by A. m Madden
Once he zips his jeans I scold, “You don’t play fair.”
“Nope.”
The scene hasn’t changed much since we slipped out earlier. Trey is still staring at the TV, Scott is still on his laptop, and Hunter is now eating Pop Tarts.
“Nice nap?” he asks.
“Epic. I’m totally rejuvenated.” Jack says, smiling down at me while Hunter groans and Scott turns a bright pink.
I throw him a dirty look and slide into the booth next to Scott, while Jack fixes himself another cup of coffee.
“Whatcha doin?”
“Reading some of the posts after our show. They definitely love us. Some, not so much,” he says, quickly glancing over at me.
“Ugh, I don’t want to know. Wait - yes I do. They hate me, right?”
He looks embarrassed that he brought it up, just as Jack comes over and slides in beside me.
“Um, most of them don’t hate you. The majority of them love you.”
Jack slides the laptop closer to read some of the posts. After a few clicks, he begins to clench his jaw.
“What is it?” I ask hesitantly. Do I really want to know?
He slams the lid closed with such force that I wince from the noise. “Nothing.”
I lift the lid and after searching for a few seconds, I stumble upon a page that was listed in recent history. There already is a blog on Facebook dedicated to hating me.
“So much for feeling I belong here and deserve this.”
Jack turns my head and says, “Hey, knock it off. It’s pure fucking nonsense.”
Scott takes hold of my hand and says, “He’s right, Leila. This shit happens all the time. I’m sure we all have haters, and every successful band before us has had them too.”
Scott’s words do nothing to calm my nerves. Jack takes hold of my chin, forcing me to look into his eyes. “Babe, there are like ten followers on this fucking page. It means nothing.” He releases me and starts opening other pages until he finds what he’s looking for.
“Look, this person thinks Hunter’s gay and trying to hide it. Well, maybe some are true.” Hunter flips Jack off without even looking over. Jack opens another site and adds, “This idiot thinks we lip sync.” He moves the laptop away and takes my face in his hands. “Don’t pay any attention to them.”
Taking a deep breath, I concede, “Ok. I’ll try.”
He’s right. There are only a handful of followers on this site, but regardless, deep down I know damn well I will not be able to ignore this.
We spend the rest of the long ride being lazy. The guys decide to try and take naps. Jack tries to coax me back to the bedroom and gives up after the third try.
“You’re still thinking about those stupid posts, right?”
“Yep.” I shrug, not able to deny it.
“You need a distraction.” He gets up and loads a movie into the DVD player.
I’m surprised at the one he chooses. “The Notebook? You hate this movie.”
He cozies up next to me on the couch. “I’ll make the sacrifice for you.”
“You’re such a great boyfriend.”
“It’s so hot to hear you call me your boyfriend.” He smiles wide and leans in for a kiss.
Squirming on the couch, he picks up my scent like a bloodhound. “Are you clenching again?”
I smirk before turning towards the TV to watch the movie, trying hard to ignore his dimples.
“Fuck, that’s even hotter than calling me your boyfriend.”
I smack him, while glancing at our driver. “Jack.”
He leans in, his lips directly on my ear and says, “Your clenching causes my throbbing.”
Oh my God…
“I really regret telling you that. Now shush, I need to concentrate on Noah.”
“Babe, babe, wake up.”
I slowly open my eyes to see two long legs covered in denim stretched out before me. Even while being groggy from sleep, I can still appreciate long legs in Levis. I’m lying across Jack’s lap, as he rhythmically strokes my hair.
“I don’t want to,” I mumble, turning towards him on his lap. I now see a delectable crotch covered in denim.
He bends to kiss my cheek and chuckles, “We’re in Portland, Maine. We need to get in and start rehearsals.” He waits a few seconds and starts stroking my eyebrows.
“Doing that is not going to wake me up. It’s doing the opposite.”
He chuckles again and turns my head so he can kiss my lips, nibbling and sucking, until he successfully wakes me up.
