I don’t want to lie anymore. “Yes. I don’t know if he’ll be there, but I’m going down to the creek.”
Angie grins. “I appreciate the honesty.”
The next hour we spend talking about everything. She even laughed at the story of the race and has started to smile a little more when I mention his name. I’m hoping she’ll see how much he makes me happy. How things have turned around since he’s been here.
“I don’t like it,” she says. “But I’m happy for you.”
I sit on the bed next to her and grab her hand. “I get that it’s hard for you. It’s really hard for me. I didn’t jump into this haphazardly. He’s helped me come to terms with Todd’s decision in a lot of ways. I don’t understand, and I don’t think I ever will, but I’m not so angry anymore.”
She nods. “I wish I weren’t.”
“What do you mean?”
“He could’ve done so many other things than that. I struggle a lot with reconciling it. It never had to be this way.”
I close my eyes and focus on what I want to say. “No, it didn’t. We would’ve been able to work through this, but I guess it was too hard for him. I understand pride. I really do.” It is what kept me so isolated when I first returned here. I didn’t want anyone to know. I hated that I had to come back here to live with my parents. I still struggle with it. “But I was his wife. I was supposed to be his partner . . . he decided on his own that he couldn’t handle it.”
“Yeah,” she agrees. “And he fucked everyone’s life up.”
“Maybe,” I say with a great deal of care. “Maybe he thought this was saving us.”
Angie’s eyes fill with tears. “I’ve been alone too, Pres.”
“I know.”
“No.” She shakes her head and sits up. “I don’t think you do. I talked to him almost every day. I talked to you and those boys. You were my family. He took that from me too. But most of all, he left me with so many questions. And then you didn’t want to talk me.” Her lip trembles. “I get it, but it hurt.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be. That’s the thing.” Angie wipes her face, swiping away the tear that fell. “I’m not angry or upset with you. I just want you back home.”
I don’t know that I’ll ever return to Pennsylvania. If things with Zach and me keep on this path, who knows where we’ll be, but when I close my eyes at night, I don’t see the city lights anymore. I see stars. I see blue eyes, fireflies, and country hills. My heart is here. My heart is with that man who is probably waiting down at the creek.
Right now she’s in pain, and I don’t want to hurt her more.
But returning back there isn’t what I want now.
Angie drifts off to sleep after we finish talking a little more. I’m late, and I text Zach letting him know. Since he didn’t respond, I’m assuming he’s passed out in his truck. The last two nights we’ve met, there wasn’t much sleeping.
We won’t be heading out to the pond this time, though. I want to make sure I’m home early. Plus, I’m hoping we can figure out how we’re going to tell the boys. I think Cayden will take it really well, but Logan is a toss up.
I get to the creek, but there’s no sign of him.
I shoot him another text.
Me: Hey, Cowboy . . . I’m here.
I sit down at the rock and think about the other night.
“I think if we work out we should build a house here,” I say from my spot curled up in his arms. We finished making love and as magnificent as that is, this is better. Zach lies on his back while I rest on his chest. His heartbeat thumps in my ear as his fingers graze my back.
“Yeah?” he asks, trying to hide his excitement.
“Well, if I keep you around.”
He chuckles. “Maybe I’ll get rid of you.”
“Ha!” I say in his face as I lean up. “You wouldn’t.”
Zach tilts slightly, pushes my hair back, and grins. “I don’t know . . .” His hands lift the blanket. “You’re hot.” He reaches his hand down to my thigh, slowly making his away around the front. “But you always were hot.”
“Is that so?” I ask as I part my legs for him. “You’re not so bad yourself.”
His lips touch my shoulder and I shiver. “All the guys would talk about how if I ever lost you, they’d be the first in line.”
I shake my head. “Is that why you refused to breakup with me?” His finger brushes against my clit, and I moan.
He continues to rub in small feather-light circles. “Nope.” His voice has some extra grit to it. “I would’ve killed anyone who touched you. You, Presley Mae, are everything to me.”
