He grinned. “When do we have to leave?”
“Soon. Annie’s upstairs putting her swimsuit on under her clothes. How long will it take to put up the decorations?”
He shoved his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. “I don’t know. I’ve never attended any of the local celebrations.”
To cover her shock, she turned away and stirred beans that didn’t need stirring. “Oh. I assumed you and Sara and Annie…” Great. She should have kept her mouth shut. The last thing she wanted to do today was bring up Annie’s dead mother.
She waited for Jake to make a quick escape. But she didn’t hear the familiar clomp and stomp of his boot heels against the linoleum. Only silence filled the kitchen, stretching her nerves taut. She chanced a peek over her shoulder. Head bent, Jake studied the tips of his boots, a frown marring his handsome face.
He breathed deeply, then exhaled slowly and lifted his head. “Sara was nervous around people. We avoided public places, shopping, eating out.” He shrugged. “There’s always something that needs to be done on a ranch, so it didn’t matter to me one way or the other if we socialized much.” He removed his hat and hung it on a peg by the door. “Maybe that was the wrong thing to do. Maybe I should have forced Sara to leave the ranch. Maybe I should have driven Annie to see the fireworks.” The muscle along his jaw bunched. “Maybe I should have done a lot of things. But I didn’t.”
Madeline wasn’t sure how to respond. Going with gut instinct, she set the lid on the pot, then went to him. A wary look entered his eyes when she laid her palm on his cheek. “You can’t force someone to do something she doesn’t want to.” He opened his mouth to object, but she cut him off. “If you’d picked her up and set her in the truck and taken her places she’d only have grown to resent you for it.”
“But I was her husband. I should have known what to do. What she needed.”
Madeline wondered how much time Jake would need to stop beating himself up over his dead wife. She wrapped her arms around his dusty torso and tucked her face against his gritty neck. She inhaled the familiar scent of sweat, horses and outdoors, all of which she’d come to associate with security and comfort. And Jake.
He was a complicated man. She was just beginning to understand what made him tick. Desperately, she wanted to be the woman who could help him forgive himself and move on with his life.
She lifted her face to his and waited, hoping he’d accept the kiss she offered. He hesitated a moment before dipping his head and capturing her mouth in a warm caress. His arms came around her and dragged her closer. This kiss was different from any of the others they’d shared. There was nothing sexual about it. It was a kiss of comfort, of caring and sharing. Their lips gentled each other’s for a long time; neither she nor he were in any hurry to end it.
Eventually, they had to breathe, and she lifted her mouth from his. “Don’t blame yourself for the past, Jake. You were there for Sara. You were always there for her.”
A stark look glazed Jake’s eyes, and he flinched at her words. The muscle beneath her fingers tightened and his face became an expressionless mask that scared her more than the desolate expression in his eyes moments earlier.
“You were patient and kind and you stayed, Jake.”
His whole body seemed to turn to granite. Save for the slight rise and fall of his chest, he remained motionless.
Desperate to ease the agony tearing him to pieces, she gripped his arms tighter. “You could have left your wife. Walked away when the going got tough, but you didn’t. You took your vows, your commitment to her and your marriage, seriously.” When he still didn’t speak, she nuzzled her face against his chest and hugged him hard. “You’re an incredible man, Jake Montgomery. Any woman would feel proud to have you as her husband.” Especially me.
Her heart ached with love for the big cowboy. She wondered if he had any idea how special he was. She had to find a way to show Jake he was exactly the kind of man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. To have children with. To grow old with.
But now was not the time. Today, she wanted everyone to have fun. Attempting to lighten the mood, she lowered her hand to his backside and squeezed one firm bun. “Get a shower, cowboy. The wagons pull out in twenty minutes.”
His smile didn’t reach his eyes. “Yes, ma’am.” He kissed her cheek and ran a hand over her hair. “Thank you, Maddy.”
She soaked in the contentment his soft touches always made her feel. “For what?”
“For today.”
Her throat threatened to swell shut. “You can save your thank-you for later tonight.”
