by A. m Madden
A few weeks ago she would have been devastated by their words. Now, she shrugs it off and ignores it for the most part, or she’s acting like she is at least.
Every so often a smile plays on her face and then a quick frown. She wears her feelings so obviously that I always know exactly what she is thinking. When she looks up and catches me staring at her, she wrinkles her nose.
“What are you reading?”
“About what a huge whore Trey is.” She quips without looking at me. But the pucker between her eyebrows tells me otherwise.
“Liar.”
I scoot around the booth until I’m up against her side. On the screen is the home page to Lair’s Lovers.
“Lei. Why are you on there?” I murmur in her ear.
“I was curious.”
“What are you on?” Nosey Hunter asks without even looking up.
“Trey is a whore.com.” I shoot Leila a pleading look. That’s all I need is for Hunter to know about this fucking website. I’ll never hear the end of it.
“So? I own it.” Trey shrugs.
Hunter looks at me as if he’s about to say something. Unlike Trey, I don’t want to own it. Because every time it is brought up, in a kidding fashion or not, it will hurt Leila.
Miraculously, Leila’s phone buzzes. “It’s Ace. I’m going to take it in the back.” She answers the call as she walks away. Ace calling reminds me I still haven’t heard from Jessa. This is not good. I tried calling and texting, but she hasn’t responded.
I decide to join Leila. As I approach the closed bedroom door, I can hear her clipped words.
“Where could he be?” She looks up as I enter. I can immediately tell something is wrong. “Ok. Lizzy is being protected?” After a short pause she says, “Ok. Thank you. Please keep me posted.”
“What now?”
“Danny is gone.”
“What do you mean he’s gone?”
“Lee’s guy hasn’t seen him in days.”
I sit heavily on the bed next to her. “I still haven’t been able to get in touch with Jessa either.”
I pull out my phone and dial Oscar. He answers the call by saying, “I know.”
“Do the police know?”
“Lee is working on it.”
“My sister?”
“He’s watching her.”
“Thank him for me. What about Jessa?”
“We don’t know where she is either.”
“Fuck.”
“Don’t panic.”
“Can you tell Dylan to arrange extra security if possible at each arena we play in?”
“He’s working on it.”
“Thanks, Oscar.”
“Do you think he’ll hurt her?” Leila asks as soon as I hang up the call.
“I don’t know.” I skim through my contacts to find Max’s number.
“Who are you calling?”
“Her brother.”
The phone goes right to voicemail. “Max, it’s Jack Lair. I need to talk to you. Please call me as soon as you get this message.”
Leila sits on the edge of the bed, nervously fiddling with her engagement ring.
“Are you freaked out?”
“Of course I’m freaked out.”
I really can’t blame her. I pull her into my arms and kiss the top of her head. “I would never let anything happen to you.”
“What about you?”
“I’ll be fine.”
She strokes my face before leaning in for a kiss. “I can’t even think about something happening to you.”
“I don’t want you to worry about things like that. Besides, for all we know he’s lying face down in a gutter strung out on crack.”
“I might go to hell saying this, but I hope so.”
“I rather talk about something else. Have you thought about our wedding?”
“I really want to do something simple. Closest friends and family, maybe on the beach?”
“I’d love that. When?”
“Well, how about early June? We could arrange to be on our honeymoon for both of our birthdays.”
“That long?”
“If we want to do the beach, then we’d have to wait ‘til then.” She kisses my pursed lips chastely. “We’ll be living together anyway.”
“I want you as Leila Lair.”
“Jack, I’m yours…with or without your name.”
“I know…but still.”
“Ok, well then we’ll have to do it indoors.”
“No, I like the beach idea. Fine, early June. It’s the month you and I started working together, the month you were born, and now the month I get to make you mine.”
“I am yours.”
“Legally.” I shift our bodies so she’s beneath me on the bed. “One more question.”
“Yes?”
“Can I own you now?”
“Hmmm…I don’t know? Can you?”
I move my hand under her shirt and skim my thumb over the lace that’s covering her nipple. It instantly hardens beneath my touch. “Still debating?”
“I need more convincing.”
I skim the shell of her ear with the tip of my tongue, while stealthily moving my fingers inside her bra to pinch and roll her nipple. She shudders beneath me and says, “Ok…you convinced me.”
Just as I start to lift her shirt up off her body, my cell buzzes in my pocket.
“Damn it.”
“You need to get that. It could be Max.”
Groaning as I dig my phone out, Max’s name ominously displays on the screen.
“Max. Where’s Jessa?”
“Danny beat the crap out of her.”
I sit up abruptly. “Shit, when?” Leila sits up as well, looking concerned.
“A few days ago. She’s in the hospital. He left her unconscious and took off.”
“How is she?”
“They have her heavily sedated. She’s been in and out. He cracked some ribs, her face is pretty bad, she has a concussion and…” Max stops abruptly.
“What?”
“She lost the baby.”
“Fuck.” Guilt instantly grips me, making me feel sick to my stomach. I desperately drag my hand over my face. “Where is she?”
