by Lisa Cardiff
I focused on the television streaming the morning news across the room. I couldn’t look at him. I couldn’t take this anymore. Every morning and every night we had the same conversation. It was an endless loop, replaying over and over. “It’s only been two weeks. Can’t you give me time to process everything that’s happened? When I’m ready, I’ll talk. I promise.” I pinched the bridge of my nose and then whispered, “I’m trying. I really am. Don’t give up yet.”
He leaned his hips against the kitchen counter and sighed. “Okay. You’re right. I won’t push you. I promised we’d work through this together and we will.”
I lifted my cup of coffee to my lips, letting the steam curl around my face. “I’m sorry. I wish I could offer you more.” The last two weeks had passed in a blur of nothingness. Holed up in our small two-bedroom townhome, I went through the motions of living, but I felt detached from everything and everyone. Nothing seemed real anymore. I floated through life like a zombie…lifeless, brainless, and indifferent.
“I asked for a second chance. You moved back in. You’re wearing the ring.” He knitted his fingers through mine, lifting my hand, displaying the engagement ring he gave me two weeks ago. “But you can’t be mad at me for wanting more.”
“More?” My mind raced with the implications of his request. Could I give him more? I wanted to move on with my life, but was Evan the answer? I didn’t know. The thought of being intimate with him repulsed me.
He swiveled around and pinned me against the countertop. “Yes. I want my girlfriend back. I want the woman I’ve loved for the last four years back. I want to hold you. I want to kiss you. I want to laugh with you. I want to make you happy again. Is that so bad?”
I swallowed over the lump lodged in my throat. “I wish I could be her again, but I’m not sure it’s possible.”
“Anything’s possible.” He rubbed his hands up and down my arms. “But you have to get up every day and try.”
He was right. I barely left the house anymore. I went to the therapist twice a week. I ate dinner at my parents’ house every Sunday. That’s it. I took a leave of absence from school, and instead of graduating next month, I’d put it off indefinitely. Vera had been blowing up my phone every day since I stepped foot off the plane with Evan. I never answered her calls, but I did send her a text every day or two. I couldn’t face her yet. She’d want answers. Answers I wasn’t ready to give. Answers I might never be ready to give.
“Maybe.”
He leaned forward, his lips only inches from mine. My mind pleaded with me to push him away. Instead, I squeezed my eyes shut and forced my muscles to melt into him. I needed to let go of the past and move forward. That meant exploring if there was anything left between Evan and me. His lips brushed across mine. I balled my hands into fists.
I can do this.
I can do this.
I tilted my head to the side and parted my lips, pushing my limits, moving outside of my comfort zone. He tasted like coffee and toothpaste all mixed together. His tongue moved against mine, testing my willingness.
It’s not bad.
I’m not hurting anyone.
I’m not cheating.
Slowly, I uncurled my fists, breathing through my nose. My eyes popped open, and I studied his face. His eyes were closed. He looked relaxed…peaceful even. I counted to ten in my head. Eight, nine, ten…and that was all I could manage for today.
I turned my head to the side, breaking the kiss. “Stop.”
He backpedaled a few micro-steps and nodded. I wiped the back of my hand across my mouth, and he flinched as though I hit him.
“I’m sorry,” I said for at least the hundredth time in the last week. “I just…” My voice faded to silence, and I shook my head from side to side almost imperceptibly. “I don’t know.” How could I explain why I stopped kissing him? Why didn’t I want to kiss him? Sleep with him? I couldn’t, unless I revealed the whole sordid story of my abduction and how I still wanted him, the man who abducted me.
“No, it’s okay.” He smiled, his eyes dancing with mischief, and if I weren’t completely miserable and disgusted with myself, I would’ve savored his happiness and committed it to memory. “It’s progress.”
My shoulders sagged in defeat, and I repressed a long sigh. “Yeah, I guess. What are you doing today?”
“I have a few things to take care of at school, and then my mom and I are going to lunch.”