I want to say something back, but as soon as he says the last word his thumb presses down and he fingers me. My head presses back against the pillow as I arch into his touch.
“Your body is mine to do this to,” he murmurs before nipping at my ear. “Mine to have.” He pinches the nerves, and I almost buck off the bed. My legs open wider while I hope he keeps going.
I’m climbing higher as he continues. His fingers slide in and out slowly, keeping me right at the cusp. “I need more.” I lean into his touch, but he jerks back.
“I need to hear it, Presley.”
I don’t know what he needs, but I really want to come. “Zach,” I protest.
“Say the words, and I’ll make you come,” he promises.
My eyes don’t move from his. “What words?” I say while every part of my body is tight. “I’ll say whatever you need.”
Right now, I could scream with desire.
“That you’re mine now.”
The word “now” stands out. I adore that he feels I always was his without dismissing my life with Todd. My fingers grip the back of his neck. “I’m yours now and always, Cowboy.”
Not a moment later, he has me pinned to the bed. He lines his dick up and pushes inside of me. My eyes roll back as I feel him fill me to the brink. Each thrust brings me closer. Each sound of skin slapping against each other binds us closer. I breathe him in, committing it to memory. He’s the sun, the air, the beautiful touches of light that surround us. I want to live here with him forever. His arms envelope me, his love satiates me, and his voice comforts me. I know who I am when I’m with him.
I push him on his back, needing to make him feel my love. I want to show him everything that’s in my heart. “Watch me,” I say.
I hold his dick in my hand, guiding him inside of me. “You have no idea . . .” he says, watching himself disappear inside of me. “You’re a part of me.”
“And you’re a part of me too.”
Zach’s head drops against the pillow once I’m fully seated. I wait. I want his eyes on me. To see him lose it as I’m giving myself to him is the sexiest thing in this world. The candles provide the most beautiful glow over him. His usually tan skin looks deeper, his blue eyes are warmer, and every inch of him is all mine.
When his gaze meets mine, I start to move. “Fuck,” he groans.
“That’s what we’re doing.”
“No, darlin’,” he says. “We never fuck. Even when we’re rough.” Zach’s fingers grip my hips, digging into the flesh. “Even when it’s fast, hard, and completely out of control.” He leans forward so we’re chest to chest. He takes a fistful of my locks in his hands and tugs. “I’m always loving you.”
I kiss him hard. We both collapse, and I ride him. The friction causes my climax to come fast and hard. I cry out his name over and over as I pulse around him.
Zach flips me on my back and pounds into me. We don’t speak, but I feel him saying it all. He loves me. I love him. Zach finishes and pulls me back in his arms. “I think we should build that house. I could do this with you for a long time.”
My lips draw into a smile. I kiss his chest and nestle in. “I could too.”
And I really could. Now, it’s as if the dreams that used to haunt me of Todd have changed into him watching over us. Maybe that’s why the dreams were so distressing befo
re. I was so angry with him that my mind wouldn’t allow me the chance to be happy. But once I let that go, everything fell into place.
I glance down at my phone where there’s still no message.
I call, but it goes to voicemail.
“Hey, babe. I don’t know where you are. I’m worried. Please call me back.”
A knot forms in my stomach as I go over the number of things that could’ve happened. Of course my imagination runs wild as it goes from car accident to him sleeping. I decide to walk to his house. I’ll never sleep now.
I think back to the last time I couldn’t get someone I loved on the phone.
I make my way to his house and force myself to stop connecting this to my past. He’s not Todd, and it’s unfair to even let myself go there. He has a good reason why he’s not here—like sleeping. I head back to the creek, and wait for another hour. It’s almost four in the morning now, and I’m exhausted.
He’s obviously not coming, so I go back home.
Instead of waking anyone, I curl up on the porch swing and close my eyes.
