Choppy
Desk Surfing Series Book Two
by Davila Eggert
© 2016
Fam. Friends. Fans. Thanks so much, now as always.
Choppy
Chapters
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter One
"There's such a thing as too much for you. And there's such a thing as too much for me. But there's no such thing as too much for us," said Jessie. I didn' t know what to say. I felt like I had screwed up royally and there was my girlfriend Jessie saying I got your back. It was nowhere near her fight but she held that space, that we were friends. I hugged her and she held on to me. I'm glad she saw the look on my face and believed me when I asked can we go? She turned to the bartender and told him to close out the tab on her platinum account.
I felt ashamed because my fault has always been my jealous streak. I guess it's why I was so fond of Mallory back in high school. She had me beat in every category that counted. I recognized that early on, so I gravitated toward her. It made no sense to make her my competition. But my jealous streak wasn't only my weak link. It was my dominant instinct. I could size a bitch up. That was how I got in with Mallory. I couldn't beat her so I joined her. But it was why I felt comfy around Jessie. I sized her up early on as well, she wasn't competition. If she and I liked the same guy, he was mine. Our boobs were nearly the same size but the tie went in her favor. But she was chubby, at least for a Chinese chick. Hooking up with a chubby girl was like drinking a virgin daiquiri. You were just there for the thing and didn't want to waste much time or money.
I always got the feeling I was Jessie's Mallory. I got the feeling that she wanted to be like me the way I wouldn't have minded being a bit like Mallory. But it was in being part of a clique that your individuality makes sense. Cliques are defined by their membership. As long as you're a member, your individuality counts for something.
"We have two more days here," said Jessie, "That's official but it doesn't have to be. If you want to leave now let me know."
"This is OK. It's a thing like this that makes me need to get away. Why get away from a getaway?"
The room was a double-queen. Our beds were in an L-shaped pattern one against one wall and one against another.
I felt dry in the mouth and in the throat. I felt some palpitations in my jaw. It wasn't the side-to-side frost-bitten teeth grinding. It was the up and down tongue tapping. It came and it went. I thought it was gone before I heard what sounded like a cat noise. The lights were out, which made the noise the only thing I had to go on. I felt the motion disturbance in the sheets. It was confusing. It didn’t feel dangerous but it wasn’t comfortable. The size and shape of the body was familiar. So was the smell. It was Jessie. She slid under the sheets as if she wanted to sleep. I didn’t move at all. I thought she didn’t want to let me sleep alone. We had shared a bed before on some away track meets, sleeping four to a room. But it was just the two of us. It made the experience register. I forgot we shared a bed before until that moment. But we were sharing a twin, small and comfy. Then I was made uncomfortable. She kissed me. She backed off. But she didn't go far. Her nose was still touching mine. It was point break. If I wanted to detached, it was open for me. But partly out of curiosity, I just held still. I didn't feel powerful enough to move. I felt like there was no floor beneath me. And I needed a floor if I was going to stand up for myself. The only other option was to be there and be kissed. A kiss is what it is. There’s no concern in a kiss. The aftermath is what you have to worry about. But I had more aftermath on the horizon. It completely drowned whatever thoughts I had about letting another woman kiss me, let alone Jessie.
She came back, back with those lips. They were soft, well taken care of. There wasn't a crack on her lips from chapping. My eye were closed and it was dark. But I could feel her lips making an effort. Her pressure was firm but not hard. She tilted her head to the right and gave my lips another press of hers. She pecked every part of my lips and then her lips held on to mine. Her tongue pierced my mouth and she started to massage me sub-lingual. I never has someone play under my tongue. It wasn't exactly pleasant but it wasn't unpleasant. It almost made me gag until I stopped focusing so much on it and relaxed. It didn't go on long. Maybe Jessie realized something. She pulled her tongue out of my mouth but she didn't withdraw her lips. She pressed her lips hard against mine long enough for my lips to feel numb and nonexistent. Then she took herself away. She didn't look at me she just rolled over in the bed.
It was odd. I expected her to say something. And she wasn't asleep but she just laid there with her back turned to me. She had a bed too. But she didn't go to it. It was almost cat-like. Jessie, who had always been so down-to-earth, became this enigmatic creature that didn't speak. But at the same time she seemed to be manipulating the entire environment. It would have been off-putting but for the fact that I always understood who she was. Jessie was a kind soul. And she was loyal. It was enough. Aside from that, I didn't question what she was or wasn't. I knew some of the guys she dated so I wasn't ready to declare her a closet lesbian. Maybe it was something deeply psychological, something Freudian. Maybe she was trying to replace all the boyfriends that had left me, cheated on me or the one that came out as gay on me. Maybe she just wanted eyes on her, a reminder that she had been with me through all of it. I rolled over and left my eyes open or they stayed open. Either way, they wouldn't close. I just lied there for a long time until my eyes got heavy. It seemed like heavy was the word because my eyelids lowered the boom, I could feel Jessie's arm weighing down over me. She tucked her hand under my hip and it made me feel un-alone. And like that, I was able to fall asleep.