“N.Y.U.”
“Max, do you know why he did it?”
“Yes. She tried to protect me and this is what she gets for it.” Obviously, Max has no idea that Jessa manipulated Danny or Leila or me in the process, and it’s not my place to tell him. “There’s a warrant out for his arrest.”
“Do they have any leads as to where he is?”
“No. I gotta go.”
“Wait...Max, can you…um.” I don’t have a clue what I want from him.
After a few seconds, he impatiently asks, “What, Jack?”
“Um…just tell her I called.”
“Yeah, sure.”
Leila watches me wide eyed. “What happened?”
“He beat her up…bad. He cracked some ribs, messed up her face and…”
“Jack, what?”
I woodenly gaze into her eyes. “Um…she lost the baby.”
“Uhh.” Leila gasps, and her eyes instantly well up with tears.
“What should I do? Should I call the hospital?”
“I’m not sure they would tell you anything.” She’s right. There’s no way a phone call, claiming I’m the baby’s father, would get me the results I’m looking for.
“Maybe you should speak to your dad?” She suggests.
“Ok.”
“I’ll give you some privacy.”
“Can you call Ace and ask him to fill in Lee and Oscar? There is a warrant out and Lizzy needs to be protected even more now.”
She nods and moves towards the door when I reach for her. “Baby…”
“Yeah?”
“I feel…I.” I hang my head not knowing what to say out loud. She runs her hands into my hair, holding my head against her body. The internal battle between caring and not giving a fuck causes confusi
on beyond anything I’ve ever felt. I’m torn between saying what I really want to versus what I should.
“I know,” she says giving me an out. I wrap my arms around her waist, holding her tightly. She soothes me with her touch, waiting for me to be ready to let go.
When I release my hold on her, she palms my cheek and asks, “You ok?”
“I don’t know.”
“Jack, this isn’t your fault. You can’t be held responsible for what Jessa or Danny did.”
“It’s hard not to.”
“You didn’t manipulate him and you didn’t beat her.”
“She warned me this would happen. I could have done something to protect her better.”
She sits next to me on the bed and takes my hand. “She’s made it difficult to show her any compassion. She tried to ruin you. You responded and reacted just as you should have.” She takes my face between her hands and adds, “Hey, you didn’t deserve any of this. You are a good person and she is not. I’m sorry this happened to her. Mostly, I’m sorry she lost her child. But I won’t let you sit here and take blame.”
She leans in to kiss me and whispers against my lips, “I love you.”
“Me too.”
She kisses me again and leaves me alone in the bedroom.
With shaking fingers I dial my dad’s number.
“Hey, son. How are you?”
“Dad, something’s happened.”
“Are you ok? Leila?”
“It’s not us. It’s Jessa.” I proceed to tell my dad all the details. From the manipulating Jessa did to Danny’s threats to Lizzy being stalked to Danny putting Jessa into the hospital.
As I ramble, his silence on the other end is beyond frustrating. I have no idea what he is thinking or feeling. The disappointment he must feel is affecting me almost worse than the guilt.
“Dad, please say something.”
“You should have told me all of this sooner.”
“I couldn’t have imagined the lengths she would have gone through. Plus I didn’t want to worry you.”
“You are involved. Your sister is involved. We should have known. You and your sister are
my priority.”
“I know. I’m sorry. This is such a mess. I feel so guilty that all this happened.”
“Son, this isn’t your fault.”
Relief floods my insides. I needed to hear him say it as well. I need my dad to support me now more than he ever has.
“Dad, I still don’t know if it was my baby.”
“Do you want to know?”
“I don’t know.”
“Son, you’ve been rejecting the notion that this was your child all along. Your mother and I laid the guilt on you pretty heavy, and I am so sorry we did that. You’ve been through some heavy emotional situations. It’s ok, to not want to know. It’s ok, if your closure is dependent on not knowing.”
“I feel lost. Knowing the baby was mine won’t change the fact I never wanted that child. It will only add to the tremendous amount of guilt I’ve already been carrying.”
“I understand.”
“If I did want to know, how would I be able to get that information? I have no legal ties to her or the baby.”
“We have enough evidence to court order a paternity test on the fetus. But I’d have to act on it immediately.”
“I want to talk to Leila about it.”
“Go ahead. Call me back with your decision.”
“Dad, I’m sorry.”
“I know, Son. It’s over. Now, I want you to worry about yourself and your fiancé. We love you.” When he hangs up, I’m still swimming in guilt. I’m not sure I will ever lose the feeling. At the moment, it’s laying heavily on my chest. I’ll need to find a way to work through this somehow.
I take a deep breath and walk out to join everyone up front. Leila and the guys are all sitting around wordlessly. My guess is she told them and they have no idea what to say.
When Leila sees me, she smiles warmly. I slide in beside her and take her hand.
“You ok?” Hunter is the first to ask.
I give him a non-committal shrug in response.
“Did you talk to your dad?”
“Yeah, he said we could court order a paternity test, but I don’t know if I want to know.”
