“He was my first everything.” She looked up at me for a second. “When I was fourteen we were at a party. My girlfriends knew how much I wanted to be his girlfriend, so they planned a game of truth or dare. He thought that they’d dare him to moon someone, or eat something gross. He didn’t know that the dare would be to spend ten minutes in the closet with me.” She took another drink and shook her head. “I’d imagined kissing him for as long as I could remember, but when he came into that closet, I just froze. We were so close that our bodies were pressed together. I could feel his breath on my face and I just stood there. Ty grabbed one of my hands and told me that we could just tell everybody we made out. He said I didn’t have to do anything that I didn’t want to do. It was so sweet. I moved my lips toward his and kissed him. He never let go of my hand as we kept kissing and by the time the ten minutes were over, I just wanted to go back inside that closet with him.”
“So, there was a time when he wasn’t an asshole to you?” She’d told me things that he’d said to her. I knew he wasn’t nice when it came to Heather.
“Yes, he was nice. Ty was gentle and considerate. After that night, we made out a couple other times, but he wouldn’t ask me out. I was too afraid and only told my closest friends. When I finally got the nerve to do it myself, he showed up at school holding hands with Van. I was heartbroken and even went home from school sick. It devastated me. One day he was kissing me and then dating her the next. I spent hours making myself look beautiful every day and he dated a girl that looked more like a boy than a girl.”
I saw the jealousy pouring off of her as she spoke. “My friends kept egging me on though. They told me that Ty was just being nice to Van. They said he really didn’t like her. I believed them, so I wrote him a letter. I told him that I wanted to be his girlfriend. I waited three days to get a letter back. It wasn’t what I expected. He said that we could only be friends. He said that he loved Van and he wasn’t interested in me like that.”
“Let me guess. That’s when you decided to be the other woman? At age fourteen?”
She shook her head. “No, of course not! I cried for the first week, trying to hide my embarrassment from telling him my feelings. Nobody wants to hear the person that they love say they love someone else, even if we were just kids. For the next year, I tried to move on. All along I thought that one day they would break up and he would see that I’d been waiting for him. They had nothing in common anyway. He was the quarterback and I was the captain of the cheerleading squad. We were together all the time, but he never mentioned that letter. After every game I had to watch him getting a kiss from her. I watched him putting his arm around her and walking down the hallway with her holding hands. It never got easier, seeing them so happy when I was so alone. Each time he’d smile at me, I got my hopes up for nothing.”
“Why didn’t you just move on? I’m sure plenty of guys wanted to be with you.” I just didn’t get it.
“We lived in a small town. Everyone knew everyone. I was afraid that if I dated someone else, it would mess up my chance of being with him. There was that bro code thing and dating one of his friends would mean he’d never date me himself. I wasn’t willing to risk that. I needed to save myself for him, because I believed that one day we’d be together.”
“That’s pretty pathetic, if you ask me. You kept yourself from living, while waiting for someone that was unavailable.” She needed to see that. I hoped she wasn’t that naïve.
She wiped her eyes again and poured more wine. “I know. I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t stop loving him. I tried. It just wouldn’t happen. Anyway, after another year or so passed, we both ended up at the same party. Ty had been drinking and he was pretty out of control. Van, being the good little student and daughter that she always was, had gone home early. After he made a fool out of himself by starting a fight, I took him into a room and tried to calm him down. It just so happened that it was someone’s bedroom. It was dark and we were alone. He laughed about the situation, at first. There we were, alone in the dark, like we were years before, except I was the only virgin in the room. Ty had been with Van. When it happened the whole school talked about it. So, there I was, standing in the room, alone with the guy that I’d been in love with since the third grade. I’d also had a couple of beers, so my anxiety was non-existent. Ty wouldn’t shut up about Van, so to make him stop talking I kissed him. I thought that if I was just good enough, if I was better than her, he’d want to be with me.”
“So you slept with him? That’s pretty bold, Heather. You gave up your virginity to a drunk guy to try to steal him away from his girlfriend?”
I placed my hands flat on the table and smiled. “Yeah, I did. I really believed that.”
“So did your plan work? Obviously, it didn’t?”
“Nope! We had awful drunk sex and then he left. The next morning he showed up at my house. He was crying and begging me to not to tell anyone what had happened between us. He said that Van could never find out, because he couldn’t lose her.”
That sucks for her. “Wow. How did you take it?”
“Well, I was devastated and embarrassed. I’d let him deflower me and he still didn’t want me. So then I started thinking that he’d only felt that way because he couldn’t remember it. I promised him that I wouldn’t tell anyone, ever. Then I told him that if he ever wanted something more, I’d be there waiting. I told him it could be our secret.”
“He probably pounced on that offer. I know I would have at that age.” It was high school. All I thought about was getting laid.
“Nope! He hugged me, but told me that he couldn’t do that to Van. He said he just wanted to pretend that it never happened. My plan had backfired and I was left loving him even more. I was so envious of what they had. I wanted to feel that love that he felt for her. I obsessed over it.”
I laughed, not meaning to offend her. “So you became the stalker type?”
