All sex is not supposed to be crazy, pounding, heart wrenching, and world altering…yeah Aria keep telling yourself that.
Ian gets dressed it’s after nine he has an early class tomorrow and I wrote down his schedule so I know where he is at.
I grab my panties and put them back on, I’m still frustrated as hell. I walk Ian to the door and he kisses me sweetly on the cheek … and then I kiss him on the lips he does not make my lips sore, he doesn’t deepen the kiss either, but then again he does warm my heart, can’t have everything right?
I get back to work, after two hours of alterations and sorting, I break the boxes down take them to the recycling room which is next to my store, I hear the faint echo of foot-steps on the marble floor and it’s Tristan, our eyes lock and he is everything that I have been missing today.
Chapter 21
WHEN I LOOK IN YOUR EYES
I stand by my stores entry way, he is all smiles until he gets closer and see’s that I have my guard up. I am not going to melt for him anymore, I am not going to go gentle anymore. Yes he is dressed to kill in a charcoal suit with a black shirt and no tie, his tousled hair flops over his forehead like a bad boy on the prowl, yeah he is just what I want but as all us women know what we want isn’t always good for us.
He takes his time as he strides up to me and closes the distance between us, he is so sure of himself as he goes in for the kiss and I stick to my guns and walk out of his shadow and into my store, he follows suit and is behind me in an instant.
What happens now is Aria Macy bitchy-business-owner.
“Hello baby”
“I’m not your baby!”
“Did I do something to upset you?”
I cross my arms and stair him down with narrow eyes, and say nothing.
“I thought we could have seen one another earlier today but I was swamped, I’m sorry, but I’m here now” he can tell I am pissed about something, but oh God he looks amazing, if sex were a picture it would be of him right here right now. I'm tired, cranky, irritable, and frustrated because the man I am engaged to is not the sex on legs that I want him to be so Tristan is going to get the blunt end of my wrath.
“Oh are your mad I didn't let you fuck me today?”
“Where is all this coming from?”
“Well it seems that's all you do is fuck me!”
“Aria is that what you think?”
“Sure Tristan I have more sex with you then my fiancé!”
“Shouldn't that tell you something?”
“Yes it tells me that all you do is fuck me!”
“Really!” Now he is getting frazzled, his hands are now fisted at his hips and he is pressing his lips together because he has no idea what is going on in my head.
“Yes”
“Is that why you think I'm here now?”
“Yes”
“Aria let's put our cards on the table shall we?” Tristan walks over to the conference table, he is now irate, livid and heading towards furious with malicious intent, I have not seen the wrath of Tristan in quite some time, if memory serves me correct it can get pretty ugly, but his stance and as well as his demeanor is questionable as I say this can go either way. I stand near the sofa in front of him bracing myself because this has to come to an end.
“OK Tristan I told you I need time”
“Aria I don't know if you recall, but your wedding is in ten days, you are running out of time!”
“Tristan, he is a good man who loves and cares for me.”
“Aria do you even see what you are facing?”
“Yeah hurting an honest, decent man who loves me”
“Oh he loves you so much that he is in your bed asleep and you are out all hours of the night alone!”
“You have no right to play judge and jury in a situation you know nothing about!”
“Oh you think I don't know what's going on? Aria he has you trapped as his consolation prizes.”
“How dare you Tristan!”
“I'll prove it, you make love to me then go home and sleep with him in your bed!”
“No Tristan you fuck me!”
“That's all I mean to you?”
“Yes you fuck me!” Now he is going to take the challenge and sure enough he storms towards me.
“I will show you what fucking is!”
“Take your dress off” he is mad, I mean he is growling and getting angrier by the second, this is the Tristan who use to try and sleep with me and I would never give into him and now hell and holy beast he owns me, he is my desire.
I slowly unzip my dress and let it fall to the floor” I’m dressed in six inch aubergine Louie Vuitton satin heels and I have on black thigh highs the tiny satin and lacey panties and a matching bra I am in as much purple joker was in batman.
Ian is infuriated as he walks in front of me and I can feel the heat radiating off of him, his eyes are dark and mysterious and full of rage and in one swift move he reaches down and rips my panties off of me with one hand and slams them to the floor as discarded torn and tattered a token of his rage, they are now just ragged remains of his indignation.
“Lay down on the couch” he deep voice is husky and devious and commandeering.
I do as I'm told, I want this, he is hot and bothered and my body yearns for him, his shadow falls over me and I am enveloped in his scent that deep dark Chanel Egoieste as it permeates my nostrils pervades my mind and seeps into my system it is all part of his seductive repertoire.
He undoes his fly and does not touch my sex or rub his fingers in his usual knowing way it is quite clear that he has but one intention and slams into me whole heartedly and damagingly…
“Ah…Ah” I gasp as he ravages me, he is destructive, wrecks-havoc as I am filled with pain.
To say he is brutal is a vast understatement, torrential embodiment in his assault as he slams into me repeatedly I scream! He is vicious and shrewd as his actions become more carnal he is rough as he comes violently with no regard for me what so ever I feel like I am just a receptacle for him to deposit into and then he pulls out of me leaving me in my misery totally and completely desolate.
