He shakes his head, his nose grazing mine. “Not just tonight, Gretchen. But I won’t make you promises until I know I’m worthy of you. I will never lie to you or make you question how I feel.”
“Why do you think you’re unworthy?” My voice is soft and barely audible.
“Because you’re not the only one who is broken.”
My heart beats against my ribs, loud and full of so many things. I don’t know what this means, but I know that Ben will catch me if I fall. He won’t lie or treat me with disregard. He’s strong enough to accept me for who I am.
I reach my hand up, grazing the scruff on his face. “You’re not broken.”
His hand grips my wrist, bringing it to his lips, pressing a kiss right where my pulse is. “That’s where you’re wrong, but you might just be healing me.”
I lift up on my toes, bringing our lips together in the softest kiss, but still filled with so much emotion I could cry. His hands wrap around my waist and then I’m flush against him.
My mouth opens and our sweet kiss is gone. Now it’s passionate as both of us push the other for power. His tongue duels with mine.
It’s everything.
It’s a battle of wins and losses but I don’t care which side I’m on because neither is really a loser. He kisses me as though he can’t possibly get enough, and I match him in unbridled desire.
I break away and we both pant. “I didn’t mean to push you.”
My eyes meet his and I hope he sees the truth. “You didn’t. I just want more. I want you, all of you. I always have.”
“Gretchen.” My name falls from his lips as both a prayer and a curse.
“Please. I want you to make love to me, Ben.” I kiss him before he can deny me. “I want you to show me what I’ve been missing. Show me.”
I stand here, more exposed than I’ve ever been. My clothes may be on, but my soul is exposed for him. I want him.
“Fuck,” he groans and then our mouths are on each other.
Our hands explore each other, mine grazing over his massive chest, feeling each of the planes and ridges. We start to move and then my back hits the wall. He uses his size to dominate me, and I love every second.
Kissing him has become my new favorite thing.
My fingers dig into his shoulders as he dives his tongue into my mouth. I swear, if he fucks anything like he kisses...I’ll be ruined.
I need to feel his skin. I want to touch him, make him feel as out of control as I do. I move to the hem of his shirt and push it up.
“Gretchen,” he moans as I try to lift the shirt, but he anchors me against the wall, giving me no room to move.
I try again, but he grips my wrists.
“I can’t,” Ben says and takes three steps back.
Shame and mortification wash over me. He doesn’t want me. I begged him and he didn’t want to go there with me.
“I’m...yeah, no, I get it. You never said...I’m stupid.” Each word stings with such sadness. I thought he wanted this as much as I did, but again, I read everything wrong.
Just like before.
“Stop.” Ben’s voice is thick with emotion.
A tear falls down my cheek and I hate myself for being vulnerable.
“Don’t cry.” He moves so quickly I couldn’t even react. Ben’s hands cup my face as another stupid tear slides from my eye. “Please, I do want you. I want you more than you can even imagine.”
I shake my head, trying to dispel the words. “You don’t have to say it.”
“No. I do.” I’m not sure who he’s trying to convince, but it sounds more like himself. “I have to tell you. I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember. I’ve thought about making love to you in every fucking position possible. And now...you’re in my arms, telling me you want the same thing, and...” Ben runs his hands down his face, moving away from me. “…and I’m part of a man.”
What? I don’t even understand what that means. “Part of a man?”
“Yes! Fuck, Gretchen! I’m missing a part of me!” he shouts, pointing down to his leg.
“You think that makes you less of a man?”
“Of course it does! She even fucking told me it did.”
My God, what did that bitch of a woman do to him? How dare she make him think his injury made him less of anything? He’s the kindest person and has endured so much pain. Ben isn’t less, he’s more.
I take a step closer, keeping my eyes on his. “You are not less, Benjamin Pryce. You are more of a man than anyone I’ve ever been with. More kind, more loyal, more loving.” I move slowly, measuring each step, needing him to hear me. “You have given me more joy in the last few weeks than I’ve felt in years. Each time you kiss me, I think about how many years I’ve wasted on anyone but you. As impossible as it seems, you’ve broken down the hurt girl that’s lived inside of me, showing me how much more there should be.”
Ben goes still, his eyes watching me, and I pray his heart is hearing the words because they’re the absolute truth. There are so many emotions in his gaze that it stuns me. However, the most prevalent is fear.
“When I look at you,” I continue softly, “I don’t see anything missing other than time we could’ve had. I want you more than anything. I want you to touch me and I damn sure want to touch you. Do you want me? Do you want...us?”
His emotions are unreadable, but then his hand reaches out, tucking the hair behind my ear. “More than anything.”
“Then take me. I’m here,” I say, pulling my own shirt off, baring myself to him. “I’m yours.” My bra falls to the floor.
“You’re perfect.”
And that’s where he’s wrong. “Perfection is an illusion that we cast to make ourselves think we’re less than someone else. I’m not perfect, but I’m who I am. I have flaws.” I reach for his shirt again, moving more slowly this time, I hold the bottom. “I’m scarred. But when you look at me, do you see them?”
“No.”
I lift the shirt, pulling it up, and he lets me.
