by Remy Rose
God, I can’t wait to make love to her again. But after her reaction, I don’t know when—or even if—that will be.
I can’t bear it if the first time I was with her is also going to be the last.
Sweat starts to trickle down my back as I run. There’s an attractive, college-age blonde in a hot pink sports bra and black spandex shorts, jogging on the treadmill beside me. She keeps glancing over at me, and when I see her looking down at the console, I study her face. She looks familiar. And then I remember. She’s Cassandra's friend, the one who was at Bull Feeney's the other night.
Does she know who I am? And if so, how much does she know?
The hot pink this girl is wearing reminds me of Olivia Malstrom. I’m glad and relieved that the two of us were on good terms when she headed back to Connecticut Friday afternoon, and equally glad and relieved that Liv seems to understand there is no romantic future for us. We’ll hopefully keep a good relationship as business partners.
The girl is looking at me again, her short blonde ponytail bouncing up and down with her stride. I give her a quick nod, and she smiles. So. I’m apparently not an enemy in her eyes. That’s good.
The timer on the treadmill is ticking down to its final seconds. I slow down to a brisk walk for the cool-down, feeling both invigorated and calm as I take a long drink from my water bottle. The blonde is slowing down, too, pressing the buttons of her machine. I walk for a few more minutes, stop the treadmill and get off, heading for the rack of disinfectant bottles. Grabbing a bottle and a towel, I spray down the machine and wipe it dry. I can feel the blonde's eyes on me as I go back to the rack for a fresh towel.
Turning around, I wipe my face and neck and toss the towel into the bin. The girl is approaching me.
This ought to be interesting.
“Hi...it's Carlo, isn't it?”
“Yes. And you're...”
“Cassandra's friend, Teal.”
We shake hands.
“I was going to apologize for the sweaty handshake, but I guess we're in the same boat.” She laughs, tightening her ponytail. “I saw you at Bull Feeney's Thursday night.”
“Yes, I remember. Have you talked with Cassandra lately?”
“I'm having her over for dinner tonight since it's her night off...well, it's technically take-out. I don't cook.”
“I can relate to that. I don't really cook so much as heat things.”
Teal's face brightens, as if she’s seeing a side of me she didn’t expect. “Exactly. Hang on a second, would you? I need to wipe down the treadmill, lest I violate any gym rules.”
She walks past me to get a spray bottle and towel. I’m trying to figure out what I should say. I definitely want to find out what Teal knows. And if she has any words of wisdom for me.
When she comes back, she’s looking up at me with an expression that looks almost like an invitation. Okay...so she’s expecting me to ask. And I will.
“Teal...I realize we don't know each other, and I wouldn't want you to betray any confidences, but...” I trail off.
“But...you're wondering what Cassandra's told me, right?” Her blue eyes are dancing, and I can see a faint blush color in her cheeks. “I've heard that you're quite, um...convincing. And looking at you, I totally get that. Totally. Obviously, I can't say much, but I will tell you that Cass and I have talked, and I know about that—that game thing you were into.”
That “game thing.” Jesus. A horrendous choice on my part, reduced to a casual term for something that was catastrophic for Cassandra and me.
“Look, Carlo—I don't want to make you feel awkward. I've been known to engage in some kinky things myself.” She winks. “You seem to get what a shitty thing that was, and I think what can save you is that you—” Her voice drops to a murmur. “You know, that you couldn't go through with it.”
Thank God. Some hope, here. “No. I couldn't. I was trying to make myself do it, though, so I could prove that Cassandra was just like the others. But obviously, she isn’t. And like I told her, no one was ever supposed to see that video.” I want to try and make Teal understand. “I wish I could take back what happened. I regret what I did more than I can put into words. I only hope that Cassandra can forgive me.”
Studying me closely, she folds her arms across her chest. “You're in love with her, aren't you?”
“Hopelessly. Or maybe I should be more optimistic and say, hopefully. It's taken me a long time to admit it to myself, but I couldn't keep ignoring what she means to me.”
“Don't give up on her, Carlo. Cassandra is still hurting and confused, but she's crazy about you. I know her, and I can tell. But she's the only one who can allow herself to let go and let you in. I'm a pretty good judge of character, and it seems like you're sincere. Plus, you've been trying like hell to make it up to her these past few months, and that definitely counts for something. I'll put in a good word for you tonight when she comes over for dinner.”
“For take-out,” I correct, grinning. “Thank you. I appreciate that more than I can tell you. And Teal,” I add, “she's lucky to have a friend like you.”
“Damn right she is. I make sure she knows it. I'll hopefully see you later, Carlo. It was good to talk to you.”
I watch her walk over to the weights. I don’t know what I did to deserve this chance encounter, but I’m feeling damned fortunate to have had it. I go to the locker room for a shower, remembering again what Cassandra had said.
I'm afraid of you, Carlo, and the feelings you create in me.
I had been afraid of that as well. Terrified, honestly. But I let go of my fear. And I hope that one day very soon, Cassandra will be able to do the same.
chapter thirty-two ~ Cassandra
“I have two announcements to make, and then I want you to tell me about Friday night. As in, everything.” Teal points at me for emphasis.