It was only our first night of two in Kaua’i and it was as new to me as the resort itself. When I woke up, Jessie was already up and the smell of cinnamon was in the air. I knew she wasn't still lying next to me but I talked in a soft voice, as if she still was.
"What is that smell?"
"Coffee," said Jessie.
"Smells like cinnamon."
"Affirmative," said Jessie.
"You put cinnamon in it?"
"Negative," said Jessie, "It's this mix they sell here. All the ingredients are fresh, including the coffee bean. Then they grind it all together in front of you."
"That sounds interesting."
"Award-winning," said Jessie, "They've got like accolades on the wall at the cafe."
"Really?"
"Want some?" asked Jessie.
"How can I turn it down? It's won awards and all."
"My thoughts exactly," said Jessie.
"No don't bring it to me. I need to get up."
"I'll tell you what?" said Jessie.
"What's up?"
"You go take a shower because you have to brew this stuff hot," said Jessie, "I'll leave it sitting out for you and by the time you finish showering it should be the right temp."
"Thinking ahead."
"Gots to," said Jessie. I took myself to the bathroom and closed the door. The feeling was guilt. It hit me. Then it took a moment's break. It felt like a prank. I didn't understand my own sentiment. And I couldn't ask anyone, obviously. And I didn't feel comfortable enough around Jessie anymore. Then I realized that was it. The fact that I was locked in the bathroom. It made me feel more comfortable. There was a door between Jessie and me. The guilt came from the fact that Jessie was a good person and a great friend. She forgave me for distancing myself from her during college. That's why
I told myself I wouldn't let distance happen again. But there I was feeling OK with the space between us again. I showered like preparing for battle: face; hair; front; back; cracks. It was close to ten minutes but not quite. I came out of the shower in a towel. I followed my rule not to do breakfast in my day clothes. It would suck to spill award winning coffee all over my tank top.
When I came out of the bathroom there was a lonely cup of coffee on the table in a maroon mug. Relaxed steam was beaming up from the surface, which meant it wouldn't burn my mouth. My view from the bathroom gave me a clear view of the kitchen and the kitchen table. The beds were along the wall of the bathroom. I couldn't see them. And I couldn't see Jessie. It made me freeze for a second. And it made my mind run from the practical to the ridiculous. At first, I thought maybe she was going to ambush me from behind and rip my towel off. Quick visions of her pacing back-and-forth naked came into my mind. I quickly tried to block them out. I turned the bathroom light off, without brushing my teeth. Maybe my morning breath would keep her away. But that wasn't the real reason. I always liked to taste my coffee in the morning, not mint and flouride.
I didn't see Jessie as I came out of the bathroom. The only place she could be was behind me. That sent a spark from my tailbone to the top. I just minded my own business and walked toward my coffee. I eyed Jessie on the sofa in the living room on the far left wall. She was all the way over to the left, which is why I couldn't see her. I guess she was trying to give me as much space as she could. Being on the far left end of the sofa was about as far away from the kitchen table as she could be and still have a seat. The only place further would have been my bed, which she and I both knew would have made her a board certified creep. I just aimed for my cup of coffee. Things seemed to move from one second to the next with no real pacing. I took a sip.
"It's good."
"I'm glad you like it," said Jessie, "That's why I got it. Specialty coffee and all."
"Thank you."
"I know everything's upside down," said Jessie, "Sometimes when it rains, it pours."
"Especially in Hawaii."
"That's for sure," said Jessie, "I just wanted to ask you how you're feeling and I wanted to ask you, well, is there anything you want to say about last night?"
"Just a question."
"Sure," said Jessie, "Go right ahead."
"Have you ever done that before? I mean is that something you enjoy or is it, like, something that just happened?"
"It just happened. I guess," said Jessie.
"What do you mean I guess?"
"Well," said Jessie, "Remember back in college, when you were at Manoa and I was at HCC?"
"Yeah."
"We did kinda drift apart," said Jessie, "You would admit that."
"Of course I would. That’s what happened."
"You're in college," said Jessie, "First time away from home, even though we were both on the Island, you stayed in the dorms and my dad got me a place. So long as I went to school on the Island, he said he'd get me a place."
"Isn't that the same place you got now?"
"It's the exact same place," said Jessie.
"Ok."
"Well," said Jessie, "I guess that was my discovery period. You know, like, back when you're just a toddler and everything is worth your attention and worth exploring. And your parents have to put those little protectors over the electric sockets because you always wanted to stick things in them."
"We all did that."
"True," said Jessie, "We all did. But in college we all did different things."
"You're saying you were hooking up with girls."
"No," said Jessie, "Well, I did but it wasn't like one after the other or anything. I had sex with just three girl my entire time at HCC."
"But I came to your birthday party and there was that guy, Garlic, or something."
"Gerick," said Jessie.
"Yeah, that Irish-Hawaiian fucker. That was your boyfriend though, right?"
"Yeah," said Jessie, "Officially, but I mean...”
"He was hot."