“No, because that’s what love is.”
Love allows each person’s flaws to fade into the background, giving us only the beautiful parts.
My fingers trace against the skin, hating that he worried I wouldn’t want him or see him as something less than.
“And what do you see, Gretchen?” Ben asks as I move my hands toward his neck.
I look into his eyes, allowing him access to everything I’m feeling. “I see a hero, my hero.”
Ben doesn’t hesitate. He grabs my face, bringing our mouths together. I kiss him, hoping to take the pain away, but still refusing to remove my hand from his chest.
I feel the muscles tense beneath my touch, but then they release after a moment. Almost as though he finds trust with each movement.
I slide both hands up farther, feeling more of the damage from the explosive, but it’s just part of the story of who he is. He’s the man that fought through whatever horrors he saw to come back here. The man who endured pain from the betrayal of the one person who should’ve loved him through it.
Instead of becoming mean and angry that the life he had was lost, he’s been gentle and sweet. Ben didn’t have to take me on a date, watch movies, text me, or make me smile. There was no take in this relationship, all he did was give. I thank God his ex-wife let him go because if she had seen the man he is, truly seen him, I wouldn’t have him here with me.
His lips move to my neck, kissing their way down to my shoulder. “You have no idea how much I want you.”
I’m pretty sure I do.
My head falls back, allowing him more access. “You have no idea how badly I do.”
His eyes find mine and the desire that shines through is heart stopping. “Come,” he says, taking my hand and leading me toward the bedroom.
“I’ll follow you anywhere.”
I mean that with everything inside of me.
Chapter Fourteen
Ben
Her hand is in mine and
my heart is in hers.
I haven’t been a monk since Charity, but none of those girls mattered. I didn’t give a shit if my scars offended them or my leg disgusted them. This time, it’s different.
Scary.
We enter her room and she turns, her arms around my neck, and kisses me, erasing the thoughts I was having. Right now, all I can think about is how amazing she feels, how soft she feels against me, and how much I want her.
My fingers grip her hips and then I slide my hands up to her breasts. They’re the perfect size. Not too big and not too small. The wolf in me grins. “Does this feel good?” I ask as I roll her nipple between my finger and thumb.
“Yes.”
“Do you want more?”
Her eyes meet mine. “I want it all.”
“Good answer.”
My head dips down and I lick around her nipple before taking it my mouth, sucking before I move to the other. She doesn’t have to tell me if she likes it. The long moans and the way her fingers are gripping my hair tell me all I need.
I lift my head, knowing for the rest of what I want to do she needs to be in the bed. I move us that way, touching all the skin that is exposed to me.
I’m not sure what I did in my life to deserve her, but I’m so grateful.
I loved her once, lost her, and now I have her back and there’s no way I’m letting go.
Gretchen climbs up backwards on the bed and I stare down at her. “Scoot all the way to the end.”
“Why?” she asks, her blue eyes full of questions.
“Because I want to taste you and I need the room.”
Her cheeks turn red, but she does as I ask. I remove her pants, and my heart begins to race when I look at her laid out before me. “You are fucking magnificent.” I don’t give her a chance to rebuke me, I lean down and swipe my tongue against her center.
I use my tongue to draw circles against her clit, listening for cues as to what she likes. I use different pressure, licking, sucking, and then she begins to grind against my face, setting a pace she prefers. Wanting to make her lose it, I finger her, mimicking how I wish it was my dick inside of her.
“Ben!” She yells my name and I continue to drive her crazy. “Harder!”
I could explode right here. Having her be aggressive and go after what she wants turns me on even more.
Far be it from me to deny her what she wants. I pump harder and suck at the same time, and then the most glorious thing happens—Gretchen explodes.
I watch as I keep flicking her. Her back is bowed, hands fisting the comforter, and she moans my name over and over.
She leans up onto her elbows, her eyes soft, her voice even. “You have to tell me...just tell me what you need.”
“Just don’t look away,” I tell her as I get to my feet.
“Never,” Gretchen vows.
I remove my pants, waiting for the moment she breaks her promise. As they fall to the floor, Gretchen’s gaze is unwavering. She stays looking at me, then I drop my boxers, and her jaw goes slack.
“Holy shit,” she mutters and I know it’s not my leg she’s talking about.
“That didn’t get injured,” I say with a brow raised.
“Thank God for that.”
“I need to take it off.”
She nods.
I turn, sitting on the bed, using this small break to collect myself. I remove my prosthetic and then I feel her lips on my back.
“If you’re going to look away,” she say between kisses, “then it’s only fair I can touch while I wait.”
Her hand glides down my chest and her other one goes down to my cock. Her tiny hand grips me and starts to pump.
“Fuck,” I groan as she continues to jerk me off.
“I want to taste. Now. Lie down for me, babe.”
I shift onto the bed, using my arms and good leg to get me there. Gretchen doesn’t take her eyes from mine as she slides down my body and then wraps her lips around my cock.
I don’t even think about the fact that my leg is exposed. There’s no time to worry. Not a second to spare at the unease that I have when a woman sees it for the first time because all coherent thought goes out of my mind as she takes me deep.
