by Andy McNab
‘To be frank, sir, I wanted the boss to learn what can happen if an officer ignores his sergeant’s advice.’
‘I could get Corporal Kasanita in here to tell us how he saw Second Lieutenant Chalfont-Price behaving towards Dave,’ suggested Iain Kila. ‘He’d be a very reliable witness.’
‘That’s not necessary. I will personally have a word with St John and explain that he must take advice when it’s offered …’ The major stopped, suddenly, and sighed. ‘Well, Dave …’ His tone was changing. Dave watched the commanding officer’s face. The man did not meet his eye. ‘There’s something I hadn’t planned to tell you. But I think that now I must.’
The major’s voice was low. He leaned back in his chair, staring at the ceiling.
‘St John Chalfont-Price is the nephew of Lord Goodwich of Brough. You may be aware that the Government’s current defence review is being conducted under the guidance of Lord Goodwich and he will be the author of the final report, which is expected at the end of this year. I need hardly tell you the importance of this report to all three armed services and, of course, we are particularly concerned about the army. When St John Chalfont-Price, who is very close to his uncle, entered Sandhurst, there was jubilation. It was generally believed that he might have some influence, however indirect, over his uncle’s view of the army. We were honoured, therefore, when he was placed in our regiment.’
The major stopped looking at the ceiling now and instead fixed his eyes directly on Dave.
‘I chose you, Sergeant Henley, to be his first sergeant. I chose you for your many qualities, qualities which I felt demonstrated everything the army stands for. I wanted young St John to talk to his uncle about his experiences. You have a great ability to support and train the new officers who command your platoon. Everyone knows you worked wonders with Gordon Weeks. I hoped that you would do the same for St John Chalfont-Price. I felt that, if you could succeed, the army as a whole might benefit.’
He stopped talking. Dave and the major stared at each other.
‘No pressure then, Dave!’ said Iain Kila cheerfully.
‘Did you know this all along?’ asked Dave, turning to him.
The sergeant major grinned. ‘Yup!’
Dave remembered the Land Rover crossing Salisbury Plain and the first time Chalfont-Price had addressed the men so badly and how Kila had defended him.
Dave looked at Major Willingham again. He felt miserable and happy at the same time. Happy because his platoon had been chosen. Miserable because it had been chosen for Chalfont-Prick.
‘Seems I’ve screwed up, sir,’ he said at last.
The major looked gloomy.
‘We’ve got to try to retrieve the situation without compromising on any of our high standards. It’s a question of how well he’s managed from now on.’
‘With respect, sir, I don’t want the safety of the platoon endangered because we’re trying to impress his uncle.’
‘All right, Dave, you don’t have to say that. We don’t want anyone coming back in a body bag: not St John, not anyone. We’ll be doing our best to support the situation but it’s essential you develop a strong working relationship with him. I have thought about moving him to another platoon …’
Good idea. Hand Chalfont-Prick over to some other poor bastard, Dave thought.
‘But …’ continued the major, ‘the best solution is you, Dave.’
Dave’s heart stopped thumping and sank an inch as the major gave him a winning smile: ‘You have got to find a way to deal with him.’
Chapter Thirteen
JENNY WAS SUDDENLY surrounded by children peering at the box which looked like a book. As though they had all sensed at the same moment that something was up, they had gathered around her, even the ones who just a moment ago had been galloping up the stairs.
‘What’s that?’ demanded the eldest Kasanita child, reaching out to touch the box in Jenny’s hands.
‘I’ve been on a bit of a treasure hunt myself,’ confessed Jenny, hoisting Jaime higher on her hip and staring at the box.
The children pushed closer against her.
‘So what’s this, Jenn?’ asked Adi.
‘Well, Dave hid a present for me to find while he was away. With a clue. Which I couldn’t solve … and I think I’ve just cracked it.’
Adi’s eyes filled with tears. ‘Oh Jenny Henley, you are married to a lovely, lovely man!’ she said. Jenny looked at her in surprise.
‘Well, how many other men in this camp do you think leave presents hidden for their wives?’ demanded Adi, sniffing.
‘What was the clue?’ asked the eldest Kasanita boy, a tall, sweet-faced child.
