He rolls his eyes and goes back to it. “Make partner by thirty-five. Have first child by thirty-six.” He grins. “I figured this would’ve been swapped that you’d want the kid before partner.”
My eyes narrow. “Could you do this without the commentary?”
“Not likely.”
“Of course not.”
“Second child within two years. Fit back in pre-pregnancy jeans three months after that.” Ben’s eyes meet mine. “Really? You’re worried about your jeans enough to put it on your list?”
“Don’t judge me.”
“I’m just saying that your ass will look good no matter what.”
I try not to blush. “Oh, well, thanks.”
“Welcome.”
“Give me the list back.”
He smiles. “I’m not done yet.”
“I hate you.”
Ben’s eyes return to the paper. “Try a federal case and make headlines and rule the world.” He reads aloud and my cheeks burn.
I forgot about the rule the world part. The rest is all accurate. Except that now none of that will actually happen. I snatch the list from his hand. “Jerkface.”
“Gretch, you can’t really think that living your life by some list is going to be what makes you happy.”
“Yes, I can. If it all worked out, I would’ve been on track. I would’ve followed the plan, albeit a little delayed, but the list is the list.”
“That’s not happy,” he says with his brown eyes piercing through me.
Happiness isn’t what I take stock in. I don’t need to be happy. I need order and for things to work the right way.
“It’s what made sense.”
“Plans are just that...a plan. They’re not gospel and they sure as hell don’t account for detours. You can’t tell me that you wanted to have your plan met and your heart neglected.”
No, can’t say that it’s what I wanted, but that’s exactly what I was going to do.
Ben is so close, our bodies having somehow inched closer and closer. Our breaths mingle as we continue to speak, pull toward each other without even meaning to.
A knock on the door causes me to jump. Natalie is standing there with a shit eating grin on her face. “Sorry to interrupt, but there’s a call you should take, Ben.”
“I’ll be right back and we’ll finish this.”
“Famous last words,” I say under my breath as he walks out. That was what he told me the night he left after I told him I thought I loved him.
* * * *
Day three at Cole Securities has proven to be interesting. Ben hasn’t been back in the office we’re sharing since that first day. I’ve seen him in passing a few times, but he’s on that phone constantly. I’m going to assume it’s about the case, but no one is really saying much.
I’ve learned that they are very tight lipped and very serious. Which is fine by me, but I’m bored as hell. Instead of waiting around for someone to tell me what to do, I took it upon myself to start doing my own research on this kid. Well, he’s not really a kid but whatever.
Thomas McEvoy was born December 23, 1996. He’s spent most of his life traveling with his parents, being tossed from tutor to tutor. No real sense of a home because he’s on number twelve.
He’s done two stints in rehab and now has basically vanished.
Thomas is smart, rich, and has no sense of responsibility. He’s lived his life doing whatever he wants without consequence.
After I learned whatever I could about him, I moved on to his father, Michael. He’s a whole other set of concerns. The amount of money he’s paying Cole Securities is a little insane, considering his country also has supplied security.
I mean, how many people are trying to kill you that you need an army surrounding you?
Now that I know what I can about the people, I need to figure out what exactly I can learn about how this connects to Jackson and this company. I start to review the contract. I’m not sure what exactly it is that Jackson needs me to decipher on a legal standpoint, but I figure that is going to come up at some point.
At first glance I would think it’s a pretty standard contract. It has all the necessary loopholes to keep Cole Security out of any major litigation, but there’s this one clause and I’m not sure how to interpret it.
My eyes read the words again, trying to see it in a new light.
“Anything interesting?” Ben’s deep voice causes me to jump and fall out of my chair.
“Holy shit!” I say as my ass hits the floor.
“You all right?”
“I would’ve been if you’d made a noise.”
Ben chuckles. “I was trained not to.”
“Well, they did a good job,” I note as I push myself up.
“You’re jumpy.”
“No, I just have been working alone the last few days and didn’t expect to have someone sneak up on me.”
His hand wraps around my arm, helping me to my feet. My body feels as though it’s been zapped. Each muscle tightens and my skin tingles from where his skin is against mine. I can’t explain it because it makes no sense, but it happens.
This man who I haven’t seen in forever shouldn’t be making my pulse spike. I should be completely unaffected, especially since it’s been days without a word, but my stomach is in knots as I stare into his brown eyes.
“So...” He clears his throat.
“Right.”
“The...umm…” Ben struggles.
“The contract,” I finish. “I was looking over the contract and there’s something...”
“Yes, the contract. What did you find?”
This is so awkward.
I move across to the other side of the table, needing a little distance because I’m not sure what to make of the moment we just had. This is my job. My only job and I can’t be stupid. Jackson is relying on me and I won’t let him down. If only I knew what the hell I was really doing here it might make this a little easier, but whatever.
I’m always up for a challenge.
Ben looks at the stacks of papers and I start to explain what I found.
“But this line...” I point to it. “It’s not really bad per se, but I keep going back to it.”
