“Fuck you too,” Louis said sliding back into the truck. He turned to Bo who was about to say something, “Just park around back Magilla.”
“Magilla the Gorilla,” he said starting to chuckle.
“Oh, it’s ok if I give you cute cartoon name and call you a monkey.”
“Magilla isn’t a monkey . . . he’s an ape, asshole,” Bo corrected him with a laugh.
“Should’ve told him to have a tea or take da nap. Since we gonna be awhile,” he sighed. The van took a long slow U turn then went back up the street and turned left. It wasn’t quite as painful since the back street was empty and Bo just had to drive until he saw Nathan hold out his hand and stop. Hopping out of the passenger side Louis stretched then looked at Nathan and opened his arms up a second time. “Come give me da hug you fucker,” he yelled. Running at him with his arms still open he ignored his brother’s gestures not to and wrapped his arms around him. “I miss you Bro,” he said grabbing his cheeks and pinching them together until his mouth resembled a fishes.
“I-Missed-You-Too,” Nathan replied as well as he could with his cheeks mushed together.
Watching Louis being pushed out of the way he felt two massive arms engulf him and lift him into the air. Hugging him so tight until their cheeks mashed together Nathan could hear the muffled giggles of his Herculean brother. He decided to close his eyes and go to his happy place until the massacre was over while the giant began planting giant kisses on his forehead. Timidly he opened one eye to a familiar smile.
“I missed you Nathan, did you miss me?” Bo asked still squeezing his brother in his arms.
Nathan fought for breath trying to answer. Louis thought he resembled more of an animal on a nature show being slowly killed by constriction. Seeing his brother’s face start to change a dark shade of purple he decided to save him. “Okay you big Anaconda, you gonna break him for Christ sake.”
Releasing him from his mighty embrace Nathan dropped to his feet instantly bending over. Shooting back up and taking a deep breath he paused to let the blood to start flowing normally again. “So . . .” he began. “How was . . . the trip up?”
“With this Cooyon,” Louis said rolling his eyes.
Bo did not register the comment. “It was a delightful trip, beautiful weather and-” he stopped short. Realizing Louis’s comment he started to clench his fist. Looking at him with a hate only a brother could project and another brother could recognize he gave him a warning, with a smile. “I’m gonna break your face.” Then his smile faded. “Don’t call me a Cooyon!” he yelled then abruptly went calm turning to Nathan and continuing. “It was a lovely trip, thank you for asking.”
“Come on in,” Nathan said laughing. “I’ll show you around.”
Suddenly Louis jumped onto his giant brothers back. “Come on you big ugly Malamute, Musha-Musha,” he yelled kicking at Bo’s behind.
Bo began swatting and grabbing at him as he tried to pinpoint the speedy Cajun, but he was way too fast. Nathan looked around to make sure no one was in the alley or at a window to see what looked like a small tornado spinning around a Mammoth of a man. It reminded him of the Looney tunes cartoon featuring the Tasmanian Devil. Snickering as he watched Bo swing around left to right and doing full 360’s trying to grab or hit their lighting quick brother with no success. He walked into his store and waited a few moments until Bo finally came through the door looking defeated as his brother was on his back sitting in triumph.
“I have tamed da wild beast,” Louis declared.
Bo started to giggle then demanded, “Get off me fool.”
Jumping down Bo gave him a fake punch that made him flinch and scream a little. Patting Bo on the back happily amused Nathan guided them into his new store.
Giving an approving whistle at all the decorative work already done Louis turned to him. “This is nice Bro, very fanciful.”
Bo turned to Nathan bending his hand at the wrist and adding a lisp to his voice. “Oh yes Nathan, very fanciful.” Nathan and Bo giggled.
Louis did not. “It’s a word you giant ass, it means da elegant, elaborate and exquisite taste, ostentatious even,” Louis finished, smugly raising his one eye brow.
The massive man nudged his giggling brother. “Its queer is what it is,” he countered turning to Louis. “That’s homosexual as in, you like to put the penis, in yo’ mouth,” he said matching his brother’s smugness. Turning back to Nathan he paused for a mere second before he began roaring with a laughter that shook the walls.