"He was," said Jessie, "But he was just another one of those wave-ridin' bros. You know the type that we all thought were the deal when we were in high school. They're just like. Hey, I surf come to the beach with us. And then they expect that when you see how buff they are and they have a six-pack, they can just take you back to their shaggin' wagon, drop their board shorts and be like, here's my dick. Looking back on it, how impressed were you with the guys you dated in high school?"
"Looking back on it?"
"Yeah," said Jessie, "That's all we can do at this point."
"Right, right. Well, I mean we were all boy crazy back then so we can't really judge ourselves too harshly. We were easily impressed back then. But we now know a little bit more about what we want..."
"Just a little," said Jessie.
"A smidget, no more." Jessie laughed.
"But I guess I wouldn't say I was impressed by any of the dudes from high school. As long as we're on the subject, I wasn't really that impressed with college guys. They were like high school boys but read a few more books. They tried to represent themselves a little more academically speaking. But in my experience, it was much like high school. But instead of saying here's my dick, they would say here's my sometimes Freudian; sometimes agnostic dick." Jessie laughed even harder.
"I remember how you used to crack me up in high school," said Jessie.
"I used to crack everyone up in High School."
"No argument there," said Jessie.
"But you know what?"
"What?" said Jessie.
"We liked the high school boys. And we accepted the high school boys. We knew they weren't men yet..."
"Some of them still aren't men," said Jessie.
"Accurate. But you know we had the bar set low. They were cute but they were boys. And we knew that. And we didn't care."
"Yeah," said Jessie, "I guess that's where I was in college. I just kept expecting the men to show up. And I got tired and bored."
"But let's operate on a principle."
"What principle?" asked Jessie.
"When you say man, what do you mean? I mean my mom thinks gay guys aren't real men, which is bullshit but..."
"I'm talking like my dad but loyal," said Jessie.
"What does that mean?"
"It means he takes care of what's in his fiefdom," said Jessie, "Including his wife."
"Fiefdom?"
"Yeah," said Jessie, "Ok, my dad would never mention this, being of Chinese extraction, but he's a huge admirer of Japanese culture, especially feudal Japan. You had a shogun, who was a feudal lord. And depending on how rich he was, he had his own feudal army of samuarai. The samuarai would kill themselves if they let something happen to their shogun because the shogun took care of them. The samaurai lived on his land. They ate food from his land and he paid their expenses. If they let him die then they fucked up royally and they didn't deserve to live."
"You think the samaurai were real men? Is that what you're saying?"
"Yeah," said Jessie, "I'm not all about death and dying. But they had ideas and they held to them. Just like the shogun, he didn't just walk around like a boss. He was an actual boss. He hired samaurai to guard the people living on his fiefdom, not just himself. He took ownership of what's his. Most guys don't even take ownership of their own manhood, that's why they're always trying to give it to us." I laughed.
"So you just got tired of waiting for reality to match the idea?"
"No," said Jessie, "I just didn't see anything wrong with the idea. I mean, I couldn't see why dudes couldn't do it. Just have lines and do your best not to cross them. And if you cross them accept it, like the samurai. I had a girlfriend at HCC who had this boyfriend a little over a year and she got a text message for a break up. The fuck is that? That's like a samurai faking his death because his master was killed. I just can't understand why dudes can't understand when they owe something to someone."
> "Can we?"
"I will say I'm no expert..." said Jessie.
"But?"
"But I'm not complaining about my relationships with girls as much as I'm complaining about my relationships with guys," said Jessie.
"So would you call yourself lesbian or bisexual?"
"Neither," said Jessie.
"You consider yourself straight?"
"I don't consider myself anything," said Jessie, "I feel what I feel. I like what I like."
"And you like me?"
"Obviously," said Jessie, "Does that make you feel uncomfortable?"
"Just a wee bit, yeah."
"Don't take it out of context. It's not really sexual," said Jessie.
"Then why did you climb into bed with me and kiss me?"
"Proximity," said Jessie.
"What proximity?"
"I think we're all wanting love of some sort but how do you see it. What is it?" said Jessie.
"What is love? Baby don't hurt me!"
"I'm being serious," said Jessie.
"Ok, tell me. What is it?"
"It's how you define it," said Jessie.
"Are you saying you define love through proximity?"
"That's what it is to me," said Jessie, "If you love me why be so far away from me. If I love you why would I keep my distance. Like Yessica, she was so pissed that she dated that dude for over a year and he texted her from a party to call it off. There was just no proximity. That was a year of her life, surely it meant something to him."
"It probably did."
"But yet at the end, it was so passive. Like two cars sitting side-by-side at a stop light," said Jessie, "When that light turns green they may never be that close again. And there's no recognition of that. It just is."
"What's that got to do with samaurai and all the things you were talking about before with the shogun and what not?"
"Everything," said Jessie, "It's about proximity. The shogun is the boss of his fiefdom. What's a fiefdom? It's proximity. If someone lives on your fiefdom, you protect them. If someone comes into you fiefdom, you let them know who's who and what's what. If there's conflict outside your fiefdom you don't pay too much attention. But when it gets closer to your fiefdom, you have no choice but to pay attention. That's why I don't understand spending a year of your life with someone and then breaking up with a drunk text."
Choppy (Desk Surfing Series Book 2) Page 1