‘He said it was between the medicine and the wine. So I was looking in the kitchen and the bathroom …’
‘Ha, he meant the books on medicine and the books on wine! Clever!’ shrieked Adi. She was capable of crying and laughing in rapid succession and even at the same time. ‘He made it look just like a book! That Dave of yours is so clever!’
‘Open it!’ yelled all the children, including Vicky. On Jenny’s hip, Jaime, sensing the excitement, raised her arms and waved them like a conductor.
Hoping that the box did not contain skimpy underwear, as Dave’s boxes occasionally did, Jenny gently prised the lid open. It was almost impossible to complete this manoeuvre with only one hand and the eldest Kasanita boy helped her, pulling it open to reveal something which looked dangerously like underwear. Except that it wasn’t. Jenny reached into the box and pulled out a piece of fabric: green and beaded and made of the softest silk which had been easily folded to the size of a book but now fell out into the shape of a dress.
The children and Adi let out a communal sigh of wonder. Jenny felt tears pricking behind her eyes. Adi was right. She was married to a lovely, lovely man.
‘Oh Jenny,’ breathed Adi. ‘It’s beautiful!’
There was a card, which Jenny read quickly and put into her pocket. That at least would remain private.
‘It’s for the party in London,’ she explained.
‘Oh, put it on now so that we can see you!’
Adi had taken the dress and was holding it as though it was made of the finest gossamer which could easily split.
‘No, not now!’
But all the Kasanita children and Adi and Vicky and even, in her way, Jaime too, shouted: ‘Please! Please! Try it on!’
So she handed Jaime to Adi and went upstairs and once again the dress slipped over her hips and came to life.
The children exclaimed when they saw her and Adi’s eyes began to water again.
‘Mummy is a beautiful princess!’ Vicky announced proudly.
‘I’m not thinking about what Dave paid,’ Jenny told Adi. ‘I saw this when I was out shopping with Leanne and I wouldn’t buy it because it cost so much. Leanne must have told Dave about it …’
‘I’m phoning her now to tell her to get right over here!’ yelled Adi and before Jenny could stop her she was tapping on her mobile. Within a few minutes Leanne was there with the twins, smiling knowingly.
‘Looks even bloody better than it did in the shop, Jenn,’ she said, adding a mechanical ‘Sorry, Adi!’ at the end of the sentence. Everyone else tried not to swear in front of Adi, who was a devout Christian, but Leanne just swore and apologized.
Ethan, staring, asked: ‘Why is she wearing that funny clothes?’
Leanne told him: ‘That’s the kind of clothes ladies wear to parties when they’re tall and slim like Jenny Henley.’
‘But when did Dave buy it?’ Jenny asked.
‘I rang him almost as soon as we got out of the shop. Remember, the assistant put it aside for us and then I dragged you all the way across town to the outsize shop? That was so we wouldn’t bump into Dave when he was buying it.’
‘Oh!’ said Jenny. ‘I’ve been tricked!’
Leanne looked pleased with herself. ‘I didn’t tell a soul! Not a soul, not even Steve! Ring Dave and tell him you’ve found it!’<
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Adi glanced at her watch. ‘No, not now.’
‘Why, what’s happening in Brecon?’ asked Leanne.
‘Dave’s got a meeting with the major.’
‘How do you know everything?’
Adi just looked mysterious. Suddenly Jenny felt silly, standing in her glamorous dress in the untidy living room with mothers in ordinary clothes and children counting butter beans all over the floor.
‘Is Dave in trouble?’ she asked cautiously.
It seemed even Leanne knew the answer.
‘He let the new platoon commander get lost and march them all over bloody Wales, sorry, Adi, in the middle of the night when Dave knew the way all along. And then Si Curtis in 3 Section broke an ankle and had to be casevaced out. And Gayle too.’
Jenny did not know what to say. She just knew she wanted to get out of the green dress, endangered by the sticky fingers of the smallest children, who wanted to touch the beads. She realized how she had taken Dave’s popularity for granted. Evidently people were criticizing him now, and it made her feel unsure of herself. She wanted to defend him but wasn’t sure how to – since Dave hadn’t phoned to tell her what had happened.