“Really?” Evan rarely spent one on one time with his mom.
“Yep. We have a party to put together, and you know how my mom loves to plan.”
“What kind of party?” I asked, my heart stuttering in my chest.
“It was supposed to be a surprise. My mom wanted it to be a surprise, but I don’t want you to panic.”
My eyes flared, and my stomach somersaulted. “A surprise?”
“My parents are hosting an engagement party for us next weekend.”
My mouth opened and then closed in rapid succession. The edge of my vision blurred. My knees wobbled, and I braced my elbows on the countertop so I didn’t collapse. My emotions seesawed up and down, but mostly down. Always and inevitably down.
“Breathe, Hattie, breathe.”
His words ricocheted through my soul like slivers of glass. “I can’t do it. I’m not ready,” I finally blurted out.
“It’s time, Hattie. Even your therapist agreed it’d be okay to take this step forward. You have ten days to prepare yourself to join the world of the living again. You’ll be fine.”
Panicked, I shook my head from side to side. “No,” I whispered, but it came out more like a groan than a word.
Evan moved forward, closing the space between our bodies. He grabbed my hands, but instead of feeling comforted, I felt like I was suffocating under the weight of his expectations.
“Hattie. I won’t leave your side the entire night. If you’re uncomfortable, squeeze my hand and we’ll leave. We can do this.”
“I don’t want anyone to ask me about Mexico. I can’t talk about it.”
“That’s fine. I’ll have my mom put out the word.”
A nervous laugh tumbled out of my mouth. “Evan, please, your mom can’t control every conversation.”
“Then you don’t know my mom as well as you think you do.”
I fell silent for a few excruciating seconds as I evaluated my options. I didn’t have any options. I was out of time. I couldn’t hide forever. “Okay. I’ll do it.”
Evan yanked my body against his, gathering me into a tight embrace. “Thank God,” he murmured next to my ear. “You’ll see. This party is going to be good for us. It’s the first step to taking our life back.”
I hoped like hell he was right because I couldn’t stand my life anymore. Something had to change.
Chapter Three
Ryker
“What in the hell are you doing here, Rever?”
I tossed my keys on the table in my entryway, and they slid across the empty surface, hitting the wall. My home wasn’t much of a home, more like a pit stop between jobs. After five years, I still hadn’t hung a single picture or bought one rug to cover the hardwood floors. In truth, I thought it was a waste of money and time. I hadn’t found a true home since I graduated from high school. I’d been too busy making a name for myself.
Rever shrugged and crossed one ankle over his thigh. He looked like a younger version of our dad, Ignacio Vargas. Dark hair. Dark eyes. A long, angular nose. Same height. Same build. If I didn’t know better, I’d think I had traveled back in time. He even moved his body the same way.
“I was out of options.”
“What made you believe showing up at my house was an option?” We’d never been on friendly terms. We’d come to blows more than once in our life. We were nearly the same age, but we had different mothers, and that made all the difference in the world. Rever was legitimate whereas I was a bastard. His legitimacy entitled him to everything the Vargas Cartel had to offer. My illegitimacy entitled me
to nothing. I didn’t even use the Vargas name except when I traveled to Mexico. In the United States, I was Ry Fallon. Fallon was my mom’s maiden name and the name on my birth certificate.
“The process of elimination.” He stood up and crossed the room. “I couldn’t stay in Mexico, and you’re the only other family I have.”
“Why can’t you stay in Mexico?”
“Don’t play dumb.”
I folded my arms across my chest. I hadn’t seen Rever in over three years, and I couldn’t claim I’d missed him. “I’m sure Ignacio will forgive you. He always does. This time won’t be any different.” My words were unintentionally bitter. I didn’t envy Rever. I never truly wanted what he had. The burden of leading the Vargas Cartel wasn’t something I’d wish on my worst enemy, and even with our never-ending feud, Rever didn’t qualify as an enemy. He was something in between.
