He turned away. “Don’t say you don’t deserve—”
“It’s not that I don’t think I deserve more than I’ve gotten in the past. It’s just that my past experience has shown that the men who like me are jerks. And if they aren’t jerks, they’re boring and I never make it to the second date.”
“Do you think I’m boring?”
“No. I like being with you. But I don’t…Liam, when did this happen?”
“I realized it after you went out with Tyler. I was insanely jealous.”
“Perhaps this is just about you wanting to keep your regular sex partner.”
“Stop it.” He took both of her hands in his. “I love you. I didn’t realize it until recently, but that doesn’t mean I’m not sure. I am quite sure of what I feel.”
He kissed her. She closed her eyes; she couldn’t look at him any longer. And with her eyes closed, she became aware of just how quickly her heart was beating, of the tight pressure in her chest. Of how perfect it was to be kissed by Liam.
She had to believe him. It didn’t make sense, but she couldn’t do otherwise. He kissed her like a lover, not just a friend she went to bed with once a week. How had she not realized this when they made out in the alley behind the bar?
But as much as she hated to hurt him, she couldn’t return his feelings.
“Okay,” she said, pulling back. “You love me. I believe you.” She glanced at the heart-shaped cake and the red roses on the table. “In high school you gave me a pink rose.”
“I know. I debated for hours. But I read that red roses indicate passion, and I didn’t want to scare you off. Now, though…I think red roses better capture what I feel.”
“I was so pleased when I got the pink rose and valentine. I imagined there would be another note in a few days, and you’d reveal your identity or tell me where to meet you. By the big maple tree behind the school or something like that. And we would kiss, and it would be magical. I was so disappointed when—”
“I completely chickened out? Yeah. I was going to do something similar to what you imagined, but I couldn’t go through with it. I saw you talking to Josh, and I was convinced you’d shoot me down.” He paused. “Would you have? When you realized it was the loser you sat beside in calculus?”
“I’m not sure,” she said honestly. “But there was a good chance of it.”
“Just like you’re doing today?”
Yes. Just like today.
Maya didn’t say that, though; her mouth refused to obey her. She hadn’t actually rejected him yet, and that’s what she should do.
But it was too hard to shatter his heart. She couldn’t get the words out.
“Okay,” she said instead. “Okay. I guess we can go on a date. See how it goes.”
“We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”
“Might as well try, right? We get along well, the sex is good…it’s worth a shot. More worth it than a second date with Seth.”
She could see the disappointment in his eyes at her lukewarm acceptance, and it made her ache.
But this was just the way it was for her. She was never passionate about the guys who would treat her properly. And Liam would treat her well. She knew that. He would bake for her and spontaneously dance with her and bring her flowers just because, and he would listen to all the shit that came out of her mouth.
Unlike with so many of the other guys she knew, her mind didn’t immediately jump to the ways he might screw her over. Because she knew he wouldn’t. The thought of loving someone like that—it was so comforting.
And impossible.
Maya stood up. “I’m feeling a bit…off.” She couldn’t even think of a good excuse. But it didn’t matter. He’d see through it anyway. “I should go home. I’ll see you soon. Whenever you want to go on that date.”
Maya threw on her jacket and hurried down the stairs, not wanting to wait for the elevator. But once she was downstairs, she couldn’t manage to leave the lobby.
Now her feet wouldn’t obey her. Great. Just great.
She sank down on a bench and put her head in her hands.
Strangely, she wanted to go to Liam right now, like she had after her date with Tom. The person she wanted to embrace her was the one whose apartment she’d just fled after reluctantly agreeing to go out with him.
God, she wanted his arms around her.
She remembered what he’d said that night. Maybe you should stop dating for a while…maybe something will happen when you’re not trying so hard.
Those words took on a different meaning now. He must have been thinking of himself when he said them. She smiled at the thought of him meticulously drawing the graph of the heart, pouring the batter into a springform pan, buying roses at the grocery store, picking out the song she’d heard so many times before. She remembered the cheesecake he’d made on Valentine’s, the odd shape of his piece—had that cake been in the shape of a heart, too? Had he meant to say something that day, then changed his mind after she said she hated cheesecake?
Her heart squeezed as she thought of Liam doing all that for her, as she thought of how she hadn’t quite been able to let him down. And she realized what she wanted right now, more than anything.
She wanted him to come after her. Wanted him to emerge from the elevator and beg her to come back, to never let him go. Wanted him to tell her that she must secretly love him, even if she couldn’t admit it to herself.
The way it was with Liam…it wasn’t like that with any other guy, and not just because he was her friend. Even if she got to know another man this well, she couldn’t imagine finding him as attractive—both physically and otherwise—as she found Liam. She might not have thought he was cute when she met him all those years ago; he was just the nice, rather nerdy guy she sat beside in calculus. But he was different now, and more importantly, so was she.