We’re in her apartment. I love her kitchen—warm and cozy with dark walnut cabinets and cherry red countertops, filled tonight with the scents of French vanilla candles and hot Chinese food.
I open up the container of spring rolls. “Okay. I mean, okay to your announcements. I'm not sure I'm going to tell you everything about Friday night.”
“We'll see. Anyway...my first announcement is that I'm on a swearing ban.”
“A swearing ban? Somehow, I'm having trouble picturing how that would go.”
“Garrett and I were talking on the phone just before you came over, and I may or may not have dropped the f-bomb about a dozen times. He bet me that I couldn't go for a week without using profanity. So of course, now I need to prove him wrong.”
“A week? Jesus, good luck with that.”
“Thanks for your support. I'm going to try gosh-darned hard to keep it clean.”
“And your second announcement?”
Teal opens the silverware drawer and takes out serving spoons, looking at me somberly. “I talked to Carlo.”
“What? When? Where? And why?”
“I like your alliteration. Very impressive. It was totally unexpected and unplanned to see him...I was working out at Gold's, and he was there—using the treadmill right next to me. I would have spotted him across the gym, though, given the fact that he stands out like a Greek god amidst a sea of flabby moms trying to lose the baby weight, and muscle-y college boys strutting around trying to hold up their egos.”
“Nice. What did you talk about?”
“You, of course, nugget. His face got all serious and earnest, like he was really pining for you...it made me wet, honestly.”
“For Christ's sake.”
“I'm serious. He is so fuh—” Teal quickly corrects herself. “Fuh-lipping gorgeous, but there's more than that, as I'm sure you know. I didn't expect him to be so...what's the word...soulful.”
I busy myself with spooning vegetable lo mein onto my plate. This is getting to me, and I don’t want it to.
“He is really sorry, Cass. And he's hurting. He misses you.” She sits down on a bar stool, reach
es out for my arm. “Listen. I know we've talked about this before, but now I'm even more convinced you should give him a chance.”
“I kind of did. When he came over Friday night, we—we had sex.”
Teal's fingernails sink into my arm, her eyes comically huge. “Holy shiitake mushrooms—and I just made an amazing save there—you did? Oh my God. Was it incredible? I mean, how could it not be?”
“It was. The best I've ever had.”
“Was it like just really fabulous sex, or was it more than that?”
“It was more.” So much more. Which is the whole point.
“So making love, then.”
“Yes. You probably aren't going to believe me, but I was just planning to hear him out and get some sort of closure for both of us.”
“And did you? Or were doors opened?”
I shift on my stool. I’m not sure I want to share that Carlo used the L word. “It's complicated. Mainly because Carlo is complicated. I guess I shouldn't have expected for all the loose ends to be neatly tied up after this one time. He told me a little bit about how he'd hurt someone in his past, and it was his fault, and somehow that led him to want to view women as objects in a game, to be played with and let go. But he said he couldn't do that with me.”
“Because he fell in love with you.”
A jolt in my chest. “How do you know that?”
“He told me.”
I might as well admit it. “He told me, too.”
“He did?”
“Right after we made love—he, um...said he loved me.” Just the words meeting the air cause tingles to rocket through my body.
“Oh my fuh—reaking lord, Cassandra! How am I just hearing about this now?”
“I guess I've just been trying to process it myself.”
“And what's the verdict?”
“I still don't know how I feel.”
“Did you say it back?”
“No. I was just way too overwhelmed. He ended up leaving soon after that.”
“Reluctantly, I'm sure. Nug, you know how you want to follow your passion with the equine management thing? Maybe you ought to use that same philosophy with your love life—with Carlo.”
“I don't know if I can. The feelings he stirred up in me—my God, Teal, it seriously scared the shit out of me. I don't know if I can do that to myself. I don't want turmoil. I want calm, and safe.” Tears spring to my eyes.
She’s at my side in an instant, hugging me tightly. “Aww, my little Hostess snack cake! I didn't mean to make you cry. I just want to make you think. And I want you to be happy.”
“I know.” I sigh. “I have other stuff going on. There's also the issue with my father. He sent me another card.”
“Besides the Christmas one?”
“Yes. It was a 'thinking of you' card. He wants to get together for dinner.”
“Are you going to?”
“No. Ughh, I don't know. I have so much on my mind. Everything just feels all fucked up.”
“Then unfuck it. Hey, I just made up a cool word. But God damn, I just swore, didn't I? Shit, there I go again! Oh, fuck it...I can't do this. I'm built to swear. Good thing Garrett loves me, anyway.” She plants a kiss on my forehead. “So I guess you have some thinking to do and decisions to make. You don't need to rush into anything. But maybe one day you'll be ready to take that risk—to let go and see what's buried beneath all the fucked-upness.”
I shake my head in exasperation, balling up my napkin and throwing it at her. Leave it to my BFF to get me laughing through my tears.
After stuffing myself on Chinese, drinking a couple glasses of Yellowtail Moscato and sharing some details about Friday night, I’m in better spirits as I hug Teal goodbye, promising her that I’ll think about everything and keep her posted.