“Ok, now I’m awake and horny. Thank you for that.”
“Shit. You can’t say that to me.” I feel his arousal growing beneath my head.
“Let’s call it payback for the comment you made regarding me on my back and you on your knees.”
“Well then…let’s get this rehearsal over with so we can do something about our conditions.”
My head accidentally pushes down on his predicament, causing him to grunt, “Oomph.” His eyes cross from the discomfort I’m sure he’s feeling.
“I’m so sorry,” I plead, while trying to hide my smile, but failing miserably.
“Hey, it’s not funny. I would like for us to have children someday,” he teases, standing to adjust himself. Shrugging, he bends to kiss me.
Jessa immediately pops into my head. I’m immediately wracked with resentment from the possibility that she may be carrying Jack’s baby. I stiffen awkwardly and take a step away from him.
“Um…I need to freshen up. Give me a few minutes?”
“Lei, are you ok?”
“Yep,” I say over my shoulder as I walk towards the bunks, leaving my boyfriend totally confused. To be honest, I’m a bit surprised at my reaction. I guess subconsciously I’m already harboring resentment. The thought of having Jack’s baby is heartwarming. I crave the day we can have a family together. I selfishly hate that Jack’s first born may not be with me.
When I quietly open the bathroom door, he is on the phone with his back to me.
“Jennifer, quit being so dramatic...I didn’t ignore your calls, my phone was off…Yes…Yes…No…Fine…One more thing, I need to talk to you about something important…Yes, it has to do with Danny. I can’t now because we are heading to rehearsal…I’ll text you when we’re done…Yeah…Bye.”
Raking his hand through his hair, he turns to see me watching him.
“Hey, are you ready?”
I nod and move to hug his waist. “Yeah, I’m ready.”
“You ok?”
“Yep, I’m fine. Is our agent ok?” I motion towards his cell phone.
“She’s just being Jen. She saw Jessa backstage, so I told her about Danny.”
Thinking to myself, “Who didn’t see her?” I nod wordlessly.
“Ready to do this?” he asks. Another wordless nod, and Jack takes my bag from my hand and leads me off the bus and into the arena.
He’s hiding something from me, but I’m not going to nag him. He’ll have to want to tell me himself.
As we walk silently, hand in hand, I attempt to lighten the mood. “Hey, do we have a few minutes to stop at a gift shop?”
He looks amused and asks, “What for?”
“I want to pick up a postcard. I’d like to have a postcard from each tour stop.”
He smiles warmly and shakes his head.
“What? Corny?”
“No. Baby, you can have ten postcards. Come.” As he drags me towards the gift shop, I’m still left to wonder what’s running through his head.
Our show in Portland was a repeat of New York City. The crowd loved us and unlike when in New York, where our adrenaline high was killed by the Jessa debacle, last night we were able to enjoy the effects of the awesome reception we received.
We were all wired because of it and decided to unwind by drinking and playing poker on the bus. They tried to talk me into strip poker, promising me Hunter was wearing underwear, bu
t Jack told them to take a hike. We had such a fun time. I actually told them I love when they are all nice to each other. I spoke too soon. Not ten minutes later, they started throwing cards with accusations of cheating, and I threatened I would ground each one of them. They all fled to their bunks pissed off and grumpy.
Jack and I then retreated to our room. I was tired and wanted to fall into a sleep-coma. My plan was thwarted when Jack started sucking on my neck. He can exist on very little sleep. It doesn’t matter how drowsy I am, he is a professional at keeping me awake. If I weren’t so addicted to him, or if I didn’t completely love the mind-blowing sex, I’d tell him to piss off.
Needless to say, I was exhausted by the time we arrived in Buffalo the next day. We headed out as a group to have lunch. Of course, Jack and I kept it purely platonic out in public, which was hard as hell. Afterwards, he told the guys we had plans. He’s fixated on the fact we’ve never had a real date yet and surprised me with a matinee. It was so sweet how he bought my ticket, popcorn, and soda. He chose the movie based on popularity, and we sat in the back row sharing the theater with six other people.