“Jesus!”
She moans around my dick, making me even harder than I was before. Each time she comes up, she uses her tongue to rim me. It’s fucking heaven and hell at the same time.
Then she cups my balls, rolling them around, and I have to start focusing or I’m going to embarrass myself.
“Gretchen, baby, you have to stop or...” I give her the sign by tapping her head. “Baby.”
She goes down once more and then comes up. She kneels to the side of me, and I grip her hips, pulling her on top. Without a heartbeat, Gretchen swings her leg over, straddling me, and then sinks down.
“Oh my God.” Her head falls back, hair falling down her back, just brushing my hands.
Every time I think she can’t get any more perfect, she does. Right now, she’s a goddess.
And then she begins to ride me, taking me to heaven.
Chapter Fifteen
Gretchen
Making love to Ben was a million times different than anything I’ve ever felt before. After, we fell asleep in each other’s arms. However, now, I have an empty bed and I’m not sure if he left.
I get up, toss a T-shirt on and head toward the kitchen.
“Shit!” I hear his deep voice and pause.
There’s some banging, more curse words, and then something that sounds like eggs cracking.
Oh, Lord.
“Good morning,” I say as I peek my head around the wall. “You doing okay?”
He chuckles and shakes his head. “I really suck at cooking. I was attempting to be cute and again, woo.”
“You wooed enough, babe.”
Ben steps over and wraps his arms around my middle. “Yeah?”
“I think so.”
“Good. Maybe we can woo again tonight?”
How different is this man from the last? It’s like night and day. I would’ve been rushed out, just in case someone might have seen us or called. If the phone rang, he would rush out. For a while, I wondered if he was married, but...well, I can investigate like every other woman when she’s on a mission.
“I’d really like that, Ben.”
He smiles down at me. “I really like you, Gretchen.”
“It’s a good thing that you’re so good at the wooing, then.”
“Damn right it is.”
I lift up at the same time he leans down and kisses me.
“I could get used to this,” I say against his lips.
“I really hope you do.” His phone rings, breaking the moment. Whatever the ringtone is causes Ben to flinch. “I have to take this.”
“Okay, I’ll clean up.”
Ben moves to his jacket, pulling his phone out and I can see the stress in his back. He’s tense and keeps clenching his hand.
“Pryce.” His voice is clipped. He starts to pace, and I quickly move things around the kitchen. “Yes. I understand. Does Mark know?” He nods. “Okay. How long ago did we hear from them?” A long pause. “Has anyone had any contact since then?” He closes his eyes, and I move toward him.
Something is wrong.
Ben shakes his head. “I’ll be on a plane in twenty minutes. Don’t touch anything until I get there.”
He doesn’t say anything to me as he makes his way to the bedroom. “Ben?”
“I have to go.”
“I understand that, but is there anything I can do? Are you okay?”
His eyes are filled with regret. “I don’t know. My team is missing. They didn’t check in last night and I didn’t fucking know because I didn’t hear the phone ringing a hundred times!”
“I’m sorry.”
Guilt fills me because he didn’t answer because we were too busy with each other. I don’t know anything about the military, other than what I’ve dealt with Cat and Ashton, but I
know loyalty. I understand the bonds of friendship and how hard it is when someone you care about is hurting.
I would do anything for Catherine and Ashton and I imagine it’s a lot like that.
“I’ll call when I can.”
“Okay.”
Ben tosses his shirt over his head and heads to the door. He doesn’t leave, though. He turns, grabs me in his arms and kisses me. “Last night meant everything to me. I’m not leaving because I want to.”
I touch his chest. “It was everything for me too. Go. Go be badass and take care of your friends.”
He kisses me once more and then he’s gone.
* * * *
“Tell me everything!” Catherine squeals and grabs my hand.
As happy as I am that my best friend is here, I was not prepared for an interrogation.
“Uhh...” I’m at a loss for words. Somehow, she and Natalie figured out that Ben didn’t answer his phone because he was with me. “Nothing really to tell.”
“The hell there’s not!” Catherine scoffs. “His car was outside the house all night. He left from there. Sooo...”
“So, none of your business.”
She and Natalie share a look and then she starts in. “Do you know how many Froghoppers have tried to get Ben since he’s been back? The line is long, my friend.”
I’m not sure if that’s supposed to make me feel better or worse. “Okay...”
“I’m just saying landing a SEAL is always their goal, but an injured SEAL is gold to those bitches.”
“There are women who troll SEALs?” I’ve never heard of such a thing. Why? What’s the end game?
Natalie snorts. “Girl, they don’t care if they’re married or not. If they have the trident, they’re in. You know about my ex-husband...”
She’s so much better off. Liam loves Natalie beyond reason. Her first marriage was hard, but what she went through in the last few years has been impossible. However, she found a man who not only adores her, but her daughter.
“You definitely got the better end of that bargain,” I joke.
“For sure, but I’m just saying that it’s part of the shit women do. Hell.” Natalie claps her hands. “His ex-wife is a Froghopper! She left him as soon as he wasn’t titled the way she wanted. She’s...not liked.”
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