The January wind lashes at my cheeks as I walk outside. I pull my hood up and approach my car, hitting the unlock button of my remote at the same time I hear the low roar of another car’s engine as it comes to life. It’s across the street, its high-beam headlights obscenely bright and obtrusive as they bear down on me.
Okay, you can switch those off anytime now. Some people are just so inconsiderate. The person is just parked there, right across the street, as if he or she has nothing better to do than to watch—
Shit. This is very familiar. Could this be the same person who followed me before?
I climb into the Malibu, hoping my body language won’t convey the uneasiness I’m feeling, and hoping that the uneasiness is unwarranted. I start up my car and put it in reverse, shielding my eyes from the intense light.
Backing out of Teal's driveway, I drive down the street. The car is close behind me, high beams still on in a persistent, silent blare. Teal lives in a quiet neighborhood of lots of older houses. If I keep turning off onto the different intersecting streets, I’ll know for sure if this person's intent is to follow me.
Without using my blinker, I take the next left. The car behind me does the same. At the Garrison-style home on the next corner, I make a right. Then just past the next house, another right. The car continues to follow.
I’m just about to reach for my phone to call Teal and have her drive over when up ahead, at a small blue ranch, I see a good number of cars in the driveway and lining the curb. There are lights on in the house and people standing in the windows—it seems to be some sort of party. I make a quick decision to stop here, seeing as it would be unlikely for this creeper to do anything with all these potential witnesses.
Pulling sharply in front of an SUV, I slam my car in park and jump out. Anger gives me courage; I am done being intimidated by this asshole.
My stalker stops his car on the road about twenty feet behind me, the engine purring. Squinting in the headlights, I start waving my arms, not caring that I look like an idiot—not caring about anything except getting this person the hell away from me and making it known that I’ve had it.
“Hey! Here I am! Come get me, if you want. Why don't you get out of your fucking car and show your face, coward!”
And then, in a bolder move which surprises even myself, I add, “But I think I know whose face I'd see...Brock.”
I’m trying to figure out my next move when the vehicle starts creeping forward, picking up speed as it approaches and goes roaring past me, just as I jump up onto the snowy curb. I’m able to get a glimpse of the car as it speeds away—it appears to be a dark BMW SUV—but I can’t see the full license plate number.
Trembling, I go back to my car and get in, quickly locking the doors. There’s actually no need to see the license plate. I know who it is. But his intentions—this is another matter.
Driving out of the neighborhood, I’m still shaking, no longer thinking about headlights, but cold, green eyes.
chapter thirty-three ~ Carlo
Gianna sips her Long Island iced tea under her floppy hat, smiling at me behind her Ray-Bans. “I still can't believe you actually took me up on my suggestion to come here. Very spontaneo, Carlo—and very unlike you.”
This is true. I lean back in my beach chair and dig my toes into the warm sand, soaking up the Florida sun in no shirt and swim trunks. When Gi called and invited me to join her and Jordan for a long weekend at the family’s Clearwater Beach condo, I surprised even myself by accepting. But I needed a change of scenery. It’s been a particularly cold, snowy winter in Pennsylvania, and I’ve had the mood to match it. I’m still giving Cassandra the space she requested. And I’m starting to lose hope.
There has been little contact from her over the past couple of weeks, except for a short text asking if she could have the vet come to check out an infected cut on Brownie's leg, and a second text a few days later to tell him the antibiotic worked and the horse was fine. I texted back that any vet bills could be sent directly to me via Ingrid, and that she could feel free to use her own judgment—then was pissed at myself for saying it, because this would eliminate a form of contact with her.
I’m still in awe of how it fel
t to make love to her. I knew it would be amazing in the physical sense, but the emotional connection...that was overwhelming. I know Cassandra felt it. It caused me not only to realize my feelings, but to share them with her.
Which caused her to retreat in fear.
I'm afraid of you, Carlo, and the feelings you create in me.
I never wanted to scare her. Dominate her, yes, but not scare her. I’m not sure what’s at the root of her fear. Is it not being able to trust me? Being scared of what I could be capable of? Or is she scared because the feelings I stir up in her are so powerful she doesn’t know how to handle them?
Really hoping it’s that last one.
“Fratello...you're looking troubled. You're only here for a few days...and I want this trip to be like detox for you. Tell me what's been going on before Jordan comes back—I had him go fishing so you and I could have a little time alone together.”
“You didn't have to do that, Gi.”
“Yes, I did. It's partly for selfish reasons, to satisfy my own curiosity. Where do things stand with Cassandra?”
“Still not sure. But it's not looking good.”
“Oh, Carlo...I was hoping you'd made some progress.”
How to explain this. “It's a bit complicated. There was some progress in the physical department. We were...uh, how can I put this delicately, even though I know you wouldn't extend me the same courtesy...”
Gi makes a face and folds her arms across her yellow bikini top.
Grinning, I continue. “Let's just say we were intimate, and it was incredible. She seemed to feel the same way. I ended up telling her I was in love with her.”