“You want my opinion?” Hunter looks from Leila to me.
After we nod, he adds, “Nothing good can come from knowing it was your baby. If she were to find out and share the results then so be it, but to chase them when there isn’t a reason to know? That news is only going to torment you, man.”
There’s one person I care about. I turn to Leila and ask, “What do you think I should do?”
She looks down, avoiding eye contact with me.
“Lei, I want to know your opinion. I need to know.”
She closes her eyes before she responds quietly, “I don’t want to know.”
I immediately sigh with relief.
“I’m sorry, Jack. It might be really selfish of me, but I want to believe she never had a part of you. I need to believe that. It may be a false sense of security, or just game playing, but I’d rather not have a definitive answer.”
A single tear escapes. The look on her face breaks my heart. I pull her into my arms as she sobs into my chest. “Jack, I’m sorry and if you need to know, I’ll understand.”
“Ssh, babe. Please don’t cry. Please.” The guys all quietly leave us alone. Her sobs increase as I hold her and rock her in my arms.
“Baby, look at me.”
She lifts her head and searches my eyes. I gently wipe away her tears and bend to kiss her lips. “Leila, this is over. No more. I’m done. I’m done hurting you. You are more important to me than anything. I know I am a bastard for saying this, but I never wanted to know anyway.”
“We’re awful.”
“No, we’re not. We’re honest.”
She leans against me while I stroke her hair. Her admission is exactly what I needed. The guilt slowly dissipates from her words. I’m tired of the toxic cloud that Jessa purposely suspended over us. I’m tired of feeling like I’m the asshole for not wanting that baby and for not wanting her in my life. I’m tired of carrying enough fucking guilt to fill a Catholic church. For the first time in weeks, I feel at peace.
Chapter 20 - Leila
“What’s new with you?”
Evan waits a few seconds before responding. “Nothing.”
“Hmm. Absolutely nothing? Boring life you lead, Mr. Miller.” I happen to know he finally said the L-word to Lizzy. She texted me with much enthusiasm…there were five exclamation points attached. “How are things with you and Liz?”
“Good.”
“Evan!”
“What?”
“You’re such a guy. Tell me.”
“You’re a pain in my ass. What are you fishing for?”
“You know and I want you to say it.”
“I love her, ok? Is that what you want to hear?”
“Yes. Was that so hard?”
“Yes.”
“You’re so annoying. I’m so happy for my big brother.”
“Thanks. She’s so great. I love everything about her. I thank God I found her.”
“She’s lucky to have you too.”
“I’ve been spending a lot of time at her place. It also helps me feel sane. I know Lee has detail on her, but still.”
“I get it. So, when’s the wedding?”
“Ha ha. Let’s get through yours first.”
“So what else is happening out there? I spoke to Dad. He seems happy.”
“Yeah, Mom too. They have been very discreet. You would never know they were doing it.”
“Ugh. Evan.”
“It’s true. Not even a hand being held or a peck on the cheek in public.”
“Whatever works for them, as long as they’re happy.”
“I guess. Did you speak to Lori about Miami?”
“Briefly. She’s excited.”
He pauses for a few seconds before saying, “I am telling you this because I know you hate surprises.”
“Oh, God. What?”
“Everyone is coming.”
“I know. You guys and Lor.”
“No…everyone. Dad, Mom, Alisa, Patti, Mandi, Liz, her parents…everyone. Do not tell anyone I told you.”
“Whose idea was this?”
“Jack…and Lori. She wants a huge debut for Cliffhangers and has been relentless. She found out that Lizzy and the Lairs were coming. That was all she needed to make it a huge party.”
“So let me get this straight, everyone is coming?”
“What is wrong with you?” Evan asks impatiently. “Yes! We are all flying in the day before your show, and we are staying until the festival is over.”
“I heard you. I just can’t believe you are all coming. How did she manage this?”
“We are talking about Lori.”
“True. Speaking of, what’s going on with her and Matt?”
“It’s so ridiculous. Total role reversal. He is sniffing her ass like a lovesick bloodhound. We can’t figure it out.”
“How is she treating him?”
“Like an annoying teenager. He dedicated a song the other night, to the sexy redhead who stole his heart.”
“Oh my God!”
“It was hilarious. Logan thinks Matt has been abducted by aliens.”
I start giggling uncontrollably. Jack walks into the bedroom and smiles. “What’s so funny?”
“I’m on with Ev. He’s filling me in on Matt and Lori.” He kisses me and lies next to me. “Ok, so what else has the jackass done?”
“He keeps trying to get her to agree to dinner. She said she was seeing someone and wasn’t interested.”
“She said that? Trey?”
“I was going to ask you that.”
Jack proceeds to run his hand under my t-shirt, inching it up towards my breast. I swat him away and he gives me an irritated look. “I know that they’ve been talking on the phone.”
“And then some.” Jack mumbles. He tries again, this time placing his hand directly on my breast.
“She told Alisa, who told Logan, who told Matt that she’s not interested in a relationship and having fun is all she cares about right now.”