Rever had caused more than his fair share of trouble in the last ten years. Rather than following in Ignacio’s footsteps, he barely showed a passing interest in becoming the successor to the Vargas Cartel. He overindulged in everything.
Drugs.
Women.
Gambling.
His arrogance landed him in a U.S. prison three months ago for money laundering, and I had to negotiate his release.
“I’m done with the Vargas Cartel. I don’t want to play by Ignacio’s rules anymore.”
I snorted. “You never played by his rules. That’s how you ended up in jail.”
Rever fisted his hands, and he smiled coldly. “You want to be the heir apparent for the Vargas Cartel? Well, you can have it. I don’t have any interest in killing people for perceived slights and smuggling drugs—”
“Exactly. You’re just interested in using the drugs and spending the money. You don’t want any of the responsibilities that go along with it.”
He snatched his black leather jacket off the back of a chair. “You’re right.”
I rocked back on my heels and narrowed my eyes. “Right about what?”
“I shouldn’t have come here.” His gaze drifted to the floor. “For some reason, I got it in my head that you’d help me, but apparently, I was wrong. You don’t consider me family. You never have.” Rever stuffed his arms into the sleeves of his jacket.
“That’s not true,” I growled. “I negotiated your release. I didn’t have to do it, but I did. I got you out of that prison. I could’ve walked away and told Ignacio to find someone else to help you.”
“You should’ve left me there. Ignacio is going to kill me.”
“No, he won’t,” I said with absolute certainty. Ignacio had done a lot of horrible things in his life, but he’d never purposely hurt his children. As much as he loved the cartel, he loved his children more—especially Rever. Sure, he’d make Rever pay for what he did, but he wouldn’t kill him.
Rever shoved his hands into his pockets. “Once he knows everything, he will kill me,” he said quietly.
I didn’t say anything for a drawn out second as I ran my hand down the side of my face. “Everything? What do you mean by everything?” I finally asked, pushing my apprehension aside. My sources confirmed Rever’s account of the events from the time he was arrested until he was released. According to them, he hadn’t revealed Senator Deveron’s connection to the Vargas Cartel, but what did I know? Sources lied all the time.
“Anna Alvarez is pregnant.”
“Am I supposed to know who that is?”
“Juan Alvarez’s daughter.”
My brows furrowed. “Juan Alvarez…as in the head of the Alvarez Cartel?”
He paled momentarily and then squared his shoulders. “Yes.”
Swallowing the dread inching up the walls of my chest, I shifted on my feet. “I’m going to ask the question, even though I think I already know the answer. Are you the father?”
“Yes.”
My blood ran cold. “Fuck, Rever. We’ve barely tolerated each other our entire life. Why would you come to me? Why do you think I can save you? I don’t have any influence over Ignacio, much less Juan Alvarez. My hands are tied.”
I didn’t want to deal with this. When I drove out of the Vargas Cartel compound over three weeks ago, I never intended to go back. I planned to sever every last string tethering me to that place. That world. That life. Negotiating Rever’s release from prison was supposed to be my last job for them.
“I need you to help me get Anna out of there.”
“What? How?”
“I don’t know. You abducted the attorney general’s daughter. Find a way to abduct Anna and bring her to me. I’ll figure out the rest.”
A laugh nearly escaped my mouth, but I bit my lip, stifling the urge. Rever was deadly serious. He actually expected me to fly back to Mexico, abduct a drug lord’s daughter, and smuggle her where? To the United States. It was fucking crazy. Bat shit crazy.
“Do you have any idea what is going on between the Vargas and the Alvarez Cartels right now? They are tearing each other apart as we speak. Dead bodies are piling up. The feud has even made its way into the U.S. newspapers a few times.”
“I understand what that means better than you do.” He rubbed the back of his neck as he paced back and forth. “I’ve lived that life for almost thirty years. Do you know how much blood is on my hands?” His voiced cracked on the last word.