Nathan couldn’t help but become infected until the both of them began laughing harder and harder. Becoming so hard it was starting to make their stomachs ache until Bo was in tears looking at Nathan then an upset Louis then back and forth.
“That’s just rude. And ignorant. And homophobic,” Louis said almost offended. “Should be shamed of yer’self,” he said turning to Nathan. “And you too.” Nathan just shrugged his shoulders as to exempt himself from saying anything but the Cajun explained. “For encouraging him, you know he simple.”
Still laughing Bo scooped his angry brother up off his feet and held him as if he was a baby. “Who likes the penis in his mouth? Who?” he baby talked while rocking and hugging Louis who was struggling to break free.
“Let me go you big Galoot,” he said finally being let go and landing on the floor with a thud. Rolling over covered in drywall dust he looked at Nathan while pointing to the wall. “Missed some dry wall nails Bro.”
Laughing Nathan helped him up.
“Got some dry wall dust on you Lou,” the big man said with a proud grin.
“If it was you I guess it da powdered donut dust.”
“That isn’t dust silly, that is confectioner’s sugar on powdered donuts,” he informed him.
Looking at Nathan while dusting himself off Louis began to chuckle. “He getting smarter and smarter every day by God.”
Turning to Louis the hulking brother’s big blue eyes started to glow. He began to growl like a Lion watching someone get too close to his pride. “Man can only take so much until - Bam!” he exploded punching his fist into his own hand.
“Man? You da freak of nature,” Louis pointed out while slapping Bo on the back and getting dust all over his shirt. Noticing how big the dust cloud was that shot out from behind the big man he giggled. “Holy shit Bo, it like you farting da dust.”
Bo smiled and started to giggle. Deciding to help his brother he grabbed him and violently started to brush him off. Dangling in the air he screamed for his other brother to help as Bo went at him like a maid beating a rug. Nathan started walking around his store while Bo eventually got tired of torturing his brother and joined him. Finally Louis got as much dust off of him as he could and started evaluating the room. Running his hands along the smooth oak surface he came to a support beam and shook it to test its sturdiness.
Seeing a group of couches by the front window (that were all still covered in newspaper) and still wrapped in plastic Bo ran towards them jumping into the air. Landing in a sitting position the couch buckled with the sound of snapping wood and nails letting go. Creating a dust cloud that looked like the aftermath of a nuclear explosion it rushed towards Nathan and Louis. Closing their eyes they both cringed as the dust rushed past them plugging their noses and filling the store in a chalky like fog.
“Comfy,” Bo said hidden behind a veil of dust.
Opening a window to let some air in so they wouldn’t suffocate Nathan yelled towards his brother. “You owe me a couch.”
“I’m sure it’s still under warranty.”
“Not for da Gorillas sitting on it,” Louis added.
“Why don’t you come over here and say that bayou man.”
“Why don’t you go swing on da tree and eat da banana.”
“I have an idea,” Nathan said barely able to make out his brother practically standing in front of him. “There’s a cafe just up the street called Sips. I was there this morning before I went and looked at the apartment, but
they were closed, and looks like they have a whole menu on tea as well as homemade desserts.”
Louis waved his hand around his face coughing. “I’d love a tea, maybe some donuts for Giganto,” he said looking in the direction his brother was last seen then yelled, “I get dem sprinkle kinds you like Giganto?”
A voice yelled back. “That would be lovely, thank you.” Then the voice started to cough.
“You want da tea?” Louis asked Nathan.
“Umm . . .” his picky brother mulled.
“I know de way you like de earl grey with da honey and shit.”
“Sure,” he finally decided.
The big man’s voice called out from deep within the cloud. “What’s a matter? Mr. Fancy Pants doesn’t like anyone else making his tea?”
“I just like it done a certain way,” he tried to explain without sounding snobbish.
Louis agreed with his bigger brother. “How’s about it Mr. Fancy Pants, only you can make da tea da special way?”