She laughed. “No. I didn’t have to. Ty liked to party. He liked to drink even more. At the next party, I came onto him again, thanks to some spiked punch. This time, he sobered up before we finished. As the sun came up, so did the rush of guilt. He paced around that room and begged me to keep a secret again. Since it was the only way I could be with him, I told him that I’d do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted it and it could be our little secret. I may or may not been naked when I offered.”
“So you figured out how to get him into bed again. That’s pretty good for being as young as you were.” She was a little firecracker. I’d seen pictures. Plus, I’d seen her naked. It was something that I could never turn down.
“I was desperate. The more I was with him; the more I wanted him to realize that I was who he should be with. I just wanted him to love me.” She looked sad and I could tell that she regretted her decision. I felt sorry for her, knowing that she’d done something so desperate just to be able to feel what being in a mutual loving relationship was like. The poor girl had been deflowered thinking it would make him love her. It was so damn pathetic.
“For the next couple of years I hooked up with Ty whenever he called. Sure, to keep us a secret, I’d dated other guys, but never been interested in them. I couldn’t be when my heart belonged to Tyler Mitchell.”
“Did he ever say he wanted to be with you?”
“Only when he was drunk. Each time he sobered up, he’d swear that he never said it. When we got into college, he was partying so much that he was out of control. I’ll never forget the day I found out Van had dumped him. He called me and was a crying wreck. Of course, I didn’t waste any time. I spent the night with him and we hooked up every night for the next week. I don’t know how she found out, but one night at a party she walked in on us. Ty was trashed, but went running after her. That was the night that he had his accident. It was the night where everything changed for me. I was so close to having him and she’d ruined it. She’d taken him away from me and I didn’t know if he was going to make it. I snapped!”
I
got up and grabbed a beer out of the fridge, before responding. “So evil Heather was born?”
“Yes. It’s when I lost compassion and replaced it with hate. My love for him overwhelmed me and I couldn’t imagine spending one moment in the world without him. I wanted to die myself. In fact, I considered it.”
“Think about what you would have given up. You wouldn’t have Jacob if you had ended things there.” I hated hearing her say she didn’t want to live. Her story was breaking my heart. I understood how a perfectly normal girl could lose her mind over such circumstances. It was horrible.
She nodded. “True, but I also would have saved a lot of people from suffering had I died. That night set everything into motion. My fear of losing him.”
Chapter 11
Heather
I could see that Jessie was feeling sorry for me. That’s not the reason that I wanted him to know the story. I just wanted him to know that I wasn’t always the evil bitch that I had become. He needed to know that I once had a huge heart. I just chose to give it to the wrong guy.
“Jessie, I will never forget loving you. What I feel for you is so much more than I ever felt for Ty. My love for him was based on desperation. Being with you is different. You make me feel whole. I’ve never had that before.”
He reached over and touched my hand. “I feel the same way. I knew it was real. Nobody had ever made me so crazy. I knew it had to be my dumb ass falling for you.”
Jessie looked right into my eyes. Wanting Ty to love me felt like such a long time ago. Jessie was real and he was slipping though my fingers. “Do you want me to continue tonight? We can talk more tomorrow?”
“I’m wide awake.”
“Fine.” I felt defeated. If he’d only give me more time, maybe I could feel his arms around me one last time. “While Ty was in the accident, I did everything I could to claim him as being with me. Then Colt came to town. All of the sudden, Van was spending less time at the hospital and more time in the arms of Ty’s cousin. I finally felt like I had a chance, if only he’d wake up. Then he did.”
“So she was already with his cousin? That’s crazy. Didn’t they know how pissed he would be? I’d kill my cousin if he fucked my girlfriend.”
“Technically, they were broken up. It didn’t matter. The moment he woke up, she was by his side acting like nothing had happened. When he finally was released to go home, his parents threw a party for him. That night he asked her to marry him. I was so sick to my stomach. After all that time, after her being with someone else, he still wanted her over me. Then about an hour later, she disappeared and he was all over me, thanks to pain pills and a few shots of liquor. All along I thought the marriage wasn’t going to happen. I think it was the next night that the truth came out. I got a call from Ty saying that he’d just caught Van and his cousin fucking in his truck. He was torn up over it. I will never forget the things he was saying about the both of them.”
“So were you an official item after that?”
I shook my head again. “Nope. We hooked up, but he was too upset to talk about a relationship. I wanted to give him time. He needed to get over her, so I could have him forever, so I thought.”
“Obviously, that didn’t work out for you.” He chuckled.
I laughed, but was terrified of the next part coming out. “He ended up going to Kentucky with Van. When he finally came back, he’d changed. He was cold and didn’t act like I meant anything to him. We’d still hook up, but he barely participated. He was just going through the motions.”
“What happened in Kentucky?”
“I have no idea. He never told me. I’d been over a couple times and heard him talking to his cousin, or whom I thought was his cousin. It was Miranda.”
“Wait? He said she was his cousin?”
I had to laugh. It was too hard for me to understand at first. “She is Colt’s cousin on his Mom’s side. Ty and Colt and related through their fathers, so Miranda has no relation to Ty.”
“Still seems fucked up!”