‘No, Leanne, you’ve got that wrong, I think,’ Adi was saying. ‘Dave tried to tell the platoon commander and he wouldn’t listen.’
As she went up the stairs, Jenny heard Leanne reply: ‘Well, according to Steve, some people are saying he didn’t try hard enough.’
‘Sol said—’
Jenny paused on the stairs.
‘Listen, they’re wrong but that’s what they’re saying. Steve got so furious with one bloke who was going round saying Dave’s in trouble that he nearly started a fight.’
‘Steve’s a good mate of Dave’s, isn’t he?’
‘Dave got Steve back out to Bastion and as far as Steve’s concerned, he walks on water and he’s ready to kill anyone who says a word against him …’
Jenny closed the bedroom door. She slipped the dress off and, hanging in the wardrobe, it turned once again into a beautiful shred of beaded fabric, lifeless without her body to animate it. She sighed and went downstairs.
‘No one’s asked me about my job interview,’ said Leanne.
Adi and Jenny stared at her.
‘Oh, it was today! What happened?’
Leanne’s face broke into a wide smile.
‘Girls! You are talking to the new assistant at the Market Street Bakery!’
She erupted into an ungainly dance routine, grabbing the nearest child to partner her.
‘Well done, Lee,’ said Jenny, beaming at her friend.
‘How many applicants for the job did I say there were, Jenn?’ Leanne was still dancing, although breathless. ‘Was it about two hundred?’
Jenny smiled. ‘Not far off two hundred.’
‘I told them I wanted to develop customer relationships to ensure customer loyalty!’ Leanne said. ‘How good did that sound?’
‘Brilliant,’ Jenny assured her.
‘And I said that it’s important to me to share my passion for good food!’
‘Also brilliant,’ said Adi.
‘I’ll have to learn to pronounce the names of all that fancy bread. Ci-a-batta. Fo-cac-cia. Bacon But-ty. God, I hope I get the change right.’
‘When do you start?’ asked Adi.
‘Next Tuesday at nine. It would have been Monday but Steve’s going that day and they were very understanding. Can I leave the boys at eight so I can get myself ready?’
‘Of course, darling. They can have breakfast with us if you like.’
‘This is the beginning of the new me! I’ll have some money all of my own and I’m going to get my hair done for the party anyway. Then I’m going to start losing weight. Steve’ll get back from Afghanistan and he won’t recognize me!’
‘What you doing?’ demanded Angry. He had pitched up by the Land Rovers to go to Donnington to find Finny crouched down beside one, his fingers dirty.
‘Just been having a look at these tyres,’ said Finn. ‘Does this one look flat to you?’
‘No.’ Angry climbed into the Land Rover. ‘C’mon, let’s get going.’
Finn glanced behind and saw Angry’s rifle. He remembered the conversation with Mal and Binman and how uncomfortable they had looked when he had joked that Angus might want to shoot someone. And he had only been joking.
‘OK, she’s been on night exercise with some other company but she’s filled up and she’s ready to go.’ Finn turned the key.
Angry said nothing. They set off. Finn, who had spent much of his life on the road, looked contentedly at the way the hills swelled up to the distant horizon and the clouds seemed like a continuation of the landscape. The vehicle veered occasionally because he was staring at the view, or because he was reaching for his cigarettes.
‘For Chrissake!’ growled Angus every time Finn took his eyes off the road. Finn handed him a cigarette and Angus did not thank him, just smoked it moodily and threw the butt out of the window with unnecessary violence. His face was haggard. His expression was grim. Yes, thought Finn, Angus McCall was a big angry bear today. There was certainly something on his mind. Finn had been planning to fish around until he found out what Mal and Binman were so worried about but now he thought he wouldn’t. He decided just to let things happen.
After about forty-five minutes, the Land Rover began to splutter. Angry looked alarmed.
‘What the fuck’s up?’
Finn shrugged. ‘These old Land Rovers keep going no matter what.’
The Land Rover stopped as he spoke.
‘Shit! Shit!’ shouted Angry.