He falls onto the floor in front of the couch buries his face in his hands and he lets out a sob, I sit down next to him, we are both sobbing as he reached over and he pulls me onto his lap, he whips my tears his lips are at my ear.
“Aria, baby I am so sorry, I love you so much, I don’t want to say good-bye to you again” I hold him tightly as he sobs and weeps, he is a man in pain and I have caused all of this. I didn’t want to hurt anyone and in all of this I have hurt Tristan the way he use to hurt me.
“Baby I am so sorry, please forgive me?”
“Shh Tristan calm down, everything is ok” he sighs as he kisses my neck. I know I have to let him go, say good-bye, I muster up the courage to get the words out.
“Tristan I have to do the right thing” he looks up at me frightened, scared, hurt is etched all over his face, I hug him as his lips are at my ear.
“You’re going to marry him aren’t you?” I pull away when I look in his eye I see the sadness of our thousand goodbye my tears are flowing as are his and he is so hurt.
“Yes I have too” he tightens his hold on me and I feel every bone, every muscle as he bares down and lets my words sink in. We are both sobbing as he enfolds his arms around me as I sit on his lap and weep.
I don’t know how long we sit like this, I try and sooth him as I kiss his neck and he begins to relax
“Tell me one thing?” He pulls away and looks at me.
“Why are you two getting married?”
“Look Tristan you are angry and upset”
“Aria look I have walked out on you, walked away from us but I could never run far enough or hide from you in here” as he points to his heart and to his head. I look at him and I know he speaks the truth because neither could I.
I grab his face and I kiss the hell out of him, I slip him my tongue and I suck on his tongue and I bit his lo
wer lip.
“Tristan, Tristan, Tristan…you tell me what I wanted to hear, what I needed to hear two years ago” I look at him and I am honest
He kisses my forehead and he caresses my cheek
“I know I fucked it all up with you”
“I have to do the right thing Tristan”
“How is marrying him the right thing? Aria I spent two years missing you, and you said so yourself the one reason to marry is to raise a family.”
“Yes so”
“When are you going to start one? According to you you're thirty-eight, your time is precious, why do I know this and he doesn’t?... Because he doesn't care Aria!”
I move off his lap stand and put my dress back on.
“You’re being rude and judge mental” Tristan stands zips up his pants and he is hurt, I hurt him.
“Aria he told you to get on birth control! When in the hell are you going to see the big picture?”
“Tristan I am sorry I led you on”
“Led me on I LOVE YOU!” the bite and sting of those words are too much to take when he spits them at me.
“Don’t throw those words around now”
“Yes I will, Aria I’m not afraid to tell you how you’re throwing your life away!”
“Oh really and how am I doing that?”
“You never settled for anything but the best, from your morals, to your cars, to your expensive handbags, down to your Manolo’s, so why the hell are you settling for someone who doesn’t come up to your standards?”
“Oh and you do?”
“Aria look at me, I am all of this because of you!” he is right but I am mad at this egotistical maniac.
“Tristan this conversation is over, I think you should go”
“That's it? You’re kicking me out of your life?”
“Tristan there is no room for you in my life”
“Your damn right there isn't! Because you let a man who doesn’t deserve you park his boots under your bed, damn well knowing that he needs you more then you want him!”
“It’s not like that” oh Tristan is always quick with the judgment of me.
“The only reason you are with him is because he showed up here!”
“I can say the same about you!”
“Oh no Aria, admit it to yourself, we are one soul in two bodies, you are the other half of me!”
“Tristan don’t, please I beg of you, don’t put me through this.”
“I have to Aria we are in love with one another, we belong together!”
“Tristan you were the love of my life, but you have to let me go!”
“To a man who shits on you?”
“Tristan I am begging please don’t do this to me!”
“Why? You think it’s perfectly fine to have our life with him? You were to be my wife, your children were to be our children, don’t waste our life with him…IT’S WRONG DAMN IT!”
Tears fall on both our faces at his words because they are the truth.
“Just please go Tristan! Go, get the hell out of here! JUST GO FOR HEAVENS SAKES!” I am frazzled he is making sense and I can’t fight him anymore I will cave, I will run away with him he needs to be gone I am no match for him when he speaks the truth.
“OK alright I'll go” he reluctantly acquiesces to my demands and I am grateful.
“You know your name suits you, YOU ARE SOME PIECE OF WORK!”
He takes one last look at me, I look at him for one last time, memories made, futures lost, it has to be this way.
“HOW AM I SUPOSE TO LIVE WITH OUT YOU ARIA?!” his face is filled with hurt and despair, I finally hurt him the way he hurt me and it feels terrible, horrible, I am filled with dread because I feel his pain as well as my own.
He turns his back to me and walks towards the door not saying another word as his statement lingers between us. The echo of his footsteps on the hardwood floor are faint and distant then the slam of the door and he is gone.