Was it possible…Did she really…
Oh my God.
Perhaps it had been there for a while. Perhaps that was why she hadn’t been interested in anyone else.
Maya looked at the elevator, wondering if she should go up and give him a more enthusiastic acceptance. But this was all a bit fast, and she wasn’t quite sure…
The elevator door opened. Liam stepped out, and every inch of her body, her mind, her heart responded to the sight of him.
Never mind.
She was sure.
This was what she wanted, and it had been hiding in plain sight. Just like her to miss something so obvious, like the way she’d missed Justin’s drug dealing.
Except this was obviously much, much better.
*
“I wanted to make sure you were okay,” Liam said, sitting beside Maya. “I watched from the window, and I didn’t see you leave the building.” He moved his hand to hers, then quickly withdrew it. “I won’t repeat any of the things I said. Though if you’re in the mood for chocolate cake, I have a whole one upstairs. You can take it home. I made it for you, after all.”
He tried to keep his tone light, but it was hard. This was the woman he loved, and it hadn’t gone as planned.
To his surprise, she took his hand and squeezed it.
“So you’re not going to tell me that I must secretly love you,” she said, “and I just can’t admit my feelings?”
Well, a part of him wondered if that might be true, but…“You’re the only one who can really know how you feel,” he told her. “If you don’t want this and just felt you had to accept to be nice…”
“I’m not in the habit of going on dates just to be nice. I couldn’t bear to hurt you, though. Plus I thought I needed to be more open-minded. Go out with men I didn’t feel a strong connection with, to see if that would change. But I was wrong.”
So they wouldn’t go on that date. He felt a touch of disappointment, but not as much as he’d felt upstairs. Maya shouldn’t have to suffer through a date with someone she wasn’t interested in. She’d already been on a ton of uncomfortable dates.
&nbs
p; “Because I do want to be with you,” she continued. “I just couldn’t see it until I left your apartment and realized you were the only person I wanted to go to. I couldn’t make myself leave the building. I love you after all. If you like, I’ll write it as an equation.”
Liam felt light-headed. Good thing he was sitting down.
“That’s a big change from five minutes ago,” he said cautiously, not allowing himself to fully believe it. Not yet.
She shrugged. “What can I say? I had a realization in the lobby of your damn building. Sometimes I miss what’s right in front of me. I was sitting here, and I realized how badly I wanted you to come after me and drop to your knees and beg me to be yours.”
“That would have been seriously uncomfortable for you if you hadn’t changed your mind. I wouldn’t want to subject you to that, especially if there were other people around.”
“You’re right. That doesn’t sound like you. But upstairs…that was super cute. I wish I’d figured everything out earlier. I have terrible timing. The sweetest thing a guy’s ever done for me, and I blew my chance to have a perfect romantic moment.”
He looked at her, a smile slowly stretching across his face. Then she started laughing, and he did too. And he kissed her, their first kiss knowing they weren’t just friends, a kiss that matched the twelve red roses in the vase upstairs.
“I’ll give you many more chances,” he said. “Don’t worry. The important thing is that you figured it out. Sooner rather than later.”
“And thank God for that,” she muttered. “I was getting sick of blind dates and online dating and teenagers hitting on me because they have a fetish for older women.”
“Did that happen more than once?”
“No. But I’ve had enough crappy experiences with men to last a lifetime.”
“You have,” he agreed. “I hope those are behind you now.”
“I think they are.”
Liam wished he could grin even wider, but he was already grinning as much as he could.
“You want to go upstairs?” He stood. “I hear my bed is quite comfortable.”
“Yes, but…Oh, God.” She covered her face with her hands. “Now I have to tell Kristy she was right. I might have mentioned you at brunch earlier, and she might have immediately assumed I was in love with you and vice versa.”
He laughed, then pushed the up button for the elevator, more than a little eager to get upstairs.
“If you’d had the balls to ask me out in high school,” she said, “I hope I would have said yes. But I doubt I would have. And I would have been an idiot. Because I…” She shook her head. “Listen to all the lame crap I’m saying.”
“Come on.” He slid his finger under her chin. “You like it. This is you. Maybe not the part of yourself that you usually show to the world, but it’s you.”
In the elevator, he wrapped his arms around her waist. She moved hers up to his neck. He hummed the song he’d played for her earlier, and they danced. She smiled at him, so beautiful, her hair a little wild but still perfect.
Liam couldn’t ask for anything better.
Apparently he’d picked out the right woman when he was seventeen. His teenage self had been quite smart after all.
The End
Publisher’s Note
Please help this author's career by posting an honest review wherever you purchased this book.
About Laura Jardine
Laura studied engineering, worked in mineral exploration, and now writes contemporary romance. She lives in Toronto with her boyfriend.
Not Just a Friend Page 10