“Presley!” I hear someone yelling my name. “I know you’re here! Come down so we can talk!”
I open my eyes as the sun blinds me. My body is stiff from sleeping on a wooden swing, and I have no idea what time it is.
“Zach?” I look off the porch as he exits the barn. “What are you doing?” I look down at my phone and it’s six thirty in the morning.
Great. A little over an hour of sleep. I’m going to be a treat.
“What am I doing?” He stumbles and slurs a little.
“Are you drunk?” I ask. He moves to the side then drops back a little. I take a look at him, and he’s still in the same clothes from the bar, there’s dirt all over him, and he has something in his hand. “Are you seriously at my house drunk like this?”
“Should I not be here, darlin’?” Zach challenges me.
I’m beyond confused. We were supposed to meet last night, if anyone should be angry, it’s me. “No.” I huff out a deep breath as I step down off the porch. “Where were you last night? I waited for you by the creek. I was worried.”
He walks toward me and blows out a heavy breath. “You should be.”
“What?”
“You should be worried, Presley.” He leans back against the wooden barn doors. “Or you can drink until it doesn’t hurt. When you’re drunk, you don’t give a fuck anymore.”
He’s not making any sense. “Don’t care about what? Where the hell were you last night?”
“I was learnin’.”
Oh, Jesus. This conversation is exhausting me. “Let’s get you to bed. You need to sleep this off.” I step closer and he moves quickly.
“I was learnin’ about things you’ve never told me.”
He takes a long swig of bourbon while keeping his eyes on me.
“Oh, yeah? Like what?” Now I’m pissed. He doesn’t show last night, has me worried, and he’s drunk.
He laughs. “Like you keep a lot of secrets. But I’m figuring them all out.”
My heart stops. “What did you say?” He couldn’t know anything. I’ve told him about Todd and the money. I’ve told him everything but . . .
“Yup.” he moves forward. “Imagine my surprise. But what else are you keeping from me?”
“You need to sober up.”
“Stop lying to me!” Zach yells.
I push him back inside the barn so he doesn’t wake everyone. “I’m not talking to you about anything when you’re belligerent. You want to have this conversation?” He looks away. “Then sober up.”
Zach runs his hands through his hair, and I see the sadness in his eyes. “I loved you. I loved you so fucking much. But you . . . you don’t even tell me the truth!”
I want to cry. How the hell would he have found out? This doesn’t make any sense. It can’t be about the baby. I’m going to tell him about it anyway. Plus, we were fine a few hours ago. “Sleep, please. I’ll talk to you in a few hours. Just get some sleep.”
In the one stall we always keep blankets in, I lie out a makeshift bed for him. He tosses the bottle and stalks toward me. Zach’s hand grips the back of my neck before his lips slam down on mine, holding me still. The instant our lips touch, I can feel it. Something is wrong. He’s angry, hurt, and something has changed. This is a completely different kiss than any other we’ve shared.
Zach pulls back and stares me in the eyes. “You’ve ruined me, Cowgirl.”
Words fail me as does my heart. I stand, fear freezing me in place. He doesn’t say another word before he lies down and passes out before I can thaw out.
He knows something, and what comes next isn’t going to be good.
W HILE ZACH SLEEPS IN THE barn, I go back inside to get ready for the day. I feel that growing pit in my stomach festering and eating me alive. I was wrong for not telling him about the baby, but I was eighteen. I wanted to tell him. So many times, but it seemed irrelevant. I didn’t know if we would last, and it was something that was so painful to remember, I couldn’t say the words. Each time I’d remember what it was like when he left, I focused on that. Not the baby.
I head out to the barn, but he’s not here. How could he leave like this? We need to talk.
I look around, but he’s definitely gone.
No, he’s not going to do this to me.
“Looking for me?” his deep voice calls from behind me.
“Zach.” I turn to face him.
He moves toward me with purpose. “You lied to me.”
He knows.
Zach challenges me with his eyes to deny it.