The shadows left his eyes and his old grin was back. “Yes, ma’am.”
AS FOURTH OF JULY picnics went, this one wasn’t so bad, Jake thought as he watched the line for Maddy’s beans grow longer by the minute. He figured that in about one hour the smell of skunk would be more welcome than the stink of a hundred cowboys with their bellies full of baked beans. A nasty buzz sounded near his ear. He whipped his hat off and swatted at the horsefly.
Trying to find relief from the sweltering afternoon sun in six inches of shade, he shifted to his right. The damn tree was over one hundred years old and had more dead wood on it than leaves. But he wasn’t about to wander off in search of a cooler spot when he had the best view of the bean table from where he stood and could also keep an eye on Annie.
Several yards away, a play area had been set up for the kids. His daughter stood ankle deep in a plastic play pool, splashing and giggling and having fun with several girls her own age. The realization that she’d missed this event year after year partly because of him sat in his stomach like a big, heavy boulder.
He swallowed back the rising knot in his throat. He’d dealt with Sara’s death by throwing himself into ranch work. It was all he knew to do. And he’d pretty much ignored Annie, leaving her with the housekeeper day in and day out. Not only had he failed Sara, he’d abandoned Annie when she’d needed him most. And why? Guilt.
How could he face his daughter when he was to blame for her mother’s death?
Right then, Annie glanced his way and waved. He smiled and waved back. He’d sacrifice anything and everything for his little girl. That Annie was a happy, loving little person despite Sara’s death amazed him. He believed somewhere deep inside him that God had brought Annie into the world for a reason. He believed the world was a better place because his daughter was in it.
Watching her play with other children made Jake more determined than ever to see to it she had friends over to the house more often. And he’d look into those dance lessons she was always talking about. There would be plenty of time for that after Maddy left.
And Maddy would leave. He had no doubt that by the end of the summer she’d become bored with country life. Maybe even bored with him. She’d be ready to return to her corporate job and her corporate friends. Her corporate life.
A guffaw from near the buffet tables set up along one side of the square grabbed Jake’s attention. He noticed several things at once. The line for Maddy’s beans had grown to twenty in number. Harriet Blecker’s sixteen-year-old niece, who manned the coleslaw table nearby, had no customers and appeared ready to claw Maddy’s eyes out. Deputy Karl had positioned himself at the far end of the table and proceeded to direct traffic through the line. And Maddy looked…beautiful. Actually, stunning was a better word. Her ponytail was askew, her T-shirt had bean stains on it and the lipstick she’d applied in the truck on the way to town was gone. Yep, she was stunning.
Jake felt kind of funny observing the other cowboys ogle and flirt with Maddy. He wasn’t used to men giving his woman the once-, twice-, all-the-way-down-and-up over. The prick of jealousy aside, pride nudged its way into his chest, making him feel like a puffed-up rooster. He wanted to cut through the crowd, grab Maddy by the back of the neck and haul her up against him then kiss the daylights out of her in front of God and everyone. Must be a guy thing, he figured. He was proud that the vivacious redheaded, be
an-ladling woman belonged to him. For the summer, anyway.
“Oowee. Ain’t she somethin’?”
Embarrassed to be caught daydreaming, Jake cleared his throat and nodded a greeting to Coot. The old man ambled toward him, balancing a plate with a piece of fried chicken drowning in a pool of beans between his knobby fingers.
“Tourists keeping you busy at the store this summer, Coot?”
“Making ends meet. If they hadn’t put that blasted interstate through Cutter’s Creek five years ago I’d have retired by now. As it is, only folks who get lost end up in Ridge City.” He motioned to the lawn chair next to the tree. “Mind if I sit a spell?”
“Heck, no. Have a seat.” Jake didn’t feel like sitting but grabbed the other lawn chair Madeline had insisted on bringing along today. The least he could do was visit with the old man while he ate. He didn’t know Coot that well, but he’d heard his wife had died over fifteen years ago and he’d never wanted to remarry. Jake didn’t think he had any kids, either.
“The bride came by with yer young ’un a while back. Prettiest little thing and growin’ like a weed.”
