to this point was a ploy to win his trust so that he could avenge his illfated marriage, until Benjamin had asked him about Rebecca. The guilt James felt regarding the way he had treated his first wife was genuine. Precisely why he had allowed himself to continue living such a hellish existence with Lavinia these past three years, telling himself daily he deserved such pain for the sins he had committed against Rebecca. So as he answered Benjamin, his reply was sincere.
“No. What I did to Rebecca, God rest her soul … the guilt of such unwarranted deeds against her and our marriage lay heavy on my soul, but it was not her in my mind.”
“Have you asked for our Lord’s forgiveness for the sins you committed against Rebecca and your previous marriage?”
“Countless times,” James said earnestly. “Rebecca deserved better and I failed her. She knew when we married I was in love with another, but she never questioned who … or why.”
“James, look at me. The heavy burden you carry with you daily cannot be masked with alcohol to alleviate the pain. The drink will destroy your very existence if you are not careful. God has forgiven you long ago, when you asked Him for forgiveness. So now you too must learn how to forgive yourself and carry on. We all have reminders of how imperfect we are, but the true test of a man is his inner strength. To learn by his past mistakes and move forward, is what God expects from us.”
Hearing Benjamin say that, he wondered if that was how he could live with himself, after he had done what he had done to Lavinia. James barely heard Benjamin continue.
“You and Lavinia have been brought together as husband and wife. You must honor this marriage and work at making it a strong and sacred union in the eyes of God. Have you addressed with Lavinia what you recall from last evening’s events, with the exception of seeing this other woman I mean? Not one of force, but that of consent?”
“Yes. This morning as she accused me.”
“And?”
“She supplied the dress and the torn pantaloons.”
“Well this does present a problem. If you are certain you did not force yourself on her, then you have only one thing to do and that is try to convince Lavinia of your love for her. No matter what it takes. Throughout our difficult past, one thing above all else that I was always certain of, was that you and Lavinia loved one another.
“You have just confessed to me, it was the love you felt for her that prevented you from being the husband you should have been to Rebecca. And from my own experience, from our short-lived relationship, I know it was you Lavinia desired, certainly never I.”
“Are you so sure though, that what we desired from one another was love, or lust?”
Such a candid question left Benjamin feeling awkward having wondered the same thing himself.
“Only you, Lavinia, and God know the answer to that. And even if that were the case, Lavinia is now your wife and you must make what once was wrong, right. Not by force or liquor as a shield to hide from, but rather seek the truth in your heart, and live your life as God intended, in peace with your wife.”
“That may prove to be difficult. I’m not sure I can do that alone.”
“James, you are never alone.” Benjamin smiled at him knowingly, adding. “God will be with you always. Lavinia is your wife, for better and for worse, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part. These words are not just said to make your marriage ceremony filled with sweetness. Those words were a serious oath that you agreed to take with God. You must obey this oath and do as He has intended, without hesitation or regret. With His guidance, you will reap the rewards. This I am certain.”
“I will try.”
“Good.” Satisfied that he had been able to assist James, Benjamin said, “Nothing in life that you value comes easy. I have painfully learned this lesson myself. But trust me James, just put your trust in Him and I am confident you will be blessed.”
A gentle knock at the door alerted both men to look in that direction. “And speaking of God’s blessing, if I’m not mistaken, I believe my dear wife has come to tell me it’s time for the noon meal. Which, I must lead our rather large family in prayer.” Standing, Benjamin shook James’s hand heartily.
“God be with you, friend.” Then turning his attention to the door, he said, “Come in.”
“Darling, sorry to disturb you … Oh, Mr. Sterling, how fortunate that you are still here. Cook told me of your generous donation to our needy cause. I can’t tell you enough just how much we appreciate this.”
James’s face turned crimson, remembering how he had found such pleasure fantasizing about her in his drunken state and sai
d, “I’m pleased that the tins will come of some use.”
“Good use? Surely you jest! Why single-handedly you have managed to feed our dear growing family for at least a week. How can I ever thank you enough? Please come and join us for noon meal, and meet some of the children, that is, if time allots of course?”
“What a splendid idea, dearest. This will give you a chance to meet Jessup and Christopher as well.” Turning to Felicity, Benjamin explained. “As it turns out James has agreed to take on both these lads as apprentices at his warehouse.”
“Why that’s wonderful. You really are our benefactor, heavensent, I’d say,” Felicity exclaimed, smiling fondly over at James.
“Now that is definitely a false statement, if ever there was one.” James, looked away embarrassed, thinking, If she only knew… .
“Now don’t be too hasty there James. God does work in mysterious ways.”
“Benjamin, that may be true, but I can assure this was a sheer stroke of luck. But in the future I’m sure to remedy that.”
Felicity looked on in puzzlement, but knew not to meddle in her husband’s work. “Well whatever the reason for your generous donation, I’m grateful. Please join us, before the soup gets cold.”
~
After the meal was finished, James met the two young lads and started to head back home just as Felicity was leading the children out to the courtyard for a brief recess before their afternoon session. Motioning to Miranda, who instinctively knew what she meant and took the remaining children outdoors, Felicity called to James, “Mr. Sterling …”
“Please Mrs. Myles, can we dispense with the formalities in the future, of using our Christian names? I’ve known you for many years now and I would hope you feel comfortable enough to at least consider me a friend.”
“Yes. Friends indeed.” Feeling rather peculiar and shy, Felicity forged on. “James … Thank you again for all that you are doing to help us.” Taking her hand again as he had at the wedding reception, he kissed it.