I shook my head. “Ignacio protected you from that side of the cartel. He never made you kill anyone.”
A shadow crossed his face, and he paled. “Not with my hands, but I did it with my words too many times to count. Why do you think I ran? It was for her. For our child. I refuse to continue the cycle.” He shook his head slowly back and forth. “The Vargas Cartel will not claim my child.”
“Why now? Since when do you give a shit about anyone but yourself?” I’d heard the stories. Rever had a gambling addiction and a recreational drug problem. So many women had drifted through his life over the last ten to twelve years, he probably didn’t remember a third of them.
He tugged on the collar of his shirt. “Since I met her. She changed everything. She changed me.”
My eyes flickered to the window behind him. A couple of months ago, I would’ve laughed at his words, but not anymore. Not after Hattie. Hattie had infected my mind and poisoned me with her smile and golden eyes. She changed me, but I hadn’t decided if it was a good thing. In my line of work, attachments complicated everything.
“Fine. I’ll help you,” I murmured as I plopped down into a chair in my living room. Even as I said it, I knew I’d regret getting involved in Rever’s life. Nothing good would come out of this, and if I abducted Anna Alvarez, everyone would know. The border between the U.S. and Mexico wouldn’t mean a damn thing if the Alvarez Cartel traced her disappearance back to me. I’d be as good as dead.
“How fast can you do it?”
“A month, maybe two.”
“No,” Rever yelled. “It has to happen within the next week or two.”
“Things like this take planning. I can’t just snatch her from Alvarez territory and put her on a plane. I need to know her habits, her friends’ habits, her family’s habits.”
Rever slammed his hand on the back the chair. “I can give you all the information you need.”
“I need a viable plan or she won’t make it out alive.”
“I have to get her away from her family and out of Mexico before she starts showing.”
“How long is that?”
“Fuck. I don’t know. One to three weeks. Not long.”
I glanced at my wristwatch, then shook my head. I didn’t have time for this tonight. “I don’t know if I can pull it off. Are you planning to stay here tonight?”
“I can’t go anywhere else. In case you forgot, I’m not exactly a welcome visitor in the U.S. I need to keep a low profile.”
I cocked my head to the side. “How did you get across the border, anyway?”
“The border is more porous than it has been in years, but to answer your que
stion, I used a drug smuggling tunnel from Sonora, Mexico to Naco, Arizona. Once I made it to Arizona, I borrowed an associate’s car.”
My eyes narrowed. “Borrowed or stole?”
Rever lifted one shoulder and dropped it. “The details aren’t important.”
“Out of curiosity, how much does it cost to smuggle someone across the border these days?”
He smirked. “We charge thirty-five hundred to smuggle a person on foot, and eight grand using loaded eighteen-wheelers. It’s easy money. The Vargas Cartel made about six million dollars smuggling people over the border last year, and it diverts law enforcement’s attention away from our drug smuggling activities.”
“How’s that?” I asked, even though I didn’t want to know. The depravity of the drug smuggling business stopped surprising me years ago.
“You leave a group of people on the river bank or an open area where border patrol can easily find them. They draw all the attention while the drug smugglers slip over the border undetected.”
I stood up and headed for my bedroom. “I have to get ready.”
“Where are you going?”
“I have plans,” I answered without glancing over my shoulder, suddenly feeling older than I had in years. Once again, I was being sucked into a life I wanted to leave far behind. I should’ve shoved Rever out the door or called the authorities and had him arrested, but I wouldn’t do it. Ignacio had drummed the need for family loyalty into my head for as long as I could remember. As much as I wished I could abandon them, I wouldn’t.
“Don’t you think you should cancel and spend the night strategizing with me?”
“No. I have an engagement party to attend.”
“An engagement party? For who?”
“Hattie Covington.”
Rever’s dark eyes narrowed into glittering slits, and his mouth pressed into a firm line. “You’re playing with fire. This game is going to blow up in your face.”
“Don’t you think I know that?”