“Yeah. Anyways, after nearly a year of being just a fuck buddy, I decided to take things into my own hands again. I thought that if I gave him something he wanted, he would wake up. So, I got my roommate to agree to a threesome. We dressed in skimpy clothes and showed up at his place.”
“You never told me you had a threesome.” He seemed like he wanted a play by play.
“Calm down, cowboy. It never happened. It was close, but someone showed up at his door and everything changed. It was his cousin, with a little toddler. He pushed me out and welcomed the two of them. I thought he was just being a nice guy, but then they showed up at a party. I even had my friend Mike hit on her. Ty was on his ass and then the real show happened. I’d never seen him so jealous. The next thing I knew, they were all over each other, displaying their attraction for everyone to see.”
“He never mentioned them being a couple?”
“No. Then all of the sudden they were. She moved in with him and they got engaged. It all happened so fast. He pushed me out of his life like I never existed. I was so angry. I’d devoted my life and heart to him and he just threw it away, like I meant nothing.”
“Why didn’t you just throw in the towel and move on?”
“It was no longer about being with him. I wanted him to pay for what he’d done to me. He’d used me and threw me out like garbage. He’d called me a whore and let everyone know it. He’d taken every single moment that I cherished and acted as if it never happened. I just wanted him to feel what it was like. I wanted him to hurt. I wanted him to have nothing, just like me.”
“So this is when you went off the deep end?”
“Not yet. I did get him in trouble with Miranda, but she wised up and believed him.” I poured more wine and took a big drink out of it. I was closer to revealing the awful things that I’d done. I was moments away from losing Jessie forever. “Actually it was a while before I did anything else. I calmed down and started dating other people. I was trying to move on, but not doing very well with it. Then Ty showed up on my doorstep. He said that he needed my help. He said he needed my brother’s help, actually. What I’m about to tell you can’t leave this room. It’s illegal and could cost them a lot. I don’t want them to have to suffer anymore. Promise me, Jess.”
“Yeah.” He seemed so confused. “I promise.”
“Ty needed papers doctored saying that he was Bella’s biological father. He wanted my brother to forge a paternity test, so that he could have his name added to her birth certificate.”
Jessie froze and just stared at me. “Hold on, you’re telling me that bastard showed up here asking you to break the law for him? After everything he put you through, he wanted a fucking favor?”
I ran my hands over my face. “Yeah, he did.”
“That mother fucker! Who the hell does he think he is? You aren’t a fucking punching bag. Did he even consider your feelings? How could he come to you with that? Heather, tell me you told him no. Tell me you didn’t help him.”
Tears filled my eyes. This was it. This was where he would stop feeling sorry for me. This was where he was going to stop loving me forever. “I gave him a counter offer.”
“A what? You didn’t? No. Babe, tell me it isn’t what I’m thinking. After everything?”
“Jessie, I just wanted to be with him. I couldn’t help myself. I told him that I’d get my brother to help him if he’d sleep with me. I wanted him to be with me one last time. I wanted to be closer and I wanted him to feel guilty for cheating on his wife, all at the same time.”
He held his hand up. “That’s just wrong in so many ways.”
“That’s not how the story ends though. As much as he loved his wife, he couldn’t bear the thought of losing his daughter, that he’d considered his own. He said her life depended on it. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I just stopped rationalizing with myself. If he was willing to sleep with me, I was going to let it happen. I wanted him to be miserable.”
“S
o he agreed?”
“At first, no. He left, after saying a few choice words to me. It took him a while to come back. He showed up at my door in tears. It had been weeks, and I hadn’t heard a single thing from him. Then all of the sudden he’s at my door, saying Miranda left him.”
“Did she?”
“I was skeptical, so I decided to put him to the test. If he was telling the truth, then he would sleep with me.” I paused and stared at the empty bottle of wine. I needed more, much more. “Ty was willing to do whatever it took to protect his daughter. I should have called things off. Looking back, I know how wrong it was, but I did it anyway.”
Jessie leaned into the table, getting closer to me, like he was actually excited to hear. He would soon change his mind. Soon, he would learn the truth and think I was the devil, just like Ty and Miranda. “You slept with him, then?”
“Not exactly. You see, I think I knew he was lying about them fighting. He even pretended to have a phone call with her, but I wasn’t buying it. When he asked for a drink, I spiked it with a pill. I just wanted him to get drunk fast and tell me the truth. I wanted to catch him in his lies.”
“You could have killed him. As much as I really don’t like the fucker, he could have been allergic or had a reaction.”
I laughed. “Ty ate pain killers for dinner after his accident. I knew it wouldn’t hurt him. However, it did make him pass out. Then I had a choice. I could make him think we’d sleep together, or have someone pick him up and never talk to him again.”
He shook his head. I could tell he was disappointed. “Let me guess. You picked revenge, didn’t you?”
I nodded. “Yes.”
“Is this what you couldn’t tell me?” He reached over and grabbed my hands. “Because I have to tell you, I don’t blame you. He strung you on for a long time. Did he really think that it was okay? Obviously, he didn’t consider hurting you for all those years. It sounds like he didn’t even care about your feelings at all.”
Losing Him (Mitchell Family Series Book 8) Page 7