“Annie’s a good girl.”
“Next time ya come to town, bring her by. I always have a few surprises for the little ones.”
What would it hurt the next time he came to town to drop in and check on Coot? “I’ll do that.”
A sparkle lit up his wrinkled face. “Annie and the bride sure hit it off.”
Jeez, would people ever stop referring to Maddy as the bride? “Yeah, the two girls are always cooking up trouble at the ranch.”
Coot chuckled, then turned his attention to the plate of food in front of him and chowed down on the chicken leg.
Jake took the opportunity to study Maddy again. She lifted her hand to brush aside a loose strand of hair from her face. She was becoming more disheveled by the minute, and he couldn’t help but think she must be tired from standing in the sun all afternoon. But her bright smile turned cantankerous old farts into drooling fools.
At first, he’d thought she was just being nice. But after two hours of watching her interact with others, Jake realized she was genuinely enjoying herself and the people around her. If he hadn’t witnessed it from afar, he’d never have believed a city woman like Maddy could have fun at a small-town picnic.
“How’d them skivvies fit on her?” Coot grinned, his cheeks puffing out with food.
Jake thanked his stars he didn’t have any food in his mouth or he’d have choked at the question. He wondered how far the old man’s loose tongue had spread the news of Maddy’s special purchase from his store catalog. He eyed the cowboys standing in the bean line. Were they hoping to catch a glimpse of her lacy bra or panties?
“I suppose it ain’t none of my business.” Coot sounded glum.
“That’s right, old man, it isn’t.”
Undaunted, Coot flashed a toothless grin and went on. “I convinced her to get the black. She wanted the red, but I said they’d clash with her hair color.”
Jake shifted on the chair, uncomfortable talking about Maddy’s unmentionables with a man old enough to be her grandfather.
“Heard Roy and Roger makin’ bets on ya ’n the gal.”
“Bets?” No use pretending he didn’t know what gal Coot was referring to.
“Roy bet ten bucks ya’ll haul the bride off to Vegas before summer’s out. Roger says ya won’t.”
Jake frowned. He didn’t much care for people speculating on his and Maddy’s future. Besides, he had a feeling Vegas was the last place she’d want her wedding. He should keep his mouth shut, but curiosity and male pride reared its ugly head. “Why doesn’t Roger think I’ll marry Maddy?”
“Says she’s too fickle. Figures she’ll git bored ’n hightail it outta here before summer’s out.”
Well, heck. That wasn’t anything Jake hadn’t considered himself.
“Now, if ya was to ask me, I think the bride fits in real nice ’round here.”
Jake couldn’t argue there. She acted more at ease behind the bean table than most of the locals who were born right down the road. Heck. He’d lived here over six years and he stood off by himself, while Maddy, who was a stranger to most folks, talked up a storm with everyone around her.
While Coot finished his meal, Jake tried to envisage Maddy dressed in business attire, hair in a tight bun, giving a sales pitch before a group of men in a conference room. But picturing her face serious and stern was hard. Since he’d met her, she’d shown more emotion than any woman he’d ever known. He’d seen her cry, laugh, pout, smile and more. She was full of life.
Coot thumped him on the back, startling him. “Yes, sirree, ya got it bad, son.” The old bugger chortled.
Jake shifted in the chair, not sure he liked Coot seeing through him.
“Ya best give some thought to makin’ an honest woman outta the bride.”
The hairs on the back of his neck stood up. “Are people talking, Coot?”
“Kit Harper’s sayin’ yer givin’ the bride the honeymoon she missed out on.”
Jake wanted to kick something, preferably Harper’s butt. In his mind any man who went around claiming to be named after Kit Carson was an idiot. Hauling off and punching the daylights out of all the dummies smearing Maddy’s reputation with lies was damned tempting.
But they aren’t lies, a voice inside his head taunted.