“I didn’t want you to find out this way. I was going to tell you.”
“When?” he bellows. “When were you planning to tell me we had a baby?”
Neither of us moves. I want to tell him everything, but how do I explain this? I was young, dumb, broken, and then I was completely wrecked. “I-I . . . it was a long time ago.”
He takes a step back. He doesn’t really look at me. His eyes dart around. “I can’t.” Zach turns and heads past me.
I grab his arm. “Please. I was going to tell you so many times. Then . . . I didn’t want to. I know that makes me a bitch, but you have to understand just thinking about it made me hurt. I was hurting so much already.”
Telling him this is futile. I was wrong to keep this from him, but I had my reasons. Loss has surrounded me for the last year. All I do is lose people, things, jobs, children, life. I want to gain for once. Bringing up that baby is only reminding me of another painful checked off box.
Zach faces me. “You had a baby. We had a baby.”
“No.” I look down and this time there’s a flood of tears. “I lost him.”
“Him?” he chokes.
“I found out I was pregnant two weeks after you left. I carried him for seventeen weeks, and then I miscarried.”
His eyes bore into mine as he breaks down. “You couldn’t tell me? You didn’t think I deserved to know?” I’ve broken his heart. “Fuck, Presley! How could you keep this from me? How could you look at me after all these years and not fucking tell me?”
I lost myself when that happened. The anger, sadness, feeling of complete failure loomed over me for months. Each night I would wake up crying, clutching my stomach, and begging for Zach to come back. My life was so dark and ugly at that time.
“I couldn’t tell you. When you left, part of me died. A big, huge, aching hole was punched through me. Then I found out I was pregnant. I was so mad. I hated you for leaving,” I explain.
“You should’ve fucking told me! I would’ve come back!”
This is exactly why I didn’t tell him. “Not for me!”
My tears fall as my pain from seventeen years ago surfaces again. I’ve buried it, but it’s back with a vengeance.
“What the hell does that mean?”
“It means that I wasn’t enough for you! I needed you. And you left. So what? Because we had a baby that would’ve al
tered things? I lost that baby, and I lost you. What do you think I was feeling?”
“I don’t know! You didn’t give me a chance to find out!” He grunts and slams his hand against the barn door. “I can’t believe you, Presley.”
“I wasn’t perfect. I was eighteen! Eighteen, Zach. I was alone in a strange new place, pregnant, with no family, and a boy who just wrecked my world. Was I wrong? Yes. But dammit, I was so scared.”
This was handled wrong, and quite honestly, I was so angry I didn’t care about him. I felt completely alone. I couldn’t think straight, and when he got on that bus, he broke me. Everything that I thought made sense, no longer was what I thought. It was as if the shift in my universe was so severe, I was walking upside-down.
“But you had no problem blaming me for leaving?” He takes a step forward. “How easy for you to say it was my fault. I would’ve come back if I knew you were pregnant. I would’ve stood by your side, finished college, gotten married, and seen where the world took us.”
There’s a part of me that wants to laugh. “So a baby would’ve changed your dreams?”
“No.” He pushes back from me. “I still would’ve—”
“You would’ve, what?” I ask, agitated. “Huh? I told you when you left I wanted a family, and you said you didn’t even want to think about that. You would’ve given up your dream?”
As much as Zachary knows me, I know him just as well. He had two passions, baseball and me. I saw what happened when he had to choose before, I don’t think that baby would’ve made a difference.
My anger mirrors in his eyes. “We don’t get to know that because you kept it from me!”
“Here’s what would’ve happened,” I say, stepping toward him. “You would’ve kept on playing ball just like you already were. Nothing about our situation would be any different. You’d have taken that job, and I would have stayed in school. Were we wrong?” I pause. “Maybe. But it was the choice we made. I didn’t know about the baby before you left. Maybe then it would’ve gone a different route, but I wanted to be reason enough for you to stay, not because you knocked me up.”
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