Calling out from the couch again he hollered, “Maybe you should get him some crumpets with his tea.” They could hear him start to giggle. “I know you can’t see me but I’m holding out my pinkie finger pretending to have a fancy tea cup in my hand.”
“Maybe I get him da dress to drink da tea in,” Louis joined in.
Clapping his hands Bo started to snicker. “You wear a dress when you drink your tea, Mrs. Fancy Pants?” he howled impressed with the change he made. “I said Mr. but then you were wearing a dress so I changed it to Mrs.” They could hear him kicking at the floor as he laughed almost silently until they heard the cracking sound of wood and the room went silent. “Oops,” Bo said all but confirming he had kicked the floor hard enough to break it.
“Dammit Bo,” Nathan said making his way over to the couch area.
The dust was starting to settle and Bo was now standing in front of him. “I’m sorry Bro, but don’t worry, I’ll fix it up like new,” he said slapping him on the back and planting him face first on the ground. Forgetting how powerful he was and that a mere slap could actually kill a person, Bo looked at Louis who was now standing beside him looking down at their brother.
Nathan lifted his head slightly and turning it to the right he coughed, emitting a small dust cloud from his mouth. “Owe,” he murmured.
Looking at each other Louis covered his mouth trying not to laugh at their brother on the floor.
“Don’t you laugh,” Bo said shaking his head already smiling.
The Cajuns face was already starting to turn red. “Ok, I go now,” he chortled. “Where I going?” he said not camouflaging his elation very well.
Pushing his large brother to distant himself and then waving him away each time Bo attempted to dust him off, Nathan gave Louis directions. “Go out the back, make a right and cross the street, keep going straight, you can’t miss it.” Shaking his head at Bo he started to dust himself off.
“Sorry,” Bo offered him with a sympathetic smile.
TWO: Welcome to Sips
They were a little busy first thing this morning but now they were not. This was fine for all inside since it gave them the time to get the low down on Ms. Johnson’s new tenant. Sitting at the table with Todd and Lily sipping at her tea Florida continued. “I’m just saying, he has a lot of money and he is gorgeous and he is single.”
“All good qualities in a potential mate,” he said nodding at Lily.
“Potential mate, what are we, animal kingdom?” she asked staring at him.
Todd explained. “Um yeah, even the Hippo wants a mate with the Hippo with the best water plants in the area. The lioness wants the lion with the shadiest tree. The girl bear wants the boy bear with the biggest honey pot.”
“That’s Winnie the Pooh.”
“Cashing in those Disney royalty checks you don’t think Pooh gets all the bear bitches? Hooker please . . . up to his neck in bear pussy.”
“Todd!” Florida snapped with a smirk.
“Oh I’m sorry Ms. Johnson,” he said apologetically tapping her shoulder. “I mean bear va-jay-jay,” he corrected pointing towards Lilies privates.
Lily swatted his hand away while Florida couldn’t help but smile. “What is wrong with you boy?”
“Come on people, bear va-jay-jay. That’s funny,” he said giving his old friend and customer a kiss on her cheek.
“You’re comparing me to hippos and bears?” Lily asked trying to look herself over.
Florida just sighed. “Honey, what I wouldn’t give to have a body like yours.”
Lily turned to Todd. “And how do you get the male bear?”
“Oh baby,” Todd explained sticking his butt out. “The bear comes looking for me, this is the honey pot,” he said smacking his own ass.
Suddenly the door flew open and a Sips regular walked through the door with the help of a fresh face. “Allow me,” Louis said as he held the door open.
“Why thank you young man,” she said with a soothing smile.
“Not da problem Cher,” Louis said following behind her. Stopping in front of him and looking him over she was obviously wondering why he was so dusty. Seeing the puzzled look on her face he began to explain. “Doing some dry wall.” Smiling Mrs. Bell nodded while he advanced the explanation. “Just came for da tea and maybe some-ting to eat,” he said looking towards the counter wishing in his head that she would just go and order. “Sure smells good – boy,” he said hoping she would agree and trigger whatever it was in her head that wanted something to drink or eat.
“What is that accent?” she asked.