Finn was calm. ‘Chill, big man. These are simple machines and Billy Finn is a master mechanic.’
‘Well, get on with it!’
Finn stopped and put his head on one side. ‘Why are you so keen to get to Donnington?’ he asked. Angus looked away from him. Traffic whizzed past them and each car rocked the Land Rover as though they were at sea. ‘What’s so fantastic about this bird that you’ve got to see her?’
‘Just get on with it!’
Finn opened the bonnet and peered at the tubes and plugs which were hidden inside. Angus came to look as well.
‘Smells oily,’ he said.
Finn got a rag and tested the dipstick, turning it this way and that way in the light.
‘Hmmm …’
Angus erupted. ‘Don’t tell me she’s got no fucking oil!’
Finny turned on the Land Rover and it spluttered reluctantly into life. Then died again.
‘Ah.’ Finny pulled up the dashboard cover.
‘Ah fucking WHAT?’ roared Angus. ‘What does “ah” mean?’
‘Ah, the oil light’s been on but I couldn’t see it because I didn’t take the flap up off the dashboard …’
‘What! The oil light’s been on all this time?’ Angus sounded desperate.
‘It was covered up. For night manoeuvres.’
‘Well, why the fuck didn’t you take it off?’ roared Angry.
Finn raised his eyebrows.
‘Why the fuck do you always carry your medipouch on your left hip?’ he asked calmly, going back to the bonnet and sticking a hand into the Land Rover’s greasy innards. His words halted Angry.
‘I don’t,’ Angus said at last.
‘You do. Should be in your Osprey by your right hip, mate. Now there’s a little mistake which could cost you your life.’
Angus was silenced again.
‘Hmmmm. Oil everywhere here,’ reported Finny. ‘Something’s leaking.’
‘What?’
‘Could be anything. I’ll have to call base …’ Finny was reaching for his phone.
‘But if all we need is more oil …’ Angus looked around desperately. The hills were lower here and the landscape softer but they were in the middle of nowhere. The next petrol station was probably miles away.
‘We can’t just pour in more oil or it’ll all leak out again five miles down the road,’
said Finny, switching his attention to whoever had answered his call. Angus watched his face as he spoke.
‘OK, mate. All right. Yeah, not a problem. OK. Yup.’
‘Well?’ demanded Angus breathlessly.
‘It’s going to take them a few hours to get to us.’
‘A few hours!’
‘That’s what he said. Maybe three. So let’s get some kip while we wait. After last night, we both need it. In fact, I’d say, looking at you, that Angus McCall is more in need of a kip than a shag.’
Angus’s face was so shadowy he seemed to have black eyes. His jaw hung. His brow furrowed. His cheeks sagged.
‘Course,’ Finn continued cheerfully, ‘you might still have time to get to your bird, depending on where she lives.’
Angry was looking at his watch.
‘We won’t get to Donnington until nearly five o’clock! That’s too late! Now I’ll never do it before we leave for theatre!’
Finn settled back in the driver’s seat and closed his eyes.
‘Do what?’ He sounded uninterested.
Angus did not answer the question. Instead he shouted: ‘Oh shit! Oh fuck! Why didn’t you pull back the cover and look at the oil light?’
Finn ignored him, as though he was already asleep. Angus reached across and grabbed him by the collar. ‘You lazy shit, do you know what you’ve done? It’s nothing to you, is it, waiting here for three hours? But it’s really, really, really fucked me!’
Finny opened his eyes halfway. They were angry slits in his face. He said, hissing through his teeth: ‘Get off me, mate, or you’ll regret it.’
Slowly, Angus released his collar.
‘Sorry you can’t see your bird,’ said Finn, his voice returning to normal. ‘She must be one hell of a woman. But you’re here to train. Shagging’s nice if you can get it but training comes first. Now shuddup so I can sleep.’
‘We’re just sitting here by the side of the fucking road. For three hours. We’re not training, we’re not shagging, we’re not doing nothing! And I had things I wanted to do.’
Finny closed his eyes again. Angry’s plans, whatever they were, had been completely scuppered by a loosened sump nut. His last thought, before he went to sleep, was that Mal and Binman owed him a pint for this. No, make that pints.