He reads it and scrunches his brows. “Whatever the hell that means.”
I smile and then read it aloud in simple terms. “Basically they’re saying that any form of gross negligence, willful neglect or misconduct that results in death or capture can be held against the company. In other words, they can sue if they feel Cole Securities wasn’t doing it to their standards. Why would the company sign it?”
I would never allow this. One because those terms are too ambiguous. Two they’re very hard to prove. And three, it leaves the company open to a lawsuit which the contract should be shooting to negate.
“That’s not my department,” Ben says while scratching his head. “I get the contracts once they’re done.”
“Do you know who would’ve prepared this contract?”
He shakes his head. “No, but Natalie would.”
“Okay. I know there were some issues before within the company with a former employee or something, right?”
Catherine has always been tight-lipped regarding what happened. Which I respect. But now I feel like there’s something missing.
“You should talk to Mark about that,” Ben says. “I just know there was a lawyer on staff and he’s not anymore.”
“Okay, I’ll do that today.” It makes sense now why Jackson wanted me down here so quickly.
“What else did you find?”
We go over the piles more in depth. There was one other thing about his father, Michael that left me feeling confused. I show him the two pieces of information that were buried deep. Cole Securities does extensive background checks on their clients. I pull out the paper where there’s a handwritten note.
“Okay, this part.” I point. “He’s a dignitary with diplomatic immunity, why hire a bunch of former SEALs? Why Jackson’
s company? He’s been through four different high-level security companies in two years. It’s weird, right? And then this...” I skim to find the line. “I’m not sure who did this report, but he mentions here something about a red flag regarding a financial discrepancy.”
He almost has this look of pride at my discovery.
Ben nods his head once. “It’s definitely something we should look at.”
“Good.”
At least my time wasn’t wasted. I move my hand toward the other pile and Ben goes to it at the same time.
“Sorry,” he says.
I start to open my mouth, but he speaks before I can.
“For sort of disappearing the last few days. There was a lead on Thomas’s whereabouts and I had to follow it.”
“It’s fine, Ben.”
“No, I should’ve come and told you. I was just so sure I had him and then it was a dead end.”
It has to be frustrating for him. I can see the desire to do and yet he’s stuck here. “It’s really no big deal. I was plenty busy going through these things.”
“You did a great job. I never would’ve looked at it from these angles,” Ben compliments me and my heart flutters.
I’m ridiculous. There’s no reason for my heart, or any other part of my body, to care about Ben.
“I’m just happy to help.”
“We are too. We’re a team around here and I’m glad you’re on it.”
I can count on one hand how many compliments I’ve heard in the last seven years. Harold didn’t believe in compliments. He believed in results.
“You’re making me blush,” I tell him as I tuck the hair behind my ear.
His finger touches my chin, pulling it toward him. “You shouldn’t hide, you’re too beautiful when you’re unguarded.”
My head starts to spin and I don’t know what to say. It’s crazy that I’m feeling this way. It must be that I’m tired. Or hungry. Or maybe I’m just going through some post left-at-the-altar type breakdown.
Ben smiles. “I’ve really missed you, Gretchen.”
“I really missed you, too.”
I mentally slap myself for saying that. Definitely some breakdown. Now I just need it to stop.
Chapter Six
Gretchen
“I can’t quit thinking about your list,” Ben tells me as he takes a huge bite of his sandwich.
Not back to this again. It’s been a week and each day he somehow brings up my stupid life plan that didn’t work out. “Let’s forget about my list.”
“Why?”
Because the list is clearly not happening. Because my life isn’t going to plan, unless the plan was to epically fail. Because everything on that list stemmed from me walking down the aisle that I never went down. Pick a reason.
Instead of admitting any of that, I just shrug. “No point.”
“I disagree.”
“You would because you’re a man.” A very big, hulky, sexy man who I’ve fallen asleep thinking of each night.
“You know what’s funny?” he asks but doesn’t give me the chance to answer. “That after all this time, it’s the same with us. No awkwardness. No weird silence issues, it’s just—normal.”
“Because you’re not normal,” I say with a smirk.
“No denying that.”
“You are different though. You’re a lot bigger and scarier.”
Ben leans in. “You don’t seem scared.”
Oh, I’m totally scared. Especially regarding the way my body reacts and the fact that I really want to know what his lips feel like against mine.
“You may be The Hulk, but I don’t think you’ll smash me.”
He rolls his eyes. “I fucking hate that call sign.”
Mark was all too happy to call him it a few times. I love the idea of call signs and that everyone eventually gets one in this crew. I thought we got to pick them, turns out that’s not the case.
They’re given.
And usually it’s because you’ve done something stupid that they plan to use against you—forever.
“I need the story,” I tell him as I pop a chip in my mouth.
“Not a fucking chance.”
“I’ll just ask Lee or Mark.”
Ben grumbles. “Fine. I’ll tell you. I busted a chair.”
My hand pauses before the next chip enters. “You what?”