The hayseeds could joke all they wanted, but unless he said so, they’d never know for sure if he and Maddy were sleeping together. Wrong. There was no way in hell any man would believe Jake could live under the same roof with a woman as beautiful as Maddy and not touch her. Or at least try. He hated to believe her living in his house had compromised her reputation. But it had. Jake wished like hell he had the right to defend her honor. You’d have the right if you married her.
Marry Maddy for real? No. No matter how much he might want to spend the rest of his life with her, his past got in the way of the future.
“So ya gonna marry the gal?”
Jake started at Coot’s question and wondered if he’d spoken his thoughts.
But didn’t all guys think about marriage at least a little after having mind-blowing sex with a woman? No man wanted to lose a good thing. Still, a good marriage needed more than just great sex to last. He knew first-hand a marriage could survive without it.
Trust played a big role in a happy marriage. Sara had trusted him. And he’d failed her in the worst possible way. He sure as hell didn’t want to go down that road again. Especially with a woman like Maddy.
The day he’d found Maddy tangled up in his barbed-wire fence she’d started patching the hole inside him, filling up the empty space with her smiles, touches, words. He tried to look ahead to a time when she wouldn’t be there, and didn’t like what he saw.
“Best watch it. Some young feller’s gonna snatch her right out from under yer nose.”
Aside from her being physically attracted to him, Jake wasn’t totally sure of Maddy’s feelings for him. He believed she cared for him. Was tempted to think she cared deeply. He knew for a fact that she wasn’t the kind of woman to sleep with a man unless her emotions were involved.
But in the back of his mind he had to take in account that she didn’t have a lot of experience with men. He’d gathered from Annie’s comments that Maddy had led a sheltered life. And even though she acted as if she was over her ex-fiancé, Jake had to consider that she might still be hung up on the guy.
How nice it would be if he’d wormed his way into her heart and she couldn’t live without him. Not that he thought for one minute he deserved such devotion. And he had to keep things in perspective. Even if Maddy did have deep feelings for him, nothing could come of them. He wasn’t good enough for her. “Has Maddy ever talked about her plans for the future, Coot?”
Jake wondered if Maddy ever thought about the future and he’d been in those thoughts. She never mentioned her career. Never said if she was looking forward to going back to h
er job. Never talked about her friends. He didn’t even know if she kept in touch with her father. He tried to feel offended that she hadn’t shared her plans with him, but how could he, when he hadn’t even taken the time to ask her those questions himself?
The old man shook his head. “Nope. She seems mighty confused, if ya ask me.”
Confused? Jake didn’t think so. Frustrated, maybe. He sensed it bothered Maddy that he wouldn’t talk more about his marriage to Sara. If he didn’t care so much for Maddy, he might share more of his past. But the idea of spilling his guts to her scared him spitless.
Jake knew that after Maddy heard what he had to say, she’d never look at him again with the same sweet, innocent expression on her face. He didn’t want to see disgust or fear in Maddy’s eyes. Not after what they’d shared together already.
How do you know if you don’t give her a chance?
He glanced toward the food tables and caught her watching him. His chest tightened. Every time she looked at him with those expressive green eyes all soft and glistening he believed he could conquer worlds, move mountains. Sometimes he even believed he could bury the past.
Later tonight when he was buried deep inside her, he’d confess his feelings for her. He’d tell her how she eased the hurt inside him. She deserved more than that from him, but that was all he could give her.
And when the end of August came, he’d find the words to make her understand that what they’d shared this summer had meant more to him than anything else in the world. Then he’d set her free.
A bead of sweat slid down his temple. God help him if he couldn’t find the courage to let her go.
“CAN WE SEE the fireworks?” Annie asked, tugging on Madeline’s belt loop.
Madeline put down the wet rag she’d used to clean off the picnic table and scrutinized the little girl, laughing gently. Ketchup stains dribbled down the front of her flower-print T-shirt. Dirt smudges decorated both cheeks and a small scrape covered her left knee. Chocolate ringed her mouth, her pigtails were askew and she was missing one sock. She was adorable. Annie had had a wonderful time today and Madeline was fiercely thankful she’d convinced Jake to attend the town’s celebration.
The Cowboy and the Bride Page 16