I fall to the floor on my knees sobbing, crying, huge lethargic whales of inconsolable pain rips through my heart as I see my panties that are torn to shreds. I reach over and pick them up and cry so hard that there is no sound, and then it is uncontrollable, heart wrenching sobs, tears and agony that surrounds me. Tristan let me go, he is my first love, the love of my life, my dream and it is even worse than when he left me two years ago.
He is gone, Tristan is gone, I cry harder as I realize what just happened and I am alone in my misery consumed with sorrow and desolation as I face the torment and anguish of what will never be.
Chapter 22
HOW INSENSITIVE
After a while I don’t know how much time lapses I get home and Ian is fast asleep, I am thankful for the solitude, I really don’t need him seeing me like this. I sit and soak in my glamour tub surrounded by my Chanel Mademoiselle, bath gel, it perfumes the water and I just surrender to the relaxing soothing bubbles. Funny but this perfume that I wear was Tristan’s favorite, I wear it and it reminds me of him, how crazy is that?
The past few days have shown me what Tristan has really meant to me all these years, but mostly how crazy and out of control, my thoughts, my actions, my desires have all been. I opened up a part of my heart that I buried and allowed myself to experience the deep seeded love and affection for a man I was too afraid to face. What I have realized is that this love that Tristan and I share is bigger than anything else in my life and that scares me because I never knew how insensitive I have been to all of this.
I reach for my phone no calls no texts from Tristan, not even one from my fiancé who by all means should have wondered where I was for the past four hours according to Tristan. Should I call Tristan? No I can’t call him! Should I send him a text? No, hell no I can’t text him! I was the one who wanted him gone! Well actually I needed him gone, I really didn’t want him gone. I just never realized that I am going to have to get over him all over again, he has meant the world to me for so long, sadden that we never got our happily ever after.
I put in my headphones and listen to How Insensitive this song is what consoled me when we broke up before and two years later I am facing the same torture, only now I am engaged, tears begin to flow and a thought crosses my mind, did I do the right thing? Or did I do what was expected of me?
How could I have been so foolish? I’m engaged and going through a breakup? As Sabrina would say ‘Aria only you’ I finish my bath and walked into my closet that is my happy place, I put on my cream satin night shirt with the notched collar and I curled up on the chase lounge, as I go through my emails and made my to-do-list for tomorrow. It’s after two am I gotta try and get some sleep, I walk back into the bedroom Ian is sound asleep. I slip into bed next to him, my world is getting back to normal I have to remember that.
I look at his beautiful face, his perfect nose and that mouth of his that has challenged me, debated me, and now loves me. I didn’t do too bad, he is a good man, he has always been a good man, he will make a great husband and someday a wonderful father, he is caring and adoring, smart and shy but mostly he loves me. I kiss his forehead as he reaches for me in his sleep, I sigh as I lay back still trying to convince myself that I made the right decision, my mom always said ‘what I want and what I get are two different things’ right now I would just love to get some sleep, it’s almost three am.
-------<>-------
Sleep is over-rated, Ok so I am jealous of people who have nocturnal bliss as they slumber their nights away, I just couldn’t doze I have been in a state of stagnation, I came to the conclusion that I have loved and lost as my wayward thoughts have tormented me so I am going to start my day finally up at five am I made a pot of coffee and walked on my treadmill. The long chat I had with myself has come to face the fact that I know how bad I hurt Tristan, I am in agony and pain because I hurt him the way he hurt me which is hell, and it’s not right for me to have done that, my behavior has been exasperating and I need to set things straight.
I decide that I must talk t
o Tristan, so this morning I have to try and get a hold of him, and the minute I come to this decision my heart is beating faster, I am nervous and excited and full of desperation I am dealing with all of this and I have a fiancé who is looking at me as if I have this giddy face for him.
Ian walks into the kitchen kisses me hello.
“Aria did you sleep at all?”
“Oh sleep is over rated” I try to make myself sound so nonchalant. I make Ian a wonderful breakfast of coddled eggs with chives along with fresh fruit, orange juice and I am eager to send him on his way, thank God he has an eight am class!
“Aria come sit with me what is on your agenda today?” I drink my coffee and look though my lashes at him.
“Um well besides the fashion show it’s still Business as Usual” I smirk as I drink my coffee
“Ha ha well do you ever think you will slow down?”
“I don’t know, if it isn’t this it will always be something that is just the way I am wired” he smiles at me, finishes his breakfast, wow he really doesn’t get it, this is who I am, well maybe not right now with my looming apprehension. He checks his watch.
“Sweetheart I have to get going” music to my ears yes please go already. I know I am being a bitch and I gotta get this under control.
I grab his coach briefcase for him and walk him out to his car, he is dressed in his grey suit and silver tie he is as beautiful as this summer day, I have to admit he is handsome.
“Aria I have class till six I will come home and change and meet you at the fashion show ok?”
“Sounds good, I will leave your tux for you I’ll see you tonight” he kisses me goodbye just always sweet kisses from him. He takes off like 007, gosh that car is amazing, but I love my Cadillac it looks like the bat mobile and that reminds me I gotta get ahold of BATMAN.
A Wedding Affair (The Wedding Affair) Page 28