Oh fuck me, he thought. “Cajun, Louisiana Mam,” he said going the polite route.
“You eat Possum?”
No, but I eat da old ladies who don’t get da fucking move on, he wanted to say aloud. “No Mam, not if I don’t have to.”
“Oh God, why would you?” she asked in which Louis just shrugged his shoulders.
Fighting the urge to morph and swat her head clean off of her shoulders resulting in freaking everyone out in the coffee shop Louis chose to just rock back and forth while she stared and smiled. Getting antsier he decided to take the initiative. “Can I buy you a coffee?”
“No thank you sweetie, I’m just going to say hello to my friend over there, but thank you,” she said and went and sat with Florida.
“What da fuck,” he whispered to himself walking to the counter.
Todd was already behind the counter anticipating Louis would be ordering. “She wasn’t hitting on you was she?” he asked.
Debating on still giving her a swat he barely registered the question. “Please Lord I hope not.”
“Wouldn’t know it but word has it back in the day, Mrs. Bell was a big old whore,” Todd said.
“Da hell you say,” he said looking at her and trying to take off thirty or so years.
“That’s an accent.” Todd stated curiously.
“Cajun,” Louis said turning back.
“New Orleans?”
“Yup, da Louisianan,” he said proudly.
“Well stay clear or Mrs. Bell, she’s still a player. They say she likes the accents, lures a lot of young men to their doom so legend goes.” Leaning forward a bit Todd whispered loudly. “I picture a naked grey haired Venus fly trap with her face, just wrapping her vines around young men’s ankles and dragging them off. To have non-consensual sex of course,” he said as they both turned eerily towards her and getting the chills.
Starting to laugh Louis extended his hand. “Louis.”
“Todd,” he offered back while shaking.
Looking around he let out a familiar approving whistle. “This is a fancy coffee shop boy.”
“Thank you,” Todd said taking a look with him. “Where you coming from Louis?” he asked.
“Just up the road, the new book store -”
“Imagination,” Todd interrupted enthusiastically. “I saw the sign going up yesterday.”
“Dat’s da one, and now we having da break
and da snacks,” he said lying a little since they really hadn’t worked on anything. They haven’t even emptied the truck yet but he didn’t want to come across as lazy to his new friend.
“Well you’ve come to the right place my friend. Today were having a sale on all deserts since my partner - the chef, made them all last night,” Todd explained then leaned in. “Because he has the day off, being today isn’t usually a busy day and it isn’t the weekend but we thought any day off is still a day off . . . and we pass the discount on to you,” he said finishing with a deep breath while still pointing his finger at Louis.
Louis slapped the counter excitedly. “Well now dat we are da friends I got da big order by Lord,” he said trying to be just as lively as the flamboyant proprietor. “I need t’ree Teas in da biggest to-go cups you got, a couple dozen donuts with da sprinkles, some -”
“Sorry Louis” Todd winced loudly cutting him off. “We don’t have donuts I’m afraid.”
“Uh-Oh,” he said already knowing he didn’t want to scour the city looking for donuts with sprinkles on them. But he also didn’t want to go back to a much bigger brother who was expecting them. Louis liked pushing the boundaries with his brother about a lot of things but food was not one of them.
Seeing a bit of desperation in his eyes Todd decided to make a counter offer. “We do however have large assortments of confections,” he said pointing to the showcase, just in case Louis did not know what the word meant. “And remember half price.”
Bending down to take a look his eyebrows rose with inspiration seeing all the delicious types of deserts. It was filled with a wide variety of sweets from molten chocolate chip cookies, white chocolate raspberry cheese cake, black sesame-pear tea cake, parmesan shortbread with fennel and sea salt, three different kinds of biscotti, snowballs, cream horns, and thumbprints then there was muffins and cakes and pies but nothing barring a single sprinkle. “Nothing with da sprinkles?”
Joining the search Todd was optimistic since he never made them but remembered he ate plenty with them on it.
“If da big guy don’t get da sprinkles, Lord have mercy.”
My Boyfriend is a Monster Page 7