Jack pounced the minute the lights went out and we made out like teenagers. He took it to third base while muffling my moans with his kisses. It was a really good date. Just don’t ask me the name of the movie or what it was about, because after our tryst I slept through the rest of it.
On our way back to the bus, Jack informed me that Jessa texted him while I was passed out. Apparently she will be taking a paternity test soon.
His news killed my good mood, causing me to clam up. He accused me of hiding how I truly felt, and I was. I couldn’t confess that the news of her pregnancy is a shadow that constantly follows me. My brain knows it’s there, but most of the time I forget. Then suddenly, when things are shiny and bright, it appears again to remind me…a film of doom coating everything. So of course, I kept it all in. I didn’t want to upset him.
When we got back to the bus we had about an hour before rehearsals began. I excused myself, asking Jack for some time alone. His frown almost deterred me, but I was dying of curiosity. I needed to do some research on paternity testing. A few Google searches educated me. Most of the time the tests are performed once the baby is born. It is possible to have it performed in utero, but it’s an invasive procedure and risky to the fetus. It can only be done during the second trimester, and the results could take a few weeks.
Would Jessa risk anything happening to her baby? I don’t know her at all, but from what little Jack has told me, she doesn’t sound like the mothering type. She may very well take the risk just to prove Jack is the father.
Aside from that, DNA is also needed from the father to perform the test. Does Jessa have Jack’s DNA? I guess a hair sample or a toothbrush would supply that, but Jack said they had gotten together by chance a few months ago and it was in her apartment. How could she possibly know she would need his DNA? This didn’t add up.
The more I read, the more I got annoyed. Frustrated, I deleted my history and opened up our website to read what our fans were posting. I quickly became engrossed with what I found. The website Jen set up lists the cities and dates of our shows, allows our fans to comment or post pictures of our performances, and to upload video as well.
I watched a video from our New York show. The quality was awful and the fan was so excited that the frame kept shaking, but to see our performance through her eyes was amazing.
Most of the posts indicated they love the new Devil’s Lair and they love our sound. However, my anxiety with Jessa’s test quickly was replaced with apprehension when I made the mistake of opening my haters’ blog. They increased a bit in numbers. Although, still not that many, the fact that more have joined the group was worrisome. The posts were downright disturbing. How do they come up with this stuff? There were already speculations that Jack and I were doing it. Ok, so those were dead on, but there were also theories that I was doing it with Hunter, Scott and Trey. Apparently I was pregnant with Trey’s child. Hunter is cheating on me, and I am cheating on him with Jack.
Some felt I couldn’t sing for shit and those hurt the most. Not because I am insecure with my singing abilities, but because it’s like they already smelled my fear and were pecking at my confidence. I couldn’t believe so much gossip surfaced after only one night. What will be said as our tour progresses, and it’s discovered we are a couple or that his ex is pregnant? I tried to ignore all the negative crap and concentrate on only the good, but it was extremely hard not to let the insults get to me.
Frustrated beyond belief, I was just about to join Jack and the guys when I received an email from Malcolm Reynolds, agent extraordinaire. He still wanted to represent me and felt he could further my career as a solo artist. This man is relentless. Since meeting him, I wondered what my career could become. For most of my life I’ve wanted to be a rock singer. That’s been my one and only dream. I still want that, except now I want it with Jack. I think my dad would die of shock if he knew I had the opportunity to go solo so soon into my career and I passed it up. Evan, who has already assumed the role of my big brother to a fault, would absolutely kill me.
I am not a quitter and even if Jack and I weren’t together, I wouldn’t make any rash decisions to leave the band until my contract was up next year. At that time, I will have to think about where I want to take my career. For the moment, I cannot imagine being away from Jack. Remembering my dad’s words before leaving on tour, ‘Leila, I ask you to be true to yourself’, I know I’m being influenced by my feelings for Jack, but love doesn’t come around often. I am a hopeless romantic, so I am being true to myself. Besides, why can’t I have Jack and my dream career as well?