“I sat down, like a normal person, and the wooden chair busted.”
I laugh once and then the look in his eyes makes me stop, but when he turns his head, I can’t hold back. “You broke the chair?”
He groans while wiping his hand down his face. “Yes. It was clearly tampered with before I sat. I’ve sat in plenty of chairs without them breaking like that.”
I collect my giggles seeing it bothers him, but I’m a ball buster too and this is just too good. “The sun is going down,” I tell him as I pat his arm. “The sun is getting low. Shhh.”
“You’re dead,” he jokes and then he lunges forward. His arms wrap around me and his fingers dig in my sides as he starts to tickle me.
My laughter is out of control but he doesn’t let up. I squirm in his arms, remembering how he would do this to me when we were kids. I’m super freaking ticklish and I hated it then and I still do. “Truce. Truce!” I yell as Ben takes me to the floor.
His huge body lies on top of me and my hair is all over the place. I puff my breath, moving the strands that are covering my view.
“I haven’t laughed like that in years,” I confess.
“Years?”
“Yeah, I can’t remember when, honestly. Maybe when Ashton did something stupid, but not like that.”
He pushes his body weight up a little. “Didn’t the dipshit you were going to marry make you laugh?”
“Harold? No. Not even a little.”
His eyes harden a bit and then sadness fills them. “So you didn’t laugh, didn’t say you were happy, what else didn’t you do?”
The question stuns me. He looks at me, his eyes probing for answers that I’m not willing to give him. The truth is, we didn’t do anything. I was his dirty little secret. I lived under a cloud of lies and broken promises. He told me he loved me. He told me that all of it was necessary and I was so stupidly tied to that damn life list that I wouldn’t relinquish.
Tears fill my vision, blurring Ben, who continues to stare down at me. “Gretchen?”
“Everything.”
“Everything?”
“I did nothing. We didn’t date or laugh. There were no nights of him picking me up. In fact, I’ve never even been on a date. I didn’t have time for that in college and then Harold was the first guy I really dated.” I say the last word in air quotes. “Which is a far stretch because it was meeting in secret, pretending we felt nothing, and sneaking around. I was the shadow in the dark that needed to stay hidden. He never met my family. He never did anything to be a part of my life until I demanded we either get married or end things. Then, we were engaged, he promised me light and then I was stood up on the most important date of my life. So when you ask what I didn’t do...everything.”
The sadness that was in his gaze is gone, now it’s replaced with anger. “You don’t deserve to ever be in the dark. You should’ve been the one thing in the world he couldn’t wait to show off. He should’ve picked you up, planned a night you wouldn’t forget, worried whether he should kiss you or not.”
I hold my breath, waiting to wake up because no one has ever said anything like that to me. It’s always been that this was how it was. I should be grateful that he was taking a risk on his career for me. God, I was so stupid.
But Ben looks at me like I’m...special.
His eyes move to my lips, keeping his gaze there. Is he going to kiss me? My belly fills with butterflies as I now feel what he described before. Then he lifts his hand to graze my cheek.
He’s going to kiss me. He could right now and I don’t know that I’d stop him.
“Ben.” I say his name, uns
ure of what I want him to do.
The sound of my voice breaks the trance we were both under. He leans back with a quick shake of his head.
I feel the loss of his touch in my heart. I need a freaking therapist.
It was my wedding day a few days ago and now I’m thinking about and wanting another man to kiss me? I feel no sadness, no guilt. If anything, I feel like I want to crush my lips to his and have my way with him. There’s something wrong with me.
He gets up. “I have an idea.”
“You do?”
“Yup.”
I wait for him to elaborate but he doesn’t. “Are you going to share it?”
Ben smirks. “We’re going on a date.”
Okay. That’s definitely not what I was expecting. “Excuse me?”
“A date. I’m going to pick you up tomorrow night and we’re going to go out.”
I laugh once, thinking he’s kidding.
However, the look on his face tells me he’s not. He’s serious. And crazy.
No way am I going on a date.
With Ben.
Who I just wanted to kiss me.
“You’re funny. We’re not going on a date.”
Ben puts his hand up. “Just listen. You haven’t had a date or a real anything because you were with an asshat. So, when someone worthy comes around, you’re going to be confused on what chivalry and all of what is supposed to go on during a real date. I think that it’s important to know what to expect and,” he says when I open my mouth to stop him, “if that guy doesn’t do what I plan to do, you dump his piece of shit ass immediately. So I’ll be over tomorrow at six.”
I stand here unsure of what just happened. But I think I’m going on a date with Benjamin Pryce.
Chapter Seven
Ben
Why the fuck am I nervous? It’s not a real date. It’s me showing Gretchen what her douchefucker of an ex was too much of a pussy to do. Show her a good night where she’s treated how she should’ve been all along.
Never been on date?
Ridiculous.
I need to man the fuck up and show her a date like she’s never seen. I make my way to Catherine and Jackson’s condo that they still own, where Gretchen is staying, and ring the doorbell.
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