I responded to Malcolm and said when and if I decided to pursue a solo career I would let him know. No sooner did I hit the send button, than Jack came looking for me.
In an attempt to diffuse his concerns about our earlier argument, I made the mistake of telling him about Malcolm’s email. He flipped out. He went on and on about how he was holding me back. After another heated argument that resulted in him sulking and me stewing, we screwed each other’s brains out in my dressing room after rehearsals. Make up sex with Jack is pretty fucking awesome. He admitted we should argue more often.
After our show in Buffalo, it was only an hour drive to Rochester. Our three a.m. arrival gave us a decent amount of free time. Once we all woke up, the guys decided to go out for food. Jack wanted to stay behind, but I convinced him I really needed some privacy to call Dad and Evan. He reluctantly agreed and left with them.
I made a quick call to my dad to make sure he was ok. I gave him the run-down of how our tour was progressing, caught up with news about his job, and assured him despite what he read on the Internet, I definitely wasn’t pregnant. Once I was done with him, I then called Evan.
We were on the phone for more than an hour. He and my friends have also read the good and the bad on the Internet. He personally didn’t believe any of it, but was just concerned for me. I assured him I was fine and lied that I wasn’t paying attention to the gossip.
He said he finally had dinner with Lizzy. She has been to Hoboken to see them play at The Zone. He’s crazy about her. Secretly I’m hoping things work out with them. It’d be awesome if my brother and Jack’s sister fell in love as well.
He casually asked, “How’s your boyfriend?” sparking my suspicions he was totally on to the fact that Jack and I are doing it. I will have to fess up very soon. I’m just not ready yet. I decided that on our next day off I’d be making another phone call to finally come clean.
He filled me in on what’s happening at home. His mom had her first chemo treatment for her breast cancer. He and Dad have been a huge support to her. Barb started her ordeal by carrying so much angst. Finally telling her son the truth about his father definitely relieved a lot of her stress. Dad said she was now concentrating on her recovery.
A few weeks ago, Evan was stunned with the news that he’s my dad�
��s son. I was too, but I understood the reasons Barb and Dad hid this from us. Evan, however, is still struggling with it. Aside from the fact I gained a brother and he a sister, it’s the whole “who am I?” issue that’s driving him crazy. He couldn’t get past the fact that they lied to us. For his entire life he thought his real dad abandoned him. Only to find out his real dad was within arms reach the entire time.
Since then, Evan has been coming around slowly. He and Dad saw each other last Sunday for brunch. I felt that was a huge positive. I’ve been skeptical about getting my hopes up, but I see the Sunday brunch thing as a good sign. I am proud he is moving forward, even if it’s one slow step at a time.
He dropped a tiny bomb on me that Matt, my ex-boyfriend and ex-band mate, has already broken up with his girlfriend Gina and is chasing Lori.
Lori?
I can’t believe that. Lori chased Matt for years and finally backed off, or so I thought. She did not share this bit of info with me, either because she is not happy about it or maybe she is and she’s afraid I’ll kill her. I know she ended things with Trey before we left on tour, but I also know they still talk and text. I hope she knows what she’s doing.
Evan said she’s been doing a phenomenal job as their agent. She already has them booked to play in a charity concert for a New York radio station in a few weeks. They have been getting ready with some new material they wrote and they are all extremely eager.
Alisa and Logan are neck deep in wedding plans. It’s driving the rest of them crazy to keep hearing about flowers and cake flavors. Evan asked me, “Isn’t there like one kind of wedding cake?”
Joseph our drummer is dating a girl named Sandy. She is very petite, practically half his size. They met a week ago and she’s already been to their show.
Nina is doing well as my replacement. She has also been helping Lori with her new job as the boys’ agent. Since Alisa is so busy with the wedding, she hasn’t been able to do so. Lori has proven to be most fastidious in her new role as agent to Cliffhangers. I knew she would be.
